Aberrant RPG - The things that Players say.

[Sphere]

Couldn't see a Player Quotes thread on here, so it's jolly well time to make one. It's the place for all funnies that your Players come out with. Aeon-orientated for preference ::wink

Here's a few to be going on with. Culled from my Players over the last few years.

Momento (After being given a drink by a T2M medic): Falls to ground clutching groin and screaming in an agonised voice "I see no link!"

Evil Claw, pointing a gun at National Defender Infinity: "Look, I'm not insane! I'm just trying to stop a taint demon from the future."

Pulsar, after Over-ride accrues his third dot of Temp Taint in the session from his eye-beams: What, did you put them in backwards?

Over-ride: "Nah, I've got Quantum-reflective contacts."

More as I remember them.

[Alex Green]

Alarm bells have gone off.

Drake is sprinting to the emergency and there are armed guards at the entrance of the door he needs to go through. He has social negatives and they don't know him specifically.

Drake's Player pauses and says aside to the other players, "Watch while I resolve this situation will a few well chosen words."

Drake says to the guards "OUT OF MY WAY, FOOLS!!!"

[Ayre el KaBeer]

Ok so it's not an aeon game but it's going in anyway.

Jurus swings down the side of the tower, crashing through the window just behind the undead necromancer. With a roar, he swings his blade in a powerfull overhand swing only for it to get lodged in the beam overhead.

"Ahhh... Hi.... Ummm, I think I'll be going now..."

The necromancer just looks perplexed and returns to his work shaking his head "I'm surrounded by idiots".

[Sphere]

"I love my big, gay submarine." Evil Claw after the Coalition hi-jack a Russian sub.

"You know Finn, there are monkeys that have better computer skills than you." Storm Shadow berates the team's cyberkine.

Pulsar: Is there anyone else in the world we haven't ticked off yet.

Redback: Umm, China.

Evil Claw: Do they have submarines?

"Leave me alone, I had my head blown off this morning. It's been a very stressful day." Finn.

"Personally I think London would be improved by an extinction-level assault. But that's just me." Redback.

"That's it. I'm on naked protest until you guys listen to me." Evil Claw gets nekid...again.

"Let's play Matrix!" Redback, beside a busy motorway.

[Bahamut810]

Here are a couple o good rifts ones...

My first Rifts game:

Setup: We were in a large dungeon-crawl-ish tomb owned by a major villian in the game (A Wraith who has a Frank N. Furter complex). We are about to leave and are suprised by him, his buddy (a godling) and a giant worm. Everything but the worm and the godling is immune to non-magic attacks (and the godling much to my chagrin knows an immune to energy spell)

Me: Well...everyone else is fighting wraith stuff that I cant hurt, or the worm. Ill go after the godling.

GM: Okay...you shoot him with the Ion Pistol and it dosent affect him at all.

Me (A headhunter...people who refuse to use magic): Well dmn...Ill jump on him and use my wrist needle to put some sleepy juice in him. (::roll roll:

GM: Ok, you jump on his back and put him in a head lock...roll to inject the needle.

(::rollroll:: comes to a 1)

GM: As you try to put the needle in, he twists his head to look at your team mate, and the needle breaks off.

Me: Dmn...ill hang on and try to put a sleeper on him...he has to go down some time.

Team-mate: Ill try to slash him with my magic sword of death...(::rollroll:: 1)

GM: Uhhh...((::rollroll:: do I hit an innocent bystandard?))

GM: Ok, the godling flips you over his shoulder and into the blade...do damage.

((::roll roll::max damage))

GM: How much do you take? And...uhhh...your dead.

Me: Dmnit! Ah well...

GM: It could be worse...Depending on the Zodiac sign, he could be molested by the wraith.

Me: Well, he was a...hmmm...why not a scorpio.

GM:...

Me: What?

GM: The wraith notices your down fall and makes a break for the door. He is going to capture your soul...You saved the party from fighting him.

---------------------------------------------------------

Another good moment, a few characters later (there is a lot to play and I found out about gunslingers). Background knowledge: Gunslingers are master marksmen. Like the old west guys, they are extremely accurate and quick with the gun. We had recently started using crit and crit fumble charts.

GM: You walk into the field, and you see these knights attacking a woman.

Me: Ill draw my pistols and fire at one of them...ill go for a knee shot.

(::rollroll:: 1)

GM: Ok...roll a d100 to see how bad it is.

((::rollroll:: I cant remember the number))

GM: Ok, as you fire, you try to fire too fast and you...uhhh...seperate your hand from your arm at an angle at the wrist.

Me: Dmnit! I have to be the only gunslinger in all of rifts that has blown his *own hand off*.

Others: Yea...probably.

--------------------------------------------------------

Another while later, same character.

I had made the wrong people mad by refusing to throw a competition. We were resting at a large house (As a group) and Jack (a merc werewolf ran by another player) found out I had a nice little bounty on my head.

Jack: Ill knock on his door.

Me: Ill take out my pistol and open the door to see who it is.

Jack: I kick down his door and grab him.

((::rollroll::I was cought))

Me: Dmnit! Lemme go!

Jack: What will you give me?

Me: What? I have about 10k...

Jack: Sorry...I can get more.

Me: Ill fire my pistol into him

GM: He is a werewolf...he heals it back as quickly as you blast him.

Me: Ill take out my gun with the silver rounds and blast him.

((::rollroll::fair damage, not enough though))

Jack: I toss him down and bite his hand off.

((::rollroll:

GM: Uhh...you lost your other hand...

Me: Another one? Thats the last real one I got!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later on we moved into Heroes Unlimited... And tehre are more stories that I will add later...many more...

[Shopping Mal]

OOC comment that had us laughing for ages, yet I know not why. I can't remember it exactly, but it went something like this.

Me: You are still hidden outside the circle of firelight. The vampire is beginning her ritual.

Daniel: I run in and attack.

Me: Her followers begin to run after you. The vampire activates Fortitude.

Daniel (OOC): I'M HAVING A BABY!!!

... Yeah, anyway...

Trinity Quick Start game. Me the storyteller, Daniel a Norca, Kieran a Leigionnaire.

Me: Your spaceship docks with the transport craft. There is a steel door in front of you, with a glowing password key lock next to it. What do you do?

Daniel: I kick the door down.

(roll)

The door is undented.

Kieran: I kick the door.

(roll)

Me: You botch. Health Level of bashing damage.

Daniel: I shift my hand into a claw and strike the door.

(roll)

And so forth.

They eventually got it open. Into a group of armed thugs. They managed to survive, with Daniel at half health and Kieran with one level left. One medical kit later, they fought again, with Kieran burning their spacesuits and blowing a hole in the side of the ship to kill them.

I'm soon starting an Aberrant game with these guys in it. Am I doomed?

[VictorHFrost KSC]

Ahh ok, a few from my long running Trinity game.

(after totally taking an NPC the wrong way and completely assuming him to be Ming the Merciless class evil, the pcs decide to break into his home for clues)

Daniel: Of course, we'll have to cover this up somehow, the guy is a cop.

Kael: Ok, we'll break in, go through all his things, rifle through his computer, then burn the place down.

Daniel: Why would we do that?

Kael: It'll throw them off, we'll burn it down, and make it look like arson!

*a moment of silence from the group, followed by me nearly falling down laughing*

Kael: What?

Me: You're gonna burn the place down. It IS arson!

*still no one finds this funny, I continue to laugh*

(Kael and Daniel again, discussing their proffessional lives, i.e. living as spooks)

Daniel: So, does it ever bother you that we kill so many people indescriminately?

Kael: No, no it does not. We DON't kill indescriminantly. We aren't lunatics; we're very very specific about who we kill.

(Classic line from Vella, the mother of all naively innocent pcs, and I swear to god this was not a sarcastic conversation in the least)

Vella: But he's so misunderstood, he's had such a hard life.

Me: He's an insane Quantakinetic bent on destroying the Telepath order in its entirety. He's killed over a dozen people that you know of including several before your very eyes.

Vella: Sure but he's got his reasons. He's just a little stressed out. He needs something to take his mind off it. Like a pet! Oooh, can I give him puppy?

Me: I....yes.... if you want you can give him a puppy.

(same game after the party has transported the aforementioned QK to a holding facility, all the while fearing his imminent escape, myself making the trip extra long and ponderous)

Me: You arrive at the station without incident.

Janie: We arrive at the...we what!? I thought you were going to kill us all!

Me: Not today. I'll kill you all tomorrow.

(In Slag's adventure game, my roguish pool shark encounters the nefarious Dr. Mephestos)

Dr. Mephestos: You have no authority here little man.

Livio(me): Little? I'm taller than you *&^%$!

*I proceed to be owned*

(One as yet unused bit of dialogue from the same game)

Max: Buddy, I'm gonna punch you like it was my job!

Livio: Max, not to interrupt here, but you're a Fed, I think that IS your job.

Max: God bless AMERICA!

(my adventure game, after the party has aquired a book akin to the necronomicon and is keeping it in the basement of their mansion)

Kyle: Anyone smell the stench of death out here? I'm smelling dead people.

More when the come to me.

Jake

[BlueNinja]

In one of our last game sessions, we were forced to flee the police due to some posturing by our party's weather manipulator. So, the mega-Strength guy picked us up, I grabbed him with my TK, and off we went, landing a few miles away on a house. The black woman who lived there promptly came outside and started swearing about all "you damn white folk" damaging her house.

The weather-manipulator (who is all gray due to taint) retorted, "What the hell are you talking about, woman? I'm half black!"

[Heritage]

I've run a series of Adventure gamers at GenCon, sort of an ongoing series with the same set of characters, and most of the same players have returned year after year. I usually sort of half-write the adventures and then wing it after that, and the games can get quite silly.

Last year's adventure involved the theft of the mysterious Fromage du Diable from a secret chamber below Napoleon's tomb - in the course of the adventure, the team discovered that their car had been sabotaged...with frogs. Frogs had literally been crammed inside the engine, and one was jammed up the exhaust pipe. I have no idea why I did this, but I know it was made up on the spot.

The player in charge of the Amazing Berastro, the master of mesmerism, inquired if the frog in the tailpipe was alive. When I told him it was, he said:

"I'm going to read it's mind and find out who put it there."

[Sphere]

Cheese of the devil? Genius.

Some more from those whacky Coaliton Novas.

Evil Claw: Do you think we can hire Totentanz to protect us from himself?

Storm Shadow: (on his Taint-derived MPD and the fact his alter-ego can take over whenever it wants) I'M NOT THE SECONDARY PERSONALITY! I CAN SPEND WILLPOWER!

Evil Claw: Can you wage a beige war on us? (Diplomatic negotiations with the Chromatic race rapidly go downhill).

Redback: (wearing Lance Stryker's head as a glove puppet) I'm the Stone Badass and I say Redback should be in charge. What! What! What!

Gryffen: (to Redback) I'll shapeshift into a long pole and put my eye at one end, then you can stick me round the corner and I can see what's ahead of us.

Redback: (to Gryffen)...You...you want me to put my hands on your scaly one-eyed pole?

Gryffen: Well, um, yes.

Redback: I'm going to be killing you now.

Mr Orange: (on Gryffen's suggestion that Claw erases someone's memories) Why don't we just erase their heads?

[Jackson Creed]

"Well, I didn't KNOW he was unarmed! His back was to me!"

"We're up shit creek, it's full of acid, and we don't even have a BOAT!"

"OK - I'll stick my finger in that electric socket to see if it makes me Erupt."

Party approaches bridge guarded by humungous troll with equally sized two-handed troll maul.

The party stops short of the bridge. The troll looks on and shouts 'SEND FORTH YOUR BEST RIDDLER!'

There is heated argument about who is the best riddler among the players... 'I should go!'....'I have the best intelligence' etc...

Finally one of the players marches up to the troll. 'I'm the best riddler!' he announces brightly.

The troll splats him dead. 'I hate riddlers.'

"Let's see your power stop me now, Deus ex Machina Man!"

[safe falls on villain]

"Mmm, not bad...."

Player: I want to carve my initials in his chest with my weapon, like Zorro...

GM: Ok... I'll allow that in the spirit of swashbuckling...

Player: I'm using my warhammer...

[madcat82]

This is from a rather humorus Adventure game Im running

Mortimer (German Vampire wanna be): I dont drink winnnnne... Hans, bring me some strawberry lemonade

Hans (Mortimers Igor like servant): Yes m'Lord, with or without ze small black parasol?

Samuel (english private detektive): Max, let loose the murder, mayhem and general destruction that you are so good at on those suspects over there.

Samuel, after a short onesided fight: I did not know you could twist a mans arms that way Max...

Max: Neither did I, ahh, isnt learning wonderfull

Hans: Dead? Ze master is not dead... well, not zo dead that a little bolt of lightning cannot wake him up

Gabriel (Player, Archeologist): Miranda, how will laying out a hen every night befor we go to sleep help our investigation?

Miranda (Player, practical goth detective): helping our investigation? Thats my evening prayer!

Samuel: Why are you running away from that dark and rather menacing looking cave?

Sir William (Currently running away from the huge Kraken like monster chasing the troup): Argh, Monster chasing us...

Samuel: AH, the murderer, Max, apprehend him

Max (looking at the huge monster appearing from the cave): You have one chanse to surrender befor I rip the limps of your body

Miranda (Having stoped, looking at the insaine Max): Um, he have a lot of limbs you know, beside I dont think he understands you...

Max: Your Right, Il rip a couple off him that he wont miss, then he will probably get the point (and continues doing just so...)

[Ayre el KaBeer]

Samuel: AH, the murderer, Max, apprehend him

Max (looking at the huge monster appearing from the cave): You have one chanse to surrender befor I rip the limps of your body

Miranda (Having stoped, looking at the insaine Max): Um, he have a lot of limbs you know, beside I dont think he understands you...

Max: Your Right, Il rip a couple off him that he wont miss, then he will probably get the point (and continues doing just so...)

←

ROFL!

[Blue Thunder]

Hmm, like every group of roleplayers I've got quite a few. But right now all I can remember is this one from a Warcraft game we were running.

An Orc fighter (me) and a Goblin tinker (friend) have just recently mined a crapload of gold from a mine and are trying to buy supplies off a travelling wagon. My orc is happy as hell over all of the gold we recieved and can't wait to spend it. The merchants tell us that the cloth we want to buy is 1 gold and 50 silver per bundle.

Goblin: Hmm, that sounds fair.

Orc: But...!

Goblin: What is it?

Orc: (in an extremely panicked voice) But we don't have any SILVER~!

Orc runs off in distress to find silver, not realizing 100 silver = 1 gold, and thus ruining the sale.

[malkboy]

I was playing in a game where my character was learning his powers... After being hit by another player's projection of Ball Lightning an aberration appears (glow)... So my character starts glowing...

Next scene.. he's trying to figure out how to shut off this glowing.. and I in a moment of frustration (figuring this is Biolumenesce not a permanent abberation) say "Go Go Gadget Glow-Be-Gone"

Needless to say, 5 minutes later when the ST was able to stand up without assistance he tells me it doesn't work but I did earn some experience with it.. (Yay experience for saying the corniest thing!)

[BlueNinja]

In today's game, we have a Teragen character who's also a fairly well-known fashion designer. Planning to expand his company to the West Coast, he quadruple botched his Biz roll. The private detective, meeting him briefly in his office, looked at his business plans (rolled three successes) and said, "Why are you opening a clothing store in South Central LA?"

The fashion designer stopped, blinked, looked at all of his business plans, and then very calmly fed them into the shredder.

[madcat82]

Here is a couple of new ones:

The troup finds a mysterious book under Chicago.

Max and Samuel starts running for it, screaming: MINE, NO MINE, NO MINE

Miranda: This cannot end well.

Sir William: Oh, they seem to have fun.

Miranda: Remember the tentacle monster the last time anyone of us opened a book like that?

Gabriel (groans).

Samuel, Sir William and Max is engaged in a firefight with a group of mobsters in chicago.

Samuel: Max, must a mobster be evil? (shoots around the corner) in a philosofical sense that is.

Max: (Jumps out, laughing maniacly and shooting at everything with his newly aquired Tommy Gun, then takes cover) Not sure realy, depends on your take of evil I suppose.

Sir William simply looks at Max like he is crazy.

Samuel and Max, being cornered by ten or so mobsters in an old abandoned house, running low on ammo.

Samuel: Max, you think Willie made it?

Max, looks out a window and gets shot at: I give him a 20% chance of survival.

Samuel, sighs: Oh well, I never did like him anyway.

Same situation, a little later.

Max: Samuel, this is an akward time to say this but...

Samuel: No need, I understand fully the brotherly love that develops on the field of battle, tested through harsh ordeals and danger.

Max, looks at Samuel like he is going to puke: What? No, what I was going to say is that we should really give them a chance to surrender.