opnet [OpNet] Was it hard?

[Loge]

In my on going quest to reach some kind of understanding of... The rest of you... I wanted to ask a question. This isn't meant to be a soap box but its okay if you want to explain where you're coming from. And the question itself is kind of a personal thing so I'd appreciate it if no one tried to stomp on someone else because they gave an honest answer. The question is this; what was the hardest thing you ever did as a nova and why was it hard?

I'd give you folks my own personal answer to start out but really all the hard stuff was before my eruption. Afterwards it was dealing with a couple of oddities added to my life and far too many new people trying to make a buck off me. None of that is new. Being a nova just changed how many were trying to use me for getting to their brighter tomorrow not in the fact they were trying to make money off me.

[Timeslip]

No contest: killing Excavator was the most difficult thing I have done as a nova. Nothing - nothing - can reach into my soul and tear away a bloody slice of it the way that taking her life, another of the One Race, has done. Not struggling through personal trials, not the deaths of good friends, not losing my first child... none of it can compare.

When I think of how close I came to faltering, how terribly close I came to staying my hand and dying at hers, I shudder. But when I think of the loss that was brought by my action that day, I am lessened within.

[The White Rat]

One of the hardest things that I have had to do, involved a loyalty test. I had a partnership with another nova, and to test her loyalty, I made her think that she had to kill a whole nightclub full of innocent people.

She was manipulated into believeing that it was real, so I could find out how loyal she really was. The emotional trauma that she must have gone through, believing that she set the fire that burned them alive, haunts me all the time. I did not want to subject her to that kind of guilt, but I had to test if she was true to me. Of course, it was all a set-up and no-one in the club was actually harmed.

If I could find her, I would apologize to her and tell her the truth.

[Machina]

Huh. You know, as charmed as the tin gods are - and save your desperate labia-twiddling, we're all fuckin' charmed, even Sarah Meeks - those who aren't hung up on some self-flagellating ego-masturbatory pity-vacation or so empty-headed they have the fucking baffling moral blank check to never consider the consequences of their actions are left in a place to be even more accountable and more guilty for the ramifications of our actions than the zips. And that's one of the three or four tiny fuckin' enclaves of downsides to awesome power come in. For them that think great power really does mean great responsibility, whether that's to the zips or your family or your group or your race or whatever - it can also mean profound, much-bigger-than-your-insignificant-ass guilt, shame, and regret for having done the wrong thing.

But I'm not answerin' the fuckin' question, am I. The hardest thing I ever had to do being a fuckin' mutant was pretty trivial, nothing worth agonizing over. I lay off the zip trim these days because I figure it's akin to bestiality. I don't do no cross-species sex, thanks. That, and baselines are so universally fucking stupid that it'd be like having sex with a five year-old. A retarded five year-old.

Now that bein' said, probably the hardest part about bein' a nova was something that happened to me on account of it, not something I had to do.

[kestrel404]

I cannot say exactly, due to a promise I have made. However, it involved leaving my children in a dangerous situation, and I am still shamed to this day that it nearly cost Dorothy her life.

[Neil Preston]

The very first time my QE's failed to save someone's life. I didn't feel that kind of soul-stabbing pain until I lost my first nova patient ... then there was Ibiza. All that pain, death, misery, and the haunted looks on so many of the faces of those who survived. I can't really rate which one was worse. They all sit there in my heart, driving me on to be a better nova, a better physician, and a better sentiant being.

[Y.T.]

Leting somone awalk away. I will not drop names, and you most likely wouldn't know the name. Killing is damned easy, trust me. You get over your imprinted moral codes about how life should always be honored or somehting and you deal with the real world. The simple fact is that I kill people. I do so in many ways, and killing people is not a problem for me.

Now letting this person live.That was hard, because I have to look over my back for him.That is a lot hard than simply killing him.

[Velvet]

You're all welcome to laugh at me for this, and I'm sure some of you will, sitting there at your OpNet terminals, but the hardest thing I've ever had to do since my eruption is a bit different. My life isn't made up of grand cosmic events, so some of you guys are more than a bit intimidating in that regard.

The hardest thing, for me, isn't a one-time deal. It's something I do every day, and that's to try to live without relying on my abilities. Don't get me wrong, they're useful, and even fun to use sometimes, but mine are all inherently invasive or manipulative. There's always the temptation to adjust someone's attitude in my favor and "rig" situations, or take a stroll through someone's head to see what makes them tick or what I could use to my advantage later.

That's not the kind of person I want to be, so I have to make a conscious effort to limit myself to using them in situations where it's necessary and not just convenient, or in which said person is obviously willing.

[Hugin]

Hardest thing?

Trying to run my own company openly and legally. My less than loving split with Project Utopia painted a large, neon bullseye on my tuchus when I founded NextStep, Inc. with my partners. I might as well have had a TechReg regional office opened up in my R&D complex.

Oh, I failed miserabely in the end.

[Sam 'The Crusader' Hill]

I think the hardest thing I have done in my time as a stalwart defender of truth and justice has been to face the horror that can be done at our mighty super-powered hands. When the vile monster known as Edward attacked our fair metropolis all those months ago, the murder and mayhem he created reached cold fingers of dread into the meat of my mind and poked at tender places until I was paralyzed with the sheer awfulness of that foul day. Had it not been for the generous gifts granted to me by Mr. Majestic in the spirit world visit arranged by the angelic Samhra, I surely would have drowned in that mental bloodbath.

[z-Sean McCline]

The hardest thing I've ever done is admit that I was wrong about something I'd held to for ten years. Giving up an ideal you thought was right for most of your life is pretty hard to do.

[Timeslip]

Could you be a touch less subtle there, Sean? I don't think that the peasants working rice fields in China figured out yet that you mean you're leaving the Teragen.

[Good Alice]

I would say the hardest thing I have had to do, was to walk away from being treated like a goddess.

[z-Sean McCline]

Originally Posted By: Timeslip

Could you be a touch less subtle there, Sean? I don't think that the peasants working rice fields in China figured out yet that you mean you're leaving the Teragen.

They'll figure it out, about the same time they realize you're a raving bitch. Man, but you've been grumpy lately. You haven't been like this in a while. Wake up on the wrong side of the timestream?

[Timeslip]

You have a PM, Sean.

[Loge]

Far be it from me to advise members of "the one race" on how they should conduct themselves in public but I thought you might like to know this site sends me an alert whenever I receive a personal message. I've received all of two of them since I began posting but I would think that holds true no matter how many private message you have or how long you've been getting them. you don't need to use the thread as a place to put your miscellaneous post its. God I feel old. Some of you kids probably don't even know what a post it is.

Now I specifically asked no one stomp on anyone else for giving an honest answer. I realize I don't have any control over where the topic goes, not really, but a little courtesy goes a long way. Please take the queen of drama antics somewhere else.

[Satyr]

The hardest thing I've ever done was being honest, not just simply telling a harmless truth, but opening up and really trusting someone not to use your vulerability as an avenue in which they can harm you.

[Matryoshka]

Oh joys the one race and it's happy lil club have lil spat. Timeslip, please stop showing off your hypocries . I would like to think you have found something close to a truth.

What is the hardest thing I have done?I died.

[Warren Verona]

Originally Posted By: Moronic Malory

What is the hardest thing I have done?I died.

Dying is easy you pathetic waste of a node.

Try to live sometime.

Dying was the easy part, and the killing that came after was almost natural.

Oh, and Loge, screw you and your dumb ass questions. This is all shit people have asked us before, go look up the archives and quit wasting my time.

[Trooper]

Hardest thing?

Realizing I really, really enjoy my job. I like taking control of a group of men, leading them into battle and doing my best to bring them through the other side. I like the smell of gunpowder. I like overturning trucks and smashing walls. I like the look on someone's face when they unload a clip into me and I keep coming.

And yes, I like killing in battle.

Figuring that out was pretty tough.

[z-Silvestru]

Originally Posted By: Revenant

Originally Posted By: Moronic Malory

What is the hardest thing I have done?I died.

Dying is easy you pathetic waste of a node.

Try to live sometime.

Signy, I have to agree with Revenant. There were lots of times I wished I had died instead of erupting. My life before eruption was downright heavenly compared to the pain that has come after.

Dying would have been, and still is, the easy way out. Living hurts; it's pain and effort for what seems to be very little reward. So I guess, the hardest thing for me, is to get up every morning, and go to work, and just keep doing what I'm doing.

[Timeslip]

Quote:

Timeslip, please stop showing off your hypocries.

Oh please, do tell about my "hypocries", Signy Malory. I'm right on the edge of my seat, quivering with anticipation for your gifted insight with regard to my "hypocries". Pins would sound like meteors crashing to earth in the silence that fills the room whilst I wait for this truly rare and precious experience of hearing you explore my "hypocries".

[Loge]

Originally Posted By: Revenant

Oh, and Loge, screw you and your dumb ass questions. This is all shit people have asked us before, go look up the archives and quit wasting my time.

I saw those in the archives written by people that haven't been seen in months or years. And pretentious. Let's not forget pretentious.

Now, and please take this in the nicest possible way an antisocial moron like you is capable of taking it... Have you ever considered that just maybe other people change. Not you. You're most likely going to be the same tired cliche you've always been until the end of time. But other people grow. Other people advance. Other people change their views. And because of that all the old becomes new again. People evolve.

The problem is not me wasting your time. You can just set me to ignore and go back to posing in front of your mirror practicing your scarey face for all I care. In the meantime I think I'll keep doing what I'm doing. And that means sometimes taking a moment to thank God that no matter how screwed up my life is, I'm still not mistaken routinely for the corpse of someone with a manga fetish that died at a comic convention in the pre-00 days.

And just so we're clear here... There are no dumb ass questions. There's only the insights of other people. Other people and of course Warren the Corpse's dumb ass answers. You know I really hate getting spun up. Its just so easy to do with caped crusader wannabees like you. Now why don't you go back to the mirror and practice the scarey face some more while pretending you do more than take up space in an already crowded universe. My life is complicated enough thank you very much. I don't need to waste minutes of the day getting into a flame war with a retard that against all evidence to the contrary thinks acting like he's 12 with daddy's opnet account is provocative or interesting.

If some day you ever decide to have a real conversation instead of just being a prick then let me know. We can do that. It might even be interesting. Until then just stay the hell off my thread.

Ass.

And thanks. For the attention deficit like you who forgot what this was all about, you've given me more than enough to understand who you are. I appreciate that even if you did it by accident. So thanks. Now go back to shoving something unpleasant up your butt and pretending Pax cares about you.

[Velvet]

Between the self-important questions theoretically looking for "insight", and the sheer spite wrapped up in your last post, Loge, I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're like, too, but I'm curious where you met Revenant. I find it hard to believe you know much at all about him, or any of us, since you just recently showed up to these forums.

I fail to see why, when one man dissents and brings up the point that all of these questions have been asked before, and expresses his opinion, someone who claims to be looking for said insight spends half a screen's worth of venom on insults and third-grade wit trying to sound like he's suddenly hit on something new and inventive.

If you want enlightenment, information, wisdom, or what have you... And you ask the same philosophical questions that have been posted here a hundred times already...

Suck it up when people get tired of it and point you in the direction of said posts.

I know I'm already tired of you, but you don't see me wasting time name-calling.

[Loge]

Oh yay. The troll corpse's parole officer decides to chime in with an objective view. Is this it? If this is it then thanks but I already knew it was coming. You two are quite the pair and there was no way I could respond to the troll corpse without you feeling to the need to get in on it.

Here you go. This is for you and honest too. If someone jacked a friend of mine, god forbid an intimate friend, I'd probably unload on them too. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. It would depend on exactly how close a friend it was, how much I disliked the person getting up on them, and how much truth there was to what they said. What I absolutely wouldn't do is pretend that my unloading on them had anything to do with anything except the fact they slammed a friend of mine. I wouldn't bother with passive aggressive games either. Physical charms don't travel well across the eufiber lines.

You're running to catch the bus the troll corpse missed so I'll try and make this a little easier. I've been there, I've read that, and it has very little to do with anything seeing as how most of it was penned by people that have gone missing. I'm guessing some have just moved on though and I'm particularly interested in that. I have a deep belief that no one, not even the troll corpse - I was being sarcastic about that, could be what they are and not grow or change..

Now shall I end this post advising you to screw you too? After all that was the oh so nice advice coming from the attention deficit troll corpse you seem needful of defending. Since it came from him there really shouldn't be any reason for you to be upset about it right? But of course its different when its directed at you. Its different when its not dropping out of the corpse's own mouth. When he says it, its charming and insightful. Yeah. Sure. Don't worry though. I won't end the post saying screw you because I'm not 12 and this isn't daddy's opnet account. But seriously; put the hormones in check before you do something really questionable. You like him. Great. You think he has positive qualities. Even better. But if you know him that well then you already know he's a bit of an ass and the only thing you're upset about is me pointing that out to him without sugar coating it. Fine, I wasn't nice to your friend and I'm sorry. But he had a choice whether to be an ass and made it. I had nothing to do with that so don't try to pin it on me.

[z-Silvestru]

I guess the only thing I'll say Loge is that responding to someone with the same vemon they used on you never helps a situation. If anything, it only escalates the anger and makes things worse. Velvet was a pretty good example of how to not respond in a way to escalate things, actually.

Just a friendly observation.

[Loge]

Thanks. Take that to logical conclusion though, Sylvan. That would mean telling White Rat I don't approve of his plans for euthanizing children but respect his committment. It means tacitly agreeing with Revenant that a thread isn't worth while because its not sufficiently entertaining enough for him personally even though he missed the point made in the first sentence of the first post in the thread.

I disagree about Velvet being a good example of not escalating. Yes she had a nicer presentation. Kicked the crap out of the one from her parolee. But non-escalating? Your post is non-escalating. Velvet's was someone picking a side and taking up the banner.

[z-Silvestru]

All I'm trying to say is that if you meet vitrol with vitrol, nothing ever changes. Everyone just gets madder, and it just keeps building and building.

There was something more substantial there in Velvet's post - she was asking why you were so angry at Revenant, beyond him stomping on your idea. Don't get me wrong - I've been on the wrong end of his anger as well. I would and do understand you being angry. But is your method going to accomplish anything?

This is, of course, just my opinion. Maybe you feel you've done something good.

[Velvet]

And you have the nerve to call other people trolls? Wow. Someone's apparently looking to instigate.

My points, my questions, were very simple, but since you missed them in your search for further fuel for your fire, I'll repeat.

1. How can you justify jumping on someone's case whom you don't know, have never met, and are hardly qualified to discuss? That could be Revenant, me, Sylvan, or any number of other people.

2. I spoke up for two reasons. One, yes. Revenant is my friend. Two, the response you gave was far beyond what a simple comment would've constituted. Do you think you've hurt anyone's feelings? No. You have, however, painted yourself as an over-eager mudslinger.

3. Your claim that you've learned so much about said friend by that simple, two line quote is rather telling of your own character, as well, given the content of your posts to both him and to me. You've marked yourself just as surely as you think you've marked anyone else. Perhaps that is something you've yet to see, but it'd be nice to think that someone who says they want understanding would be a little less hasty to jump to conclusions, mm?

If you like, I can give you a line-by-line review of your post, but I think I've hit the highlights. Let me know if you still need clarification.

[Loge]

Sylvan how would you recommend getting through to a guy like this that feels a signature of "There's not playing nice and then there's Revenant" is a worth mentioning?

I take it you know Velvet? That would would make sense. So instead of arguing, let's break it down to what she actually said.

Paragraph 1

My questions are "self-important".

She can't believe I would know anything about anyone that predates my first post. Archives? Interviews? Opnews? Magazine articles? Trading cards? Action figures? Apparently all of these don't exist. Apparently I exist in a seperate space time continuum.

Paragraph 2

She believes Revenant voiced dissent. To what I am not sure but there it is.

She believes all of these questions have been brought up before. Probably true.

She believes the words "screw you too" merely express an opinion. She's very charitable where Revenant is concerned.

She can't understand why I would respond in the way I did to someone merely expressing an opinion.

She characterizes my response.

Paragraph 3

She never completes the thought. You'd have to ask her.

Paragraph 4

Advice that I believe is intended to expound on Revenant's intention without touching on his motivation.

Paragraph 5

The finish. It has to ignore what she said in the rest of the post to be taken as truthful.

I don't see the part where she asked me why I was so angry at Revenant. I see the other things that make her last sentence a lie but I don't see that question. Maybe you know them better than I do and you can read between the lines. Or maybe you want to see something that's not there but you want to be there anyway. I don't know. I guess it gave me what I asked for though. I know Revenant now and I know Velvet. I know you. So it hasn't been a complete loss.

[Loge]

Added comment;

Actually what really annoys me isn't Revenant the troll. Yes my annoyance is directed straight on him. He earned and he deserves it but that's not where the annoyance comes from. A lot people took the time to answer the question. They were, I think, honest answers. And then along comes dead troll boy saying none of it is of any value. Yeah that really spins me up. There's not much you can do to smooth that over Sylvan. I think its great you tried but I know him, he knows me and its done. Same with Velvet. She can try to shift it around after the fact but its done. A publicist won't help.

[Sam 'The Crusader' Hill]

Ah yes, Revenant! Why, I met him just a few... er... days? Weeks? Something like that ago at Velvet's wonderful restaraunt and dance hall. Striking chap, and very professional, if perhaps a bit bluish. Yes, a stalwart security man was he, dedicated to his bouncerly duties, like a veteran bank guard, except without the vault and tellers.

And what many may not realize is that this azure adherent of bouncerness is also an auxiliary to the valiant Windy City Knights! Yes, a bouncer by day, er, night... but when trouble calls, he's every inch as much a hero as the rest of our brave band of brothers.

Yes, his handshake is a bit chilly, but you know what they say: cold hands, warm heart... and his is a heart that steams for justice!

[z-Sean McCline]

Yes, Crusader... Revenant certainly steams. And we all love our blue Knight, don't we? Er, our other blue, non-Amped, blue Knight.

Hmm. That worked much better in my head.

[Velvet]

We love the green-eyed ones, too.

[z-Sean McCline]

Originally Posted By: Velvet

We love the green-eyed ones, too.

[Tempest]

Hardest thing I've had to do as a Nova? Going back to school. I only erupted a month or so ago and my parents are making me finish off my last year of highschool.

It sucks big time.

[Li Ai Jun Yen]

Originally Posted By: Tempest

Hardest thing I've had to do as a Nova? Going back to school. I only erupted a month or so ago and my parents are making me finish off my last year of highschool.

It sucks big time.

You will be grateful. Where I come from, higher education is very rare.

[Tempest]

It's not that I don't want to get my diploma. It's just...being stuck in a classromm all day until the end of the school year? I mean, come on! There are so many other things I could be doing.

[Li Ai Jun Yen]

Be patient. If you are enhanced intelligent, then negotiate something with your parents and teachers to finish sooner.

[Tempest]

Nah, I wish I was super smart. I just fly fast and shoot sparks.