Good Bye Opnet, Hello Lurkmode.

[Sakurako Hino]

And before you say I'm not being serious, here is some details.

1: Some personal stuff has come up, and I can't really do things here anymore. I've burned out and can't really re-connect with Endeavor. I'm lost.

2: Some things happening here has disturbed me. I'm starting to feel that things around here are getting more and more strained by the moment, and I feel VERY uncomfortable here.

3: Personally and Creatively I'm burned out, and I TRUELY need a change of pace. I've chased my tail for a few months, and haven't really done anything of importance.

I really liked this place early on, but I've come to the realization that I don't "get it" anymore. I don't know if it's just stuff in RL that's getting me down, or I've taken things personal, or even if I think I've reached the end of the line.

How can I say this...

I'm tired of Endeavor

I'm finally tired of the Aberrant game world

I'm tired period.

So, unless either I work things out in my head, or I get the "mojo" back in me for actually participating with the boards, I'm walking away before I burn to many bridges down in the process.

Sometimes we all have to realize that we've either outgrown the place we love, or allow a new guard to carry the banner.

I guess you can say this is my retirement speech.

If there's any comeback tour, It'll have to be one hell of a turnaround for me.

See you in the real.

[Sandy Davis]

Well, you know something.You cna go away all you want, and youc an come back whenever you want.I will say you will be missed,and I hope by mroe than me.

The things you need understand is that sometime you have to look far and wide to understand that what you need is lost in side.Maybe you can get in touch with someone new.You may have lost touch with E_chan, a long time ago, but wanted to hold on to her so much that you would nto let go.ANd you knwo what not letting go of her may have hurt other things,and people.

But in the end I do nto not knwo who youar e,what you need, or what you want.I just know this, you should do things because you enjoy them, not because you have to.MOre so with games.

[Matt]

Farewell and have a good life.

[Kirby1024]

Farewell and good luck. Hope you find your groove, where/whatever that turns out to be.

We'll miss you...

[Cody]

See you around.

[FLAGG]

Later and take care. Thanks for everything.

JAY

[Preston]

Take care, Ensign. It was always my favorite name for you. Get out there and recharge your batteries. Enjoy life and never forget this is supposed to be fun. If it ain't, it is time to move on.

James

[Deeth]

You will be missed

[Arek]

You'll be back...they always come back!! @_@

....well, not really. But you could, you know.

Take care.

[Meridian]

Just keep having fun ... if not here then somewhere.

[Sakurako Hino]

Just to let you guys know, I MAY.... and I say that with utmost vagueness and possibly just wishing it, could return. but not for the forseeable future. I have alot of things I need to straighten out. Not to mention considering if I do return to the boards, if I need to make a new character.

Oh, in the last post on the OpNet boards, I did mean the "Philadelphia Experiment". Has she flipped? No. Why would S&T be after her if she was? To break the mystery slightly, she now knows how to "slide" via technology. The power source? Well, let's say it has to do with unified theory and the rumored power that could be generated with such knowledge. It wasn't Sakurako that discovered it though. Someone else opened the door for her before they themself went insane.

If someone gave you the opportunity to explore new universes, wouldn't you take it?

Untill that time I decide to return. I'll be seeing you.

[David 'Dr. Troll' Smith]

Endeavor, you will be missed. Take care. And feel free to come back, as Endeavor or someone else.

,,

Quote:

If someone gave you the opportunity to explore new universes, wouldn't you take it?

Actually, no. I'd set up a corporation to establish cross time trade. Going the sliders route means that sooner or later you will run into something bigger and meaner than yourself.

[Cody]

Quote:

Originally posted by David 'Dr. Troll' Smith:
Going the sliders route means that sooner or later you will run into something bigger and meaner than yourself.

Or worse, you slide into a place where the Earth never formed. Can you say 'screwed'?

I knew you could...

[Sakurako Hino]

Let me explain a small detail that I thank for my recent leaving the OpNet.

I have felt for a while that the game's canon has a distinct case of split personality disorder. Recently I had read through the two books I got and realized how much WoD could be interchanged and compared to White Wolf's take on superheroes.

Quite frankly, after some RL arguements about extraneous loose ends in my life, I've realized that my wolrd view and my methods aren't in mesh with the game I have participated in here.

As I've said before, I'm known to play strange characters, or characters that break stereotype. Endeavor on the otherhand was in fact a character I had "borrowed" from a late friend. Endeavor, strange as she was, was not really mine or anyones, she was I have to admit an idea formed by commitee at a TT game. I had decided to take her into this place. Only to discover my greatest pet peeve about the aberrant world.

Most Players want to be uber-cool elites or mysterious/rebellious terats. Also All utopians are inherently dangerous or conspiring against novas and should not be trusted.

The amount of angst and anger pervading some characters and backgrounds quite frankly half amused me, and half disturbs me. Not that I want to criticize any characters around here, but my view of things seem to me that Utopians, Corporates, and Independents are the rarity and are not really popular or liked. Look at some of the conversations. Even I had badmouthed some of Utopia's policies on numerous occasions. But, while a Terat gets the attention with either a well placed counterpoint or a shrinking agreement, anyone else gets looked at with skepticisim and sometimes ignored.

Last I checked, This board was for all walks and ilks, not just Terats and Elites.

I have walked away out of dissapointment that some IC ideas get shot down.

Namely the still brewing lunar trip that a few regulars here that I call friends were planning. To me it seemed more than coincidence that that N! News Update came out just as the fiction was getting on track. Luckily the opinion of the update was very... vocal.

But the reason I retired Endeavor so suddenly and without warning is that quite frankly I had shot whatever credibility she had left up the rear. Yes, there is one thing Endeavor and I share is that I tend to have a short attention span. Instead of letting stories develop and planning my steps I barrelled through to get to the next story. BIG MISTAKE. I no longer call it a newbie mistake, I call it pure stupidity.

I really don't like saying some of the things I've said here, but I think it's about time I gave myself a reality check. As well as explained a few things.

As for the RL stuff that also brought me to this point, things have calmed down, and I had yet again let emotion get the best of me. But, I doubt that if I come back it will be as Endeavor unless some trans-dimsnsional jumper finds out lost girl.

TTFN.

[Sakurako Hino]

Okay, I have a couple things more to say, that I had little time to get out. (I was 45 seconds from getting booted.)

1: I'm angry at myself for a few things.

I'm angry for leaving chosen in the lurch. I had been honestly been wanting to do the XWF project, but sometime in february I had somewhat lost my desire to do anything. Off of a minor tiff that had exploded out of proportion. Ever since I haven't really had the energy to get the wheels turning. I know Chosen is a VERY busy man, and my behavior would be wasting his time. Quite honestly I think I was the poorest man for the job and I should not have volunteered myself (although, if someone picks up the ball, I might play in it. The XWF is the only thing I LIKED about Aberrant.)

2: I should have REALLY thought out my character more before even joining.

I even should have planned out every step a little better. I needed to make more threads that made more sense, and I should have realized that if I wanted to tell a story, I should have sent it to the fiction boards. I should not have been posting every single stinking day.

3: Endeavor didn't need stats for the OpNet.

Yes, here I was limiting my imagination to numbers. Although I wouldn't have pushed her beyond reason, I would not have been setting Endeavor up to being a pantywaisted schoolgirl.

4: Endeavor's gimmick got old, and I didn't see it.

Yep, you heard it here first folks.

Now you know why I'm hot under the sailor collar at my own faults that I didn't recognise untill it was too late. But, life and learn.

You don't know how many times since saturday I've been having second thoughts. Quite frankly I cried myself to sleep on sunday. I don't think I really wanted to leave the way I did, and quite frankly now, I can't turn back without shooting myself more in my own foot.

Oh well, there are some interesting boards here outside of the game that I will give opinions on from time to time. I guess I won't totally leave. And... If I feel comfortable enough... Miracles do happen. That they do.

[Vixen]

I can sympathize, Endeav. It's been rough on me too. The Utopian viewpoint is reacted to with downright hostility by a lot of the characters on this board - I don't think it's 'cause the posters themselves have it in for Utopia, though, I think that in all honesty it was just a coincidence that all the influencial characters turned out to be hardcore Terats or Elites. One of those statistical anomalies that happen.

There's nothing wrong with that viewpoint, although I do wish these super-smart Terat novas would start reading about evolution in a bit more detail before they turn it into a religion. But it does make it difficult to play a character with an opposing viewpoint. You get to wondering, "what point is it going to serve to play this character when everything he or she says is going to be riddled full of holes upon first viewing?" I get the feeling that Utopian characters are viewed... sort of as ducks on a wire in a shooting gallery. There only to be shot down, one after the other.

I know my own posting's tapered off considerably from when I'd post every day and work out the outline of new posts while at work. I feel a lack of purpose to it all. In any shared reality, the shape of it's going to go to the more numberous amount of posters, and I'm frankly outnumbered. If I RP an explanation for Utopia's behavior today, I hear about even more bad things that they've done tomorrow. And the long-term problem is, the meme pool on the board's shared reality dwindles and shrinks. Less interesting things happen. Less variety in the posters is found.

And unfortunately, I'm not enough of a social scientist to know how to stop it. It just seems a natural process on these shared-reality RP boards.

So I sympathize. I've gone through my burnout periods too. I hope to have you back someday - but if not, I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Kirby1024]

Vixen, In many ways, this is likely to be a phase. I remember pointing out my frustrations of this earlier this year, and was pointed out to the fact that not so long ago, it was the Terats that were on the defensive in the ideology turf wars here.

Oddly enough, with all the Utopians and Utopian-sympathetic characters joining, it appears that the pendulum is swinging back the other way now. I'm not sure if it'll stay that way for the length of time the Terat/Sympathisers have had it, but there has been a large shift.

Of course, it may not be the Utopians joining, so much as the Terat heavyweights leaving. In either case, people, please remember - this is a game. In reality, both points of view are correct, just as both views are wrong.

Also as to the variety of characters joining, again, there has been a minor bloom in recent months of different characters, most likely because people are realising that the cool, "know-all" character they had planned is suddenly not-so-cool when everyone else seems to know more than them. It tends to be that characters tend to become jaded on the boards, for no other reason that Aberrant tends to have that effect on characters. As people start new characters to try something new, we have new points of view.

And remember, noone can force your character to become a jaded nova of mystery. It's purely your choice in this matter. Also, many of us have multiple characters, for exactly this reason. If you're finding that a point of view on the board is somewhat lacking, feel free to make that point of view.

As to Endeavour, I'm not entirely sure you're being completely fair on yourself here. Although Endeavour is obviously leaving, by the end of her journey here, the character had grown by leaps and bounds. From a child in a Sailor suit, to a woman with links to many people, with traumas and issues, with hopes and dreams, and people to protect. Endeavor has obviously been a character that needed to grow, but really, there was nothing wrong with that. I salute you for duking it out as long as you had.

Yes, you have been extraordinarily active, and often active without a purpose, but that sort of enthusiasm was what pushed you into this world so quickly. You've been here what? 11 months? And in that time, look at how she's grown. The contact hours may have been excessive, but I don't think you can really say that they've all been in vain.

Also, pointing out, my characters have stats too, I still look at them. Most players here have statted their characters. My characters have never exceeded the limits of their character sheets. Never. Admittedly, I've changed some sheets a few times, but never that much. In Fiction, often, it's the description, not the power, that makes the story. I've been blasé about TK's Cyberkinesis, as well as having it be an integral part of her thought processes. It's all in the telling, not in the doing, and that's something that often needs practice. I've practiced, I won't even entertain the idea that I'm a master at the telling, others here do so much better.

But, that aside Endeavor, I'm glad you're still hovering around. Believe me when I say, I don't think N! Prime would quite be the same without you. And if ever you want advice, or help, or just need to vent, remember that we're here for you.

Thanks for taking the plunge, hope you have a great time back on the shore...

[Walker]

I did get that burnout thing myself for a month or so before christmas, I agree with Vix that the meme pool dries up a bit, you just have to wait for the rainy season every once in a while Of course different people would probably see different times as being the dry spell, such is the way of the world.

I also agree with Tom that Abberrant can seem a bit like the WOD stuff, you know, a tainted (pun intended) Utopia organisation that makes sure everyone but itself plays by the rules along with multiple conspiracies, plots and counter plots going on all over the place. Mind you that's a bit like real life, people advancing their own agenda and being too paranoid to put all their cards on the table, so we can't be too hard on the old WW.

For that reason I personally quite like the four colour surface with the gritty tech noir underbelly, though as Vix pointed out this can and does lead to an anti-Utopia duck hunt. Because the various books make it quite clear how corrupt the organisation is it's no wonder everyone wants to be an heroic Terragen or Abberant fighting the faceless minions of Proteus. The distinction is, of course, that it's Aeon and Proteus doing the dirty work and not Utopia, but the media's got wind that something is going on and is naturally blaming Utopia for whatever it is. Media shapes public attention and so it's not unnatural for there to be anti-Utopia sentiment, the media and the public love to drag their heros through the dirt.

I don't see the N! News Update as shooting anything down in flames, it's just the kind of thing that the UN would suggest. Probably came from all the discussion about asteroid colonisation/mining that I was largely responsible for starting. Someone just thought, what would be the likely response of UN/Utopia to this? Came up with an answer and decided to run with it. As far as I am aware the player responsible for the update was also responsible for some of it's most vocal criticism. I don't want to second guess the player in question too much so I'll leave my explanation at that.

Tom, don't be too hard on yrself about Endeavor (and don't be too hard on yrself about yrself come to think of it), you obviously had a lot of fun playing her and her faults weren't that great, IMO they were probably just caused by the nature of this particular RP environment, i.e. lack of immediate response and not much body language to read. I personally think you did a great job with her, it'll be a shame if she's not around anymore

Remember, it's all there for you to have a bit of a laugh, don't worry overmuch about the cosmic significance of it all, it'll take care of itself.

Peace dude and keep on trucking

[Hugin]

My N News Update was in no way meant as an attempt to derail or discredit the Space Hoppy Adventures.

N News has always been about my attempting to create common events for our characters to be able to discuss and relate to. N News Never gets to respond, to try to alter how people perceive the posts. There is a single blurb, and then N News stands back and sees if anyone gives a damn.

The posts I try to make about those things that I think have been overlooked or underdeveloped by canon. I try to comment on those things that I think would be most effected by the presence of novas (pop culture, religion, myth, business, etc.) I'm sorry if anyone felt I was tweaking their nose but it has been pretty much set that the boards are not secret. They were set up to be secret, with the only way to get to them being a mysterious invitation being sent out to the participants, but that has changed with time. We've had baselines manage to wander in, government agents and AI. So, I didn't feel that it was out of line to react to anything that had been posted in the OPNet.

Now, as to Utopian/Teragen sympathies. How many Elites do we have here still? Not many I believe. If anything, it is the independents that actually seem to hold sway. Lemmy Chillmeister, Sakurako, TeknoKitty, Preston, Preston's kid, Walker, and a number of others are all neither Terat nor Utopian. The Terats if anything have in fact been reduced in number and influence. Apep, Ashnod and myself don't tend to post very often anymore. Mostly because there are the same old arguments being made over and over again. As for the Utopians, if it is felt that the pro-Utopian or the anti-Terat arguments are constantly 'shot down' I have to wonder then if those arguments are being made effectively. Half of the problem can be found in the fact that everyone seems unwilling to roleplay any sense of innocence in regards to Utopia. Even the defenders seem determined to play with the concept that all of Utopia's dirty laundry is known. The other half, I believe, is that the canon write up by Kraig Blackwelder simply described Utopia in such a poor light that few reasonable people can get past their 'hidden' dark underbelly.

Now, as to the 'feel' of the board. I honestly loath 4 colorness. People in capes saving the world, the Terats being black on black evil with no redeaming qualities, and honestly, too many darn AI. Just my opinion and nothing more, but me, I like the darker nature of the board. If you don't, well then hopefully we can find a middle ground.

Tom, sorry life has gotten you down and I hope a little happiness and light is coming your way.

[David 'Dr. Troll' Smith]

Quote:

James 'Prodigy' Meehan:
How many Elites do we have here still?

We elites seem to have had a lot of accidents recently. Bill is dead. Jack is gone. Troll has burned out. Sandy is off contempating her navel. Just off hand, Meridian is the only one around who posts a lot but I've never considered the Argus agency a "true" elite service (they do more saving than killing).

Quote:

James 'Prodigy' Meehan:
Half of the problem can be found in the fact that everyone seems unwilling to roleplay any sense of innocence in regards to Utopia.

True (although Troll & Chill are living proof that the theories aren't true).

[Meridian]

Quote:

Originally posted by David 'Dr. Troll' Smith:

Quote:

James 'Prodigy' Meehan:
How many Elites do we have here still?

We elites seem to have had a lot of accidents recently. Just off hand, Meridian is the only one around who posts a lot but I've never considered the Argus agency a "true" elite service (they do more saving than killing).

Ouch! I heard that!

You know it's funny but I never thought of Meridian as an Elite. To me he has always been Meridian first ... his affiliations tend to vary over time based on any number of things.

I think that it may be the one of the limitations of the medium (short posts that is) but I don't always see that with other characters here. I sort of get the impression that "Y" is the ultimate Teragen man or "X" is the true blue Utopia sweetheart or "Z" is the uber Elite. This isn't all bad but to me it seems like a lot posts spout the "Party Line" and don't always sound like individuals interacting.

A lot of stuff does sound like it repeats. I think that again that is part of the nature of the current site. Since there is no defined year and not 100% agreement on the shared world you never will get good resolution on any of the areas of big disagreement. The contrast may be a tabletop game where a central ST may settle some of these.

My only 'issue' with the Terats on the board is their arguments. Honestly I find the posts to be fairly persuasive ... however I also find them to be very hard to square with the published materials. The feel I get is that this is how the Teragen should have been based on the Null Manifesto and some other stuff ... but it's not anything like how the Teragen really seems to be based on the published books. Anyway that's my read, YMMV.

[Meridian]

Oh and just to clarify, I don't view the Teragen as 'evil' based on the book stuff ... just selfish. They think that they have very good reason to be so though. In fact they don’t really look at it as selfishness.

My read is that Utopia, the Teragen, Elites, etc. are all mostly presented as gray. There are no all white or all black organizations.

[Sandy Davis]

Hey, I am trying ot play the goodness of Utopia..It is just that Agnelli has got back from a trip down south where she saw things htat were just unerving.

ANd sandy is not checking out her Navel,she is checking out the great nimimart in the sky.The big shoping mall of time.....And stuff. Now Sandy has killed a lot of poeple, but you have to remeber that she spent a few years in basically a full state of war.

[Hugin]

Quote:

Originally posted by Meridian:

My only 'issue' with the Terats on the board is their arguments. Honestly I find the posts to be fairly persuasive ... however I also find them to be very hard to square with the published materials. The feel I get is that this is how the Teragen should have been based on the Null Manifesto and some other stuff ... but it's not anything like how the Teragen really seems to be based on the published books. Anyway that's my read, YMMV.

Pretty much. I learned more about role playing a Terat here on the board from folks like Ashnod and Apep than I did from reading the book. My personal opinion? Blackwelder was a total wank. Very little sense of subtlety in his work and too much of the classic WW 'The Evil must be true Good and the Good must be the true Evil' bullshit.

I really like some of the stuff that Mr. Baugh said about how he would have re-written Aeon if he'd had the opportunity. First thing he talks about is making both the Teragen and Utopia such absolutes.

[Sakurako Hino]

I just needed to get off some "percieved" issues. Sometimes I have to ruffle a few feathers and rattle the cage to see what's up. James, thanks for the clarification. Knowing the type of person you are, I can believe you. As for the faction dance here, I've never been one to roll with cliques. I've been my own dog. But, I am a team player. I've been thinking on just how... if I get enough withdrawl pains... on how to come back. I won't reveal the methods, and it won't be untill after July. (If you guys have been paying attention, after CONvergence. My batteries are usually overcharged after that litle party. ~.^) But yes, this time Endeavor will return changed by her experiences. Not to mention her wings will be clipped. (The Hikari Maru I feel like bashing up. I got new ideas on that...) Now comes the matter of her employment. Although she is unemployed, you could consider her a freelancer now. And there is only one corp she trusts with her tech. As for the secrets she holds in her head now...

let's just say she wants to never reveal just HOW she did it. Perhaps the reason why she may never return is the fact that the tech may be too dangerous for the unwashed masses (Human and Nova alike) to use willy-nilly. Zero-Point power and unified theory are the most dangerous things ever concieved in my opinion. As for universe hopping... Who'd believe her that she's been places people only dream of... or have nightmares of.

But, untill I feel I can jump back in with the sharks and own their ugly mugs, I gotta know how to do it. This will be planned. And will take a huge effort. (The mother of all collaboratives?)

See? Something of some good CAN come of this.

Like I said, if I come back, it would be groundbreaking.

[Delicious]

I think youc an go do your thing.I'll my thing,and you know that guy over there will do his thing,ANd All will work on in the end,as if everyone can do there thing,then everything will be just fine.

[Sakurako Hino]

F**k groundbreaking, I want back.

[ronin]

Hooray!!

.ronin

[Sakurako Hino]

No one could be more happier than me though, wanderer, that I am. ^.^