Aberrant: Stargate Universe - Shock and Awe [Complete]

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia stopped and sat up straight, craning her head to the side and pulling her hair over her shoulder. "Stiff?" a friendly voice asked, and Olivia turned to see Dr. Jay Felger in the door.

Oh, god, she thought to herself, but she smiled. "Hey, Dr. Felger, how are you?"

"Oh, just... wondering around," he said softly, looking sad.

Oh, GOD, Olivia moaned to herself, but she kept the smile. "It's almost dinner, you know. Get some food, you'll feel better."

"I know," he sighed. "I just... I miss her."

OH GOD. My contract never said I had to deal with grown men with puppy crushes. "We all miss them," she said softly.

"Would... you have dinner with me, Doctor?" he asked, casting brown eyes at her. Felger just missed 'his' SG-1 so much...

"I can't," she said, "I'm meeting with a friend. Maybe..." She stopped herself before she lied to him. "You should eat with your assistant."

"Dr... Angstrom? Why?" he asked, truly bewildered.

Olivia just shook her head. "I thought she might want to eat with you," she said, picking up her books and starting what the cruel in the SGC called the Felger shuffle. It was done by edging around the man while making excuses to him. Olivia felt a little bad about it, but he needed to find his own way, not leech on another SG team.

And she wasn't lying: Chloe probably did want to eat with him, and she had to meet with Aradia. So it was with great relief that she knocked on her friend's door and escaped the mopey Felger, who had followed her.

"Thank you," she sighed when they were safe in the room. "I didn't think I was going to lose him."

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia arched a brow at her friend inquisitively, but it only took one word for comprehension to dawn across her features.

"Felger."

For as short a period of time as Aradia had been around, even she knew of the poor man's hopeless crush. Her face melted with exaggerated sympathy, and she guided Olivia over to the desk, and helped her sit down.

"You poor dear.. sit down, that must have been traumatic for you. I'm still dreading the day he gets desperate enough to come and pay me to look like her. I'm hoping the thought never crosses his mind, because that would be seriously twisted."

Aradia's room had made some drastic improvements since they had gotten back from the visit with Rickie a few days ago. The younger acrobat had painted her walls a muted but still attractive shade of yellow, and hung several of the older circus posters on the wall. She had made shadow boxes, and hung them up on the wall to display her vast collection of colorful costume jewelry - a favorite trick of Aradia's that she used to keep track of all her jewelry, and have it on hand for quick accessory changes. Scarves will still draped over the dresser mirror and the bedposts, but at last she had finally acquired a bedspread that was done in muted shades of brown and cream, and had hung some pieces of cloth and scarves on the wall from hooks to soften up the room's interior, since there was no window to hang drapes from.

While she was a wild child herself, Aradia's circus had always held a certain vintage charm, and that seemed to have carried over into her decorating style. The two new displays in her room were a poster that she used to have hanging on her bedroom wall in the trailer, with nothing more than tape. Now it was matted and hung, and it matched the interior nicely. It was the first poster that featured Aradia as the circus's star acrobat, at the ripe old age of fifteen. The other noticeable difference was the collection of pictures that lined Aradia's dresser - several of them the pictures of her grandparents, a few of Olivia and Wakiki (including one of all three of them from the legendary road trip).. and even one small one that after a moment Olivia recognized must be her mother, as a very small child.

Aradia gazed at her adopted sister with mock-concern written all over her face.

"Do you think you're going to make it? Are you traumatized?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Heh, I'll be fine," she said, grinning. "I've had worse than Dr. Jay Felger." Her smile relaxed but remained warm as she focused on her friend. "So what did you want to see me about?"

It was something to do with her friend's grandfather, Olivia was sure. Aradia had been clearly occupied with thoughts about that situation since its long revelation. But Olivia wouldn't push her at all. She could wait for Aradia to be ready, no matter how much she privately wanted to know.

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia opened the top drawer of her desk. It was a testament of importance to the documents inside that there was nothing else in there - only the manila folder that she had seen Aradia carry out of the bank the other day. Despite the fact that the young woman had only been there a few weeks, she knew her other drawers were probably crammed to the hilt. It's how Aradia worked.

She dropped the folder in front of Olivia on the desk with a slight sigh, and then sat down on the bed and waited for her to open it up.

"I don't know what to do with them. I've never had to deal with all this stuff before - the most complicated thing I've ever handled is a checking account, when it comes to finances, you know? I've never even had a credit card. I think I need to sell them, or something, but I don't really know. Can you help me?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Sure," Olivia said. She knew that she might not know exactly what the papers were, but she'd know enough to advise Aradia about them. She took the sheaf of papers and sat down, going through them.

"Hmm," she muttered thoughtfully as she stared at the top page. "Huh," she added after a moment, her expression becoming more animated. Then she blinked and read the next page. And the next, her eyes widening. "Aradia... you don't want to sell these," she said.

"I... don't?" Aradia asked. "Why?"

"They're worth more in the long run if you just hold them, or they have been," Olivia said, swallowing. "Here, where is... ah, ok." She dug out her cell phone and began to punch a lot of numbers. After a long moment, she turned to Aradia, a funny look on her face. "You're... rich, girl."

"I am?" Aradia queried.

"This," Olivia said, handing her a scrap of paper, "is your numbered Swiss Bank Account. And these," she added, patting the stack of papers, "are the stocks and such that have been paying dividends into that account for decades. You're almost Bruce Wayne."

[Aradia McConnell]

"...rich?"

Aradia sat staring at the piece of paper for a long moment, a stunned look on her face. Mystique had been a bit obscure of a reference for her, but even she knew who Bruce Wayne was, and understood the comparison Livy was making. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around it - money had never been that important to Aradia, but that was partly because she'd never really had that much of it.

Her mother had been different - the lack of money had always annoyed her, pissed her off. She was forever on Rickie about a raise, even though she knew the circus only performed well enough to keep them in minimal salaries. The only exceptions were the more dangerous jobs that required certain skill sets to do. Nothing like sticking your head in a lion's mouth to earn a bit more than your average circus performer's salary. But even then, a manager at McDonald's probably paid more. People didn't work in the circus because of the money, they worked there because they loved it, and they didn't give a damn about the money. After a long moment, she let out a sharp laugh, and it had an edge of hysteria to it that was probably to be expected.

"Well, no wonder Max left it for me - my mother would have spent it all on drugs or something."

She was quiet for another long moment, then glanced up at Olivia, her face looking a bit bewildered, and oddly, just a little scared.

"Livy - what am I gonna do with all that money?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Well, first you need a financial adviser," Olivia said, her own voice a little shaky. Aradia having this much money was like finding out that the sky was really red. It was turning the world on its head, completely. She once performed in a backwater town so that we could have a dream night in a hotel. And now, she's rich. Filthy rich is the term...

"Then I'd say you should sit down and decide what you want," she continued. "Do you want to give some to charity? There's something to do with it. But mostly, just hold onto it. When SGC is done, when we can live our lives again, you'll be able to do whatever you want. Travel the world, buy a house, buy an island - though depending on the island, that might leave you a little strapped." She grinned, feeling oddly giddy for her friend. "You could even build a vault with a diving board!"

[Aradia McConnell]

She giggled then, the outrageousness of it all finally catching up to her. Then, she reached forward and grabbed Livy's hand, squeezing it.

"Wait, what about your family? My family - Dad, I'll see if he needs anything. What about your family - do they owe? Like a mortgage and stuff? I suppose I should do something for my Mother too, but I'm gonna have to keep that on a tight leash - I don't want her using it for drugs or anything. But if she wanted to retire from the circus.. she's too old to be a good acrobat anymore, cause she hasn't taken care of herself. And she hates working the other shit.. not that she'll appreciate it, probably. But that's probably what he woulda wanted, right?"

She plopped back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and looking a bit dazed.

"Holy shit."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Financial. Advisor. First," Olivia said, her voice mock-reproving. And though she was smiling, her eyes were serious. "Figure out how much you have exactly," she added, "before you go giving it all away to others."

Olivia flopped back next to Aradia and smiled at her friend. "You know what? Wakiki is going to flip out." She kicked her feet and asked, "Are you going to tell him? Or play it cool and surprise him with it somehow?"

[Aradia McConnell]

She bit her lip slightly, looking thoughtful, and a little nervous.

"I dunno, what do you think? Flip out, like awesome flip out I imagine, right? I mean, he's not gonna be all weird about me being a millionaire or something, is he?"

God, I just sprung the whole super-woman thing on him.. and now this. I mean, he took that pretty well. I wonder if this will be easier.. or harder? I don't even know why I'm worried about this - he dealt with the other stuff way better than I thought he would. I'm being totally unfair. But this all seems so much at once. I don't even know how to handle it.

She fidgeted nervously, plucking at the tufting on the bedspread. It was an odd response for someone who just found out she was set for life.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia laughed merrily, propping herself up on her elbow and looking at her 'sister'. "Hon, you're a beautiful woman who is dating him, whom he really seems to like, who just found she's wealthy. If he doesn't have a good flip out, I'll kick him in the head for you. He'd be an idiot to go, 'Oh no, the hot chick who is dating me without chemical aid is rich! Whatever will I do!?'"

She giggled and flopped back on the covers. "Seriously, I think he'll adapt just fine after the shock."

[Aradia McConnell]

She giggled then, she couldn't help it.

"Without chemical aid? Good god, is there something I should know?"

She grinned at Livy, and her smile was more relaxed, more easy.

She's right - why the hell should it bother him? It would only bother an asshole who wanted his woman to be less than him.. and Waki isn't like that. Hell, maybe this means I can help him get his music career in the air or something!

"Yeah.. I guess you're right though. He's been pretty adaptable so far, I dunno why I'm so worried."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Little alarm bells went off in Olivia's head. She knew her friend and 'sister' really well, and she knew her views on authority. Had she told Wakiki? Olivia didn't know, and she was torn about it. On one hand, if she knew, she became complicit in hiding it. On the other hand, she was basically ignoring a potential danger to her brother. And despite being royally pissed at him right now, she wouldn't abandon him.

"Pretty adaptable?" Olivia asked. "What dreadful secrets could you possibly have that would have made him so shy?" Please don't be what I'm worried they are...

[Aradia McConnell]

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!

Aradia licked her lips nervously, but smiled a little, trying to blow it off.

"Nothing to make him shy - I was just worried he'd be weird about it or something, I dunno. Like a guy thing, or something. "Me macho, me make more money than pretty lady so she can buy furniture for cave." Some guys do that, right?"

She pounded her fists on her chests playfully to go with the analogy, hoping Livy would be too caught up in the humor of the joke to remember the question she was trying to dodge.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia grinned, but her eyes were worried. You just dodged the question. She had the option of pushing the issue, and maybe learning something that she should report, and ignoring it and claiming innocence later. That's the cowards way, she sighed and realized that she was going to have to take a risk. "Oh, yes, some guys do that," Olivia said, hedging as she tried to broach the subject. "But Wakiki will likely be more thrilled, than anything. It's like we said on the Beta site - most men would be happy to have a rich, shape-shifting girlfriend."

[Aradia McConnell]

"Right. Well.. I guess I'd better find out how rich I am before I go telling him, huh? You know someone I can go to for this stuff? Or am I just gonna have to look someone up in the phone book? I mean, how am I gonna know who to trust?"

If it were anyone else, of course, the change of subject would have been natural, or convincing. Most people would be worried about those types of matters. But Livy had never known Aradia to care as much about the practical matters of a situation as she did the other, more obvious benefits. Which isn't to say that she didn't care.. but talking about Wakiki's reaction would normally be far more the acrobat's style.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"We can find someone," Olivia said. "I think it's just over two hundred million, but I'm not a professional. So I'd say get in touch with someone else."

That's two, Olivia thought. Will you be like the fairie and have to answer me after I ask the third? Though I haven't asked so much as implied. For a moment, she debated, then decided to come out. "So what else did you tell my brother he had to adapt to?" Her tone was casual, but her gaze was intense, determined to find the way to the bottom of this mystery.

[Aradia McConnell]

Livy could see the struggle on Aradia's face as she tried to come up with another way to distract her from the topic, but in light of Livy's direct question, she wasn't able to come up with anything. Her face fell, and she looked away, knowing her sister was going to be angry with her.

"I didn't really tell him anything that he hadn't already figured out.. kinda. Or maybe I clarified the issue a little, because he was confused."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Oh, shit Ari," Olivia moaned. "That is... so bad. It's not bad that you opened up to him or trusted him, but... if anyone finds out... In fact, say no more about it here."

She sighed and collected her thoughts. Aradia had just put her brother in a lot of trouble, and Olivia was in a bad spot. But even as she contemplated, she knew she couldn't tell on them. You didn't betray family, ever.

[Aradia McConnell]

"I know, I know, but.. well.. look, can we get out of here? We need to talk."

Without waiting for a response, Ari grabbed her purse and jerked open the door, holding it for Olivia. Some little part of her was afraid that they were being listened in on, that even that little bit of innuendo was enough for someone to have figured it all out. She didn't want to talk here, in fact she was almost afraid someone was going to come banging on her door any second. Part of her whispered that she was being silly, and that the government weren't spying on them every second of the day. But that was now the part of her that used to whisper that aliens didn't exist - it seemed like everything she used to doubt was now true, and everything she'd known was true was like a lie. Except for Waki and Liv - and she didn't intend for anything to happen to destroy that. She had to make Livy understand, and to do that they had to talk. And even Livy acknowledged that they were probably being listened to. That erased any doubt Ari might have had about it in the first place.

"C'mon.. let's go. Please?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Yeah, let's go." Olivia got her purse, slinging the strap over her head and shoulder so that it slung over her torso. They were both quiet down to the car pool, where Olivia broke her car out of storage and drove them down into Colorado Springs. After a short discussion, she drove to the mall. They got ice cream and found an empty bench. They watched for a few minutes, making sure that the bench was isolated enough to talk.

"Alright," Olivia said, scooping out some ice cream, hoping that sugar and fat would calm her. "What happened?"

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia took a deep breath. She'd passed on the ice cream, her stomach was twisting in too many knots to consider food. She ran a hand threw her hair, and launched into her explanation breathlessly, keeping her voice as quiet as she could so it wouldn't carry.

"Look, the other day, when we went on a date.. something happened. I don't know if you read the incident report, or if you have access to my files, or whatever. I don't know who can do what around here. But.. there was this girl, and she fell, and I jumped after her to catch her, and.. well, I shouldn't have been able to, but I did, you know? And he saw the whole thing. So it's not like he didn't know that something was going on, and the things he was thinking were way - well, not way worse, I guess, but in a way, they were, and..."

She drew in a deep breath, realizing she wasn't making a lot of sense. Slowly, she let it out, and started over. She began at the beginning, with an explanation - a thorough one - of what happened at the restaurant during their date. She picked up a straw wrapper left by a previous diner, and her fingers nervously fidgeted with it as she spoke, rarely looking up at Livy. It had begun to dawn on Aradia that she didn't know how she would explain this to her best friend, without revealing her part in Wakiki's plans in regards to Hatchins. She opted for just skipping over the point of their meeting, hoping that Livy would chalk it up to meeting with her boyfriend.

"So the other day, when we were hanging out, and talking and.. well, it came up. Livy, he thought the military was trying to turn us into super soldiers or something! He was trying to plan an escape for us to Cuba, or somewhere else the government couldn't get to us! Like that really exists anywhere on this planet. Vinny too, if you wouldn't leave without him. Your brother cares about you a lot, and there is nothing worse than caring about someone and not having a fucking clue what's going on, Livy - even when you know something is, and you're just being left in the dark! Believe me, I know - it's how I felt too, for so long! You've been keeping us in the dark for so long, and it's only by accident that I found out too! And only then because I got sucked into the same circle of secrets!"

Her voice had elevated slightly at that last sentence or two, but she caught herself, her voice dropping to an agitated whisper again, though she finally looked up at Olivia as she spoke.

"It's been hell, Livy.. and it was hell for him too. And I didn't mean to, but.. you know I've never been good at secrets."

Her expression crumpled at the last bit. It was true, she had always been the kind of person to tell someone what she thought, and had never been very good at keeping her mouth shut about it. Keeping something from the people she cared about was it's own kind of hell, because she had so few of them in her life. She waited for Olivia's response, trying to quell the queasy feeling in her stomach.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia listened to Aradia go on, letting her get to the end as she quietly catalogued questions. In truth, she didn't have many. Aradia was being surprising - for Ari - clear, explaining herself well.

Then her friend turned it all on its head. Dark eyes locked onto Aradia's as she confessed to knowing secrets. "Wait, you knew? About... Hatchins? How much, and how?"

Was everyone hiding something about her from her?

[Aradia McConnell]

She shook her head firmly, trying to clarify.

"The first person I ever heard about Hatchins from was you, Livy. But you think I was blind? You think I couldn't tell that something was wrong, that something had happened to you? I watched you become a totally different person overnight - from a distance, but it was still obvious that something horrible had happened to you. You just wouldn't tell me what. It was up to my imagination, and while nothing was any worse than what it really was, not knowing what had happened still left my imagination free to run while, y'know? And then these last couple years you've seemed so stressed, and even.. more closed up, I guess. I mean, I get it, I know why now, but.. it was really rough on us, sis."

The endearment, generally won out by the more casual "girl" or "Livy", was a rare one for Aradia. She bit her lip, and sighed.

"In fact, Waki refused to talk about it at first, until he realized I already knew - it was something I said, I don't remember what, but.. he didn't tell me anything, until he realized you'd already talked to me, and that I knew what was going on. He was glad, he figured you hadn't talked to anyone else about it, at least not him, and.. he was glad you were talkin' to someone, you know?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"I didn't tell you the whole truth about Hatchins because I didn't think that you'd be able to act normal around him," Olivia said, not looking at Aradia. She hadn't meant to put her friends and family through hell. That was an unintended side affect of the way she'd chosen to handle all of this. "And I needed you guys to be normal because we were trying to find proof to link him to the IOA." She said the initials softly.

"Look, I just feel like you guys didn't want to wait until I was ready, and Wakiki... he told Vinny about it," Olivia continued. "I just... I was going to use it as a mark of being ready, you know. Ready to let go and move on." Her eyes darkened with anger. "I'd told him about the basics, about the actual... attack, but none of the details. And now I can't, or at least I don't think I can. Wakiki told him 'enough'. Whatever that means."

[Aradia McConnell]

They made an interesting sight, the two female specialists, both avoiding each other's gazes and looking depressed. They seemed more like two people sitting together in a funeral home, or a therapists office. Aradia spoke, but like Livy she remained looking down and away.

"I get it. I mean, I get why - I understand. But I didn't, cause I didn't know what was going through your mind. I had no idea, so I couldn't understand something I didn't know anything about. We didn't know you were waiting to be ready - and neither did Wakiki. I think he thought you didn't ever intend to tell anyone, Livy - that's what lots of women who've been through what you went through do, you know? Suffer, in silence, and never tell anyone, and it ruins their lives. How can you care about someone and let that happen, you know? It wasn't right that he told Vinny, I won't lie about that. But when you've been living with that kind of knowledge, not able to do anything about it, for that long.. in a way I was lucky I guess, I didn't know like Waki knew, I didn't have to be quiet and wait for the day you told me, that I didn't even know would ever arrive. I just had to wonder what the hell had happened."

She sighed, and finally looked up at the other woman.

"I know I should probably apologize or something, but.. I can't. I'd be lying to you, and I don't like that. You woulda felt the same way as me, and you probably would have tried to shake it outta me if you had to. And not being able to tell Vinny is bullshit. Even if he knows. If you need to talk about it, he needs to be able to man up and listen. And if he can't, then he doesn't deserve you."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"What? No, the issue wasn't Vinny being able to hear, it was me... being able to tell him." She was talking faster, as if speaking more rapidly would protect her from what she was saying. "It was one thing to insinuate what had happened, until he understood, or to tell him through song. It is another thing to say, 'There were four of them... and they hurt-t. Hurt me. They made me feel... s-s-so dirty.'"

She put her elbows on the table and pressed her fists to her eyes, hiding the open tears by soaking them into her sleeves. "I couldn't tell him that, when he looks at me like I'm so special." Her words came out between shuddering sobs. "I can't tell him, and then I almost lost him because I said 'how can you have sex with me like it doesn't matter?' Because it matters to me, but not to him, and he knew all along and he still looks at me like that and I know that, but I can't believe it, because I can't believe that I am good enough for him, or anyone!"

Weeping, she moaned, "Ari, how can he stand to touch me? How can he know what they did and not see me as dirt?" The terrible part of this whole discussion was that Olivia seemed to believe what she was saying. It was a depth of shame and emotional trauma that Aradia had suspected, based on other rape victims, but horrific to view in-person, with someone you loved.

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia listened, quietly despairing that there as anything she could do to help her friend. She slipped into the other side of the booth, wrapping an arm around her and trying to comfort her. But as she kept speaking, Aradia's face got angrier, and more frustrated.

Originally Posted By: Olivia

Because it matters to me, but not to him, and he knew all along and he still looks at me like that and I know that, but I can't believe it, because I can't believe that I am good enough for him, or anyone!"

Finally, Aradia slammed the palm of her hand down on the table, making a sharp noise that, unfortunately, drew attention to them for just a second. A furious glare from Aradia sent most people back to their own conversations, and those who didn't turn away at her anger turned away at Olivia's tears. She took her friend's chin and turned it up to look at her, whispering in a furious but hushed tone of voice.

"Look - I know I'm no good at this shit. I'm not a shrink or anything, so I'm probably just gonna screw you up worse. But Livy - shit, girl, listen to yourself. Pretend - I mean really, try to forget for a second that it's you - and pretend that it was someone else saying to you what you just said to me. Pretend that I told you that what happened to you had happened to me, and then I was saying that it was my fault, and that I didn't deserve to be happy, or that I wasn't good enough for anyone?! That is so much shit, I don't know what else to say, Livy! It's just total crap, and worse than that, it's what he really wanted! Don't you see that? That's what rape is about, Livy - it's about making you inferior, and having power over you, and the longer you believe that bullshit - that something those sorry sons of bitches did to you somehow makes you dirty, and not them, that just means they've won!"

She bit her lower lip, eyes brimming with furious tears. She waited, hoping that something she said would get through, afraid that she'd just make thing worse.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"I know," Olivia whispered. "I know that I'm being weak and dumb and... stupid." She shuddered against Aradia's side. "I fight it, I've fought it... it's gotten better. I just... I can't explain what it was like. I wanted to die afterward, and I just kept it all inside. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, so I'm just starting to release it and let it heal now."

She stared at the floor in front of the bench and murmured, "It's just so hard to let it go, after years of holding it." She sighed. "And Vinny's... he's not got a lot of patience for this, so I have to be careful about how much I let out in front of him." Her hand found and clasped Aradia's her silent request for support unasked, but clear in the Language of Women.

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia nodded, squeezing Livy's hand with her own tightly, and biting her lower lip. A litany of empty-sounding consolations ran through her mind, and she rejected them all. That totally wasn't her, they would be empty words. Finally, she offered the dark-skinned woman a little smile.

"For this? You act like Vinny's got a lot of patience for anything, and I know that's some bullshit. You'll have a hard time changing my mind too, we've been on missions together."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia managed a knowing grin at Aradia's words. "Well, he does have patience for some things," she said slyly, giving Aradia enough of a look that the other woman had no trouble picking up her meaning. After a moment, the look faded. "I'm trying," she whispered, her eyes dropping to the floor, "and I'm trying not to lose him, but I don't know if I can do both at the same time. I'm not... well, and he doesn't do weakness well. I just... want this to work."

She looked miserably at her friend, unsure what to do.

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia laughed a little, smiling back at her, but she squeezed Livy's hand again at the forlorn look and gazed intently at her.

"Look, Livy.. you've gotta do what's best for you. And what's best for you is to deal with this. If Vinny can deal with that.. great. But if he can't, then hon.. he's just not what's best for you, no matter how much you love him."

She sighed slightly, and as loathe as she was to bring the topic back up, at least it might distract Olivia from the Vinny/Carl situation for a little bit.

"Look.. about your brother.. nobody's gotta know unless we tell 'em. I'm not gonna say anything, he's not gonna say anything. I'm sorry if I screwed up, I know in your mind I probably did. But.. keeping a secret from Waki's like keeping a secret from you. I never could pull it off, you know that."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia shook her head in mute protest, unable to put into words how important it was to make this work out with Vinny. If they stayed together long enough to be sure it was true incompatibility and not both of them being too stubborn, then it would mean that everything that had happened to her meant something. It would mean that it wasn't all fate; that they were being prepared for something better together, even if it wasn't permanent. Or that the universe was aligned against them. But if they kept mucking it up, it would mean that she could have avoided all of her bad choices, that she had been a fool and not a hapless pawn of an uncaring universe. But she didn't know how to say it and not sound crazy - maybe it made her crazy. Still, she eagerly accepted the subject change.

"I just worry," she whispered to her friend. "I'm pissed as hell at him, but I don't want anything to happen to him. I worry about you, don't get me wrong, but you're a specialist... and he isn't. He's more vulnerable then us. We're valuable. He's expendable... or a tool to use against us. If they knew... if the IOA decided to use that, it'd be a simple matter of arresting him and making him disappear. And... they'd totally be within their rights, as he'd be a security breach." She shivered a little. "I'm just scared, ya know?"

[Aradia McConnell]

Aradia shook her head firmly, her expression becoming angry and frustrated.

"Their "rights". That's a crap word for it. Just cause it's legal doesn't make it right. Nothing about the way this has all happened is "right". Now you see why we wanted that ship?"

She bit her lip, glancing away from Livy for a moment and trying to hide how upset she was. She knew Livy was a government girl, even if she hated the IOA. She probably shouldn't even be talking to her about this but she was her only real friend. She didn't have anyone else, and she didn't know who else to trust to talk to.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"I didn't way right," Olivia said sadly. And she was sorry that her country had rights like that, the ability to remove a civilian for some security reason. Or that they could use laws meant to protect to harass and intimidate.

"I always understood why you wanted the ship," Olivia added. "I just disagree that it's the proper response. Because we have it, there's now the chance that we'll cut and run instead of fighting, and by saving ourselves, we'll lose a crucial battle. And then we'll lose the war, all because we could run, and we did, when she should have stayed and fought like mad with everything we had."

[Aradia McConnell]

"I get that, I guess. But I don't know if I believe it, you know? Sometimes the only thing that happened by standing up for yourself is that you get plowed over. I mean, the Civil War, right? Everybody says it was all about slaves and stuff, but only kinda. It really started about the States, and their right to drop out of the Union, right? And don't get me wrong, I'm with the North on that one and all, but the South stood up for what they believed in, and they fought and fought and fought, till they were so few of 'em left they couldn't fight anymore. And then all they got was carpetbaggers and crooked politicians, and a century of being mostly piss-poor. And even now, it's mostly a bunch of stupid, Nascar-loving rednecks. I know - I've been there. It doesn't matter whether we think they were right or not - they thought they were right. And they got demolished. Totally fucked."

She fidgeted with her straw, poking at the ice still remaining in her cup even though the lid was still on.

"And they're not the only ones, you know? I mean, what about the Jews in World War II? I remember that from that Anne Frank book Markie made me read for home-school. All the ones who tried to stand up for themselves, or all the people that were harboring Jews and stuff - all most of them got for their trouble was to be turned into Nazi charcoal. Standing up for themselves didn't have anything to do with surviving - Americans were the ones who broke them out of the camps, right? It was the ones who ran away that survived. So.. I dunno. I think it's just not that black and white, sometimes. Sometimes you've gotta decide if a cause is worth dying for - if your dying is going to have any real meaning or not. Cause I wouldn't mind dying for something that matters.. but I sure the hell don't wanna die for no reason."

Not only was it the longest and most philosophical thing Olivia had ever heard come out of Aradia's mouth, it was also a little surprising to realize that the other girl hadn't completely ignored most of her home schooling. She acted like didn't know much most of the time, but that obviously wasn't completely true - she must have paid attention somewhere along the line.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia nodded as she listened to her friend. "I agree that somethings aren't worth dying for," she said. "But the right to live on our homeworld unmolested, to be happy without having to relocate everyone we love just so that they can't be used as pawns against us... that's worth fighting for."

Olivia shook her head. "Mom and Dad didn't ask for this intrigue, and while I didn't, my choices led me here. They aren't even going to get that choice. Wakiki's digging himself in, by the sounds of it... But I feel that I have to protect them, and not by dragging them off-world."

She put her head in her hands. "I don't know that we're going to agree on this," Olivia sighed, her voice slightly muffled. "I just wanted to add - you're my friend, and still are, even if you are wrong." She lifted her head and grinned at Ari at the last; it was the grin of a shared joke, from the first time they'd had to agree to disagree on something.

[Aradia McConnell]

She smiled a little in return, and reached across the table, taking her sister's hand with a slight squeeze.

"It always seems to come down to the same disagreement too, doesn't it? You're the brave one.. and I'm the coward."

Her voice was joking, but eyes are the true windows to the soul, and Olivia could see that Ari's were dead serious. Livy wasn't sure exactly what had caused it, but somewhere along the line the young woman sitting in front of her - the one who didn't bat an eyelash about standing up in front of a crowd of hundreds and doing backflips three hundred feet in the air - had learned to be afraid of fighting for what mattered. What she couldn't tell was if that fear was the true Aradia, or if it was the real lie.