World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - Girl Talk [Fin]

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

For all her undead nature, Sarah still managed to blush slightly. "He's, um... you've heard of Lucien Hunt, right? The underwear model? Him. He's my, uh, ok, not exactly, but with certain limitations and cautions...."

Despite the general linguistic collapse, she finally managed to stutter out, "...sorta my boyfriend. Kinda. It's a little awkward. And complicated."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel stares moodily at Sarah for a moment, then laughs and covers her eyes.

"You don't get to complain about anything ever again," she tells the vampire. "You're dating a -wizard- who is also an -underwear model- who's -rich- and who, from what you've said, actually listens to you. You have more of a life than me, and you're -dead-."

She sighs and looks up at the cabinets over the stove.

"I think I may need something harder than beer."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah gave a little laugh of her own in response, but it was half-hearted at best.

"Yeah, but ask yourself this: would you trade?"

The question hung there unanswered for a moment, and Ariel could see through the thin veneer of humor that - were it possible - Sarah would make the switch in a heartbeat. Rather than answer, the young cop have a noncommital shrug and went back to rummaging for something with "Jack" or "Jim" on the label.

Sarah nodded at the non-answer; it was as much as she could expect, and really as much as could be made politely. "Anyway, it's not all chocolates and roses. Awkward, like I said. The sort of things Lucien likes don't do anything for me anymore. And the things I like...."

The Dead Wolf looked down and away, but Ariel couldn't miss the hollowness in her eyes. It was a look she'd seen before, out on the streets, even months after needle had last pierced skin. "...well, they aren't healthy. For either of us," Sarah finally said. "So we don't do much beyond talk."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel felt the skin on the back of her neck prickle. Not just because of Sarah's momentary lapse...really, it was no shock to find a vampire was "addicted" to blood...but because there was something else. It was like a scent. She was close to something important.

"The things you like," she presses, "You're not just talking about his blood are you?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"It's not just the blood, no," she said in a very small, very quiet voice. "There's something that happens in the process. Probably by design, a hunting tool. But it's sheer bliss for both sides. Part of being a vampire."

It was incredibly uncomfortable, discussing the intricate details of feeding with Ariel, and Sarah was pretty sure that it was going to set back whatever bit of friendship they had at least a few notches. But it was too late to stop now.

"That's with a normal feeding. But Lucien...." Sarah's face burned red in her all-too pale cheeks. "I... I can't do that with him. His blood is different. Like fine wine is different from muddy water. It's ambrosia. It's utterly intoxicating. And it's very, very addictive."

Swallowing hard, Sarah looked back up at Ariel with haunted eyes, a tremor developing in her voice. "I can't do that, can't let myself get trapped in addiction. I won't do that. And so the most intimate thing I can really share with him is entirely off-limits."

[SalmonMax]

Whatever reaction Sarah might have expected to see in Ariel, this probably wasn't it. The muzzy beer buzz was all but gone, and her face was set in an expression of intense concentration. She was hanging on Sarah's every word but not really absorbing or reacting to her emotions.

"Okay," she said, putting fingers to her temple and tapping. "Okay...so it feels good when you drink blood, but Lucien's blood is like a drug to you."

She paces away towards the living room a few steps.

"No, that doesn't make sense though...that doesn't fit. There can't be that many people like Lucien, and it's not the same..."

After a moment's pause she asks without turning to look at Sarah, "People ever get addicted to being bitten?" The question again seems to lack the emotional resonance it ought to have. She's not asking because she's looking for ammo to hate vampires. She just wants to know for some reason.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah's head quirked to the side; the movement, so very close to the wolves she held so dear, would have been comical if the topic hadn't taken such a serious turn.

"There's some that do, yeah. They get hooked on the erotic aspect of it. The term for them isn't nice: 'blood dolls'. I avoid them like the plague when I trip across one; last thing in the world that I want or need is prey that keeps coming back for more. Aside from the Oath issues of keeping the Herd out of the know, it's just sorta wrong to me - like most leech stuff, really."

After a half-beat, Sarah's eyebrows crept up her forehead. "Have you run into something like this out there? Because if so... follow those blood dolls long enough, and you'll find whoever they're feeding." She had less than zero qualms about selling out the vampires of L.A.; the Dead Wolf had long since established her true allegiences, regardless how unwelcome they may be, and helping a "fellow" wolf track the bastards down sounded like a fine idea to her.

[SalmonMax]

"Blood dolls..." Ariel says the words slowly, as if tasting each one. Then she shakes her head.

"Not really my beat. But there's something else."

She turns to look at Sarah.

"You ever hear of Crimson?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Crimson?" Sarah's eyes took a dark cast; the pieces were starting to come together, and she didn't like where it lead. "High-powered street drug that's been pushed lately. Haven't seen it turn up in my territory, but it sure as hell is out there. There was a group of hunters out there somewhere about four months back assuming that the leeches had something to do with the distribution chain."

Locking eyes with Ariel, Sarah asked the obvious. "You think that's what's going on? Some fucking licks have brewed up a drug from their vitae and are selling it? 'Cause if so" - she added with a low rumbling growl - "those fuckers have gotta go down."

[SalmonMax]

"Whoa whoa," Ariel said, holding a hand up, palm out.

"Don't go jumping to conclusions here. Like I said, there's some serious holes in this. For one, even if wizard blood is addictive to normal folks too, there can't be enough of them around to make this much Crimson. For two, I can't imagine anyone that can do what these people can would be that easy to TAKE blood from, though I guess they might be doing it on purpose."

She shakes her head. "I was thinking more like...what if there's something else out there. Something that affects normal people like Lucien affects you. And that...whatever it is in them that makes that happen, whatever chemical in their blood, can be extracted."

"Of course, that's getting so farfetched even I don't buy it anymore." Ariel laughs. "Guess I'm still feeling the Bud."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Not far-fetched. And no wizards required."

Sarah's tone was level and deadly.

"Vitae - the stuff I've got in me - is addictive as all hell to humans. Trick is, it doesn't stay that way once it's out of my system for more than a few minutes. But if some damned vampire has figured out a way to preserve it... you've got your street drug."

[SalmonMax]

At this revelation Ariel is quiet, just watching Sarah for a long moment.

"Does it turn them into vampires?" she asks finally. "Is there anything freaky that happens aside from addiction?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah bit her lip. Up until now, she'd been able to present herself as something at least halfway non-freaky to her werewolf cousins. Yes, she had to drink blood to survive, but that could be tied in with the tradition of the hunt if one turned their head just right and squinted. But this was something altogether different: there were things vitae did that were beyond the pale. And this was one of them.

But Ariel was asking. And Sarah knew where her loyalties lay.

"It only can be used to embrace someone if they've been drained of their own blood to the point of death. But there's another state, one where humans drink the stuff with a little umph put behind it, and they do change somewhat. Stronger, tougher, faster... and unaging, until they stop. Called a ghoul. It's basically slavery, because the blood will make the damned thing love its master more than anything in the world.

"And no," she added, "I've never made one, and never will. I like free will a little too much to rob someone else of theirs."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel is quiet for a moment, thinking.

Makes them love their master, eh?

One of the biggest blocks to Crimson investigations was that people weren't talking. Nobody was squealing. It was frankly a little mystifying. Normally dealers weren't the most loyal of people. They'd name names, give details, lead the police higher up the distribution chain if it meant getting lighter raps. The exception was gang drug cartels, who had more personal loyalty within the gang, but could still usually be counted on to give information about who the gang did business with.

That hadn't been happening with Crimson dealers though. It was assumed that they were just in fear of their higher-ups...and that certainly seemed to be the case. But what if there was more to it?

She frowned at herself. Jumping at shadows.

"Alright, well, I doubt this all adds up to anything, but is there a way to verify that there is or isn't vampire blood in Crimson? If I can get a sample, could you tell?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah went very, very pale, far more than even her usual pallor.

"I can," she said in a quiet voice, "but if it's actually preserved vitae... I could wind up hooked. Vitae's addictive to us, too, and carries the same risk of enslavement."

The vampire looked at the werewolf, and the next words from her mouth came with such gravity as to leave no room for doubt about the seriousness behind them. "If I do this, if I taste this stuff for you, I need your word that you'll help me keep from turning into a slave."

[SalmonMax]

"Whoa whoa," Ariel said with a grin, waving her hands as if warding off blows. "Slow down there. If it's dangerous we'll find another way. I thought you might...I dunno, be able to smell it or sense it. If not, no problem. This is all just conjecture. It's not enough to justify taking risks like that over."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Smell is a long way from certain, even with my nose. Sometimes vitae smells sort of stronger than blood, but with this stuff going through processing of some sort, there's no telling. Now that said, I can sure as hell tell if there's blood in it, even if I can't be sure if that blood is vitae. That's something, anyway."

Saying that the colour returned to Sarah's face wouldn't be entirely accurate; rather, it became just a touch less pale as the immediate worry of a blood-bond was set aside.

"And this is all assuming we can find any of the stuff. Has the P.D. managed to get samples?"

[SalmonMax]

"Oh yeah," Ariel replies. "Getting Crimson's easy. You take it off junkies or dealer stashes. We've even raided labs."

She shrugs then. "I'm not really on the chemical analysis, but from what I gather, no one's managed to isolate exactly what it is that makes it work yet. Even the labs we uncovered were sort of..." The werewolf cop pauses to think, then says, "They're more like assembly lines. They get the ingredients and put them together to make the drug. Unfortunately, there's ingredients that are missing from the places we've raided, and analyzing the finished product seems tricky for some reason."

"But bear in mind that I only know what I hear floating around on that kind of thing. I'm specifically tasked with gang-related investigations and interrogations."

Ariel smiled ruefully. "Being 'scary Ari' is actually sort of helpful there."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Heh, I can imagine. Bringing up just a touch of the wolf must really put the punks in line," Sarah said with a grin.

That grin faded a bit when she thought on Ariel's comments about the drug labs.

"That could be where they're bringing whoever's providing the vitae. But whoever it is would have to have a significant herd to keep him tanked up for the job...."

An idea crossed her mind. "Any idea how much of this stuff gets produced? I mean, by volume? Because providing enough vitae to make it happen means that someone is having to do a huge amount of hunting, or has a huge bunch of willing donors on-hand. Either way, that much blood loss from the community might be noticable: lots of sick time, maybe some anemia cases, that sort of thing."

[SalmonMax]

"Mmm," Ariel responds, thinking. "Maybe. But a little Crimson goes a long way. In its raw form it seems pretty concentrated. And we have no way of knowing how much 'magic ingredient' it takes to make a batch."

"Lets work out what's in it first...we could spin our wheels finding places with high unsolved disappearance rates only to find out that Crimson's not blood after all, just a new chem cocktail. Or a magic potion. Or...God only knows."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Good points, all 'round. Let's take a look at the stuff first and see if it's actually blood, and we can work it up from there."

Sarah looked at Ariel in a look of stark appraisal for a moment before speaking again. "You know, I sure as hell wish Amber didn't feel about me the way she does, 'cause your a damned good cop and I get the feeling you'd be a damned good packmate."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel grinned a wry grin and shook her head. "No praise yet. Can't sniff out clues with a swollen head. Thanks though...that's nice of you to say."

"Alright, so we have a plan. Lemme get your mobile number so I can call you when I've got the sample. How much are you going to know if there's blood in it or not?"

Abruptly something occurs to her.

"Didn't I hear something about you in med school?" Ariel asks. "If I got a copy of the lab report on Crimson, would you be able to read it?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah nodded a bit sadly as she tapped out her number for Ariel. "Yeah, I used to be in med school up at UCSF, before Dad dragged me back home for the Amberquest. I can probably make sense out of a lab report. And it won't take much for me to sniff out the blood if there's any in this stuff. I'm pretty highly attuned to blood, all things considered."

She stood and stretched. It wasn't so much that she actually needed to stretch; her body had long since given up on muscle fatigue. But the habit died hard. "So, I should probably let you get to finding a sample."

[SalmonMax]

"Well it's not going to happen tonight," Ariel chuckled. "If it's just a small amount, I might be able to get ahold of some tomorrow...or next week. We'll see how it goes."

She goes back to the couch and sits down.

"So what are these tests you're talking about? With the Topanga."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah perched once more on the edge of the sofa, and her look became pensive. The subject had returned to one of the things that had brought her here in the first place, and excited though she was, the Dead Wolf knew that it wouldn't be an easy path.

"Well, the basic idea is that I'll be tested on the five aspects of renown: purity, wisdom, cunning, honor and glory. Each test will be conducted by a different member of the Topanga Pack; beyond that, I don't know what they'll involve other than that they'll be hard enough that they don't have real positive predictions of my success.

"But if I do get through," she added, a bit of brightness returning to her face, "there'll be one last test... and that one is at the hands of Luna, to decide if I'm worthy or not. If I pass muster with Her, then they'll teach me the path of Harmony."

Sarah shrugged nervously. "And that's about all I know of what's to come. They'll contact me when it's time for the first test. Until then, I wait."

[SalmonMax]

"Huh," Ariel hmphs as she leans back in the couch thoughtfully.

"Seems like a lot of hoops to jump through. Why -wouldn't- they teach you this path? It's not like it costs Luna or werewolves anything for you to follow Harmony. In fact, it'd help them. More folks protecting the oaths."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Because," Sarah said, "they know I'm not Forsaken, or even a werewolf. I'm a pale imitation at best. They don't want to teach things to someone who's an outsider without knowing that Luna's OK with it. And they don't want to put me up before Luna without making sure I'm worthy to stand before Her.

"Anyway, I think they've figured out that whatever I am, I'll do my best to uphold my Oath regardless."

[SalmonMax]

"I guess I still don't get what you expect them to do," Ariel says, scratching her chin absently.

"Lets say you pass the tests and impress the hell out of...the moon...and the Topangas say 'okay, what do you want us to do now?' Where do you go from there? You already know the Oaths, and what Harmony demands. What more are they supposed to teach you?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah wasn't at all sure how to answer that question; it wasn't something that was particularly easy to explain.

"You know how I talked with you about how mindset changes when someone undergoes the First Change, how there's a sort of internal realignment of priorities? That's a natural part of what the People go through, and in large part it's what lets them do their jobs as spirit-cops. Simply put, there's things that werewolves are called upon to do that would break the mind of a human.

"But vampires don't go generally go through that change. We're saddled with becoming something different than we used to be, enduring an existence that flat-out requires us to do things that most mortals would consider to be beyond the pale, but we've got the same moral compass alignment that we had when embraced. The net result is a sort of eventual slide, as bits of our morality are sacrificed for survival without anything to fill the gaps. We lose ourselves to it, and go mad in the process."

Sarah let that thought sink in for a moment before going on. "But what most of us don't realize is that we can do the same thing the People do: change the internal compass. It's not easy; Juan made that much clear to me before he died. It takes a sort of psychological training, kind of a breaking-down-and-building-up process to get there instead of the instinctual, automatic change that werewolves get. But if we can do it, if we can make it through, we're much better equipped to survive and function in a meaningful and rational way than before. Instead of being on sort of a sanity clock where it's only a matter of time before we turn into raving monsters, we can come to see the world much as the People do and be fit for the long haul. That's the advantage the Dead Wolves have; because of our association with the People, we at least can be taught how to become something inside that helps us to survive what we are outside."

[SalmonMax]

"No no, you said all that," Ariel demurs. "I mean, what exactly can the Topangas do to help you? They can't tell you anything you don't already know. And they haven't got the first idea of what being a vampire's like, so how would they know what to do for you?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"For a run-of-the-mill vampire, they probably couldn't do dick," Sarah answered flatly. "But for a Dead Wolf? They can try to help me align myself along their own lines, because that's what seems to work best as a new 'compass' for us. We crave a pack environment, we understand what it is to have a totem, we try to fulfill much of the same role as the People; it stands to reason that a similar moral heading works well for us, too. At least, it did for Juan.

"The People are who taught the Dead Wolves this trick in the first place. That was a while ago. My hope is that the Topangas can help me figure out how to sort of rebuild my psyche around the concept - in a combination role as mentors, role models, analysts and shamans."

[SalmonMax]

"So..." Ariel says slowly, thinking about it. "Basically you want them to brainwash you into thinking like a werewolf instead of like a vampire."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah all but glared at Ariel. "I wouldn't call it brainwashing. Think of it more as 'lifestyle transition therapy', helping me to develop coping mechanisms that I currently lack so that I don't wind up going completely bonkers over time, like most leeches do."

[SalmonMax]

"Mmm...no," Ariel replied with a teasing smile...but her eyes were serious. "Developing a coping mechanism is something you do if you're...dyslexic. It's something you do if you're Asperger's. A fundamental view of right and wrong is not a 'coping mechanism.' And it's not something that changes lightly. Or should change lightly."

She sighed and leaned her head back crack her neck a bit.

"I don't know, Sarah...maybe I'm the wrong one to talk to. To my way of thinking, when there's a crisis of conscience there's basically two ways to deal with it. Either change what you do so that you can live with yourself, or change your conscience so it accepts what you're doing without bugging you."

The werewolf looks back at Sarah.

"And frankly, the people that do the second usually wind up in jail. Or worse. So yeah, I'm approaching this situation with a certain amount of prejudice. It seems to me that you're not hurting anyone as long as you're careful and smart. What exactly is making you feel guilty here?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Undead or no, Sarah was starting to develop a headache. How on earth was it that she could have a better grasp of the necessity of the Path of Harmony than someone to whom it should have come naturally? Without thinking about it, the Dead Wolf started massaging the bridge of her nose.

"Look Ariel. You've only been changed for a couple of months." Yeah, youth. Maybe it just took a little while. That had to be it. "But you've already been in a major scrap or two. Took down a Spider Host queen, from what I gather, and were part of dealing with the man-eater. That kind of thing happens, it's part of our regular work.

"Yeah, I can be careful in my eating habits. Might even be so lucky as to never accidentally kill anyone, right? No go. Anytime you're taking blood out of someone and it's not in a hospital, there's the chance that shit will go wrong. Find me any leech that's been around more than a year who says they haven't killed, and I'll show you a liar." Ariel knew full well that the Dead Wolf had been embraced more than a year ago, but Sarah didn't avert her gaze.

"And that's just the bare bones of survival. When you stack duty on top of it - duty to territory, to pack, to oath, to doing what's right from the viewpoint of the People - you're going to find yourself called to do things that Joe Mortal isn't equipped to handle. You'll hurt folks: folks that deserve it, but still folks. You'll steal in order to keep the Herd from knowing things it shouldn't. You'll kill - only when necessary, but you'll still do it."

Sarah looked Ariel hard in the eyes. "What you don't realize or just plain won't admit to yourself is that you're already geared to do those things if you have to, and to keep your sanity while doing so. Every werewolf is. You can play it human, but if you had to go out there today and take down a Hunter who was coming after your pack, you could do it and walk away with a clean conscience for doing your duty.

"But I can't. When I have to do the dirty things that are needed, when I have to kick some serious ass to stop some asshole from dealing junk in my territory, when I wind up in a kill-or-be-killed situation, when I go out there every damned night and sink my fangs into some poor bastard's neck so I can keep walking around, it's a gutshot to my fucking soul... and sooner or later, I'm gonna crack, slide down the sanity slope and turn into a real monster.

"I don't want that."

[SalmonMax]

"I don't want that either," Ariel says, "But you're wrong about one thing. Maybe I will do some or all of those things you're talking about. But if I do, I -will- feel guilty. I -will- suffer for it. If I have to force myself to, I will."

"I can't tell you what's right for you, but I know what I believe, and no amount of fur or fangs is going to force me to change my mind. IF I change my mind, it will be because I choose to. I may have the instincts of an animal, but my mind is human and I won't be controlled."

She takes a deep breath and finishes with, "I believe human life has value, and if I take one, even in the line of duty, I want to feel bad about it. I never, -ever- want to get to the point where it doesn't matter to me. Same for stealing. Same for whatever. I may break the laws, but I will care about it. That pain is just like pain in the body. It's there for a reason. It's telling me something important. I don't want to get rid of it."

"But," Ariel adds, with sympathy, "I realize you're not me, and your position is different. So I'm not going to judge you just because your solution to your problem isn't the one I'd pick if it were my choice. You're a decent person, and I think you'll stay that way tests, or no tests."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"I appreciate your non-judgement." It wasn't the warmest statement in the world, but then, Sarah wasn't in the warmest mood. When she'd set out to come here, she was certain that Ariel would understand. Instead, there was a gaping chasm between them, one that wouldn't be bridged anytime soon.

Still, the vampire didn't actually feel ill-will toward the young werewolf; the situation may be frustrating, but Ariel had still been a friend - or something very close to one - when nobody else would listen.

Sighing, Sarah said, "This may be one of those things where we have to agree to disagree. And who knows; maybe we'll both see things a little differently in time."

Easing herself off the sofa once more, Sarah sighed again and glanced toward the door. "Probably about time for me to head out. My territory won't patrol itself."

[SalmonMax]

She appreciates non-judgment, but doesn't return it, Ariel realizes. Sarah hadn't come here in search of an argument over what she should do. She'd hoped Ariel would be pleased...hoped that she'd be welcomed by someone who was already where she hoped to shortly be.

The reality that Ariel was in the process of rejecting the thing she was striving for must be a bit of a let-down.

"Sarah, hey..." She got to her feet as well, then offered a hand. "It was nice having you over. Thanks for sharing the beer and for the talk. Agree or disagree, it's nice having someone to bounce ideas off of, at least for me. Thanks."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

The ghost of a smile returned to Sarah's lips, if only for a moment, and she clasped Ariel's hand in her cold, dead own. "Thanks for having me over. And yeah, agree or not, getting to talk is good. Take care, Ariel; it's rough out there."

And with that, Sarah went back out into the night.