World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - Girl Talk [Fin]

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

[evening of 8 Nov 2008]

Pulling out the phone had taken real effort. Dialing the number was an act of courage. And every single ring that went by was like a warning bell, an alarm of danger ahead desperately trying to warn Sarah away.

Why am I doing this? I suck at this...

The answer came as quickly as the thought: Because I'm alone, because I'm scared, and because I need someone to talk to.

With the first of the Topanga's tests due to start only a couple nights later, Sarah was anxious and jumpy. Taking up the first challenge couldn't come soon enough... even with the risk it was likely to bring. And she'd patrolled every scrap of her territory at least a dozen times in the past three nights. She needed to do something else, and if that meant the dreaded act of socializing, so be it.

Five long rings later, and a familiar voice came across the airwaves. "Hello?"

Oh hell, what do I say?

The second try finally forced enough stale air out of dead lungs to speak.

"Um, hey Ariel. It's, um, Sarah. Do you have anything... um, I mean, it's Friday night and everything's hopping" - oh crap, is that what people actually say? - "I mean... ah, fuck it. I'm wondering if you'd want to hang out and talk."

Smooth, Sarah. Smooth like a road paved with boulders.

[SalmonMax]

"Sarah?"

For a second Ariel wasn't sure she was hearing right. That whole world seemed so far away these days. After the whole thing with Declan, she and Amber had talked a few times, but things on the force were picking up and she'd been busy and...she'd found herself sort of pushing all that stuff away. When Declan had curled into his den, that left Amber with just her little territory, and Ariel with none. The 'pack' had failed before it ever started.

And Ariel had moved on. It hadn't always been easy. There were differences now, to be sure, but she adapted. The 'change' that Sarah had warned her about still hovered at the fringes of her mind. There were times she had to grapple with a sort of instinctive disregard for civilization that bubbled up from her hindbrain...but it was a surprisingly easy grapple to win. In a way, it was the same kind of thing she'd felt even before her Change. People always wondered sometimes, why do I have to make my bed? Why do I have to shower? Why do I have stop at red lights? Why do I have to DO all these things? There was a romantic feeling of freedom associated with breaking those laws and flaunting those rules. This wasn't that far from that. She wasn't sure she was fulfilling the -spirit- of the Oath she'd taken, but she hadn't broken any of the letters.

And it wasn't like she'd ever ASKED to Change. This wasn't something she'd wanted. It was a condition. A...syndrome. It was something she'd learned to live with. And that was all.

And now Sarah was calling. She wanted to 'hang out.' Ariel wasn't sure she bought that. Why now? Why her? Maybe she was still hanging onto the notion of joining a pack. Did she not know there was no pack to join?

Abruptly Ariel realized she'd been silent for too long. She didn't want to jump to the hang out question...she wasn't sure what she wanted to do yet.

"Sorry...it's just a shock. I...honestly didn't expect to hear from you. It's fine though. Just a surprise. How are you?"

Still dead? Aw, that's too bad. Hang in there! Ariel had to bite her tongue to keep from giggling madly. The weirdness of the world was creeping back into her life, and she wasn't sure if she wanted it or not.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Even to someone as socially incompetant as the Dead Wolf, there was no mistaking the shock in Ariel's voice. Probably wondering what the hell I'm babbling about, or why on Gaia I'm trying to contact anyone who's part of Declan's pack.

Ire flared bright somewhere deep in Sarah's unbeating heart, and it took an effort to clamp it down. Despite the intervening time, utter rejection by Amber - and a warning to stay away from the pack - remained an open wound, something that neither the odd half-acceptance by the Topangas nor the supportive words of Lucian helped to heal in any real way.

Only after a silent sigh was she able to speak again; while she might be risking her cousin's wrath by contacting Ariel, she simply had to talk with somebody.

"I... um, I've been OK, pretty much. Keeping busy, you know, never enough hours in the night, that kind of thing. So, um, about that hanging-out thing...." Despite her best efforts and her pride, a hopeful tinge touched her words. "Would that be possible? I mean, if the pack isn't gonna get too pissed off about it? I... I'd kinda like to just get together and talk."

[SalmonMax]

So she doesn't know after all...wonder what she's been doing all this time then.

"No," Ariel replied, "I think I'm safe in saying the others aren't going to get pissed."

Which was, she realized, pretty much committing to it.

"So, okay...where are you? You want to meet somewhere or come over or...what?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

She said yes. She said yes? Somehow, a response in the affirmative hadn't really been expected. Yet there it was, hanging in the air like a rare gem.

Sarah didn't wait for it to turn to dust.

"Come over? Sure, that'd be great! I'll be there in...." The sentence trailed off for a moment, then: "Um, where is there?"

[SalmonMax]

Ariel chuckled and gave the vampire her address.

Was that a bad idea? What about that thing where vampires couldn't come in unless you invited them? Did that count? Eh. Sarah seemed okay to her. She was still trying to reconcile that weird dichotomy between a rather sweet, shy young woman, and a nocturnal hunter that drank human blood to live.

It was possible, Ariel thought, that there was no reconciliation. That the dichotomy simply WAS; big and bold and unresolveable. How would you go on every day with a giant paradox like that staring you in the face?

She suspected she knew the answer. Maybe even that she'd been living the answer.

"Anyway, yeah. I'm on the callboard so just give me a call and I'll buzz you in when you get here." Ariel hesitated for a second, having been just about to say something about food or drink. To try to cover the stumble she managed a, "So...see you soon?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Her answering grin could almost be heard across the phone. "I'll be there in under ten. See you then!" Snapping the phone shut, Sarah began the run.

On her own two feet, there was no way that she could cover the distance from Holmby Park to the address given in anything close to ten minutes - even without the oxygen cravings of a live body. But on her own four feet, neighborhood after neighborhood went by in a blur as a grey and white predator tore across yards and over fences, making an utter mockery of the twisting streets that defined this part of the city.

Only as Ariel's apartment building hove into view did the wolf slow; then, in the shadow of an alley, she became once more the familiar face of Sarah before closing the final few dozen yards. Just under ten minutes after ending their phone conversation, the Dead Wolf found and stabbed at a button labelled 'Ariel McKenzie'. Only a moment later, Ariel's voice crackled through the intercomm with a "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Sarah. Can you buzz me through?"

[SalmonMax]

There's a pause as Ariel recovers from being surprised. It'd only been a few minutes, for Christ's sake. She was still quickly picking up loose trash and straightening things up.

"Uh...heh, yeah," she answers. "Sorry...just took me off guard. You must have already been close. Come on in."

Sarah hears a coarse, rattling buzz indicating the door into the building is now unlocked. A gentle push is all it takes to get inside.

She heads over across the inner courtyard to Ariel's place and knocks on the door. The policewoman's voice calls, "Coming!"

A second later there's the scratching sound of a chain being removed, and the door opens. Ariel's waiting behind it, clearly trapped somewhere between 'home alone' and 'company's coming,' with no makeup and hair not done up or anything, but having managed to get into a passably nice shirt and jeans getup.

Her hair's grown, Sarah notes. It's in a short, but definite tail now.

"Hey," Ariel greets her. "C'mon in. How's life been treating you?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

How's life been treating me? Sarah thought as she took in the minor changes in Ariel, and not just her hair. There was an undercurrent of something, a hint at a confidence that had still waivered the list time they'd met - a night that had shaped so much of what happened since.

How has life been treating me? Amber's metaphorical knife in her heart had been all but crippling, but it had brought her to a better understanding of herself through Lucien... and that in turn had brought so much more. She didn't flinch at the term "life"; whatever this was, it felt more alive than anything had in her barren existence before the Embrace.

"Life's not too bad lately. Challenging, but not too bad. I had my... eh, we can talk about that later. How 'bout you? See you're letting the hair grow." It wasn't stellar small-talk, and didn't start on what she really wanted to discuss, but even someone as painfully blunt as Sarah could occasionally manage a polite opener.

[SalmonMax]

Ariel grinned and nodded, then motioned over her shoulder.

"C'mon in."

The inside of the apartment was fairly plain. Kitchen and living room divided only by half a wall, and tiles in the kitchen contrasted with carpet in the living room. Couch, end table, coffee table and TV stand with a TV. There was a droopy fern on the end table, helping to cover the post of the lamp behind it.

"Uh...I don't know if you want anything to drink," Ariel said. "You know, besides the obvious. I've got OJ and some beer if you want any though."

She went into the kitchen and rummaged in the fridge until she came up with a pair of amber colored bottles and held one up tilted towards Sarah as if to offer it.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah shook her head as she folded herself onto one end of the sofa. "I'll have to pass on the drinks," she said with only the barest trace of regret in her voice. "Can't actually drink that stuff anymore. But go ahead." She watched as Ariel put one of the bottles back and opened the other as she came back to the living room, taking up position on the other end of the couch.

"This isn't a half-bad place you've got. Definitely beats mine," she added with a little chuckle. Yeah, not a whole lot of carpet or appliances out in the park. Dirt Sweet Dirt.

"So, it's been a while. Nobody's even poking their nose out onto that chat site anymore. Keeping yourself busy between the P.D. and the pack?"

[SalmonMax]

Ariel's smile faded a bit as she put one of the bottles back in the fridge, and popped the cap off the one she kept.

"Yeah...so I guess you haven't been in the loop much."

She crossed to the couch to sit down, turning in her seat a bit to look at Sarah...and hesitated. It was weird to say.

"There's no pack. I haven't heard from Declan since our fight. I've seen Amber a few times since, helped her out with a few things, but she's been busy with her turf and Antoine...and me, like you say, the LAPD is working me like a dog."

She coughed. "So to speak. So...it all just kind of faded out."

Ariel took a drink from the bottle, keeping an eye on Sarah to see how she took it.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Confusion turned to sadness as Sarah listened to Ariel explain how Declan's Raiders had died on the vine. It wasn't her pack. It probably never would have been her pack. But still, there had always been that tiny flicker of hope... until now.

"I'm sorry to hear it, if that makes any difference. I know what it's like to be a wolf without a pack."

Dead silence filled the room for a moment; there just wasn't much to say in reply. Then Sarah took a desperate stab in the dark at bringing some life - and maybe even joy - back to the conversation.

"Hey, speaking of wolves, guess who finally managed her first change?" she said, a smile that was equal parts proud and cheesy (and just a tiny bit fangy) stretching across her face.

[SalmonMax]

"I'm not really a..."

Ariel lowers her beer to her lap, realizing what Sarah's saying. She tilts her head curiously.

"But...you're not a werewolf, I thought."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

The grin somehow grew even wider.

"No, I'm not, but I am a Dead Wolf. I don't get everything, of course, but I do get this."

The first try had been a messy affair, blood sweat soaking through her clothes with the strain of forcing the change. But that was then; now, there was just sort of a shimmer, a wave within her flesh as woman gracefully became wolf... a wolf with a downright happy grin, looking up at Ariel with mirth in her eyes.

[SalmonMax]

Not so long ago, seeing that would have floored Ariel. Now...she'd seen quite a bit of that trick, even if not from Sarah before. Still, the vampire's enthusiasm was infectious, and Ariel cracked a grin.

"Nice. Well, congratulations. That's really great."

She nods. "So...is that what's been keeping you busy all this time?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Part of it, yeah," is what Sarah meant to say. Instead, all she got was a complex melody of yips and growls. Shaking her lupine head, she focused for a moment, and returned to her two-legged form.

"Part of it, yeah," she tried for a second time, relieved with the human sounds that resulted. "Part is just the busy night to night stuff: patrol, hunt, etc. Keeping a territory secure alone is a big job." Sarah flinched a little at her own words; with Ariel in a similarly packless situation, it couldn't be any easier for her.

"And part of it...." The vampire sighed, and looked at her feet for a moment before continuing. "Remember what I said to you about one's frame of reference shifting after First Change? Well, that's not something that comes automatically for a Dead Wolf; it has to be taught. My sire is dead by the Azlu, so the best shot I have in learning how to be the wolf is to learn from one of you. But Declan's keeping to himself, you're still finding your own way, and Amber... well, that ain't gonna happen with Amber."

She swallowed hard. A lot of pride had been set aside when she'd climbed up the mountain a few weeks before, but that pride still burned with memory of how things had gone on Sullivan Fire Road.

"So," she finally began, "I went to the only People I could. The Topangas, um... they're going to be testing me. A series of tests, actually, trying to find out if something like me is worthy to learn anything from them. They don't think I'll succeed." A slight tremble set up, both in her body and her voice. But her eyes finally came back up from the floor to meet Ariel's. "And I'm honestly not so sure I will, either. But it's the best chance I've got to become what I was embraced to be."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel shrugs and leans back.

"If you know what you want, go and get it," she opines. "I hope it works out for you. Sorry I couldn't help more. I'm curious though. What is it you're actually going to get out of these tests? And once you get it, what are you going to do then?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Out of the tests? Good question. They're running me through the Tests of Renown. Purity, Wisdom, Cunning, Honor and Glory. If nothing else, I'll find out if I can pass muster. But the real goal is to find out if, well, if Luna will recognize me enough that the Topanga's think I'm worth teaching afterwards. And if I am and they do...."

She trailed off a bit, and got a faraway look. "If I can find the Path of Harmony, then I'm one step closer to being worthy of joining a pack someway. That's really my big ultimate goal: to join a pack, to not be alone in working toward upholding the Oath."

A self-conscious little chuckle followed. "Yeah, I know. Not much of a career path there. But when you're what I am, all that's really left is whether or not you can lay down to sleep at night's end and do so with a clear conscience. I can't right now, because my mind is still very much in human-think - despite everything - and some of what I have to do doesn't mesh very well with that." No real explanation was needed; when someone has to drink blood to survive, societal norms take a beating. "I need to get my head into a place where I can do and be what I need to without it whittling away at my soul."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel mulled that over, and didn't look pleased to hear it.

"Look," she says after a moment. "I don't know if this relates, because obviously your situation is different...but one of the first things people do when they're doing something wrong is..." Ariel makes a gesture, like stacking bricks. "...construct a sort of alternative morality, you know? So they're not doing wrong anymore, at least to themselves."

She shakes her head, focusing on her nearly-empty beer bottle. "It's not up to me...but I'd say you should keep your ethics right where they are. And if your conscience is bothering you, maybe the answer is to re-examine what you're doing, instead of what you believe."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

One eyebrow crept up Sarah's eyebrow as Ariel gave her stance on the matter of ethics. A few heartbeats - well, at least for Ariel - passed before she replied.

"You do realize that I have to drink blood in order to survive, right? I mean, you got that part of what it means to be a vampire, yes?

"Part of the sacred oath you swore was that The Wolf Must Hunt. With me, that's an oath enforced by fact of life: I must hunt, or else I'll go to sleep one fine morning and never wake up again. I can re-examine what I'm doing 'til the cows come home, Ariel - and have, a number of times - but when you boil it down, what I am dictates a pattern of behavior that doesn't pass muster with standard human ethics."

Sarah was on a bit of a roll, and didn't stop there. "And I think you hung with Amber and Declan enough to see that they've had to make some ethical adjustments themselves. Or did you guys not jump someone on the theory that they were actually a spirit-ridden monster? Do they not patrol their territory with force - even deadly force - when need be? Are you not called by your own vow and blood to run and hunt?"

That was when Sarah's stunted social mechanisms caught up with her heart and mouth. "I'm... I'm sorry. Didn't mean to come off like that. But you know, I was raised around werewolves, I've associated closely with them both before and after my embrace, so I do have kind of a long-term experience with at least some parts of their moral compass. Doesn't mean that they - or I - need to be ravening monsters, but it does mean that some adjustements have to happen if we want to continue to look ourselves in the mirror. That's why I'm willing to put everything on the line with the Topangas: because if I don't, the day is going to come where my mind and soul can't handle the dichotomy anymore."

[SalmonMax]

"Alright," Ariel says, putting the bottle on the coffee table and twisting a little in her seat to face Sarah more. "That's fair. I don't know what you go through as a vampire, so I won't get into that except to say that even if you need blood to survive, there are all kinds of ways you -might- try to go about getting it. It doesn't have to be a 'hunt' unless that's your choice."

"As for me, I've been thinking a lot about the Oath, and I realized a few things. First, the Oath is about actions, not feelings. I swore to -do- certain things, and I'm fine with that. HOW I do them, and WHY I do them is up to me. Nothing in the Oath -requires- a major shift in my...moral paradigm or whatever you want to call it. I hunted long before I ever changed. I was in a pack too, and I had territory. None of those things is any different now than before. I hunt criminals. My pack is the LAPD, and my territory is the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area. I'm a cop. And if I have a few funky spirit powers, or sometimes change into a big freaking wolf, well, that doesn't change who I -am-."

She shrugs and sits back. "And I don't really see that there's any conflict of interest. Spirit problems I'll handle as a werewolf. Normal problems I'll handle as a cop. Frankly, at this point, ninety-nine point nine nine nine etcetera of the problems I encounter are normal, so...there we go."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Well, a lot of being a werewolf is being a cop. You're a cop watching for spirits that break the law of staying where they belong. That's something I'll never really get right, because I can't see them except when they decide to ride someone, and I can't cross over to the Shadow. But yeah, you're a spirit cop. Goes well with being a human cop. Doesn't meant that the two are the same, though."

Glancing at the bottle with only a hint of regret - I'll bet this'd be easier if we could actually share a beer, she thought - Sarah said, "A lot of the time, being a spirit cop means killing those spirits, not slapping cuffs on them and reading them their Miranda rights. And then there's the other thing: The Herd Shall Not Know. That's a big whammie, because there's going to come a time when the only way to enforce it is...." She hesitated, realizing that saying what might be needed out loud probably wasn't going to be helpful. "...not going to be something you want to do," the Dead Wolf finished somewhat lamely.

"But for me? Hell, it's an imperative. I've tried stored blood; broke into a bloodbank in Vegas at one point, trying to deny the need to hunt. Drank gallons of the stuff and it was like getting drops; stored blood just doesn't cut it. And I can't exactly walk up to someone and ask them for a donations; goes completely counter to the whole not-knowing thing. The People are not on the menu; I put that in my Oath and I hope someone will be kind enough to put me down for good if I ever break it. So that leaves animals, which I pretty much have to kill to get enough to eek out a survival ration from. Or humans, who provide enough that I don't have to kill them - just knock 'em out beforehand, or pass off the Kiss as, well, a kiss."

She sighed, and slumped back against the cushions. "It bothers me. A lot. And I've seen what happens to leeches after a while. They start looking and acting more like monsters, and start going nuts, because they can't resolve the inner conflict. That's the advantage that the People have: that natural shift that comes protects the mind, gives them a new balance and inner place of peace, establishes some ground rules that actually fit what they are now. It did wonders for my sire, too; he was over a hundred and still balanced and lucid. Wish he'd survived to teach me the trick, but he didn't, so now I'm learning as best I can from who I can."

[SalmonMax]

A little piece of Ariel relaxed a bit when Sarah said she didn't have to kill people.

"Here's the thing," she said. "What's the difference between embracing this werewolf thing, and having that slow fade happen? Either way, the result is that you stop caring if you hurt or kill people, right? It just seems like there's got to be another way to deal with all this."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"The way my sire put it," Sarah offered in answer, "is that the Way of Harmony is just that: coming into harmony with the world around you, respecting it and your place within it. In part, it's accepting that you're an apex predator - knowing when to kill and accepting that as one's place in the natural order of things.

"But it's also knowing when not to kill. Juan didn't kill unless there was a need, and made sure that I knew that too. And when he did kill, it was always in a quick and efficient way, out of respect for the prey. He wasn't unfeeling about it; he just accepted it as what it was: a necessary act."

Locking eyes with Ariel, Sarah continued. "The People that I've known over the years are the same way; they don't kill unless it's needed, but don't let it tear at their soul when they do have to do it. They respect the natural order of things, and understand their part in it. And I honestly envy the fact that it's something that comes so easy to them. Wish it had worked that way for me."

Indeed, the envy was unmistakable in the Dead Wolf's eyes. "This isn't what I wanted. All my life, I wanted to be one of the People. What I am now is a pretty poor substitute, but it's what I've got and I'll live with that and make it work. Question is, Ariel, how are you going to deal with being the real thing? Don't tell me that you're just fine on your own, or that the cops on the force are enough. They can be your co-workers and even your friends, but they can't really know you, and they can't run with you as your pack."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel fought a brief, one-sided battle against a spike of irritation, and swallowed it down.

"Bottom line is this," she replied flatly. "Before I changed, I had my life going the way I wanted it. I see no reason to change that just because now I can turn into a wolf. The important part of me, the essence of me, is still a thinking human being and that's how I will live."

"I think you have a lot of preconceptions about what it is to be a werewolf. You grew up in that 'family' of yours, pounding the gospel into your head. They probably knew a lot, but that doesn't make them a reliable source. They had an agenda they were promoting. Every time you say things like 'apex predator,' or 'natural order of things' to refer to -killing human beings- I hear them speaking through you. Their way may work, after a fashion, out there where the only law is their law...but things are different here. I'm different. And I'm going to find my own path."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah felt a tinge of red start to close in around the edges of her vision as Ariel talked about the Wren family 'speaking through her', and it was only by sheer force of will that she was able to push it aside.

Truth be told, she was frustrated by the ridiculousness of the situation. Here she was, a vampire, trying to explain to a werewolf why accepting the mindset of a werewolf was preferable to that of a human... or a vampire. It was mind-bending, and philosophical debates had never been Sarah's strong suit.

But looking at Ariel, she could see what was coming down the road. Sometimes this happened, where one of the People decided to try to live a normal human life. It never ended well; either they wound up losing their cool and hurting someone close to them, or they went slowly mad from the isolation from their own kind. She liked Ariel, and didn't want to see that happen to her.

"I can see your point," she said carefully, "but there's a catch. You're not a human who can turn into a wolf. In fact, you don't ever really turn into a wolf. You're something different, and that something is a blend of physical and spiritual. You're half-spirit, and whether you wear the face you have now or the face of a wolf or the faces in-between, that's what you are, all the time.

"I admit that yes, I got a warped upbringing. But I've also dealt with a lot of the People who have nothing to do with the Wrens. I've dealt with them all across the country, in cities and out in the sticks. And there are some basic universal truths to them all: they live a balance between two worlds, they form packs almost instinctively, and they do really badly when they try to go it alone and be 'human'."

The look in Sarah's eyes was no longer one of envy. It was genuine concern. "I just don't want to see you wind up finding out the hard way why trying to live as a human doesn't work in the end."

[SalmonMax]

"Well I guess I'm up shit creek then," Ariel snapped angrily. "Because I tried being good and packing up and it really didn't work out. So I don't see that I have a lot of options at this point."

Restless, she bounced up off the couch and stalked into the kitchen for another beer.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Oh yeah, Sarah. That went just fucking great.

Unfolding herself from the sofa, the Dead Wolf quietly followed Ariel into the kitchen, watching her rummage roughly through the refrigerator for amber relaxation.

Finally, she spoke up again. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... well, get preachy." She hesitated for a moment, swallowed hard, and said, "If it's still OK, I think I'll take you up on that beer."

[SalmonMax]

Ariel came out of the fridge with a beer in each hand.

"You don't have to," she said. "I don't want to...muck up your...whatever. None of this is your fault."

She took a deep breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean to take any of it out on you like that."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"It's OK. I just have to be careful. And we sorta took things out on each other, I think."

For the first time in years, Sarah twisted a cap free from a cold brew. The scent wasn't bad, she had to admit, but scent wasn't the problem. Without a little preparation, trying to take a pull off this thing was only going to wind up with beer and blood sprayed across Ariel's living room.

The vampire closed her eyes and focused for a moment, willing her stomach into preparation for this unwanted foreign substance by coating it with a layer of vitae. In reluctant answer, the dead organ seemed to somehow relax, ready if not happy with what was to come.

Tilting the bottle to her lips, Sarah took a careful sip. Icy liquid washed over her tongue and down her throat, tasting almost exactly like ashes the entire trip. But with the exception of a slight rumble, her stomach held. She'd pay for it later, of course. Experience had shown the vampire that sometime within the next hour or so, she'd be politely asking to use the bathroom... and worshipping the porcelain god while a bloody mess came painfully back up. But the ritual of social drinking might help to smooth the waters between her and Ariel (or so she hoped).

"Not bad," she lied, fighting back a grimace.

"You know," she added as gently as possible, "I am really sorry to hear about the pack. Not every group works out. And some folks have a harder time finding a pack that works than others; I know that one by heart."

Code:

Spending vitae to eat/drink for the scene.

[SalmonMax]

Ariel shrugs, watching the vampire drink beer with morbid curiosity. She was putting a brave face on it, but it was pretty clear that she didn't like it. Was she that desperate to try to fit in?

"Yeah, well...Amber and I are still okay, I think. We just sorta had our own things going. She's got Antoine and I've got work. Declan...god only knows what he's been up to."

She takes another gulp of beer, starting to feel it now, a little.

"Maybe another werewolf'll come along. Hell, from what Amber says, Antoine might change sometime. That'd be convenient."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Heh," Sarah chuckled somewhat lamely, "that'd be convenient for all of about the ten seconds it took for them to realize the implications. It'd bring their current arrangement to a screeching halt." She knew Ariel had sworn the Oath and understood exactly why Amber and Antoine couldn't continue the horizontal mambo if he went through First Change.

"But yeah, that'd give you three, and that's what's needed to pack up and find a totem. So if Antoine changes... yeah. Or Dec comes back out of his shell. Or..."

For the slightest moment , hope dared flicker to faltering live, only to be crushed by reality. "...or other options that you wouldn't like and Amber would rather swallow her own tongue than consider. So yeah...." The words trailed off to a silence so painful that an other drink of liquid ash was taken as a preferable alternative.

[SalmonMax]

Ariel shrugs.

"I've got nothing against you, Sarah," she points out. "I wouldn't have invited you over if I did. And Amber...well look at it from her point of view. She thinks you're someone, or something, else, marching around in her cousin's body. When you think about it, the fact she's so pissed off about it means she cares about you, and your memory."

She takes a drink of her beer and nods.

"Your trick is that you have to prove to her that you're not just pretending to be Sarah, but that you really are Sarah."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

That called for another long, horrid pull on the beer.

"I can't prove it. Not anyway that I can hand over to Amber as proof. Hell, she had me screwed up enough over it that even I started questioning if I was really me. Took Lucien to show me the truth... and I just don't see Amber taking his word for it."

Sarah managed something close to a smile. "Though thanks for the vote of confidence. It helps."

She sighed, then, "You know, if I actually manage to survive these tests, maybe that'll do it. If I can prove myself to Luna, maybe that'll be good enough for my cousin. Maybe. We'll see.

"And you know," she added, maybe some of those other options will come through for you. There's gotta be more of the People out there in L.A., even if Declan doesn't himself together or Antoine doesn't change. There's always hope."

[SalmonMax]

"Yeah, well, hope and a dollar will buy you a cup of coffee," Ariel quips. "As long as it's not that expensive Starbucks stuff."

"Anyway, I won't turn my face away from an opportunity, but I'm not going to sit around moping waiting for it to happen either. It's not like this one thing dominates my life. I was someone before my change, and just because werewolfery isn't working out now, that doesn't mean everything else has to go down the tubes too."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Eh, it'll come together, no moping required. Call me crazy, but I've got hope. I don't think we were put on these paths to wind up alone."

Without warning, a chuckle erupted from the Dead Wolf. "Sweet Luna, this is weird! I'm a vampire who'd rather be a werewolf preaching to a werewolf who's doing pretty damned well at being a human. Hollywood wouldn't buy this script!" A genuine grin spread across her face. "Gotta admit it's pretty funny."

[SalmonMax]

"I dunno. Hollywood buys Adam Sandler's scripts," Ariel deadpans.

"But yeah, it's weird. Though, on a scale of one to ten, with one being picking up the phone and finding the person you want to call is already on the line...and ten being giant spider demons that turn into a swarm of tarantulas when they die...I'd have to give this no more than four."

She sets her bottle down and frowns.

"I wonder what happened to that girl we fought the spider with," Ariel muses. "Cast a spell or something. Kinda gothy. Had the Bible-thumper roommate."

"People come and go so fast. Sometimes it seems kind of amazing anyone ever sees anyone else before they're gone."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Shit, I didn't know you went up against the Spider Hosts; so that's what tore Dec up so bad. They're one of the nastier things out there." Sarah looked at Ariel with newfound respect; she knew only too well just how deadly those things could be.

Then she caught up with the rest of what was said. "There was a warlock with you guys? Or a witch, I guess, being a girl.... Hell, if she's anything like Lucien, she could be off inventing new dimensions or some shit. The stuff they do seems fairly addictive." And so's their blood, she almost said before catching herself; the problem Sarah had experienced with that impossibly sweet nectar was something she'd just as soon keep private.

"On that whole come-and-go thing... yeah. There was another leech hanging 'round for a bit - real socialite type - who seems to have skipped town. Can't say I'm overly upset about that." Sarah sighed for a moment. "I don't really like vampires very fucking much at all. Built up a sort of tolerance for Adrian, but only in small doses. Bunch of back-stabbing assholes, always jockeying for the next rung on the political ladder. It's like a pack where there's no totem, no trust and every fucker wants to be Alpha. No thanks."

[SalmonMax]

"But everyone wants to be an alpha, don't they?" Ariel asked, as much to herself as to Sarah. "Hm, maybe not."

She looked over at Sarah.

"Sounds like you're pretty in touch with the 'supernatural' crowd in town. Who's this Lucian guy? Or would you have to kill me if you told me?" She grins.