Gabriel Stone Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 Post any comments, reviews, or critiques here please. Remember, I'm not going to get any better unless I know what I'm doing wrong or doing right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenshire Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 It read like a 1930's movie. I half expected the little girl to break out into one of those little perky songs. The plot was perdictable.You did a great job of scene building and conversations ... they sounded and felt real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave ST Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 I figured the plot was predictable, honestly given Gabe's reputaion for compassion it knew it would be easy to guess where it was going.Thanks for the compliment on the conversarions. That was one part that was difficult for me. Dialogue I'm working on, so any and all feed-back on that will be greatly appreciated.Thanks James! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert J. Lambert Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 Kick-ass story, a said before, Plot was easy to realize thanks to Gabe's background, the dialogue was cool, and the little girl was written to be damned cute X_x gave me a cavity.I liked it, over-all 4.5/5 =D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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