World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - Siblings [Fin]

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

[continued from Five O'Clock Somewhere]

For a very long time, Sarah and Shane walked in silence. At first, it was out of a desire to get away from the throngs of party-goers; privacy was imperative. As the laughter and music faded behind them, leaving only crashing waves and distant traffic to fill the night air, the silence took on a weight of its own, harder to violate with each passing step.

Finally, after nearly ten minutes, Sarah broke the silence. "Where were you? All these years, Shane... where were you?"

[z-Shane O'Neally]

Shane had been mulling things over and over again in his brain. He had it pictured so perfectly, even imagined what he would say when he finally found her but suddenly he just drew blanks. He tried to say something several times but remained silent until Sarah suddenly broke the silence...

"I was...", he swallowed hard and licked his lips briefly which were suddenly very dry.

"I left it all behind... couldn't bear it any more... it had become a living nightmare. Everyone was expecting things from I didn't feel... I didn't wanted but it was unimportant. I thought I was going insane and then I fled... I ran and never looked back.", he wanted to tell her more, wanted to tell her about Lily but it was impossible. His throat was dry like a desert and he felt a cold shiver running down his spine.

"but that's not important anymore because I found you now... I finally found you, Sarah. That's all that matters to me.", he placed one of his strong hands on her shoulder and gently squeezed it. His smile was like a childs, almost innocent and peaceful. It was a look she hadn't seen in ages, even back then when they were kids he usually looked haunted and serious.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

If anything, his words gave her more questions than answers. What was the nightmare? What did they expect from him? What in hell had her crazy family done to her brother?

Then that shoulder-grip. She wasn't ready for it; the effort she'd made at the party to be life-like had faded, and she hadn't kept up the false warmth provided by the blood. Thankfully, there was a good layer of denim there, but what if she'd not been wearing the jacket? In a moment of panic, she coaxed her blood back to the surface for a bit longer.

Still, there was so much unknown. Prodding him on what had happened seemed a bad line to pursue, given how he'd choked up. So: "How did you wind up in L.A.?"

[z-Shane O'Neally]

"I... I was just trying my luck I guess. L. A. was the next big stop on my...", getaway

"It's so good to see you.", he suddenly changed the topic.

"Actually I don't know where to start. I was thinking alot about what to say on our reunion but now it's all gone. I know this sounds all a bit crazy and I probably am going to get us both in trouble but I just didn't know what else I could do. I can't go back anymore... I don't want to.", he looked out to the sea turning half away from her.

"The tribe destroyed my life... I hate them.", it was as simple as that. He could've gone into details about what he hated and why but it all came down to this. All he had left for them was hatred and suddenly his smiling eyes were gone replaced by that haunted look of his.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

I can't go back anymore.

If nothing else could have broken through what wariness remained in Sarah, those five words did the deed.

"I can't go back either." Her words were flat and dead, falling to the sand as did her gaze; what emotion remained to her would not be squandered on the loss of the Wren clan. "Tried a bit over a year ago; had to go tell them about what they sent me out here for in the first place. Got shown the door for good."

Looking back up, she dared meet his eyes, so very much like her own. "So I guess we're in the same boat. Us and Amber, wherever she is; she bailed a few years ago and came out this way. They sent me out here to find her. Haven't found her yet, an' really starting to think I never will." A wry snort followed. "Not that I'd turn her over to them if I did. Not anymore."

[z-Shane O'Neally]

He nodded at his sister slowly a determined, almost grim look in his eyes. "I think they should pay for what they did to us.", his voice was unnerving cold as if he had planned this for quite a while.

"I want revenge, Sarah. Together we have a chance for payback.", he clenched his fists still turned half away from her but his eyes remained locked with hers. He could feel the rage slowly burning inside, spreading like a fire making him grin almost madly.

"I want to see them suffer."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Oh, this is so not good. Shane's display of anger wasn't the only source of her concern; whispers were picking up around him, the angry and vengeful sounds of what she'd come to know over the years as revenge spirits. If his desire for payback was so intense as to be drawing them here, things needed defusing fast, because these spirits would do their best to push him toward those rash acts.

In an uncharacteristic and somewhat clumsy attempt at compassion, Sarah put a hand on one of Shane's clenched fists.

"That's not really our biggest problem right now, Big Brother." The term was an old one, used back when they were children. Shane had been born a solid three minutes before Sarah, and the fact was never forgotten.

"I know you're pissed as all hell, and you've a right to be. But storming off on a three-thousand mile rage to go dive into a pack of the People isn't going to help anyone. I... I don't know for sure if you've Changed yet, though from what you've said I gather you have. But even if you have, this isn't the way to move forward."

With an effort, she drew his gaze back to her own. "I don't want to go back there, Shane. Not ever. We've got a chance at something new out here. It's a long way from perfect - longer than you know yet - but I want to have that chance. I want to live free, to find my way, to join a pack..."

The last words were out of Sarah's mouth before she realized it, and she immediately regretted the slip. Given what was common knowledge about her back when they were kids, it would raise a very large and awkward question.

I might lose my brother the same night I found him, she realized.

[z-Shane O'Neally]

Her touch was soothing and cast away most of his destructive thoughts. He stared at her, the fury slowly subsiding and she felt his fists unclenching under her tender touch.

"Everything I've ever held dear or loved was taken away - they took my life, Sarah... they...", how could he explain to her what happpened?

"I killed her... I... I don't even remember how but all I know is I killed her.", his eyes reflected all the bitterness and grief he felt at once. Tears were distorting his vision but he dared not cry.

"I don't want to be part of any of this", he spat at her angrily but then suddenly stopped as if he just realized what she said.

"Join a pack?... But you're not... Didn't they take you away because you would never change?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah went pale, and not just because of her state of undeath.

The story was as old as the Uratha. Boy meets girl, boy and girl get married, boy (or girl) turns into a killing machine and rages, girl (or boy) winds up dead. It was horrid, and there were ways to avoid it, but it was all too common.

Shane had become part of that story, and it was obviously still tearing him apart. So much so that he wished he had never changed.

But the other source of her sudden paleness was that he had picked up on her slip of the tongue. Oh, this is going to suck.

Nervously, Sarah glanced around, eyes finally settling on a large chunk of driftwood that had been adopted over the years by beachgoers. "You should probably sit down for this," she said in an apologetic tone, leading Shane over to the de facto bench and staying silent until he was well seated - and she outside of measured arm's reach.

After a deep breath, she explained. "I changed, but not that way. About five years ago, when I was following Amber's trail, my car died in the desert. I... um, well, I didn't make it. But Luna led someone to me at the end, and he changed me."

Shane's eyes narrowed in confusion and suspicion; Sarah sighed and went on. "I'm not of the People, but I'm something that is tasked to work with the People. I'm what's called a Dead Wolf. It's... not ideal, that's for sure. But it's what I am now, and I've come to terms with it. Question is, Big Brother: can you?"

[z-Shane O'Neally]

"Dead Wolf?... I have no fucking clue what you're talking about.", he answered staring out to the ocean.

Nothing was making sense, none of the bull the Elders of the Wren Clan had fed or taught him. He didn't want to hear anything about it anymore. He was sick of it all and would've taken any opportunity to lash out at it just to get some kind of retribution.

"Sarah, I don't know how long I've been on the run. It must be years and all I want is to pay them back every single minute I spent in this hell. An eye for an eye - that's the least I owe..."

Only now she could tell that he obviously had little concern for the ways of the Uratha or maybe didn't know any better. How long must he have been on the run? What happened really to him?

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

She expected revulsion. Or anger. Or maybe pity. She didn't expect him to immediately dive back into his hatred for the Wrens. And she really didn't expect to see him so far out of balance. Making matters worse, the whispers of the vengeance spirits around him were starting to get louder.

For once, the vampire realized that someone might actually need more help to find his way among the People than her. If it had been anyone else, she'd have tried to route him off to one of the pack in the area; they existed, even if they didn't like her, and could help wayward Uratha.

But this was her brother.

Carefully, she took a seat beside him on the driftwood. The hand she laid on his was cold, the blush of life having been forgotten, but the touch was also softened by the strong echo of sibling compassion that drove her now.

"Shane? You've been through a lot, maybe more than I can really understand yet. You're my brother, and I'll stand by you. But you need to understand something. This hatred you feel, this need to lash out, it's not healthy. And it's not all you. Be quiet for a minute, and tell me if you hear whispers urging you along."

[z-Shane O'Neally]

He tried to calm down and her hand did a lot to keep his inner demons at bay. He looked at her for a moment unable to express his thoughts but thankful to have finally found her.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah... I've been so selfish. I wanted to find you and somehow I hoped it would end... this madness."

Her questions barely reached him, his thoughts still too absorbed by his urges and the rage that fueled his madness. Like a rabid dog he'd been hunted and in the last days he felt very much like a beaten dog. He had no idea how much longer he could've endured this.

"I don't hear anything, Sarah... I don't understand what you mean. All I know is this, this fire inside me that keeps burning and burning and only when I..." kill

He broke eyecontact with her and withdrew his hand suddenly knowing that he was about to confess he was a murderer. But he didn't want any of this - if he could he would reverse everything, undo what has been done and live his life peacefully with Lily.

"I can't forget... I can't remind myself to forget..."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Shane," she said, gentle but firm, "you do know about spirits, right? Well, there are spirits here right now, and they're trying to urge you along on this quest for vengeance. I can hear them, even if I can't see them. They whisper in something very much like the First Tongue.

"I know you went through something horrid, and I've got a really good idea what it was. I can't tell you that it's OK, because it's not. But you can't let it consume you, or you'll lose yourself in the process. You'll go nuts, and you'll get worse." She gave a wry and very dry snort. "From someone who's been there, trust me: you don't want to stay wrapped up in guilt. It'll eat you alive."

[z-Shane O'Neally]

Her words were slowly cutting through to him and suddenly he snapped to full attention. "Hold on, Sarah... what have they done to you?", his mind was sharp and focused now. This was a different kind of anger he could focus on because he sensed that something was terribly wrong with his sister and thus distracted him from his own misery.

Shane turned around to face her, arms reached out to hold her shoulders as if holding her like that would reveal to him what was going on. Whatever it was it would fuel his hunger for revenge only this time free of the grief he felt for his personal loss. He felt his heart beating faster in anxiety and anticipation. She only needed to tell him and he would do anything for her, without remorse, without hesitation...

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Held fast in Shane's grip, Sarah knew that things had come to a crux. Either he would accept it, or not... and if not, this was probably going to involve a lot of running.

"'They' didn't do this to me, Shane. Not the Wrens. It was something else, and I think it was meant to be." She sighed, trying to find a graceful way to explain and failing.

"Long story short: I died, almost five years ago, and then was changed into this. What I am now isn't alive, exactly. I know you heard stories from the family while growing up, stories about the blood thieves. Well, the stories had a lot of hate in them, and were wrong on a few really important points.

"I'm still me, Shane. I'm still Sarah. It's just that I'm a vampire."

[z-Shane O'Neally]

Shane held her for a moment not breathing at all. He was caught between letting go, as if touching her would infect him with a strange unknown disease and crushing her shoulders just to make this growing insanity stop.

She could tell from the look in his eyes that something died inside him. Something resembling to the last spark of hope he had. Shane suddenly felt empty and exhausted. He couldn't vent his anger and the effort to remain calm cost him all his strength and willpower. His hands slipped passed her shoulders as he slumped visibly forward as if hit by punch to his stomach.

A Vampire... God was really reaching out from the skies to push him down. As far as he knew the Uratha had an uneasy truce with the bloodsuckers and any contact with them was considered bad and unwanted. How could he start over with his life when his very nature rebelled against hers? Would he end up killing her, too? Was that part of their plan? Maybe that's what they wanted from the start?

Shane suddenly looked up at her, his eyes haunted by the raising paranoia of his thoughts. He didn't want to believe what he thought - it was impossible... too many uncertain factors and yet he was here and he had enough rage inside him to kill her. Unable to speak he stared at her holding it all back but the burning inside started to itch on his skin. When would he lose control? When was enough?

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

As Shane slumped in front of her, it was like a punch to Sarah's gut. It took her a moment to decide what to do; the utter defeat that showed on his face made her wonder if maybe it would be best to just walk away from all this, to give up and leave for good.

*But he's your brother. He needs you more than he knows.*

She wasn't sure what kind of spirit whispered the nonsensical sounds, but the message came through clear enough. And she knew it was right.

Kneeling down, she took Shane's hands in her own once more. "It doesn't matter. What you are, what I am, it doesn't matter. We're still standing, and that's a lot more than either of us knew about the other last night. We're together, and that's all that matters. We take that, and we build on it. OK?"

[z-Shane O'Neally]

Shane trembled as he forced himself to stay calm. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead and trickled down in random paths down his face. His hands were hot and shaking when his sister reached out to take them in hers. He looked at her wanting to believe her words but there were still too many doubts infecting his mind.

"Sarah... we never had a choice. What we are is all that matters. We were born into this... hell and at no point did we have a choice. I lost count of the times I said no to the elders but they were too busy with their business and their senseless mumbling about the signs of our births."

But Sarah was right in one thing - they were still standing against all odds. And they finally found each other and that should be everything Shane should focus on. Nodding slowly he tried to give Sarah a smile, "But you're right about one thing, Sarah... we're together now and I don't give a damn about their rules. I don't fucking care."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Something resembling a smile came to Sarah's lips. For all his bitterness, for all his anger, Shane was at least willing to hold onto one little positive thing, and that would have to do.

"Sometimes fate has things in store for us. But what we do matters, and that's how we have to go forward from here. Anyway, when you find out a bit more about the particulars of what I am, you might be a little happier about it."

She gave his hands a tight squeeze before standing again. "So, what do you want to do tonight? Still nearly half the night left before I need to crash. We could go back to the party, if you want. Or head into town. Or just sit on the beach and catch up. But I don't think we're going to solve any great cosmic problems tonight."

[z-Shane O'Neally]

"Right...", he nodded at her returning the smile in a very similar fashion. "I actually don't know why I went to that party in the first place... somehow I was sick of being alone. The problem is I'm not really comfortable around crowds... or maybe I should say people are not comfortable around me. Ever since I changed it got worse. I'll go where you go, won't lose you now that I've found you.", he gave her a wink and stood up shaking off the tension in his limbs.

"So... what does a Vampire do? You suck peoples blood?", he asked not sure how to breach that topic. He had heard stories about the blood thieves but they were just another kind of bogeyman for him. Another tool for the elders to subdue him and he gave no shit for their stories. As far as he was concerned it was just a load of crap and most of the stuff sounded made up anyway. But his sister just claimed she was a Vampire and if only half of the crap he's been told is true that really sucked...

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Apparently, tonight's option was going to be a bit of comparative talk on the beach. That really didn't bother Sarah; she'd fed her fill at the party, and right now running into the otherworldly nightclub owner wasn't real enticing.

Settling down into a cross-legged position on the sand, she looked up at her big brother.

"Well, yeah. No getting around it; I need blood to survive. I can get by on animal blood, but to be honest, humans are more... filling? Doesn't mean I kill them - I don't - but yeah. I don't feed from werewolves, though; that's part of my oath, sworn to Luna. Like I said, I'm not your usual vampire," she added with a grin.

The smile faded and her eyebrows went up a bit as a thought crossed her mind. "I know stuff was rough for you; did you ever get around to swearing the Oath of the Moon?" I hope so...

[z-Shane O'Neally]

He would've offered her to drink from him but the way she explained herself that wasn't an option... as far as someone could take the oath swearing for real.

At her question he hesitated a bit, "I guess I did... somehow... I know the words...", he was avoiding the subject because he didn't like thinking about it - it just made him angry.

"Listen Sarah, I'm trying to stay as far away as possible from this shit because every thing related to it usually ends in someone getting hurt... or worse. I'm trying to not break the obvious rules but I prefer not having any contact with them at all."

He looked down at her sighing slightly. "You really want to join a pack? Were you serious about that or did you just say that to apeace me?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Shane," she tried, "you can't just 'stay away' from who and what you are. It's part of you. And to be honest, if you try to isolate yourself, it's all kinds of not healthy. Werewolves tend to lose their marbles when their off on their own." Like you've started to do, she left unsaid.

"And yeah, I want to join a pack. That's part of that 'unusual vampire' thing about me. I'm what's called a Dead Wolf. We're connected to Luna, like you are. We can do things, like pledge to a pack totem. And shift into wolf form." She gave a wan little smile and shrugged. "It's a part of what I am."

[z-Shane O'Neally]

"We should've traded places - that would've made you a happier person I guess. And I could've lived with not being part of it.", he sighed again laughing at the irony.

Part of him knew she was right but it had a very weak voice and was hidden very deep in the back of his mind. He couldn't run away from what he was. All he could change was who he wanted to be - fate was in his hand if he decided to take action and stop being a push over.

"Sarah - I want control over my life and not have this constant feeling of being pushed around and do what others expect me to do. I'm not good with authorities - period."

He made another pause sorting his thoughts before continuing, "If you really want this...?", he raised an eyebrow knowing that her answer would be a definite 'yes'.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

She looked him square in the eye. "What I want is to not have you disappear on me for another twenty years. If that means finding another of the Forsaken or two and forming a pack, so much the better; means I can keep my eye on you," she said with a wink.

"Anyway, it's not about authorities, not out here. L.A. is a messed-up town without much structure to it on the supernatural side. If we can find some like-mined folks to pack up with, the only authority we'll be dealing with is whoever winds up the Alpha. Which I know damned well won't be me; I'm pretty much the permanent Omega," she said with a chuckle that wasn't entirely full of mirth.

[z-Shane O'Neally]

"Anyone who wants to kick your ass has to get pass mine - I won't let you down.", he immediately responded to her last sentence.

"I've got no idea what it's like to be in a pack, Sarah. I never joined a tribe, all I did was run. I tried to lead a normal life with my... wife. But... it seems God had different plans for me.", he turned away to stare out to the ocean again and to hide the tears in his eyes.

"I don't know how many times I thought about suicide but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it because of you..."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"OK, let's stop that kinda talk right now," Sarah interrupted. "Suicide's a shitty solution to anything, no matter how good it sounds at the time. You think I didn't consider walking into the sunrise and putting an end to this at times? I didn't, because I trust that there's a reason behind all this. Luna has plans for us, Shane, and they don't include a well-placed, self-inflicted silver bullet."

Impulsively, she popped up from the sand and wrapped her arms around the reluctant Uratha. "I can't tell you how glad I am to have you back, Big Brother."