World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - Topics of Interest

[z-August Turner]

Continued from Resurfacing

August pulled up to Declan's house and parked, turning off the car. Darkness fell over them for the few seconds it took her to pull the keys and open the door; then they were bathed in a harsh, interior light. Declan got out and opened up the door to the house, and August went in. It was like their first night here, but so different. This time, the damaged from the earlier events wouldn't clean up with some soap and water.

August didn't look at the bedroom, but she paused at the kitchen too. Biting her lip, she finally sat on the couch, though it was laden with memories, sweet and now painful. She hugged herself and said, "You should start. I don't know what to say yet."

That was a lie. She knew one question that she needed to ask, but she couldn't bring herself to ask it. She would, she had to, but if the answer wasn't what she was looking for, she'd have to leave. Worse, she wasn't sure if she could believe the answer, even if it was what she was looking for. So she just looked up at him and waited for him to begin.

[Owns-The-Night]

After a moment's pacing, Declan caught himself and sat down on the couch, body tilted to face August. He studied her face for a long moment, his own expression unreadable, his silver eyes glittering out from his closed face. He took a breath, then spoke, his words slow and his voice soft and deep.

"I met Morgan at a party. It was awhile ago now... just over a year in fact. I was just reaching the end of my stay in the V.A and the doc said I should go to this pre-Season party the football jocks were throwin' for the whole damn area." He looked away, obviously remembering. "We got to talking, got to realising that something was funny about each other, played a little show and tell and then I smacked her asshole boyfriend in the mouth when he roughed her up and tried to make her take some drug. I walked her home that night, and we talked a whole lot more. And yeah, I fell for her. If I wasn't so screwed up from the recent change, dealin' with my inner wolf, all that good stuff..." he shrugged. "But I was, so we stayed at the 'friends with a buttload of unresolved sexual tension' stage. That went up and down... usually up though. We just clicked together." He relaxed a little, slumping back against the couch. "And then I screwed it up."

"I underwent some kinda sexual awakening, I guess you'd call it. Pheromones and hormones kicked in and after life as a nascent werewolf and bein' uncertain and afraid of intimacy, all of a sudden it was a big fuckin' deal to me. I slept around a few times here. She was away on a workin' vacation somewhere and I told myself that she wasn't saving herself. Well, she didn't strike me as the type to, because we weren't actually an item... or so I thought. So she gets back, finds out, flips out, sends me the big fuck you, and I haven't seen her since around February/March time." He looked at August, studying her again. "And that's the history. And if I'd had any idea she was going to resurface tonight, I'd have prepped you. Truth is I never expected to see her again."

[z-August Turner]

Something wasn't making sense here to the young woman. "Dec, how could you not know you were 'an item'?" August asked, frowning. "You said you were 'friends with a buttload of sexual tension'. So when it become more than friends? Didn't you guys ever talk about this?"

She held up a hand and added, "I don't mean to pick at what is obviously a sore subject. I just don't understand. Lucien implied that you cheated on her, but what you just said makes it sound like you two never really got together. And if you didn't think you were an item, why in the name of god would she expect you to be faithful? There was nothing to be faithful to." August's expression was both agitated and confused; she felt like everyone was telling her a different story, and she desperately needed to understand. If Declan was prone to cheating, it'd be nice to know.

Of course, Dec could be snowballing her right now. She wouldn't have thought it possible based on what she'd seen of him thus far, but these things did happen.

[Owns-The-Night]

"At the time..." He shrugged. "I figured since she and I hadn't bumped uglies or done much more than make out once or twice, we weren't together like that." Declan sighed, his stoic expression turning regretful as he looked at August.

"Lookin' back, and knowin' what I know now... We were an item and I cheated on her. I was dumb, confused, or whatever label you want to put on it. I mean, we dated once. We ate together a few times. I had no fucking clue where I stood half the time. If I'd been half as clued in as I shoulda been, I wouldn't have done what I did. Fuck, August." He sounded a little disgusted with himself. "I didn't even know she wasn't still sleeping with her asshole human boyfriend. That's how much I knew about what was going on in her life. When she was around me, I wasn't caring about where she was the rest of the time."

[z-August Turner]

"You shared some meals and went on one date, but she didn't tell you about dumping her ex or talk about exclusivity?" August shook her head. "Dec, hon, you're taking way too much blame for this. If she thought there was more there than there was, but wouldn't talk to you about that, she bears some responsibility for this too. I mean... you're not a telepath! Which by the way, is kind weird to have someone in your head."

She sighed, looking tired. "It sounds like she took her sweet time and expected you to just know what she thought. Then she gets upset when you don't magically conform to what she wants. And yeah, if she meant so much to you, you should have gone to her when you... sexually woke up or whatever. You should have shared that experience with her. So yeah, but no one is without blame in this." Except me, which is a change.

She was already half-sick of walking about this woman. She'd clearly gotten Dec's head all turned around. August had never suspected that Declan would have this kind of emotional baggage; he just seemed above that. It was somehow discomforting to see him torn up like this. Her Big Bad Wolf had been brought low by Red Riding Hood.

[Owns-The-Night]

Dec thought over August's words as his eyes took in her expression and posture. His brow furrowed as he pondered, casting his mind back over the past and comparing it with August's take. Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah, I guess no-one's blameless in this mess. Still, I'm the one with the most blame. She deserved better."

He sighed and sagged back in the couch cushions, looking up at the ceiling. "It's all new, y'know? Relationships, friendships, women... I was a lone wolf even before I changed. What's that word? Maladjusted. Hell, I don't even have a real pack and I've been sproutin' fur for a couple of years. Hopefully that'll get sorted out tomorrow, but there's no tellin'." He looked over at her and smiled lopsidedly.

"I'm sorry about all of this. If there's no giant spider-demons or man-eatin' werewolves runnin' around, it tends to get like a soap-opera round here." He snorted, a world-weary laugh. "Maybe it stops us gettin' bored. Well, I'm tired of it." He got up, starting to pace back and forth.

"There's a vampire who wants more than anythin' to run with a werewolf pack, her werewolf cousin who'd rather stake 'n' bake her than see that happen, another werewolf who'd rather be shoppin' and hangin' out at the mall or some shit, plus Ariel who leaves town an uptight cross between a schoolteacher and Dirty Harry and comes back different. There's a goddamn fairy, a firestartin' cup-throwin' fairy-hater, Hunt actin' twenty-one goin' on three hundred and now to top it off Morgan's back too." He gesticulated as he moved, plainly venting some steam. "Tomorrow we've got a meetin'. The werewolves do, that is. We've got to try for the umpteenth motherfuckin' time to work out our dysfunction enough so that we can actually form an honest-to-Luna pack. And I have no idea how that'll work out." He stopped pacing and flung himself back into his couch seat with enough force to make the couch shake, took a deep breath, and let it out. He looked over at her and smiled.

"So how you doin'?"

[z-August Turner]

“So how you doing?”

The question caught her off-guard; she’d thought that he’d be harder to convince. But his long silence must not have been him casting aside her arguments, but considering them. It was something of a relief to hear him admit that Morgan had been in the wrong, too. She debated pushing the issue, getting him to realize that the blame was more on Morgan because she had the experience to know how relationships worked, while Declan didn’t. But she let it go, especially when Dec moved on.

It was odd to think of him as such a naïve being. He seemed so worldly with the claws and teeth and fur – and the sex. That sex definitely wasn’t the type that she thought came from a naïve man. But he’d shown signs of it before with her; just little things like not knowing some social cues. She’d chalked that up to being a werewolf. But it sounded like Declan had always been like that. Well, she could roll with that, even if she’d never dealt with it before.

August remained silent throughout Declan’s rant, listening carefully and understanding about half of it – or rather, understanding the problems with about only half of it. A vampire in a werewolf pack? Was that not allowed? Sure, it was a werewolf pack, but they couldn’t breed with one another, so why couldn’t non-werewolves join? It wasn’t like the werewolves didn’t have to mingle with other species anyway. And an uptight school teacher and Dirty Harry?

So how was she doing?

“Well, tonight was pretty awkward because I have no idea who these people are or what’s going on most of the time, Morgan showed up, I had my thoughts read by an underwear model and almost told him my darkest secret, the thing I’ve never told anyone. Then I have to argue with my boyfriend about his ex, but instead of the usual kind of thing, I have to convince him that she doesn’t walk on water or have roses spring up in her footsteps. Which, as I think I understand, could be true. Which really doesn’t help me not feel like the black-haired, green-eyed consolation prize.” The words poured out of her in a rush. She bit her lip when she was done, the effort of not shying away from showing him so much of herself clear on her face.

[Owns-The-Night]

Dec's smile faded as he listened to August bared her soul, especially at her last words. Whatever other failings he had, when the werewolf paid attention to someone he really paid attention. He also didn't immediately open his mouth to spout comforting denials, instead opting to think over what she'd said. From the point of view of Abstract Womankind, it was a wonderful thing to see. From the point of view of August, regarding those silver eyes roaming her features as the handsome, shaggy head tilted slightly, it was discomfiting to say the least. Once more there was that air of otherness about him. Not a normal man. Not even a Man. It was a relief when he finally spoke.

"I ain't gonna sit here and deny that the first thing I noticed about you was your eyes and hair color." He said slowly, then gave her a crooked smile. "Well, other than the fact you were bleedin' from your leg. But what really hit me was how you were holdin' together after a brush with the impossible. More than that, you wanted to see more." He sighed, looking up at the ceiling again as he relaxed on the couch. "To be honest I ain't spent much time thinkin' about the similarities, or lack of them, between you and her. But they're there, no doubt about that."

"But you ain't Morgan. And you ain't a substitute Morgan either. You're August." He looked over at her again. "It ain't just the looks, girl. We're not as married to sight as humans. You smell different, you sound different. Even if I was blind, I could tell you two apart."

"Am I over Morgan?" he asked rhetorically. The werewolf pondered for a moment then shook his head before meeting August's eyes. "Nope. Maybe I never will be. That's a nasty burden for you, I can see that. But it doesn't impact how I feel about you. But are you my consolation prize? Nope. Firstly, because you ain't much like her at all. And second, because I didn't need or deserve consolation." He reached over and took her hand gently. "I was just undeservedly fuckin' lucky that you like me."

[z-August Turner]

His words were oddly reassuring; never before would August have thought that she’d be grateful that her scent marked her as different from someone. She’d never even considered that before today.

And just as she was starting to relax a little, he hit her with an emotional baseball bat. ”Am I over Morgan? Nope. Maybe I never will be. That’s a nasty burden for you, I can see that.” The rest of what he said was reducing to buzzing in her ears as she struggled not to have an epic, Oscar-worthy breakdown.

“Maybe you never will be? And it’s a burden to be with someone who is in love with someone else?” August said, her voice full of pain and fire as she took her hand back. “Damn it, Declan!” Of course there had to be a drawback to him, of course, no one could be that good, could make her feel so good, could make her feel alive like she never had before-

She stopped the rambling thoughts before they escaped her mouth. “I don’t want that,” she said, only to realize she wasn’t being clear. “I want you. I don’t want to share you, especially not with ‘the one who got away’. Especially when she’s hotter than me and is a ‘real’ supernatural.” Her blue-green eyes narrowed at him as she seethed, “Can’t you imagine what it’d be like? Always comparing, always wondering. Or see it this way – would it be alright with you if I loved someone else, but was with you?”

She felt sick, afraid that this was going to one place, the one where they parted ways. Part of her wasn't sure she could bear the thought; the lonely nights again, knowing that there wasn't anyone she could call and being exiled from the man who made her feel incredible. Not only in bed, but in everything; there was something special about him.

She understood Morgan's pain, a little. She wondered if it would change anything if Morgan knew how much he cared for her. She didn't want to find out if it did.

[Owns-The-Night]

"Hey!" his tone was two parts surprise, one part anger. "I didn't say anythin' about sharin' or still lovin' her." There was the merest hint of growl in his voice. With an effort, the Rahu clamped his mouth shut, counted to five... make it ten... then started again more calmly. "August, Morgan and me, we went through a some shit together and I regret us not bein' even friends anymore. That's what I meant by 'not over', dammit. I don't form emotional ties with folks then snap 'em just like that." Dec got up and started to pace again as he spoke.

"August, you've been a damn breath of fresh air to me. You ain't a 'poor mans Morgan', hell, you ain't a poor mans anythin'. You haven't been sharing me with anyone up till now, and you won't be sharin' me with anyone in the future. Romantically, at least. The pack thing will probably take gettin' used to, assumin' that works out tomorrow." He stopped and ran a hand over his face, then let it fall to his side as he looked at her. "Seein' Morgan and havin' her rip seven shades of shit out of my skin kicked up a lot of dust tonight, that's all I was tryin' to say. But as for her bein' somehow better than you because of bein' hotter, supernatural, all that shit?" He shook his head, eyes bright as they regarded hers. "It's not an issue. Not my issue, anyway. You're the girl I'm thinkin' of when you ain't around."

[z-August Turner]

August listened to him, really listened to everything he said instead of cutting him off halfway like last time. "Ok," she said, taking a slow step toward him and offering her hand. He took it with a relieved smile as she looked up at him with blue-green eyes filled with too many emotions. "I'm sorry. I've... I'm so used to this world, Hollywood, where the prettiest person wins. I think in the terms of beauty being a merit, the one of greatest value most of the time."

There was shame in her voice, because part of her remembered when she mocked that mentality, before she'd gotten dragged into it. "You... Declan, you've been a breath of fresh air for me, too. You don't care about all the superficial bullshit that pervades the industry. You're real. I've never met anyone who wasn't fake, somehow. And... damnit, I guess I saw Morgan taking it all away. I wasn't..." Her eyes darted away as eye contact became too intense. She finished by saying, "I was scared I'd lost you, or maybe to be more correct, that I'd never really had you.

"I'm sorry I assumed things. It wasn't right for me to do that."