World of Darkness: Attrition - The Fifth Test: Glory [Fin]

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

[just after sunset, 3 Oct 2009]

Sarah rose from her slumber - and from the soil of Holmby Park - with a weariness upon her. Muscles not used to being tired pulled a body long dead to its feet, and started a trudge over to the tree that more or less marked the "hearth" of her home.

Without looking up, the Dead-Wolf knew what would be hanging in the eastern sky. A quick glance confirmed what she already felt weighing heavily upon her: Luna's bright face, orange from both the city and the season, in the first of three nights that could be considered "full".

"Rahu moon," she mused to herself, the thought nearly automatic. Anyone raised among the Uratha as she had been knew the moons and their meanings to the People. The full moon was the moon of warriors, the moon of glory.

So when she took the note out of the little nook where Dredge had taken to leaving notes and opened it, she couldn't resist a dry chuckle. "Of course they'd want to do it now. Ain't unlife a bitch..."

---

Less than an hour later - after carefully thorough feeding, cramming as much blood in as she could manage to help support her under Luna's baleful stare tonight - Sarah trudged up the Sullivan Fire Road to that familiar place of meeting at the edges of Topanga State Park. She didn't shift, not this time; blood would be needed in abundance tonight, she knew, and shifting was a luxury she simply couldn't afford until it was absolutely needed.

Instead, she gathered a lungful of air and called out: "Lighting-Strikes-Twice, I am Sarah Dead-Wolf, and I have come for the Test of Glory!"

[Dave ST]

"No need to shout Dead-Thing." Lightning-Strikes-Twice replied from the shadows stepping out to reveal himself at Sarah's left flank. "If you're one thing, it's predictable."

One half of the twins known as "Lightning-Strikes-Twice", Kris, was anything other than 'tiny'. The giant man had reached the very pinnacle of the human physique and tonight his army green t-shirt was about as tight against his broad chest as it could get and still look comfortable. "At ease corpse, we're not starting yet, and while this may be about Glory, I'm honorable enough to not gut you without warning, but I'm tempted to, I ain't gon' lie. I'm lookin' and all I see is a body that doesn't know it's dead yet."

Leaves crunched as he approached her, his hiking boots breaking a twig or two as stepped into where Sarah could see him more clearly. The full light of Luna shown down upon him and he inhaled pridefully. "You feel that? No, of course ya don't." He snickered at her. "That's gotta suck. So close, but so far... for fucking eternity. You might think you do, or your 'condition' might give some kinda tingle under Luna's light, but trust me zombie, you ain't feelin' it."

His hands sunk into his pockets and he continued to walk on past her. "Walk with me corpse, let's talk." Once Sarah had caught up to him he addressed her again. "Nice job with the girl, Swara-Ann's alive and in complete agony thanks to you. Is that how you work promises girl? 'I do not murder the people' but leaving them in complete fucking agony is okay? The girl's back looks like you took a chainsaw to it." He let the cool forest night make a few noises on his behalf. Cricket chirped, and owl hooted and the ground underfoot crunched softly as they walked. "Can't say that makes me pleased. 'Friends' don't do that to the people they're trying to help, especially Uratha." The tones and growls of the First Tongue came so easily to him and she wondered if he was doing it to taunt her envy or out of bilingual habit.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Chain saw.... what?" Sarah was genuinely confused. When she'd handed over Swara-Ann to the Topangas back in mid-June, she'd been healed - well, at least physically.

A natural subservience to the People was built into the Dead-Wolf, the product of over two decades of brow-beating. Somehow, she got around it at the moment. "Yeah, she still had some wounds from the whole sordid mess. Not just physical, either, from what I've seen. That said, you have to remember that we were fighting something that was flinging all kinds of janky-ass powers around and doing a damned fine job of fending off three of the People plus me. I spent two weeks in a particular corner of hell that my kind calls 'torpor' out of the deal. I wish she'd been able to heal it quicker. I wish I'd pulled my claws and gone with something a little more gentle instead. But I didn't, and what's done is done."

Her old friend, resentment, chose that moment to come back and curl around her heart. "And no, I don't feel Luna like you do. Not that I don't feel Her - oh believe you me, I feel Her - but it's not like what you feel." For starters, you don't feel like you want to crawl back into bed for another few nights.

[Dave ST]

"Odd, The People were fighting with tooth and claw just fine, odds may have been against them, but they didn't need any more than what Luna had given them. Guess we know why you wanna be like us so bad." He scoffed, it was no secret Kris didn't like her and this guy wasn't pulling any punches. What else could she expect from a Rahu. "That's just it though corpse, you're lying to me, and I know you are. Dredge has followed you for months and watched you, you never 'pull your claws' even when in another skin."

"I've some experience with you little Lampreys and I know what those things can do." He rolled his shoulder a few times emphasize that by 'know' he meant 'been on the wrong side of them'. "We 'werewolves'," he gave her the laymen term which showed he didn't respect her intelligence. "We hunt and we kill, our natural weapons are more than enough for the task. But you? Oh, you are a fucking monster girl. The blood, the gore, all those things really do is eviscerate everything you lash em at and you can't help it, you know why?"

He stopped and looked her dead in the eyes. "Because you're a fucking animal O'Neally."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Click to reveal..

Resolve + Composure to avoid a provoked Frenzy:
(23:57:13) ChatBot: (Sarah_Dead-Wolf) rolls 5d10 and gets 8,1,3,3,1.
One success.

Rage simmered hot and vicious within Sarah. It was all she could do to choke down her Beast (which ironically enough wanted nothing more than to choke down Kris).

Through gritted teeth, she managed to say, "I am not an animal. If I was, I sure the fuck wouldn't be here. But when I fight, I'm used to it being for keeps."

Continuing to hold back her anger as much as she could manage, the Dead-Wolf tried to put an end to the baiting session. "Now I think I came up here for a reason. I don't know what the fuck your test is gonna be. But I'll tell ya' what: if it's a matter of fighting the Uratha - she did her best with the word, which still wasn't great - the only claws that'll be involved will be what comes naturally to the wolf. That good enough for you, Rahu, or do we need to strap my paws behind my back?"

[Dave ST]

"This test starts when I say it starts, or, as they say, does the truth hurt?" Kris chuckled, and it was just as bad as an insult itself. "Nice try though, the 'U's are difficult to tackle, I know." He commented on her attempt at the word Uratha.

"Naturally to the wolf..." Kris, hands still in his pockets, walked on. "Interesting choice of words. Death comes quite naturally to the wolf Sarah. We all must die, but... here you are. A wolf that is quite unnaturally still on her feet. Once again you lie to me Sarah, you can not fight me naturally because you, yourself, are unnatural."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

If Kris had hoped to further goad the leech to frenzy, he was out of luck. This was ground she'd covered in her own mind time and time and time again; pretty much nothing that anyone - mortal, undead or lycanthrope - could say about it would push her farther over the edge.

"Of course I'm unnatural. Never said otherwise. Hell, I admit as much whenever I carve my mark at my territory bounds; it's right there in the glyph that Dec designed for me. There's a shit-ton of unnatural stuff in this world. Like guys who can shoot fucking lightning bolts out of their fingers. Or girls who set stuff on fire with their minds. Or spirits sneaking over from the Shadow. Or - arguably - things that are half-spirit themselves and throw the laws of thermodynamics all to hell and beyond every time they shift. But I didn't say that I was natural. Just that the claws I'd use would be the sort that come naturally to a wolf. Different thing."

[Dave ST]

"No, not different. The People have rules of engagement, animals do not." The Rahu nodded his head. "But your argument was a good one, an obvious one, but a good attempt none the less."

"We've all sworn an Oath, and this Oath keeps us in Harmony with our world an Oath you break by your very existence, Nu Hu Uzu Eren, and have willingly broken time and time again, Ni Daha." He looked up at the moon as they entered into a clearing of tall grass. "I'm curious Sarah, what have you done to earn a shred of Glory in the eyes of the Uratha?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"You should probably be asking one who changed under the gibbous-moon that; they carry the stories. But since you're asking me, I've done what I can, when I can. Fought beside the Ajo Runners against the Azlu, and we cleared out that nest. Helped bring in that man-hunter here in L.A. last year. Things like that. Probably not up to your standards; I'm not Uratha, let alone Rahu."

Sarah turned and gave Kris a direct look in the eyes of her own.

"But that Oath you swore? I swore that same Oath. I do my level best to stand by it. I fuck up, but then I try to better. It's all I can do. That's why I came up here, why I asked your pack to help me. Because if I'm going to do better - by my Oath, by Luna, by the People and by myself - I need to get my way of thinking and understanding in synch with that ideal." She hesitated, then added, "Or I really will turn into an animal, and there won't be any coming back."

[Dave ST]

"If you swore the same Oath as me Sarah, then I'm obligated on my Honor to destroy you. So, be careful what you say, for if you disrespect Luna's name in my presence again, I will do just that." The tone of seriousness in his voice acted as the only warning she was going to get. "Nu Hu Uzu Eren, 'Do not eat the flesh of man or wolf', put simply. This implies that we do not consume either of these for nourishment, including drinking their blood."

"You've sworn an Oath and you've broken it time and time again with no concern to what it meant." He growled. "Did you even consider that? No, I bet you didn't."

"'I am not People', you say. Is that your excuse for everything? You come here to be like us, learn our ways, our secrets, our discipline, and when the situation suits you best you simply say 'but I'm not one of you, that doesn't apply to me'?" His gaze pierced her heart like oak, chilling and predatory. "All of us in this world Sarah are what we are, and we can not change that. Yet here you are crying to us to join our little club because you don't like what you've become. You're pathetic O'Neally, coming here to ask us to help you be more like a wolf when you haven't figured out how to be a damn vampire yet."

He waved a pointed finger at her. "And had you at least figured that part out, I'd have a bit more respect for you. You're one fuckin' neurosis after another O'Neally and a waste of my time. I'm not the others, your bullshit sob stories don't work on me, a poser is a poser, no matter how many tears they cry."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah had had about enough. Oh, Kris' words hit home on the topic of the Oath to some extent; but then again, blood isn't flesh, and she'd had this discussion with a number of werewolves over the past few years to varying interpretations.

But the rest of it? Did he really have any idea what he was saying?

"You want me to figure out how to be a vampire?" Sarah's words were even and level, and that carried more danger than any yelling could have accomplished. "Let me tell you what it is to be a vampire, Kane. As it turns out, I'm pretty familiar with vampires.

"It starts with the lies. Lie first, lie often, and wrap it up with a lie at the end. It comes to us very damned easy. Part of it is mandate of course, our own version of 'The Herd Must Not Know.' But it goes way past that. For most vampires, lying is a way of life.

"Then there's the backstabbing. A coterie of vampires isn't like a pack. It's an arrangement of convenience, and it lasts exactly as long as each other are more useful than another option. There's no totem, no sacred bonds, no family; just a gang that's always keeping at least one eye on each other. And that's how vampires treat what are generously termed 'friends'.

"Of course, there's the blood. Damned near every vampire on the planet has one primary goal, and that's to keep fed. Everything else takes a distant second place. Everything. And it'll be taken from wherever it can be gotten without getting caught.

"And finally, there's the Beast. It's like a Broken Soul in permanent Death Rage, and it's there inside of every one of us. It wants out. It wants to hunt, feed, sleep and kill anything that gets in the way of those three."

Sarah let the words sink in. "That's what it is to be a vampire. That's what I am, Kris. I don't like it one goddamned bit. So I do whatever I can to be better than that. I try to be honest and I keep my word. I don't stab my friends in the back. I do everything I can to keep my Beast in check. And I try to be careful about my feeding. I'm not perfect. I'm not a fucking saint, and sometimes the base nature of what I am gets the better of me. But dammit, I'm trying, and if you're too sickened or repulsed or whatever else at that to be willing to help, if I'm really just a waste of your time, then tell me now and I'll get out of your sight and you can be happy that I didn't pass your test."

Sarah finally simmered down a bit. She sighed, and looked back up at the huge Rahu. "Look, I'm trying. And I'm learning. I'm not you, and never will be, but that's more than you're ever going to get out of damned near any other leech. And I don't expect that you'll ever much like me. But I have a lot riding in your hands right now. So it's your call. Send me away and say I'm not worthy to be tested. Or test me. Or hell, teach me. I need you to be the big man here, to be the Uratha here, because I'm sure as hell not."

Click to reveal..

Trying for Persuasion. First, Sublunario to see if she'll get a bonus.

(10:30:35) ChatBot: (Sarah_Dead-Wolf) rolls 2d10 and gets 1,4.

No bonus.

Then, pool of 3, plus 3 from blowing a Willpower (she knows this is do or die):

(10:30:42) ChatBot: (Sarah_Dead-Wolf) rolls 6d10 and gets 10,3,4,5,10,10.

(10:30:51) ChatBot: (Sarah_Dead-Wolf) rolls 3d10 and gets 2,4,9.

Four successes. Not Exceptional Success, but damned fine.

[Dave ST]

"That's right, you're not." Kris's words were calm despite the growing instinct to thrash the vampire. "You've weaseled your way into our society, taken our Oaths as your own and defiled them and now stand before me telling me that I should be the better person here and bow down and kiss your ass like the rest of Topanga?"

"I could like you O'Neally, I really could." His eyes locked hers. "A vampire isn't so much different than an Uratha or a faerie or a wizard. We're all stuck in the shit down here fighting for our own slice of the pie. The reason I don't like you O'Neally, is because you've stolen what is ours without knowing what it means, hell, you can't even pronounce it properly!"

"But this is Glory, is it not?" He walked about and shrugged. "This is where we find out what the great O'Neally has done that is worthy of Glory." He looked back at her, Luna's light shadowed his features behind his blonde hair. "And as you said a moment ago, the answer is, nothing."

"Glory is more than simply taking territory or winning a battle or contest. The spirits ask if those deeds are memorable. Can a lesson be learned from the retelling of the story? Indeed, is it even worth retelling?" Kris sunk his hands in his pockets again and looked up to the moon and inhaled again, basking his Goddess's light. "However, Glory incorporates elements of Honor. After all, if you wish to claim Glory for your actions, you must proudly claim credit for them."

His voice was a bit calmer now, like the ire he'd felt for her had subsided slightly. It was still the gravelly deep voice that reminded her a lot of Declan. "We're not all perfect, O'Neally. Violating the Oath? Hell, I've done it a few times, even intentionally. It's not the violation that bothers me, it's your complete disregard for it. That, I can not abide, and if you are, on your Honor going to claim credit for the deeds of Glory you've accomplished, then I can not recognize them. There is nothing memorable about being a beast, Sarah. I'm sorry."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah's unbeating heart fell, and her eyes went to the ground right along with it. She was, as the Dead-Wolf was coming to realize, defeated before she even started. Arguing the fine point of whether or not blood was flesh wasn't going to cut it, not with Lighting-Strikes-Twice. And where did that leave her, a vampire? Bound to an Oath that she could not even hope to uphold?

She'd honestly thought this matter resolved when she'd talked it over with the half-moon judge of the Ajo Runner's a few years back. But it wasn't. And it wouldn't be. Unless....

"There... there might be an option."

The words surprised her as they came out of her mouth. From his expression, they might have half-surprised Kris as well.

"When I was with the Ajo Runners, I'd worried about this aspect of my Oath. There was a lot of discussion then, and the general conclusion was that blood isn't flesh, and that since it can be given without any lasting harm it's not the same thing as actually eating a mortal. Mind you, I made an extra bit of Oath there, too: The People Are Not Prey.

"But you might be right. And if you are, then I've been violating the Oath for these past four years and change."

She looked back up from the ground at the big Rahu. "But I don't have to. I won't lie; there's nothing in this world that tastes better than mortal blood. But I can - and have - get by on animal blood. 'Course, it's not as thick, and that usually means there's a dead animal left in the end. And dead animals raise questions in the city."

"But like I said, there's nothing better than mortals... in this world. When I'm in Shadow - in the rare moments that I get to travel in Shadow - the animal-spirits are damned near as rich and fulfilling as mortals. I... I think I might even be able to subsist on that after my blood thickens to the point where I couldn't feed on normal animals anymore."

Swallowing, she asked, "Do you think there's a way for me to learn to step sideways, to cross to Shadow without constant assistance? If I could do that, I could uphold my Oath without semantic gymnastics. I could get by without ever feeding on a mortal again."

[Dave ST]

He rubbed his forehead with his hand. "Sarah, it's not the blood. I could accept that, given your condition and the fact that you don't have to kill to get it. Obviously Luna has, in part, or you would not be here talking with me."

"It's not getting the blood that's violating your Oath. It's you and your lust for carnage."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Now Sarah was stumped. Thirst for blood, she certainly had. But a thrist for carnage? She'd never seen herself that way. Sarah wasn't one for diving into a fight for the sake of a fight, or killing for the sake of killing. She did what was necessary to feed, and when she found herself in a fight she did her level best to end it as quickly as possible.

And she said as much.

"I think you've got the wrong vampire if that's what you think about me. I don't love killing. I don't love fighting. Yes, part of me - the Beast does, but I do everything in my power to keep a good grip on it. I hunt, yes, but I hunt to feed, not for the sake of tearing something up. And when I do have to fight, I fight to get it over as quick as possible.

"I don't lust for carnage. I don't care what your spirit-spies or whatever have reported. I don't love killing."

[Dave ST]

"Ni Daha Sarah." Kris said. "'Respect your prey'. The Oath commands us to respect all our prey, and indeed any life or spirit we might end. This includes humans, and Uratha."

"It's why we do not use silver on our own kind Sarah! It's why we do not torture or cause our prey to suffer any more than it needs to! We move in, we do what we must, and we let the soul rest in peace. You make a fine wolf Sarah, with teeth and claws suited for glory, of that I've no doubt!" He gripped her wrist and held out her hand between them. "But it's never enough for you, is it? The teeth must bite deeper, the claws must shred deadlier, the wounds must be as painful and as terrible as you can possibly make them so your enemy suffers as much as possible."

"Just ask that girl up there at the Lodge," He pointed off into the shadows of the forest. "The wounds seep, the bandages need replaced every few hours and even her Uratha stamina isn't enough to keep the pain away. She lives in misery because of you and don't you dare apologize, those talons are summoned by choice and you choose to make use of them every time. What you did, you did intentionally."

"Your memorable deeds that may have been worthy of Glory are tainted by the necessary suffering of your enemies." He looked to the shadows towards the hidden Lodge. "And allies."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

And there was the crux of it. It hit the dead girl upside the head like a brick. She actually stood there looking much like someone had literally done so for a minute.

"I got used to them, got used to them as the way to fight, whenever I had to fight, before I could change into the wolf." The words came out haltingly, slowly. "And I disrespected those I fought in doing so."

Realization wasn't a fun thing. Guilt never is. But Sarah had no choice but to face it now.

"I failed the Oath, and failed Luna."

[Dave ST]

"There are times when every weapon in our arsenal must be used," Kris said quietly. "I've used silver, hell, I've used barn doors, sledgehammers, you name it. Were your transgressions few, or out of necessity, I could forgive, as I have been forgiven in the past and acknowledge your deeds, but that is not the case. Yes Sarah, you have failed."

He turned his back on her and looked up at the moon. "Your test is over."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Her anger and animosity toward Kris was gone, blown out in a wave of self-blame and failure. She gave a respectful motion that was halfway between a nod and a bow, then shifted into her wolf-form. Tail between her legs, she backed away in very familiar submission, then turned and stalked back down the mountain, defeated by her own actions.