Aberrant: 2011 - Hine-nui-te-pō

[z-James Walker]

Daddy's Little Goddess
by Mark Haughter

Hine-nui-te-pō believes that she is a reincarnated goddess, which isn't all that unusual for some novas who get a few screws loose in their heads. And normally, Project Utopia stops these loose screws, takes them gently by the hand, and leads them to a nice padded cell for rehabilitation. But in Hine-nui-te-pō's case, she's getting validation from an entire nation.

Granted, when you're talking about Tuvalu, "entire nation" means nine tiny islands with no economic or strategic value. You have to love a nation with one airport that is so isolated that Expedia.op isn't sure how to get there.

Tuvalu has a long history of making some decisions that others question. They sold their domain name for the royalties. It was literally the only thing of value that they had. Well, that and validation to a crazy nova.

Yes, Hine-nui-te-pō (or Hina as she graciously shortens it for the lazy among us) is getting embraced by Tuvalu, who have decided to make her their favorite citizen. Or maybe, they're just giving that honor to her bank account.

Whatever, it worked. When New Zealand kicked this woman out of their sandbox, she went right to Tuvalu and bought herself citizenship by first buying some of their land for a temple to herself, then by giving the government a special gift of a lifetime (her lifetime or their's? No one's said!) loan with zero interest and no timeline for payback. Funny, when my mom does that for me, it's called a gift.

Now you may be asking why the Project, our wonderful, Big Brother Project and its tame novas, would allow this to stand? Because like Tuvalu, the Project apparently has a price; inside sources tell me that lil' Miss Hina has a protector who has donated so much money to the Project that they have to hold off until she does something really bad. Let's think about this for a moment: the Project is looking the other way for a nova who thinks she's a goddess of life and death. Does anyone else see the problem here?

Forget nuking the Teragen - I want my bomb, the one that I bought with my tax money, to be pointed at Tuvalu. Mind you, this is only because my one piddly little bomb couldn't take out Uber-miester Pax, much less the Project. But one bomb should more than cover Tuvalu, with some left over. And even better, there'll be sushi of all and sundry afterward.