Aberrant: Children of Quantum Fire - Changes [Complete]

[z-The Morrigan]

The storm followed them back to the Congo. Morri knew that Ein didn’t mean it, that the storm was an expression of his disappointment in her. Evo had come out of the club and, seeing them in the air, had followed. The beating of his wings had been a loud hum as he had joined them, keeping pace with King of the Congo as he flew to his palace. For a moment, it seemed like he’d be as quiet as Ein and Morri, but he wasn’t able to hold his tongue. “Well?” The question was quiet, but somewhere between expectant and accusatory.

“Can this wait?” There was no anger or bluster or Ein’s usual casual joviality in the king’s voice.

“How long did you have in mind?” Evo queried, his tone carrying a warning.

That stirred a mild reaction from Morri; she had been resting her head in the cleft of Ein’s shoulder, but now she opened her eyes to give Evo a faintly annoyed look. Scarily, it was a milder version of the same look that Einherjar gave him. “As long as it takes,” Ein said, some of his vigor returning to his voice. Then he amended, “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Evo scowled then said, “Fine. I’ll be expecting you in the conference room off my office at one in the afternoon.”

“Fine.” When nothing more was said, Morri’s eyes drifted shut once again. She curled in closer to Einherjar, making herself a little more comfortable, and dozed off to sleep. When she awoke, it was because their speed and angle was changing. Like a passenger who’s realized the car has slowed and turned into the driveway, she realized they were nearing the end of their trip. She stirred sleepily, then remembered last night. Remembered the fight. Remembered that Ein was upset with her.

Subtly, she took a sniff of him. He smelled very sad, and Morri shuddered as she realized it was her fault.

Einherjar flew into his gardens and set down next to the entrance to his rooms. Evo had followed, only to have his king politely state, “I will see you at one, Evo. Morri and I have to talk first.”

[Eingar]

The Justicar nodded, some of his stiffness having worn off during the long flight, and departed, his wings buzzing as he soared up and away. Einherjar sighed and entered his own apartments, the Morrigan cradled in his arms. He didn't know where to begin. How? How the hell did he begin to tell Morri what it meant to him that she had been hurt... and that he hadn't protected her. That he had failed her. And the worst part of all...

No, not right now. Focus on Morri. Ein set Morri down, sitting her on the couch that dominated his lounge area, before kneeling in front of her so they were at eye level. Storm King and Blood Queen gazed at one another for a long moment.

"I'm sorry." Einherjar said softly. "I asked you to come along to that place. I didn't know, Morri, I swear." He felt tears on his cheeks, but his voice remained steady and deep. "I found out about... last year." he ventured. "Alpha told me. I never suspected or... Or I don't know." he admitted, feeling helpless. "And when I saw him with his hands on you..." The powerful jaw worked as he struggled to get the words past his gritted teeth. "All I could think of was that you looked so scared, and I wasn't there for you."

[z-The Morrigan]

Morri was alright at first. When Ein sat her down on the couch and knelt in front of her, she gave him her full attention. He only did things like this when they were important, and based on the smells coming off of him, things were very important. When the tears started, her expression went from attentive to surprised, then to upset. Her hands reached out to cup his cheeks, her thumbs wiping at his tears.

To her surprise, he caught her wrists and pulled her hands away from him. Never had Einherjar done that to her; if she trespassed, he’d always asked her to correct herself. She’d never been denied touching him before. A gulf of fear yawned at her feet; something terrible was happening and she didn’t know what or how to stop it. And what was he talking about, a year ago? “Ein… but… you were there for me,” Morri protested, slightly confused. “You pulled him away from me. You stopped him. Hell, you almost brought down an entire bloody building because he was playing silly buggers. You were there.”

“I wasn’t a year ago,” her King said. “Who was it?” A year ago? Alpha told him? Her brain suddenly snapped all the pieces into place, and horror dawned over her features as she realized what he was talking about. Her jaw locked as she fought an attack of pure panic. “Morri, who?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, forcing her voice out through her stiff lips. “He’s dead. I killed him.” She knew he still wanted to know so she whispered, “Khatar, the Scale Tyrant. His skin is in my cave. In the Primal Lands.” She shook her head. “I killed him, it doesn’t matter anymore. Ein, please don’t cry.”

[Eingar]

I'm scaring her. Ein thought belatedly, and gave the Morrigan a reassuring smile.

"I'm glad he's dead." he said with calm force. His smile became wry. "Though if I'd known who's skin I was walking on and what he did, I might have gone out and found something nasty to track all over it." The smile died. "It's not often I feel like a failure. But I feel like I've failed you."

"No." Morri said insistently. "No. You haven't!" She put her hands on his shoulders and gripped him there, wanting to shake him and hug him at the same time. "You... You've done so much for me. So much more than anyone else ever has. And you showed me how to do for myself, too. That's even more important! You rescued me from the cage in more ways than one."

"I didn't protect you. I wasn't there!" Ein said with quiet anger. "And when Alpha told me... When he asked me if I was out of my mind bringing you to a sexually charged situation like a fetish bar, I felt so confused. 'That was years ago, and Morri's gotten so much better', I thought." His glowing blue eyes met her gaze. "I would never have taken you there if I'd known. I would have stayed here, with you. I would..." he searched for the right words. "... make it better, somehow. I still want to." He sighed, large hands coming up to his shoulders and resting over hers.

"I failed to protect the last woman I loved." he told her, his heart in his eyes even as the cool observant part of his head wondered at the content of his speech. "I know that technically I wasn't to blame, but I still might have been there if I hadn't been in New York, talking to Utopia about joining." He grimaced. "I wanted so much to be a hero that I was off doing that when she needed me most. And I was so busy being a king that I wasn't by your side. And then you didn't tell me about it... Well, I can guess why, I suppose. You wanted to forget it, or didn't want to upset me... And I would have been upset, Morri, but I would have also helped you. Because I love-"

His eyes widened a little as his brain caught up with what he was saying. He'd never said that to her. He'd implied it, through act and speech and kindness and friendship. And he'd rationalised it as a 'kind of love', camaraderie crossed with a parental type of affection. But it isn't, really. Is it? his analytical mind supplied. He cleared his throat.

"Well, you know." he said a trifle awkwardly, hoping she didn't freak out. "Anyway... That's my reason for going stupid tonight. That's why I'm angry and sad, not because of you. Well, I'm a little upset you didn't tell me," he added honestly "But hell, that's practically a raindrop in a hurricane."

[z-The Morrigan]

His near confession barely affected her. Of course he loved her. She’d known that for years. She loved him, too. But should she tell him? Since he had said it, should she? She put the question aside for a moment.

“Ein… I left your side,” Morri said, feeling her throat tighten. “I wanted somewhere I could run, and it took me there, and… Khatar caught me by surprise, before I knew the animals were novas.” His hands tightened over hers, even as she pushed forward, “I was the one who went too far away from you.”

And then I didn’t tell him… Why hadn’t she? At the time, Morri had just done exactly as she’d always done; she had killed the fucker who raped her and never talked about it again. But Bombshell had said that there was no shame in it for her, that she had done nothing wrong.

Only she had. She hadn’t told Einherjar, and she’d upset him.

“I didn’t want it to be real,” she admitted, “and if I told you, you’d know I hadn’t been careful enough. But all I did was… upset you.” It was her turn to feel the tears rise, and for the first time in her memory, she didn’t fight them. Ein had never seen her cry, no matter how afraid or hurt she was. She’d sworn to herself that so long as she didn’t cry, no one had ever hurt her more than Hatchins had. But she’d hurt herself even worse. “I’m sorry! I should have told you, I’ll never hide anything like that from you again!”

“Morri,” he sighed, his big hand moving to rest on her cheek. He caught a tear with his thumb before chuckling a little. “Look at the two of us.” He sighed again. “I’m not that upset with you. I know you had your reasons. But you don’t have to keep that from me. I want to help you, in whatever way you need.”

“How?” she asked, reaching up to rub at her eyes with a shaky hand. The tears weren’t stopping; it was as if she’d let go of whatever had been holding them all back and now they were all coming out.

“However you want,” the Storm King told her. He paused a moment then said, “If you want to take Alpha’s suggestion, I’ll find you someone. The best person I can.”

“Will it help?” Morri asked, peering up at him. “Jason said I should talk about it, but… will it help?” He could see the fear in her eyes – she didn’t like to think about this, or talk about it with friends, so would it be any better with a stranger?

“I’ve never tried,” he told her honestly. “But I’ve never thought to try either. Tavon urged me to do that for you years ago, but I thought if you wanted to see a psychologist, you’d ask. I’ve been told by others – women who faced some of the same issues you did before I came to power – that it helps.”

“I want to be a mother,” she whispered, her eyes dropping to his chest. She’d only spoken of this to one or two people and not Ein before, but after withholding from Ein already, she was in no mood to remain silent. “To have a family, but I can’t stand to have men touch me.” Ein mulled over the fact that he wasn’t one of the men in his head, trying to ignore the slight bruising to his ego as Morri dropped him into a not-man category. “And I know that there are ways around that. I could have a baby, if I wanted. I’ve just thought that if I didn’t do it right, couldn’t do it right, then could I look at him or her later and tell them to be brave? When I hadn’t been. I’ve tried. I’ve worked to be alright around males, to tolerate their hungry smiles and their rising lusts. They try to hide it, but I can smell it.”

She was silent a moment. “Yes, I will go to the psychologist. I will try that. Perhaps it will help.”

[Eingar]

"Perhaps it will." he echoed, gently drawing her into a hug. "Not all men hurt women, not all lust is about power and hate and selfishness. You're beautiful, and even the best of men respond to that. Desire's one of those tricky buggers - on the outside it can seem little different from man to man. There's a shitload of jokes about all men being the same - Bombshell could probably tell you all of them." he said lightly, wiping another couple of stray tears from her face. "Truth is, we're all very different animals."

There was a harsh buzz from the phone and Ein sighed, not taking his eyes off Morri as he called out "Answer on speaker." then "This is Einherjar. And this better be urgent."

"My king-" began the voice on the other end, but Ein cut it off.

"Is my country burning down?"

"No, majesty, but-"

"Is there about to be a thermonuclear war?"

"No, majesty-"

"Then it can wait until morning. Phone to off." The digitised click was loud in the quiet room, Ein rolling his eyes and looking back at Morri. "That was probably the Spanish government registering an official complaint. I'll make a formal apology in the morning, but for now my foreign ministry staff can earn their pay." He kissed Morrigan on the brow. "I've got something more important to do." Morri smiled a little up at him.

"It's good that you want to be a mother." he told her with an answering smile. "And you're right - if you don't learn to at least cope with your own fears, you might pass them on to your child. In every other respect, though, you'd be the best mum in the world." He gave her a grin. "Your child would be fortunate. So let's work on this. I'll do some research and find a good therapist, and I'll even come along to the sessions with you if it'll make you feel more at ease."

[z-The Morrigan]

“And if I fear men, what will I do if I have a son?” Morri shook her head. “What kind of damage would it do to him to learn that from me? It would be bad with a girl, but a boy… I can’t not fix this. I know that.” Red eyes were filled with fear as she looked at him. “Yes, please come… just one or two times. Until I’m comfortable. Those sessions, they’re done alone, right?”

“Sometimes,” he told her gently. “Depends on what the therapist decides is best for you. If you tell her that you want me there, she’ll allow it.” It wouldn’t be a man; Morri needed to take smaller steps than that. They were quiet for a long moment, Morri leaning against him. “Do you want to sleep?” he asked her.

Morri was quiet for a moment, and he wondered if she’d already fallen asleep. “Can I sleep with you?” Ein’s eyes widened in confusion for a second before she clarified, “I mean, in your bed, since you don’t sleep.”

“Yes, of course,” he told her, even as he was a little worried. Morri hadn’t tried to sleep with him for years; of course, during those days, it’d been under his bed when he had company, and balled up on the edge of his mattress when he didn’t. Uneasy, he kissed her forehead and rose, carrying her with him. The huge man walked through his suite and put her on the bed, tucking her under the heavy covers. “Sleep well, Morri.”

She’d need it, for the real work began tomorrow.

[Quantum Fire]

End of Thread

XP: 2 Standard, 2 Nova