Ayre el KaBeer Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 I got this in an email (and no doubt so did many of you), but for those who didn't have a read, it's great! ::biggrin > Subject: Shire workers!! > > > > >This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan >Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's >response >is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response >letter. > >SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County > >Dear Mr. DeVries: > >It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality >that >there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel >of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or >contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: > >Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet >stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this >type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits >have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this >activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the >Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public >Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan >Compiled >Laws, annotated. > >The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially >failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at >downstream >locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and >cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and >desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a >free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from >the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than >January 31, 2003. > >Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that >a >follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to >comply >with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may >result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We >anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. >Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. > > Sincerely, > >David L. Price, District RepresentativeLand and Water Management Division > > ** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: ** > > Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. > >Dear Mr. Price, > >Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. >I >am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, >Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of >constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet >stream >of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their >dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their >skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to >challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any >time >and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way >you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their >dam >ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their >dam >work ethic. > >As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must >first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam >activity. My first dam question to you is: >(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or >(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said >dam >request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, >through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all >those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps >we >will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and >Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act >451 >of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the >Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. > > I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers >entitled >to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute >and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to >provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either >one >or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, >is >proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required >to >protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone >rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the >stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers >-- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any >attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. > >In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their >unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and >water >flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy >Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental >Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources >(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). >So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be >referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until >1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and >there >will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. > >In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real >environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! >Bears >are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be >persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are >going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not >careful where they dump!) > >Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact >you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam >office. > >THANK YOU. >RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnakeEyes Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 LOL ::smiley1 ::smiley1 I love the way he managed to sound angry without refering to anything but the subject. Dam I wish I could do that. (sorry... *flinches* ::unsure ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoenix Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 ::smiley1 ::smiley1 ::smiley1 ROFLMAO Now that's what I call the Elite standard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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