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Dam them all to hell!!!

Ayre el KaBeer

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I got this in an email (and no doubt so did many of you), but for those who didn't have a read, it's great! ::biggrin

> Subject: Shire workers!!





>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan

>Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's


>is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response



>SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County


>Dear Mr. DeVries:


>It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality


>there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel

>of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or

>contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:


>Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet

>stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this

>type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits

>have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this

>activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the

>Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public

>Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan


>Laws, annotated.


>The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially

>failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at


>locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and

>cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and

>desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a

>free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from

>the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than

>January 31, 2003.


>Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that


>follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to


>with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may

>result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We

>anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

>Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.


> Sincerely,


>David L. Price, District RepresentativeLand and Water Management Division


> ** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **


> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.


>Dear Mr. Price,


>Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.


>am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,

>Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of

>constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet


>of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their

>dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their

>skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to

>challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any


>and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way

>you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their


>ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their


>work ethic.


>As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must

>first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam

>activity. My first dam question to you is:

>(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

>(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said


>request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,

>through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all

>those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps


>will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and

>Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act


>of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the

>Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.


> I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers


>to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute

>and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to

>provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either


>or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding,


>proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required


>protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone

>rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the

>stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers

>-- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any

>attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.


>In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their

>unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and


>flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy

>Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental

>Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources

>(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

>So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be

>referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until

>1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and


>will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.


>In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real

>environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!


>are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be

>persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are

>going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not

>careful where they dump!)


>Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact

>you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam





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