Big Eyes, Small Mouth (BESM): Nexus Earth - [Fic] The Book of Mourning [Complete]

[z-Skye the Fallen]

The Book of Mourning

... or losing what you didn't even know you wanted.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

They had battled to the end point. The bodies of demons littered the ground, and their blood mingled with the all-too human blood of Skye and her fellow demon-hunters. Skye swayed slightly as she faced yet another demon, her silvery forcefield still glowing strongly. It lunged for her and she snapped her fan through the air, cutting the minor demon in half. Swaying a little more now, Skye turned her attention to the main fight.

It was over. The head was down and the other demons were retreating. Skye leapt into the air and flew the short distance to Keiko’s side, sharing a shaky grin with the other priestess. They were almost done. Once they’d sealed the head, they would be free! Keiko began the incantation, her dark eyes locked on Skye’s blue ones. As she finished, Skye began her part, her voice rising and falling in a very familiar cadence. Then the final word came, followed by a shriek of wind.

Laughing, the two priestesses embraced one another – they had done it! But something was different this time. Turning, they watched as the portal opened and ghostly images of all the heads appeared, being dragged into it. The kids watched, grinning and cheering as the forms were sucked away – all but the First Head. He turned and suddenly lunged, his hands wrapping around the ankle of the closest hunter. With a grunt, Kazuo tumbled onto his back and slid over the earth toward the portal. The others reacted, Skye throwing herself into the air. She reached out as Kazuo scrabbled for purchase on the ground. She caught his wrist and she was sliding forward too.

Kenichi’s big hand lashed out and caught her legs, arresting Skye in place. Kazuo’s hand was wrenched from hers and he disappeared into the violent red portal. “Kazuo,” Skye whispered as it snapped shut.

He was gone.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

Victory was hollow after that. No one felt like celebrating anymore because they all felt that Kazuo should have been there. Skye went back to the temple, struggling with her feelings. Keiko walked with her, silent. At the door to the room that had been hers for too long now, Skye paused. Then, like the night her mother died, she followed her instincts and grabbed a bag. She began to stuff her few clothes inside, leaving what seemed too dirty or damaged to take. Keiko watched her and finally said, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going home,” Skye said. “There’s no reason to stay here.”

“But… you could stay with us,” Keiko said softly. “As long as you wanted!”

Skye had been crouched on the floor; now she twisted on the balls of her feet and looked up at the sun priestess. “I’m tired of not being someone,” she said softly. “I’m tired of avoiding police and government because I’m legally dead. I want to be free to be myself, openly and publically.” She gave Keiko a ghost of a smile. “I mean, I can’t be a model if I don’t have a legal identity.” But even as she mentioned her life-long dream, she realized it was hollow, stupid. Her eyes dropped and she swallowed back tears. One more loss. “Anyway,” she said briskly, “I’m going to the German Consulate and talking to them.”

Rising, she started to leave, only to stop at the door. Reaching over, she pulled Keiko to her for another hug. Straightening, she pushed a lock of the priestess’ black hair over her ear. “Thank you, Keiko. For… everything,” she said. Then she left, not looking back.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

The Consulate was closed. With a sigh, Skye turned away from the gate and wandered through Tokyo. Her mind, free to roam, returned again and again to the image of Kazuo being dragged away. Something hard and sick settled into her stomach. His family wouldn’t even know. He’d lost a parent, a father, she thought. But didn’t he have a mother?

Skye turned to the phone book. A quick search brought up a few Kanai’s and she quickly decided that the best shot was the one female Kanai listed. She considered a moment, then shrugged. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do. She hoped on the train and rode out to the district where the woman lived, wandering through the streets until she found the house. It was late, but there were lights on, and Skye walked up to the door and knocked.

After a long moment, an older woman opened the door. She was pretty, in a diligently manufactured way that took hours to achieve. She looked over the pretty girl and said, “Yeah?”

Stink of alcohol? Check. Bad attitude? Check. This was looking more and more correct. “Are you Kanai Kazuo’s mother?” Skye asked.

The woman rolled her eyes. “What has that bastard done now? He knock you up? Well, I ain’t raising a half-breed grand-brat, so you can shove off.”

Skye’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not pregnant,” she hissed. “I came to tell you there’s been… an accident. Involving Kazuo.”

The woman took a slug from her bottle and said, “So?”

Skye’s expression became incredulous. “He’s your son,” she insisted, her little fists shaking as she thought about slugging the woman. “Don’t you care?”

“He’s no son of mine,” Kazuo’s mother told her.

Rage flowed through Skye like the wind that had been part of her life for so long now. Shaking, she turned around and walked away. As the door started to close, Skye spun back and said, “You should care! He’s a hero, you cold bitch.” The only reply was a sneer and the door slamming shut.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

Skye camped out at the consulate. She put her bag on the ground and sat on it, then leaned back against the wall. For the next eight hours she waited, trying to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Kazuo being ripped away again. “Verdammt,” she said softly and gave up on sleeping.

At eight sharp, the guards came out and opened the gate. Skye stood up and shuffled inside. They didn’t stop her; she looked German, or at least not Japanese. Their reaction to her made her smile – she didn’t get treated as an insider often in Japan. Once inside, she got in line and waited five minutes until the window clerk was ready for her. Like the Japanese, the Germans were obsessively neat and orderly, and everything had to be in order before the day could begin. Skye waited patiently, because waiting impatiently would get her nowhere.

She was waved forward and she walked to the counter. “May I help you?” the clerk, an older man with a ratty combover, asked in German.

“My name is Skye Fell, and I’m a German citizen,” Skye said, smiling. Her German was a touch rusty, but the man didn’t comment or sneer – as he normally would have – as the pretty girl stumbled over words. As the man automatically smiled back at her, she added, “I don’t have my identification but I need to report myself.”

“Report… for what?” he asked.

Skye smiled. “I’m alive,” she told him. As he frowned, she said, “Look me up.”

Five minutes later, all hell broke loose.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

The Consulate wanted to confirm her identify before they did anything. Skye was fingerprinted and examined by a nurse before she was offered a place to stay. It was a hotel on Consulate grounds; close enough that they could keep an eye on her but far enough away from sensitive material. She was free to come and go, being outside the guarded perimeter. Then before they actually took her to her room, she was grilled for hours about where she’d been.

She’d been thinking about her story, and with just a few tears and careful sobs, Skye painted a picture of a scared young woman who’d hidden with friends in Tokyo rather than go to the Consulate. It was foolish, she admitted, but with all the strangeness going on, she’d just been so frightened. She’d finally come to her senses and realized what she needed to do, she added with a perfect sniffle. The man interviewing her had gotten her another tissue and patted her hand. They seemed to accept her story, but grew upset when she wouldn’t name names. She was a minor who’d been harbored by Japanese natives. Finally, in a spurt of petty vengeance, she gave them Kazuo’s mother’s name and address. She had a feeling that Kazuo would approve of the trouble it’d bring on the hateful bitch. She now really understood why he didn’t talk about his home life, at all.

They told her it would take a couple of days to confirm her identity. Until then, she wasn’t to leave the city. Skye told him she understood and went to her hotel room. She stripped to her underwear and lay down on the soft bed, falling instantly into a deep sleep. She dreamed of the hell of the last few months, of losing Kazuo, of Henry, her mother and an endless stampede of lives she hadn’t saved. Still, sleep was sleep, and the young woman woke up thirteen hours later feeling better. She showered and dressed, called for some breakfast and watched some television.

This is what she’d wanted – total leisure, with no demands on her health or time. Skye found herself getting quickly bored. “Dieser saugt,” she growled, angry that she’d finally gotten what she wanted and it wasn’t what she enjoyed anymore. She persisted, right until she saw a cheesy show about superheroes. What made her flip the television off in disgust was the fact that she was mentally critiquing the guy’s flight on the show. It was dumb to sit here and watch something that she was trying to avoid thinking about!

Digging her fans out of her bag, she tucked them into her jacket pocket and headed out into the night. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but she’d know when she found it.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

The pressure was gone from Japan. You could feel it in the air. People were smiling more; they were talking and being people again instead of sheep. Skye smiled to see it. It helped her struggles to know that she’d done this for everyone. Of course, knowing that those trials were behind her instead of before her made her really smile. It was a short-lived smile, because Kazuo should have seen it too.

“Raus aus meinem Kopg, du verdammter Verworfenen,” she muttered as an incantation against thoughts of Kazuo. It helped, for a few minutes.

She wandered around Tokyo all day, enjoying the sights of the city she’d soon be leaving. The Consulate was clear on that; unless she had a reason to stay in Japan, she’d be going home. There was already talk of the aid she’d receive at home, the schooling and the help getting her caught up and back into the school system. One member of the embassy had shyly implied she should check out modeling. The thought was tempting, but it didn’t feel real.

That was her problem, she realized about dusk. None of it felt real anymore. The last few months had been an intense time of killing and dismembering demons, and she was becoming slowly aware of the fact that nothing else seemed normal or familiar. And it was all kinda boring. Skye cursed soundly in vile-sounding German at that revelation, but it did nothing to change the facts.

It was perhaps no accident that she found herself at Bistro 35 Steps, with the ghost of Kazuo following her. She trotted down the steps, aware she was underdressed for the night. She pushed open the doors and found the place packed despite the early hour. Skye smiled a little at the atmosphere of celebration in the room. Nobody but her knew what they were celebrating.

A familiar face appeared in an opening in the crowd and Skye understood why she was here. Subconsciously, she’d come here for this reason. Pushing through the crammed room, she sidled up to Sho and tapped him on the shoulder.

He grinned widely at her. “Skye!” he half-yelled over the commotion of people having a good time. “Hey, come on, join us!”

She was smiling despite the fact that she was about to ruin his good time. “Sho, no thanks. Got a moment to talk? Outside?”

He studied her face and then nodded. Turning back to the table, he made his excuses and followed her out the door. Skye took him down the street to a bench, away from the foot traffic entering and leaving the azakaya. “Whatzup?” Sho asked.

Skye licked her lips and felt her throat tighten. This was way harder than Kazuo’s mother had been; harder than she’d thought it would be. She liked Sho, too, despite the crazy history – and really, what else could you expect given that she’d met him through Kazuo? Telling him this was going to suck, so much. “Sho, Kazuo’s… he’s gone,” she said and felt tears rising in her eyes, to her surprise.

Sho deflated. There wasn’t another word for what happened to him. He turned from her, blinking and trying to talk. Finally, he managed to say, “How?”

Skye hesitated, wondering what to tell him. Their group had always had a silent agreement to never tell normal people about the darkness they fought, but this was different. The war was over and done. And she wanted to tell someone. But before she could make herself start, Sho continued. “I mean, I knew you guys were wrapped up in something big, especially after that one night.” Skye flushed with shame but Sho wasn’t dwelling; he’d already moved on. “I didn’t ask, ‘cause I figured you guys would tell me. But now… it’s gotten my friend killed.”

“Oh, he’s not dead,” Skye said and realized she’d just committed herself. As Sho looked confused, Skye quickly began to fill him in on what she knew. She didn’t know exactly how Kazuo had gotten involved, but she told Sho about her own induction. It was liberating being able to finally discuss this with someone and Skye felt better as she talked. But when the moment came to tell of Kazuo’s fate, she felt herself faltering. Her throat felt as if someone was squeezing it from the inside and her eyes stung. But she wouldn’t admit that they were tears, because she wasn’t going to cry over Kazuo ficken Kanai!

Her resolve to not cry crumbled when Sho put an arm around her shoulders. Skye wasn’t sure why she was crying, but the dam had been opened and she was weeping heavily. “It’s ok,” Sho comforted. “If anyone would come back, it’s Kazuo.”

“How?” Skye sobbed. “We didn’t do anything with the portals! He was pulled through!”

“Skye, we can’t give up on him,” Sho said, pulling up her chin and looking in her eyes. “We have to do something to get our friend back.”

Skye blinked at him, so shocked she stopped crying. “Kazuo’s not my friend,” she insisted. As Sho realized what was going on and wisely kept silent, she added, “He was my teammate… and it’s not fair! It’s not fair that we’re ok and he’s not!” The tears were coming again and Skye stood up, rage at the injustice burning through her. “It’s not fair that he’s suffering Gott knows what in that place!” She balled up her fists; she hadn’t felt this helpless in a long time.

There was nothing she could do for Kazuo. Nothing. I’m going to be haunted by him, by not knowing what happened to him, for the rest of my life, she thought to herself, and knew it was true.

Click to reveal..

Raus aus meinem Kopg, du verdammter Verworfenen – Get out of my head, you damned degenerate.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

They got totally smashed. There seemed no more appropriate response to Kazuo’s absence than to drink themselves into oblivion. They ran into people that knew Kazuo, or at least said they did. They all heard the story, or a version of it. Skye didn’t feel like telling some of the more personal bits, but Sho was more than willing to tell her part, too. Slowly, the story began to spread through the underground of Kazuo Kanai and the Demon Hunters.

Throughout, Skye and Sho kept drinking; some people bought drinks for them – which improved Skye’s willingness to storytell, naturally. They worked on getting too drunk to remember what they had lost. That sort of thing still took time, though, and before they were too far gone, Sho turned to her and said, “There’s… sum… someone else you shoul’ tell. About Kazuo.”

He and Skye both tipped their drinks back, taking healthy swigs. After, they paused, waiting to see if the alcohol and the world would stay where they belonged. When Skye was sure that the swaying and double vision were natural, she said, “Whom?”

“Reiko,” Sho said, as if that name explained it all.

“Why?” Skye asked in a slurred query.

Sho looked somber – drunkenly somber – as he informed her, “Tha’ was the girl tha’ Kazuo got hisself all cut up over.” Sho dragged a finger over his forehead, as if he needed to elaborate that to Skye. She knew he was all cut up! She’d often thought about how ugly all those scars were, after all.

Skye nodded. If she was someone important to Kazuo, then she should tell her. But it was slowly penetrating her brain that this was a girl who’d meant something to Kazuo. A heavy, unpleasant feeling settled into her gut as she nodded anyway, determined to see this through. I hope she’s fat and ugly. And fat. Oh, and really ugly.

They took the train to the north side of Tokyo, Skye leaning heavily against Sho. She was tired now, just drunk, worn out and exhausted. Sho supported her, drawing up vague memories of other nights when she’d been stumbling drunk and it had been a scarred waist she’d put her arms around as a barricade against the cruel spinning of the world. But tonight it wasn’t the booze that was keeping her weak. It was the ache in her heart.

She gazed out the window on the door of the train and caught sight of the crescent moon. A thought crossed her mind, more frightening than any she’d had before. Now that it was all done, she still Luna’s priestess?

“Luna, kannst du mich hören?” she whispered. At her plea, Skye felt that familiar peace flow over her, calming and gentle. “Ich danke Ihnen, meine Göttin, ich danke Ihnen.”

“Wha’s tha?” Sho murmured in a soft slur of words.

“Just a prayer,” Skye whispered, giving Sho a smile. The calm stayed with her as the train bore them toward another piece of Kazuo’s past.

Click to reveal..

Luna, kannst du mich hören? – Luna, can you hear me?

Ich danke Ihnen, meine Göttin, ich danke Ihnen. – Thank you, my goddess, thank you.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

Skye followed Sho as they mounted the stairs of an apartment building. At one of the doors, Sho quietly knocked, in deference of the late hour. There was a long pause, then the door opened a crack. Skye saw a sliver of feminine features before the door closed again and she heard the rattle of a chain. Skye glanced at Sho; the neighborhood wasn’t that bad. He didn’t say anything as the door opened to show a young woman no older than Skye. “Sho, please come in,” she said softly, her eyes downcast.

Skye followed Sho after he gave her a jerk of his head. Her first good look at the woman in the full light of her entry hallway made Skye’s stomach sink. She was pretty and not at all fat. “Reiko,” Sho was saying with a small bow, “this is Skye, a friend of Kazuo’s and mine.”

Skye bowed and murmured niceties; one didn’t grow up in Japan without learning how to mindlessly speak polite words. Reiko bowed back and murmured the same polite words. When Reiko straightened, she added, “Please, come and sit down.”

They followed her back into the apartment, which was a very typical Japanese living space. The bathroom and kitchen were immediately past the door, and the main room was bedroom and living room together. Skye found them claustrophobic, especially after the spacious – by Tokyo standards – Western-style apartment she and her mother had shared. But she took a seat on the floor, sitting cross-legged before the small table which was the center piece of the room. Reiko offered them food and drink, which they declined.

Finally, Sho got down to business. “Reiko, we’re sorry to bring you bad news,” Sho said gently. As the woman stiffened, he looked at Skye.

Skye sighed and once again started the story. She had just uttered the word ‘demon’ when Reiko shrank back, her skin going bone white. Startled, Skye stopped talking, looking at Sho. “They attacked Reiko, and Kazuo saved her life,” Sho explained gently. Reiko made an awful choked noise as she shivered, and Skye wondered if he’d saved much else. “It’s when he got so scarred. It wasn’t until your story that I really understood what Kazuo had saved her from.” Silver tears began to slide down Reiko’s downturned face.

Skye had been prepared to hate this girl for her connection to Kazuo, without really understanding why she was feeling that way, or that she was adding two and two in her head and getting five. She hadn’t been prepared to pity her. Reaching over, Skye took the girl’s chin and tipped it up so that their eyes met. Skye looked into terrified brown eyes and said, “They’re gone. I swear it. They’ll never hurt you again.”

Some of the fear fled her eyes. “What happened to Kazuo?” she asked.

Skye paused and then said, “When we sealed them back into Hell, they grabbed him, too.” Skye tried to not let those words affect her too, but her voice was rough with sorrow and Reiko started to cry again. Skye wanted to put an arm around her, but knew it wouldn’t be welcomed.

After a few moments, Reiko composed herself enough to say, “Please leave.” Sho and Skye showed themselves out.

[z-Skye the Fallen]

They got really drunk after that. There were no more pauses to tell the story; they just went from bar to bar, drinking and dancing. Given that they were following watering holes across the Tokyo landscape, there was no reason that they should have ended up high on the slopes of Mount Fuji.

But when Skye jerked awake, blinking against the harshest sun she’d ever seen, she was laying against something warm and pliant on the slope of the fabled mountain. She’d been here before, right after coming to Japan; her mother had insisted on making the trip. Skye remembered a lot of walking and how fucking cold it had been. She wasn’t that cold right now, huddled as she was against Sho. His arms were around her, holding her close.

He was waking up with a groan of his own; he froze as he looked down at her. “Skye,” he said with extreme carefulness. His hands lifted off of her, leaving spots where cold air started to creep through her clothes.

“Relax, this is better than the first time,” she said, gently pushing off of him. The world spun and she went limp against him again. “Hangovers suck,” she mumbled as she pressed her face to his chest to hide from the stabbing light. Sho’s hands hovered in the air, as if unsure where to put them. Skye looked up, confused. “What are you doing?”

“Could you sit up, maybe?” he asked.

Skye pushed herself upright, looking at him blearily. “Wha’s wrong?”

Sho pushed himself off the rock he was slumped against. “Chivalry hurts worse than a hangover,” he said, putting both hands in the small of his back and twisting violently to the right. A series of pops issued from his back and he sighed with relief. He repeated the movement and the sigh with a twist to the left. “There,” he said, looking awake and mostly normal. Skye hated him for a moment.

Maybe she was still a little drunk. Maybe she was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Maybe she just felt mean. But whatever the reason, she dared to ask a question of Sho she’d often wondered but never vocalized. “How come you’ve never made a move on me?”

Sho froze, then relaxed. Standing up, he stretched again and sighed. “Skye, why do you gotta ask questions you already know the answer to?” he asked.

She was still muzzy from the downside of last night’s wicked partying. “I… do? No, I don’t,” she said, squinting at him in the bright morning sun.

Sho shook his head, his expression somewhere behind irritated and amused. “Skye, I didn’t because of Kazuo,” he told her, his voice gentle as if breaking surprising news to her. “And don’t.” He pointed a finger at her in mock warning. “Don’t ask me to elaborate. I don’t know what you think about him or what you think about what I just said, but quit playing dumb! Lie to me, lie to yourself, but at least don’t act like you don’t know, somewhere inside.” He paused and stared down the mountain. “How the fuck did we get up here?”

Skye didn’t answer. Shocked that someone had actually called her on her deeply hidden and deeply denied feelings for her teammate, she stared at the ground. She didn’t know what to say. She barely knew what she felt. All she knew was one thing: “I want him back.”

Sho looked at her, sensing there was more. After a moment, Skye stood up. “I’m going to get him back,” she said, and there was the core of iron in her voice that had been there during all the shit and darkness of fighting the Heads. “I’ll go to Hell and we’ll fight our way out of there together. He needs me there anyway.” She looked at him, her eyes lighting up with determination. “Sho, I’m going to get him back!”

“You said it was impossible,” Sho said. “That you didn’t know how.”

“I don’t,” she replied. Turning away from him, she took out both her fans and screamed, “Old Man! I know you can hear me! You’re always watching! Come here! After all that schisse I did for you, I’ve earned this! Kazuo’s earned this, too!”

“You don’t know what you ask.” The voice came from behind them and both of them spun to look up at him, perched on top of the rock they’d slept on. Sho’s first sighting of the Old Man didn’t inspire much confidence, but Skye looked at him as if he could solve this.

“I know what I want,” she stated firmly.

“You want to go to Hell,” the Old Man said. His hands were clasped in front of him. “The task will be more ard-”

“I don’t care!” The echoes from Skye’s shout seemed to take a while to die away. “I don’t care,” she added more softly, “I just want to get my friend back.” There, she’d said it. Kazuo was a friend.

If he was angry at the interruption, it didn’t show on his placid features. “Then proceed,” the Old Man told her, extending a hand to the shimmering red portal that opened next to him.

Skye turned to Sho. “I need a favor,” she said.

“Sure,” he replied.

“Go to the temple I lived at and tell the shrine maiden Keiko what’s happened. Tell her I’ll be back,” Skye said. “I’ll be back with Kazuo soon.” The Old Man was silent, his dark eyes wise with knowledge. Skye lunged forward and gave Sho a hug, holding him tight. She was scared of what she was about to do, but it was the right thing, she knew. She had to find Kazuo.

Sho hugged her back for a long moment. “Ok,” he said when he trusted his voice. “Take care and come back soon.”

When he released her, took a deep breath. “Alright,” she said, in part to herself. Snapping her fans open, she walked to the gate. She looked at the Old Man, who did nothing and to Sho, who smiled and waved to her. Swallowing hard, Skye faced the portal and stepped into Hell.

To be continued in The Book of Pain...