World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - Changeling to Vampire Talk [Fin]

[Jeremy]

February 3, 2010

Jeremy exhaled with a huff of exhausted breath. The walk up to the hill where he expected to come across Sarah was strenuous, not the least because he'd not been able to keep up his regular exercise for the last few days. It was dark night, a fitting metaphor for the person Sarah was starting to become... And he aimed to change that, or at least reverse the downward trend.

Over the past few months, he'd become painfully aware that something wrong was happening with Sarah. First he'd discovered from Hunt that the pair had broken up, then her infrequent stops at the club had hinted at a rejection from the pack that the other werewolves had formed...

She had practically vanished off the radar. He'd managed to keep track of her, out of concern of the manifold problems that would erupt if she shattered. She was one of his allies too. And the code of the Spring Court, as he interpreted it, required him to try to do something about it.

With a call to Declan, he learned of her territory, and before the club would open, made a trip over to the area. This hill overlooked a bit, and the sun had vanished as per custom several minutes ago.

Turning his head with a sigh, he caught sight of a figure he recognized emerging from the dirt. He quietly, slowly and gravely faced her and began to descend the hill toward Sarah.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Rising from a literal dirt-nap is not a time during which one's perceptions are at their best. So Sarah was almost to a full standing position, looking around to determine the best way to start the latest in her endless series of solitary patrols, when she spotted someone coming down the hill. Recognition hit after a moment, and hairs stood of their own accord at the back of their neck.

What the hell is he doing here? Doesn't he know that this is....

She stopped her build-up toward anger with a realization: ...territory marked in ways he has no way of sensing. The half-formed ire melted into a sort of annoyed frustration, tinged with a hint of something the Dead-Wolf obstinately refused to recognize as hope.

With a sigh, she started closing the distance with her unexpected guest. A hand went out - free of claws, and positioned for the ancient ritual of a handshake - as she came into conversational range. "Bit far from the bar, Jeremy. What the hell drags you out here to my turf?" She'd not really intended to put the extra emphasis on "my", but it snuck itself in nonetheless.

[Jeremy]

"The place isn't going to be open just yet." Jeremy replied coolly and he shook hands. But he felt concerned about starting this conversation and talking. A wrong phrase could bring deadly claws onto him, or at least mess things up.

He tried to begin on a cautious note. "I heard you're feeling down with regard to your unlife."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Had she been truly alive, Sarah would have blinked - a lot - at the blatent statement. As it was, she just stared. It wasn't a comfortable stare to be caught in; unblinking, intense, and very nearly unreadable, it could have been the portent of Jeremy's doom.

Only after a pregnant pause that could have born quadruplets did the Dead Wolf finally speak in a careful tone.

"I'm not sure who's been talking with you or put you up to this, but my problems aren't yours. The pack has no business poking into mine. And Lucien and I have been done for months. So you can tell whoever sent you out here that I'm not buying what they're selling."

[Jeremy]

Jeremy's mouth screwed up as Sarah started at him. Dang, but he'd probably screwed up from the start. Well, he supposed he could try and engage a little longer. He suspected Sarah felt upset with them, and her solitude was convincing her that she should be alone. Not so.

"You're not buying what I'm selling you mean. I came out here of my own choice."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Now Sarah's eyes narrowed; if the previous stare had been uncomfortable, this one was downright intimidating.

Yet when she spoke, only a single word emerged to hang in the air, thick with distrust: "Why?"

[Jeremy]

Jeremy's nails bit into his hand for a moment at the stare, but honesty compelled him to be fully clear with Sarah.

"Simple." he admitted. "If you go off the deep end, and I didn't do anything about it, I'd be at fault with myself." His face was honest, he was genuinely concerned for her.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

The narrowed eyes closed, and a hand came up to her face, followed by a sigh. It wasn't a headache - Sarah was long past such things - but somehow, rubbing her eyes and massaging the bridge of her nose still helped.

"Look Jeremy, I..." she started, then sighed again before once again opening her eyes and scouting around for a better place to do this. There was a well-carved bench not too far away, and she started in that direction, not really waiting to see if the visitor would walk with her.

"I get that you're some sort of elf or something, and apparently you're driven to help people. But I'm not really people anymore. And my deep end is... well, it's a long ways off." She didn't so much sit as perch on the bench when she got to it, and waited a moment for Jeremy to make his own arrangements before going on.

"Now I've been keeping to myself for a couple of months. But stop and think: what's a couple of months to something that can stick around for millennia? I'm not gonna fall to the beast just by sticking to myself for a few months, or even a few years. Now if Twenty-Twenty rolls around and I'm still doing this lone wolf thing, well, then you can worry. Though I still have a hard time sussing out why I fall under your concern."

[Jeremy]

Jeremy walked over to the bench, nearby Sarah. "Can I be sure about that, considering both the largely disappearing rather abruptly... and the events of the recent past."

He was quite obviously referring to both the breaking up with Lucien and the pack rejection.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Once again, Sarah's eyes narrowed. "I didn't disappear. Not abruptly, not otherwise. I've been right here, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Patrolling my territory. At least, as much of it as I can get to." If her final words were a rue, they certainly did a fine impression of such.

"And I'm still missing the part where it's your business. When did you become the camp counselor for Lake Wannalifenow?"

[Jeremy]

"Well..." Jeremy paused as he considered how to respond with the right words.

"Let's start it off like this. In the freeholds, Changeling communities, there are- well, most are part of them- four courts to which Changeling belong. Each court is allied with a season, Spring, Summer, Autummn and Winter, from which the courts take their names. In the Spring Court, our philosophy is happiness and fulfilling desires, for ourselves and others. The philosophy guides our lives in ways. In a sense Sarah, this is part of who I am. Helping those I care about."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

The vampire winced slightly as Jeremy explained matters.

"You know, if the elves are anything like the other non-humans I've run into over the years, you probably just spilled enough to get both you and me in hot water. If I take a bunch of funky little arrows to the ass some night and get all sleepy, I'll know who to blame.

"Look. You're all about happiness and such, great. You're a happy elf. You want to help those you care about, spiffy; make as many shoes or whatever it is you do for your friends as you want."

Her eyes riveted in on Jeremy's now. "But none of this explains why in hell you care about me. You barely know me from Eve. We've fought together exactly once. Hell, I don't even buy drinks at your bar. So what in our shared existence tells you that I'm high enough on your 'Nice' list or whatever to merit this kind of attention?"

[Jeremy]

Jeremy stopped short as Sarah's words struck. "I don't know... maybe I just thought..." Embarrassed, he turned for a moment. Then, a suspicion and the answer struck him, for the whole problem of Sarah.

He turned back, suspicion glinting in his eyes. "I think the problem's clearing. Why did you break up with Lucien? Why skulk out here? Why are you flat-out rejecting my help? Because you'd only open an ear if I suddenly sprouted fangs, claws and fur and howled at the moon. Because you don't really care, in a social, emotional, friend's way about anyone who's not a werewolf. There's no true room for anyone else in Sarah's world." he accused.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah's hackled visibly raised, and she slowly stood from the bench.

"Horseshit. You want to know why I left Lucien? Because I got sick and fucking tired of him constantly whinging to anyone and everyone about how I wasn't social. Because he didn't want anything to do with well over half of who and what I am. And because I got really fucking sick of feeling like a goddamned kid in a grade-school lecture every time he decided that proving his intellectual superiority would be a fun kick."

She was almost yelling by the end, and the pain was clear as a bell in her voice.

"I fucking loved him, or as close to love as I can get. But I couldn't fucking stand him anymore. So we're done, and it has nothing to do with whether or not he has fur."

[Jeremy]

Jeremy seemed unperturbed, as he dug in for the fight. "Were you social with him? Did you ever talk with him about his human life or his whatever-supernatural life it was? Or was the primary activity your feeding on him? You are quite clear in your account, but what part did he not care about? The werewolf part, or the Vampire part that you didn't give two cents about."

Jeremy stared at Sarah. "Compare the amount of time with your were-pals to the amount of time with Lucien. Is there an imbalance?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"I tried."

The words were not, like those before, at a near shout. That made them no less dire.

"I tried talking with him about anything and everything. And just so you know - not that it's any of your fucking business - I kept my fangs out of him for most of last year. His blood...." She faltered, and the anger fell from her voice, replaced by a deep shame. "His blood was an addictive substance. I don't like addiction. And I don't like what it did to our relationship. So I forced myself to stop."

By now, something was happening in Sarah, that much was apparent. And when she continued speaking, Jeremy couldn't tell if she was talking to him or herself.

"We did a lot with music. He played guitar, and we'd sing. Watched a lot of movies. Talked about magic and some theories that I never quite understood, tried to understand what was in store for us. Had a lot of sex," she added with a tiny hint of a grin. "Scheduling was always fucked up, between his studying and my patrols and hunting, but we usually managed at least a couple nights a week. He was warm, and didn't mind that I wasn't. I miss that."

The vampire blinked, seeming to just now realize that she was back in the here and now. As she did, the hard edge returned. "But that wasn't enough for him. Hell, if I saw Declan or the rest every other week, that was a lot, and it was too much for Lucien. What he never got is that the wolf - regardless of the source, regardless of werewolves and vampires - is an integral part of me. I can't just take it off and stick it in the closet or whatever; it's always there, woven through me. He wanted me, but he didn't want that part of me.

"Does that answer your question?"

[Jeremy]

Jeremy's mouth opened slightly and closed. Apparently the truth was more complicated than he thought. "I'm sure if you cared enough, you could have figured out something." Jeremy replied, tone suddenly less sharp and strong as before.

"I mean," he added, "you said back at the party that your relationship with Lucien wasn't as bad as it could have been." Then the connections he'd made during the fit of accusation came back, in a sense.

"Wait, that was the same night of the pack rejection. Do you think that affected your choices that night?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

For a moment - a brief but delicious moment - Sarah considered the idea of twisting the elf's head into an unlikely angle and drinking him dry; at least it would get him to stop poking every sore spot she bore in the tattered remnants of what she generously called her emotions.

Instead, she took a long, deep breath, letting it out slowly. Sometimes, it was calming to feel those long-dead lungs fill with the sweet night air, then let it whisper out, the scent of the world still strong within it.

"Jeremy," she said in a tone so calm it was frightening, "what happened between that pack and I had nothing to do with leaving Lucien. Nothing." It was a lie, but one that Sarah had very nearly convinced herself of over the past two months. "And all things considered, it's for the best that I didn't wind up a part of that pack, because I'm pretty sure that either Amber or I would have reduced the other to a bloody smear by now.

"So, I'm fine out here. Really. This is my territory, has been since I came to L.A. Eventually, I'll find some other options - maybe another pack, if I'm lucky. But for now I have some things that need fixing and working out, and that's what I'm doing: fixing them, working them out. I've had certain failings in the past couple years, and I'm working very hard to correct those failings.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do. I really do. Hell, maybe I'll stop in the club a bit more often and talk. But I couldn't go back to Lucien if I wanted to - he won't have it - and the pack is completely off the scope. So," she said, stepping a touch closer to the changeling, "pushing those buttons is only going to rub salt in the wounds. Understand?"

[Jeremy]

Jeremy... wasn't entirely convinced. Something in Sarah's voice as didn't sound right, and he noticed it. That explanation of half-lally-da, half minor setback, sounded too convenient for this whole time.

"I understand. But I remain to be convinced that the pack issue is unrelated. If things with Lucien were as overall as good as you said... how can you just pop in and decide that it's over? Either you're not willing to admit there's an issue with the pack problem, or you're not being entirely truthful about the relationship. You said you understood me at the party. You say you appreciate what I'm trying to do. How do I know you're meaning it if you won't be up front with me?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah sat down by sheer force of will. It was either that, she knew, or risk something bad and red happened to Jeremy.

With force calm, she said, "There's things I doubt you know about vampires in general and me in particular. One of those things happens to be dangerous and can ride close to the surface. After the business with the pack, that thing was very much at the fore."

She waited a moment, seeing if Jeremy would get the idea. "When I went to Lucien's, that was still the case. So I wasn't in the most accomodating of moods, and things were said and done that can't be unsaid or undone. There's no simple apology that would put me back in his good graces, and I'm not sure I want to be back in his good graces. I'm serious as hell when I say that I can't take him talking down to me anymore, and I'm not sure that he can talk any other way to anyone anymore.

"And would you please tell me why you're so damned focused on Lucien with all this? Because if you're going to stand there and try pushing me back into his arms, you're wasting my time and yours. That ship sailed and sank."

[Jeremy]

"Nonsense." Jeremy replied surprisingly looking more pleased and calmer. "I just wanted to scope out how much of that was part of the problem."

He talked now in more soothing tones, hoping to calm and accommodate Sarah. "Relax. It may not seem like it, but we're making progress. Now... you implied Amber opposed your being in the pack? Is she the boss or is it does everyone have to agree to let you in? This matters in a way, you know."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Once more, Sarah's eyes narrowed. "You do realize that I can't go into the details too much, right? You're not Herd, but I'm still pretty sure the People would rather you not know a whole lot about how things work."

The hard look faded into a sigh. "But you're already at least waist-deep in a lot of this stuff. Suffice to say that a pack is kinda like a family, except it's a family of choice. If someone really just can't work with someone else, then they shouldn't be in the same pack. Amber... isn't going to accept me as family. Not now, not ever. It's how she was raised. So I'm out."

[Jeremy]

Jeremy nodded. "I see. But... for the sake of argument... Assume Amber was willing to let you in. Would the others do so as well?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"I can't say for sure. I know that Declan wanted me in. And Ariel went so far as to say she'd speak on my behalf. I think Moss would give me the nod. So probably, yeah. But she didn't, so it's moot."

[Jeremy]

Jeremy shook his head. "Technically, yes. But you are missing the silver lining in all this." He raised his hands at Sarah's incredulous stare and continued.

"Forget your issues with Amber for the moment. Everyone else definitely agreed that you could get in. I'd be amazed if a Beast Changeling could draw that support, much less a Vampire. You're obviously much closer then you think to getting into a pack."

He stumbled over the name he was looking for before grasping it and moving on with his motivational speech. "You said your werewolf goddess, Luna, her plans can take odd turns. Might not she be throwing you a roadblock and seeing how you can get around it? That you can prove without a doubt you can be in a pack?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

She almost cringed when Jeremy referred to Luna as a "werewolf goddess", but correcting him seemed like too much trouble for too little gain. That said, he was right: Luna's plans did take odd turns.

Did they always have to be this painful, though? And how could she explain that she hadn't wanted to get into just any pack?

"You know that family thing I explained?" she ventured. "That works both ways. I feel like I could have accepted these people as family - yes, even Amber. I don't doubt that I could get into a pack, Jeremy. But these are the people I wanted for my family. And that won't be happening. Luna's will or no, it's not easy to swallow.

"Getting around it would mean winning over Amber. And I've done everything I can do there. She's just plain not going to accept anyone that isn't a werewolf in a pack with her, and that's that. Can't entirely blame her on that one; Dead Wolves are a pretty rare exception to a very set rule."

[Jeremy]

Jeremy sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I can see that being a problem. But no Sarah." His voice became determined, and encouraging.

"You can't let that stop you, no matter how hard it seems. If you want to be a pack member, and you're almost there, you can't let some last minute road block get in your way. This is the test. If you give up when you're almost there, how can you deserve to be one?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"I think you missed something. It needs to be unanimous, bringing someone into the pack. There will not be a unanimous decision to bring me in. Not two months ago, not now, not in a year, not ever."

Sarah didn't want to explain this. She really didn't. But it was clear that it needed to be done if Jeremy was to understand why this was a non-starter.

"When I was alive, I was Amber's cousin. We were raised way the hell up in the woods back East, in what amounted to a sort of communal arrangement with the rest of the extended Wren family. She knew me then, knew me as the one who lacked the potential in her blood to ever change. Hell, she pitied me.

"She took off before her own First Change; that didn't happen until she was out here in L.A. The Wrens dragged me home from college to go chasing off after her. I died in the process, and was embraced by a Dead Wolf who apparently saw that I was marked for some cause by Luna. And I kept on, and eventually got out here and found Amber. But I couldn't bring myself to drag her home... and by then, she'd Changed anyway."

Sarah swallowed hard. What came next was anything but easy. "To Amber, I'm not Sarah anymore. I'm something, maybe a demon but certainly nothing good, that took over her dead cousin's body and is walking around in it. Stop and think about that for a minute, what that has to be like. I've tried everything to explain that I'm still Sarah, just changed... and can't get it through. But she's right on a level. I've changed a lot because of this, and maybe in a way I'm no longer the Sarah who she knew when I was alive."

By now, the vampire was upset in a way that had nothing to do with anger, and it showed. "Every time she looks at me, she sees her dead cousin being worn like a suit by something else. So you tell me, Jeremy, how exactly I'm supposed to get past that? How do I tell Amber that I'm not an utter violation of a member of her family, a complete perversion of the memory of Sarah?"

[Jeremy]

Jeremy closed his eyes trying to remain calm. "So have I. Before my Durance, my servitude to the Fae, I would never have thought of trying to kill someone. Now several months ago, we have the Long Night Church business. I'm no longer the same Jeremy too. I don't see myself as a perversion though, and neither should you see yourself that way."

"Besides, I meant something else. So you can't get past Amber. You said you could get into another pack if you wanted. Also, if the pack is family, and Moss, Ariel and Declan wanted you in, doesn't that mean they consider you family, pack or no pack? So: the million-dollar question, which matters more, your dream of being in a pack, or Amber's approval?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Sarah didn't inspire easily. Her world wasn't one that was terribly conducive to a pep talk. But somehow, somewhere in his words, Jeremy hit the mark.

"The dream," she whispered, as a red tear fell from her eye. "The dream," said once more, with more confidence in her voice.

Click to reveal..

(09:23:45) (Jeremy): Man+Per for Sarah, adding a WP. Man 2 + Per 3 + WP 3 = 8

(09:23:52) ChatBot: (Jeremy) rolls 8d10 and gets 10,10,4,6,7,5,8,10.

(09:24:03) ChatBot: (Jeremy) rolls 3d10 and gets 4,2,7.

(08:24:55) (Sarah_Dead-Wolf): Resolve + Composure:

(08:25:01) ChatBot: (Sarah_Dead-Wolf) rolls 5d10 and gets 5,10,2,9,4.

(08:25:07) ChatBot: (Sarah_Dead-Wolf) rolls 1d10 and gets 1.

Jeremy gets 4 successes, Sarah gets 2. He's got her, and has managed to rekindle her virtue of Hope.

[Jeremy]

My word, Sarah got it. Jeremy smiled, happy for her decision and relieved. "I thought so." he approved. "Just don't forget that." A glance at his watch drew his note of the time, and he chuckled in surprise.

"Dang. Tonight's a big night, and I'm gonna need to open up soon. Hate to break this short." Jeremy apologized to the vampire he did think of as a sort of friend. "Have a good night Sarah."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"You too, Jeremy," the vampire managed, but she was obviously distracted. New opportunities were starting to open to her - or more accurately, be recognized by her at long last - and somewhere in her damaged soul, there was a resurgent hope.