World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - It's Snowing

[Adrian Moss]

It’s snowing. Okay, it’s snowing up in the mountains. We are getting rain in the valley, which is needed, or so the weatherman keeps telling us. It is like the fires this fall, but in reverse. I love it. It makes the natural skyline look so … innocent.

It has been a good year, I reckon. I found a place were I belong and that needs me. I’ve made some friends (sort of). I wish they were the same thing, but they’re not. Instead, I have to settle with getting to know more things and getting a leg up in the world. I still am looking for a kindred I can talk to, really talk to, but that hasn’t happened yet. Maybe I’m alone in my mindset.

I’m not totally alone anymore either. I’ve picked up a few girls who have become regulars. It feels strange to me. I have to keep up this façade when I’m around them, but that’s part of the Game. They can’t know even though there is this one I really want to open up to. That just isn’t allowed. Sometime my life sucks.

I still remember Halloween. That was so … depressing and sad. I really don’t want to talk about this. I’ll save it for another time. I hope I never end up like that. It reminds me … it reminds me of Sarah in a strange way. I don’t want to go there.

I was noticed a few days back. The other Kindred didn’t so much back down as give me some room, but it’s a far cry from the condescending hostility I would have gotten before. I know there is a price tag that goes with this change in my social status, but I’ve already paid it once and I will do it again. I get this sense of security that I never got with my sire, and I wish I had considered this sooner.

On the other hand, as a certain female cohort asked me, “what happens with they want you to kill someone?” I don’t know. I value life and I’m working on having my opinion valued in my circle. It’s one thing to give them a portion of my time and my respect. It’s another thing to give them a piece of my soul.

So I find myself looking off this evening into the mountains, enjoying the cleansing whiteness and worrying about what price tag I’ve put on my soul. Strangely this reminds me that I have to deliver some Christmas presents to my lady friends today. This will be the first time for me. Bernard didn’t celebrate and before that I was never allowed to be part of the festivities since I was twelve. So long that the sense of what the season was about was almost lost on me.

Now why am I worrying that jewelry is right? Maybe it’s because I’ve never had buy for a girl and now I’m buying for two. Two Girlfriends? Man, my life has changed in the past year. Am I doing the right thing? Am I spending too much time cultivating relationships? It isn’t like I need to. I’ve got a small number if women who I’ve gotten to know that I can feed from. These two are different though.

It’s snowing in the mountains.