[Fiction] Endless

[z-Sean McCline]

Sean sighed and resorted his grip on the metal bar in his hands while not dropping it. The bar was attached to an engineless glider and would be safe enough gliding downward, but he was sure his passenger would have trouble with the landing. He'd thought about teaching her how to do it, but he didn't really see the need. If he dropped it, Iharra would only have a short glide before he caught up to her. She would be fine.

He still didn't want to drop her. It was a dad thing.

The landscape below changed subtly, and Sean cut back his speed. He was getting close now; he didn't want to overshoot it. Suddenly, he wondered what he looked like to the people below. Did he resemble their absent god, arching through the heavens on stiffly held wings? Did he want to know what the Lakota thought when they saw him pass overhead?

The valley before Wakinyan's cave spread below him, and Sean dipped out of the sky, heading for a flat open area in front of the statue of a woman. Or he thought it was a woman; with her viel of snow, he wasn't sure. Pushing that aside, he focused on his landing.

The glider settled into the snow with only the softest of creaks, and Sean immediately hustled to secure it to the spot. He was only seconds faster than Iharra, who burst out of the glider's compartment with a whoop. "Look at the snow!" she shouted, hopping into the drift next to the glider. She was knee-deep in snow, but it didn't faze the laughing girl, who flopped onto her belly and made a demonic, malformed snow angel.

"Heh, you'll get snow in your clothes and it will melt and you'll catch cold," Sean said automatically, then winced. He often did this - was the uncool dad. "Nevermind, you just play. We'll just give you some extra orange juice, I guess."

Glancing up at the nearby statue, he saw that it was a woman; the snow clung to the rock and robed her in white. The snow had granted the stone image of Ptesan-Wi something that Carver had been unable to give her: her beautiful robes of white.

He let Iharra play in the snow until he had unloaded the plane; he managed to balance every bag save one. And though she grumbled about it, he convinced his daughter to carry it. The path to the cave was surprisingly clean of snow, and Sean and his daughter started the walk to the House of Wakinyan and Buffalo Calf Woman.

[Ptesan-Wi]

The call had come to her mind as she was setting the bread aside to cool. The message wasn't one of words; Hawk had no words to use. It was no less clear, however. In a way, Ptesan-Wi preferred the thoughts of her animal friends; it was more pure, more to the point, and wasn't colored by remembered sounds that could only vaguely represent thought. The message was clear: people were here. And through Hawk's eyes, she watched them approach.

As they neared the cave, Ptesan-Wi pushed the heavy buffalo hide aside from the door and stepped out to greet her guests. The smile on her face still surprised her; six months ago, she would not have seen herself smiling at welcoming Sean McCline, aka Chaos, aka Turbo, to her home. He had said some pretty brutal things about Wakinyan back then... but times and people change, and her recent communication with the Knight had been surprising. He had risen to her defense on the N!Prime OpNet boards, and then had started beating himself up. Much to her own surprise, Ptesan-Wi had found herself praising the young man, and in that, the wall of quiet anger she had felt toward him had fallen away.

"Hau, Sean; hau, Iharra! Welcome to the home of Wakinyan; please come and sit and share your stories!"

[z-Sean McCline]

"Dad! It's the Indian lady!" Iharra squeaked, grinning widely. "Is she going to glow again?"

Iharra spoke while they were far enough from their host that she may not have heard, but with novas that was never certain. Sean silently cursed the fact that he didn't have a free hand to put over her mouth; like most kids, she had no sense of the polite way to state things. Or she choose to ignore them. Either way, it was embarrassing. "For starters, she has a name," Sean muttered softly, nodding at Ptesan-Wi as they moved closer, "and you'll have to ask her if she'll glow." Raising his voice, he called out, "Hello, Ptesan-Wi. I'd give ya a wave, but I've been designated as the pack mule for this trip."

Iharra had been bubbly and exhurberant; now that she was face-to-face, she slowed and dropped back a half-step, casually ending up behind Sean. "Hi," she mumbled, speaking more to the snow than to Ptesan-Wi.

"Sure, now you get shy," Sean said, but his grin was genuine and the affection in it was true. Turning back to Ptesan-Wi, he said, "Ptesan-Wi, this is Iharra, my daughter. Iharra, this is Ptesan-Wi." Iharra muttered something that may have been 'nice to meet you,' and Sean shook his head in amusement.

"Can I put these inside the cave?" He jerked his head at the luggage slung over his shoulders and on his back. "And before you ask, most of this stuff is Iharra's idea of camping. When I told her what the cave is like, she insisted on bringing a "few" things. Like ice cream."

[Ptesan-Wi]

Laughter, light and bubbly, escaped from Ptesan-Wi at the description of the 'luggage'. "I think we can take care of the ice cream," she said, still chuckling; "we'll put it in the cold room when you dig it out. C'mon in, you two!"

Inside the cave, the cold Dakota breeze disappeared, and the scent of fresh bread and cinnamon and apples was warm on the air. It was not a dark place, either; candles were arranged in front of curved mirrors on small outcroppings, and the effect gave a soft glow to the entire main cave and illuminating the various hides and woven tapestries and other decor.

Ptesan-Wi indicated a pair of padded places next to the stone table for Sean and his adopted daughter, and took a seat across from them. Behind her, three earthenware mugs and a hot kettle lifted from their respective resting places and proceeded to float across to the table; so did the source of the apple and cinnamon smell, as a pie and trio of wooden plates joined the aerial ballet to finally settle to rest on the table. Two of the cups held small cloth bundles tied to the end of string - apparently tea of some sort - while the third was a brown powder.

"I'd offer you tea, Iharra," she said as she took the kettle in hand and started to pour, "but somehow, I think you'll be happier with hot cocoa." With a grin, she stirred the mix, then set it before the adorable little girl.

"So, how was the trip," she added, pouring steaming water into the remaining cups.

[z-Sean McCline]

Sean dropped his luggage on the floor of a cavern with a thump and sank happily onto a cushion. Iharra was looking around with a bit of distaste, but she was thankfully silent. He patted the cushion next to him, and she dropped onto it. "The trip was long, when you're the one doing the work," he chuckled, resisting the urge to reach out and ruffle Iharra's hair. Besides, he didn't want to waste the two hours of effort she had clearly put into her hairstyle. "For the person lounging in the cockpit playing video games all the way here, I'm sure it was fun."

Iharra shrugged like a teenager, but both noted that she attacked the hot cocoa eagerly. Sean smiled fondly at the girl before picking up his cup and taking a deep sip of the hot liquid. Its soothing warmth rolled down his throat, loosening the tired muscles in his body, and the fragrant taste was subtle yet intoxicating. He immediately resolved to enjoy the rest of the brew instead of gulping it.

"This place looks nice," Sean said, nodding around at the cave. "You've improved a lot since I've been here." Now there was a dark memory; Wakinyan huddling ferally in a corner, his body torn apart by Revenant, while Ptesan-Wi lay unconscious on a nest of furs. With an effort, Sean shook off his memory. "And you look better than you did last time I saw you, too."

[Ptesan-Wi]

Later, occasional bleeps and bloops would emerge from the "guest room" - a side cavern appointed with a multitude of thick pelts, woven blankets, and currently a young girl playing video games on an OpNet device. Outside, the wind had picked up again, and snow was flying, but the chill of a winter that came all too early to the Dakota hills did not penetrate Ptesan-Wi's home; she had learned from the previous time of snow and ice how best to keep the place warm with a combination of strategically located firepits and both layering and weighting of the heavy hide door.

"So," said the Lakota goddess as she sipped from a mug of hot tea, "what really brings you out here? I know, you wanted to check up on me, Iharra wanted a trip, etcetera... but there's more to this visit. And no, before you ask, I'm not going to reach into your head and find it, but some of it is kind of obvious. Is this about the change in leadership and direction at the Knights, or is this about the change of direction in you?"

[z-Sean McCline]

Sean's face creased with a rueful smirk as Ptesan-Wi broached the topic at hand. "Well, honestly, checking up on you was my reason for coming out here," he said, setting his teacup down and leaning back against the cavern wall, "but now that you mention that stuff..."

Sean fell silent for a long moment, and Ptesan-Wi was granted a sight that few got to see: a quiet, introspective Sean. "The change in leadership in the Knights isn't really something that I should talk about with a non-menber," he said gently, "but the Terat stuff..." He was quiet for a moment, unsure of how much to say. But he was tired of being silent, tired of holding his tongue; the thing he had missed most about Sandcaster leaving was not having a female person to talk to. It was silly, but he always felt more comfortable talking to women. Maybe it was being raised just by his mother.

"When I got into the Primacy, I was just so angry," Sean sighed. "It was... easy to fall into the rhetoric. I did things..." He trailed off, tilting his head to listen at the electronic noises coming from the guest cavern. "I'm not proud of them. I did them because I thought it didn't matter what I did to baselines. But... I can't live like that. I can't act like it doesn't matter because their inferior. I just can't. And a lot of the guys in the Teragen think I'm a pussy because of it.

"But I have to be true to what I believe."

[Ptesan-Wi]

Ptesan-Wi listed quietly, and let the moment hang past the end of Sean's words. Finally, she broke the silence.

"The Primacy is all about anger. The theory is that it's anger directed in such a way as to better our race, but in practice?" She closed her eyes and shook her head. "In practice, the Primacy is about murder, pure and simple. Now, there are times when violence is warranted. Some of what NV has done has been to defend those of us who would otherwise be defenseless." Like little Rebecca Whitetail, baseline or not... but I will not think on that tonight. "But all too much of what the Primacy does, from what I have seen, is bloody and brutal terrorism."

Ptesan-Wi took another sip of tea, letting the steam wash over her face as if washing away the evils of brutal men. "But that doesn't mean that Teras itself is morally or philosophically bankrupt. There's a reason that I asked for Procyon to be my mentor, Sean; he understands that the cycle of violence causes everyone - baseline and nova - to lose in the end. The key to this whole thing isn't the excesses of the Primacy or the Harvesters. It's self-discovery, self-growth. It's becoming all that we can become. I know, a lot of that sounds like a Portent, and I'm no Portent; I'm walking the Marvel's path. But there's a fair amount of interplay and bleedover from what I've seen, and a few things that hold universally. And all the ridicule of all those thugs that give lip-service to Teras and wrap themselves in the Teragen banner so that they feel they have a license for cruelty doesn't change that a bit."

[z-Sean McCline]

"It's more than a cycle of violence that concerns me," Sean admitted after a quiet moment of reflection. "And the self-discovery bit sounds real nice, too. But what I can't get past is the inheriant superiority that the Teragen expouses. Granted, not all the members of the Movement use that as an excuse to be cruel, but that idea adds to their belief that they can get away with it.

"We've seen opposite sides of the Teragen," Sean said, and there were a hundred dark memories behind his words. "You've only seen Procyon's so-called 'Third Way' - which really isn't his or even that teen nova who was throwing a fit about him stealing her idea. Living in harmony with others has been a baseline ideal since humans were cognizant of right and wrong. All Procyon has done, once you take away his grandstanding, is to say that it still applies to us.

"And if we're following a baseline ideal, what does that say about novas, really?" Sean added, pausing to pour more hot water into his cup and let the tea bag seep some more. "And baselines have been exploring theirselves for millenia. So how does all this make us different from humans, inside? 'Cause, that's one thing I've learned in the past year: the outside doesn't matter. You can have this majestic, awesome nova who is a petulant child, while a nine-year-old baseline child can show you things you've forgotten about the world. And if what's outside doesn't matter, and our insides match baselines', then why should we bother with talk of superiority? We are them."

[Ptesan-Wi]

"Sean, whatever it is that we are, it's not human anymore. That doesn't mean that we don't have plenty in common with them, and it doesn't mean that we have some sort of moral superiority or advanced maturity... because we don't.

"If anything, what we're seeing right now is the opposite. Baselines have had thousands and thousands of years to acclimate to what they are. Novas have had eighteen years. We're the first generation, and it shows - a lot. Right now, we're not better than the baselines as a whole. A lot of us are individually worse. And patience doesn't appear to be available in large supply, because all of these immature children are trying to grab everthing right now."

Ptesan-Wi sighed, and sagged just a bit. For a moment, she no longer looked like a late-teenaged girl; her eyes looked ancient when they came back up to meet those of Sean. "All I can really do is to try my best and protect my People... and with Wakinyan gone, that has taken on whole new meaning. But I still hold hope in Teras, even while I hope that we can find a way to get along with our parent race, because I know that the truth of the matter is that we are not them, and that we're going to have to find our own way of being."

[z-Sean McCline]

"Theoretically, you're right; we're no better than they," Sean said. "But you say that to most of the Terats out there, and here's their answer: 'The very nature of Homo sapiens novus is intrinsically different from that of its baseline predecessors; this is a fact that is recognized biologically, physically, mentally, and by all other quantifiable means as self-evident.' Divis Mal. Teras has been tied into this sense of superiority until it is all about being more human than human."

Sean's bizarre eyes closed; there was a touch of pain in his voice as he said, "I've lost a lot to that ideal, and I only feel at peace when I reject it completely. And I really only feel happy when I feel that even though I'm not necessarily human anymore, I'm no better than they.

"But, Teras in and of itself isn't bad; it's the mindset it inspires," Sean sighed, opening his eyes and testing his tea. Nodding at the taste, he continued, "We're the best. Only we are the future. The humans are the past. But worse, there's no sense of togetherness that might salvage Teras: 'Until a common governing body, composed entirely of novas qualified to hold authority, is recognized by the majority of the nova population, then it is the duty of every Homo sapiens novus to govern himself or herself as he or she sees fit.' And so we're a bunch of factions and individuals, and we fight each other as much as those who are really our enemies.

"Our own way of being will have to work with the baselines," Sean said firmly. "Someday, it may be just novas, but while we've got the baselines, we have to work together with them, not against them. Otherwise, we become monsters, and tarnish whatever new world rises from the destruction of baseline society. Or maybe the baselines find a way to kill us or somehow become more powerful than we are. Who knows... but I want to be remembered as one of the guys who tried to make things right." His tone and expression are full of the knowledge of how futile this task could be, but there is determination there, too. "Am I making any sense?"

[Ptesan-Wi]

"You're making plenty of sense, Sean. And whether you realize it or not, what your saying is at least ninety percent in line with what Procyon said here this past spring. There has to be a way for the races - all of the races - to work together. It's what the Girl Made of Titanium put forward, it's what Procyon realized much like you have, and it's the only thing that is going to keep this all from exploding.

"But also like you said, Teras isn't the problem here; the problem is those who use Teras as an excuse. Sean, I don't believe that Teras is only for novas. I think that it is something that can be a universal concept, even if some of the whistles and bells work differently." Ptesan-Wi paused, trying to gauge the man with the strange eyes who sat across from her. The gentle touching she had given his mind for the past few minutes had shown her that he was earnest, caring, and genuinely had the best of intentions; it also showed that he was capable of honoring a trust. But nothing is certain in this world, and there would have to be a degree of blind faith if she were to take the next step.

Finally, she came to a decision. "I'm counting on that universal applicability, Sean, because I'm not a nova."

[z-Sean McCline]

"Well, Teras as a philosophy could apply to base- What?!" Sean had been so intent on her words that it had taken a moment for their full import to hit him. "Wait a moment - you're-"

He stopped short and floated into the air, slipping silently to the entrance to the guest cavern. It was an oddly graceful ballet; he moved and spun without restriction, owning his placement in the space in which he moved. Ptesan-Wi watched as he quickly peeked in on his daughter before floating back to his seat. As he settled he said, "That's the oldest trick in the book - leaving something noisy running in the background so you can eavesdrop easier. At least, I used to do it to my mom."

His good humor faded as he studied her for a moment. "You seriously believe that you're not a nova?" he asked. At the look that crossed her face, he held his hands up in a soothing gesture and said, "I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm just wondering... well, why do you think you're not one? You've got the gifts, so why do you think otherwise?"

[Ptesan-Wi]

Ptesan-Wi gave a wistful little smile. "Well, the lack of a node was pretty much a dead giveaway, though it took a little while and a friend to find out that I really didn't have one. The excuse I use with novas that look for and don't find a node is that I've evolved a form of quantum shielding that prevents detection of my node and my use of quantum. It's a great little story and the other Terats seem to love it, but it's a fraud; I don't use quantum. Near as I can tell, I'm using a sort of opposition force, an 'anti-quantum' or somesuch. That's why you feel that sort of static effect when I use my powers, and I when you use yours. In fact, for a long time I though of myself as an anti-nova, but now I know better.

"I'm apparently what used to be called a mesmerist, back in the '20s and '30s... not that anyone remembers them anymore. I'm not a nova, but I'm not a human either; I'm a different evolutionary branch - same baseline roots, but taken in a different direction than you. And while very, very few Terats know what I am, I'm still a Terat at heart, Sean. I still believe that it has something to offer me, and that I can use that something to help my People."

[z-Sean McCline]

Sean studied the slender woman in front of him, his unnatural eyes intense. "Teras, at its most basic levels, is designed to help us improve," he said, breaking the building tension. "Primarily, it's a tool for dealing with quantum backlash. Without quantum, you shouldn't suffer from Taint. And without Taint, there's not all that much that Teras could do for you that another self-improvement philosophy could do. Or heck, maybe mesmerists have a whole other backlash that they need to deal with." His tone has been gentle throughout his statement. "How much do you know about them?"

He suddenly chuckled. "No wonder you don't tell more people. You're one of the biggest threats to the theory of nova superiority out there," Sean said. "Someone with powers who doesn't have a node. I'm don't hinge all of my self-worth on my lump of grey matter, and the thought of something else out there scares me."

Sean heard his words and blushed. "It's that 'me and other' response - it's nothing personal, Ptesan-Wi," he muttered sheepishly. "And frankly, you don't scare me. It's the thought of the unknown." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm not really good at this 'talking' thing. Can we start over?" He gave her his best grin, one that managed to be warm and friendly without being sensual, a feat for those who really knew this young man. "Hi, I'm Sean. I'm a nova." He playfully extended a hand to shake.

[Ptesan-Wi]

Ptesan-Wi gave a grin of her own, and took Sean's hand in her own. Both felt a slight quantum/psi static in the physical touch, as she said, "Hau, I'm Ptesan-Wi. I'm a mesmerist."

The static broke with the handshake, and to some degree, so did the smile. "As for taint... I don't know. I haven't had any hit me yet - and don't think I haven't pushed myself trying to work out the whole Chrysalis thing. But who know; it's possible that there is some sort of backlash down the road somewhere, and if so, I'm hoping that the same principles will help me to deal with it."

She sighed, and refreshed her cooling tea with hot water. "There's just not much to know about my race. Bits and pieces of fragmentary records from seventy and more years ago, and most of that buried pretty deep; you won't find anything about it on the OpNet or in a library. I haven't met another one... well, at least not here."

She took a sip of tea before continuing. "Timeslip took me to another world at one point, as a favor." An alarmed look came to Sean's face, and she immediately shook her head. "She doesn't know; she thought I was looking to see parallels to myself for reference sake. Which I was, but not for the same reason; I needed to see if I could 'ping' another mesmerist. It turns out that I can... and I've been keeping my mental eyes open for that over here ever since."

[z-Sean McCline]

Sean sighed as he jumped at the mention of Timeslip. Wow... now there's a reaction I need to get over, he mused to himself. She's just an ex, and it's not like you'll ever get back with her or want her back... I just feel so...

Guilty. So very guilty.

The conversation had moved on, however, and Sean's mind picked up the scattered remenants. "Maybe I should have Angie give me a ride," he grinned, putting is arms over his head and casually stretching. "I could use some self-perspective." He was nervous and making stupid little comments because of it. He tugged his shirt back down over his stomach; it had risen with his stretch. The motion allowed him to delay another moment, as he wrestled with what to do with the idea that had lodged itself in his brain.

Just fuckin' say it, you wimp, his brain commanded him. "Umm, Ptesan-Wi?" he gulped. "Would you... can you ping Iharra? I know it's a long shot, but maybe if she can't be a nova, she can be a mesmerist. I want her to have something special." He was babbling. With an effort, he backed up. "She's not a latent. Maybe... maybe there's a reason she's not."

He was trying not to get his hopes up, but that desperate love for his daughter, for her to have the kind of life he had, but better, was flooding his eyes. He knew what baselines got in a nova world, and it broke his heart that she would never have that status. And it broke his heart to know that he would bury her, and her children, too. And so he waited, holding his breath, for Ptesan-Wi to agree or deny him.

[Ptesan-Wi]

What Sean received in return was neither agreement nor denial. Instead, Ptesan-Wi said, "Are you certain that you want to know? The odds are very, very much against it; are you certain that you would not like to keep some element of hope? And if it turns out that Iharra is not... would that diminish her in any way in your heart?"

[z-Sean McCline]

"I know the odds are against it," Sean said softly. His fingers knotted together, a sure sign of his attempt to remain calm. "I have to know, Ptesan-Wi. And it won't diminish her... I've already come to terms with the fact that she isn't a nova; that she'll never touch the stars or slip the bounds of earth. I'm not hopeful that she'll be a mesmerist for me; I want it for her. I know how nova-centric this world is. If she can fake it as well as you can, then she has a shot at having the life I've wanted for her."

[Ptesan-Wi]

Ptesan-Wi smiled, but there was no mirth behind it. She knew full well that, regardless of Sean's brave words, disappointment was about to flow over him. "All right, then."

As she took a deep breath and let it out, her eyes closed, and Sean noticed just how much she looked like her avatar from the N!Prime OpNet site. With reluctance, she did what she had done so many times before in the past month: first, the gathering of anti-quantum or telluric waves or whatever it was that provided the power behind her remarkable talents; then, she released that held energy in a single burst.

Sean would never know what came first - the scream from the guest room, or the sharp gasp from Ptesan-Wi. Either way, he moved without thinking, shooting through the air even as his body redoubled itself in almost every way and his mind quickened by an order of magnitude. Behind him, Ptesan-Wi scrambled around the table, running for the small side cave as a distant second in a hopelessly lop-sided race.

Iharra was sitting bolt-upright, the game controller forgotten in her lap and wide eyes in near panic. "Iharra! What's wrong?!?" her adoptive father asked, close to panic himself if not already there.

"Dad! The lightning and thunder; it was right here! It must have hit the mountain!"

Sean stared for a moment, then looked over to Ptesan-Wi... who was giving much the same look. Both knew that there had been no lightning, nor thunder - at least, not of a physical sort. "Wakan Tanka must have brought you here," the Lakota mentalist finally whispered reverently; "I can't believe it, but she has the gift. It's not awake yet, but she does have the gift!"

[z-Sean McCline]

For a long moment, Sean didn't let himself believe, but it was true. It was true. With a shudder, he relaxed, and some part of him that had been tense for months eased. His massive arms, still coursing with his quantum infusion, scooped up his daughter and held her close. She might... someday, she might...

It was still far from certain; not every one with a gift found their way to use that gift. But it was a chance, and it was more than she had had a few minutes ago. "Dad? You're squeezing me."

"Sorry," he said, easing his hold immediately. He glanced at Ptesan-Wi, relief and joy mingling in his face. "Thank you," he said, and moved to give her a one-armed hug. The three-person hug held for a moment, and then Sean released both of them.

"You're being weird, Dad," Iharra said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I am," Sean agreed happily. His voice had the tone of a man who would have agreed to anything Iharra said at that moment. "I am."