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[OpNet] 2016.3.28 Who truely controls? (PUB)

Sakurako Hino

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It's sort of a question I have asked myself on several occasions. Most of the time we operate our daily lives and believe we are in control of our own destinies, firm in the faith that we are indeed our own person.

Then you look at the bigger picture, and you realize it's not really all like that.

When you interact with others, and choose to deal with others, you tend not only to affect the local world, but it reacts back and you are a part if it's ripple as well. You are not only the cause, you are the effect.

I have not truely realized this, untill what I would call my recent chaos dealing with several factors.

I'm quick to jump unto something I call "love", when it is nothing more than lust at best, and quite frankly the beginning warning signs of a problem.

Quite frankly, my more... promiscious... relationships have taken some control over me as I try to find an escape from the truth.

I am alone in this world. I have allowed others to control me, and in the process I have begun to isolate myself and drown that lonelyness in empty, frivolous engagements and childish crushes towards ones I choose for who would fill my emotional voids.

I am controling others. Unjustly. And in the process my emotions have been controlled. It isn't right. It isn't fair what I have done to myself and others.

This whole episode has made me say things I regret and, perhaps, make incorrect decisions. That is what lust does to rational thought. I think my absnce and lack of contact sort of demonstrates my current social stand-off.

I've made... incorrect choices that need to be rectified. Or I will truely be a social pariah.

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I'm not sure which decisions or emotions you are talking about Endeavor, but I'd just like to say that I don't think you're alone. Sam seems awfully keen on you, and Conduit is a good friend and close to you. And I know that Long, Timeslip and others are here for you, if not in a sexual manner.

You're not alone. You have friends. smile

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True... but in recent history I haven't been in the right state of mind. My emotions have been in conflict. It's either I don't know what I want, or I don't know if I want it.

Sam, I'm sure I did show you some of me. I'm just not sure... how much I'd like to give to anyone at the moment.

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