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Black and Red Discussion


Lou Anne Burgess

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As most of you know, I'm kinda new around here. I've been reading & discussing for a while, but this is only the 2nd Fiction I've tried. I've found it to be a lot harder than most everyone here makes it look.

As such I'd like to get some feedback as to what people think. (I've heard from a few in chat). Post here or PM. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

Thanks

Lou Anne

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It's good. The actual writing, the technique, is nothing spectacular (I can give you a fuller analysis of that, but I don't think it's what you're looking for), but the characters, especially, seem very well thought out, and expressed, and that considering that there's no actual dialogue in the whole post. It makes you want to read more about the two, which is an accomplishment in and of itself, and I actually found myself beginning to care about what happened to the characters which, I must say, doesn't happen all that often. Good job.

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I'm starting "tomorrow's" posts tonight because right now Thursday is looking to need to be broken into a lot of smaller posts. I can space them out better that way.

If you're curious where the MSF camp is, you can find it here:

http://www.lib.utexas.edu/maps/africa/darfur_villages_0802_2004.jpg

Sisi is in the Central Western area near the highest concentration of Destroyed villages. I don't know if it's really a good place to use IRL, but it works for this.

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The story's now done. This is the first thing I've not written exclusively for myself in years. Please feel free to offer suggestions to improve if you haven't already.

If you think it's horrible and wish to tear me to shreds, that's fine too, just please PM me. cool

An aftermath fiction will be coming to tie up loose ends and move things forward.

Thanks

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