World of Darkness World of Darkness: Attrition - Steps [Complete]

[z-Amber Wren]

The winter wolf stared at Amber, snow blowing past him. She could feel the cold, but it didn't come from the air - it came from him. "Leave me alone!" she cried, afraid of the wolf. "Just go away."

His frosted foot pierced the crusted snow as he walked toward her.

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step 1. Get up.

Amber opened her eyes as the alarm screamed in her ear, killing the dream of the snow and the wolf. Groaning, she rolled over and slapped off the buzzing annoyance, slapping blindly for a moment before succeeding. In the following silence, she lay still and considered her options. She could get up and get ready for work. Or she could call in and sleep in. If she stayed home, she could get some rest. Her mind strayed toward the other things she could do if she stayed home. With a sigh, Amber pushed herself out of bed and headed to the shower.

Goal: Shower and get to work on time. Amber nodded to herself as she stumbled into her bathroom, yawning. Set a small goal, accomplish it and move onto the next. She'd found that it was a good way to get the necessary things done, like work and hygiene. Keep busy, and she didn't have time to think about what she wanted or to think about that bone-deep ache in her body that could only be eased by one thing.

She showered and dressed, choosing loose clothing. She'd have to strip out of them at some point tonight, at least once. She forwent the makeup; she had been doing that lately. There didn't seem much point, anymore. All the styling she needed these days was jerking a comb through her hair. She grabbed an energy bar and wolfed it down as she left her dingy apartment.

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 2. Stay focused.

Amber avoided the elevator; the dealers in her apartment often lurked on them, trying to pressure the riders into buying. She took the fire stairs all the way down, straight to the basement, where she stepped out and turned right. To the left were the laundry rooms; Amber could hear them chugging away loudly as two woman chatted in rapid Spanish.

The storage rooms were Amber's goal and she didn't hesitate as she passed the one that was assigned to her room. She never used it anyway; her goal was the empty one at the end of the hall. It wasn't used either, or hadn't been in the entire time that Amber had been checking it. That was because it flooded during LA's three days of rain and always smelled musty. And last, two weeks ago, Amber had replaced the lock and she had the only key. The super might fix it, someday, if he ever was notified and got off his ass ever.

Even before she had the door open, she could feel the locus, its energies tickling over her. It was the spiritual equivalent to standing in a doorway, able to go both ways, but not entering the other room. It called to her wolf-half, calling her home. Amber ignored this feeling as she entered the storage area and closed it behind her.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Step 3. Remain clear-headed.

Amber had brought a small end-table downstairs on a previous trip so that she could stack her clothes on it instead of the floor. She did so now, stripping easily until she stood on the bare, dirty floor. Before she took off her watch, she checked the time; she had an hour before she had to work. It wasn't much time, but Amber was prepared to make the most of it.

She drew a deep breath and cleared her head of her concerns and fears. A mirror hung on the wall and Amber gazed into its depths. At first, all she saw was the room and herself; then a haze crept into the mirror, red and cloudy. Amber could feel the other world now, like pressing through thinly woven cotton cloth. She pushed harder against something that wasn't there, that couldn't be seen, until she felt herself push through. Gritting her teeth, she stepped forward into another world.

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 4. Kick ass.

Her worst fears were confirmed, and Amber embraced her feral half. She didn't wait for the natural change; she didn't have time for that luxury. Instead, she forced the change and her flesh and bones twisted and shifted with sickening speed. Where a human woman had stood, now a monster of the human past stood, a monstrous wolf twice the natural size.

Snarling, Amber jumped on the small gathering of spirits. She had no idea what kind they were; most of them didn't look like anything. It didn't really matter what they were, because they were eating on her locus. "<Off!>" she snarled just before her teeth closed on one of the spirits, tearing into it and ripping it off of the locus. The other spirits scattered, terrified of the enraged werewolf in their midst. Only one spirit stood its ground, and Amber understood what had happened: a bigger spirit had talked a bunch of lesser gafflings into stealing from her.

"<Mine!>" she snapped as she leapt forward, slamming into the spirit. Her assault knocked the spirit down, but its claws sank into her sides. Amber yelped but she twisted loose of the spirit's grip and bit deeply into it, tasting the essence of the spirit. It wailed in first tongue, crying in pain.

And then the other spirits circled back and jumped into the fight.

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 5. Keep going.

Amber felt them tear into her flanks; sinking her teeth deeper into the spirit, she dropped onto her left side and pushed with her right, rolling over the spirits and ripping out the chunk of spirit-flesh she was gripping. She rolled over all the way and came back on her feet, dropping her hunk of flesh.

She sprung back at the advancing spirit, snapping and clawing at the spirits. It became a blur of bites, claws and pain, as Amber fought blindly and furiously.

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step 6. Be realistic.

It wasn't a long fight. Amber crouched over the pieces of spirits, panting hoarsely. Her breath wheezed in and out of her lungs as she fought to remain on her feet. She really wanted to lie down, but she didn't. She forced her bones and skin to knit as she crouched; when she didn't hurt so badly, she tipped her wolf-muzzle to the unnatural sky and howled. It was a cry of victory, a primal assurance that all was well here, that a Forsaken was doing her spirit-given duty.

But that had been close, Amber admitted to herself as she looked at the remnants of her opponents. I can't do this alone, she thought to herself, finally admitting what had been in the back of her mind. I need help.

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step 7. Be smart.

Amber, still aching from the fight, did a quick patrol of her area. She'd only claimed the hollow building itself, afraid to venture too deep into the Hisil alone. Sometimes, her pride insisted she could take more, but Amber wasn't sure of that and so she kept it simple. She marked the corners of her domain, pissing and scratching at the substance of the spirit-world.

Her duties done, Amber enjoyed her work for a while, sprawling on the ground inside the building. Like most places in the Hisil, the building was hollow inside, an empty frame with nothing inside. In addition, this building didn't even have a roof, which was odd, but that was the Hisil for you.

A soft scratching of noise caught her attention, but Amber didn't react. She instead ambled to her feet and pretended to nose about aimlessly. When she was close to the source, she threw herself in that direction, her nose digging under a pile of refuse until her teeth closed around something that wiggled. It squawked in protest as she dragged it out.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 8. Follow the Oath.

Amber released the spirit and pinned it gently under her paw. Her fluency with the spirit's tongue wasn't great, but she was able to ask, "<What you do in my place?>"

"<Saw fight! Just watching,>" the spirit said, some kind of insect-ant looking thing.

Amber was about to tell it to buzz off, but she restrained herself. The spirit had done no harm, and with effort, she flattened her hackles and lifted her paw. "<Then no harm, little spirit,>" she said, sitting back on her haunches. "<But I must ask you not to stay here.>"

"<Can I stay?>" it asked after a moment. "<I can work and guard when you not here.>"

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step 9. Accept help.

Amber tilted her wolf-head, considering. She did need help, and while what appeared to be a lesser gaffling wouldn't be much help, it was better than nothing. Slowly, she nodded. "<You may stay and be an ally of mine, if you agree to protect this place and help me guard it.>"

The little spirit drew itself up. "<I do!>" It glanced at the locus, glowing softly, a quick, furtive and hopeful look.

"<Here,>" Amber said, knowing that hunger for essence had probably driven it to linger and to make the bargain with her. "<Accept a sign of agreement.>" She extended a paw and willing some of her spirit-stuff to form on the tip of her paw. The spirit took it from her eagerly. "<Don't eat from the locus,>" she added. "<It small. I'll get essence when need it.>"

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Step 10. Keep clean.

Amber was tired by the time she stepped back through the door. She had just enough time to get to work. She tried to hide her limping; soon, she'd be completely healed and then her limping would look weird. She took the stairs slowly, emerging into the lobby. Immediately, her heart sank.

"Hey, girl!" Bria called, waving at her. The tall Hispanic woman balanced gracefully on her heels. "Where you been, Amber? How's Melody?"

"I've been 'round," Amber said, eyeing the woman, one of Ray's friends. "Melody's with a foster family."

Bria and her unknown friend looked uncomfortable. "Oh, uh, hey, we're headed to a party," the other girl said. She was shorter and less attractive than Bria and the awkward shrug she added didn't help. "Rip's brinin' the good stuff."

"No thanks," Amber said, moving past them and walking away. "Got work." They protested, but she ignored them, pushing through the door and leaving the building.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step 11. Remember the truth.

She thought about that promise, the "good stuff." Amber headed out through the muggy night, automatically glancing at the night sky as she moved. Luna was showing half her face, peaking out through the clouds. Amber's tension faded as she saw her Mother's Face shining over her. I'm trying, she silently told the moon. I'm working hard at it, I swear. I'll find help, and I'll find Melody, and I'll be a good Uratha. I swear.

There was no verbal answer, but that's not the way it worked. Content and feeling just a bit stronger, she walked with her head high and her shoulders back.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Step 12. Keep busy.

Her pains were gone by the time she started to do the nightly mop-up. Amber pushed the mop around the service station's worn tile floor, not cleaning dirt as much as pushing it around the room. Still, the job paid the bills and kept her away from the drugs. Kinda. There was a deal going on outside, right in front of the pumps, but Amber ignored it. She wasn't even going to call the cops; they wouldn't come.

Once she was back behind the counter's bullet-proof glass, she hit the button to unlock the door again. Sighing, she stretched and leaned against the counter, going over the next steps. Finish her shift, go home and check on the locus again and stay off drugs.

Easy as pie, right?