[Fiction] Interview with Spin

[Tori 'TK' Kryzchi]

What follows is an unabridged version of the Tori K interview that will appear in our August issue. Tori ‘TK’ Kryzchi sits on a stool in a midtown coffee shop, sipping on a double shot mocha espresso. Tori K., the lead singer of the local band known as ‘The Screaming Oh No’s’, has never given an interview to a zine before, none to less a nation-wide selling magazine. When I first approached her about the interview, she laughed at me and told me to get out of the way as she made her way from the stage on May 5th. I’ve approached her several times, and it wasn’t until her drummer pointed me out that she decided to give me the time of day. Today, she sits here sipping on her espresso and humming little tunes while happily waiting for my questions. Her first album with The Screaming Oh No’s is currently in post-recording production, and is expected to be for sale at the Screaming Oh No’s website or at their concerts at an incredibly affordable price.

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Spin: Now, Tori K. I need to get this out of the way first. I’ve approached you several times over the past month, and each time you disregarded me. Why?

Tori K.: *Smiling* I honestly had no idea who you were. I read Spin occasionally but, no offense, I don’t particularly memorize the authors and editors. Again, sorry.

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Its no problem, really. This is your first interview, right? Why did you decide to give it to Spin?

Honestly, this is my first interview. Being a local band in NYC not many people know of us. When you first approached me, I wanted what you said to be true but my senses got a hold of me. I mean, why would a magazine of Spin’s stature want to do an interview with TK, a lead singer of a local band? It just didn’t make sense to me. In fact, the reason I did agree is because Andy over heard you and decided to look you up. Is it true that you once interviewed Karen O?

Yeah, I did. Back when I was first starting. Do you like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs?

Do I like? They’re my number one influence. Karen O is my hero. I met her once, but that was years and years ago.

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That makes a lot of sense. You guys [The Screaming Oh No’s] sound a lot like them, not to mention your personal style in comparison to Karen O’s. What are your other influences?

Well, I grew up listening to 90’s grunge. My father grew up with it, and it was something I could never shake. Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Bush, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails. They’re all as natural to me as sleeping. I live their music in my own.

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Have you ever met anyone from those bands?

I wish. Dave Grohl is another one of my heroes. He’s what made me decide to not just specialize on guitar and decide to go vocals and drums too. Kurt Cobain I would have loved to meet, along with Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson. They’re all just so legendary.

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Now, I cannot help but notice how calm and friendly you are. On stage, you can really only be described as insane. I think I heard that you were once arrested for committing lude and obscene acts on stage?

*laughing* It always comes back down to that! You wouldn’t believe how often I am asked about that. First off, I would like to say to all the parents out there that it wasn’t as bad as you’ve heard, I can guarantee. I’ve received emails from kids wanting to come to my concerts but their parents won’t let them because of some stupid ass drama. Here’s the deal. We were playing this show on 105th, and some fan threw a small vibrator onto the stage. This is a direct result from occasional comments I make at the crowd, and how I hold my microphone occasionally. I picked it up and laughed at it, and made several jokes. We started playing our cover of “Date With The Night” and in the original Karen O screams ‘I’ll set you, I’ll set it off off’, and does so in such a way that it sounds like an orgasm. I decided to forgo faking the orgasm. I used the vibrator, but I did so UNDER MY PANTS. No one could see anything except for slight hand movements under my pants. Honestly, I am ashamed. I’m often ashamed to look back at my actions on stage, but I just get carried away. Anyway, I set it down and some guy out of the crowd stole it and ran off. Turn out someone called the cops. This single cop shows up, and I yelled to the crowd to give him a nice welcome. It was meant to be fun, but the crowd decided that a welcome meant stripping him and throwing him out on the street! I’ve made several public and personal apologies to the guy, but I’ve yet to hear anything back. Seconds after we all heard police sirens, and everyone but the bar workers and my band scrambled. I got arrested on grounds of inciting a riot or something bullshit like that.

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Is that the only time you’ve ever been arrested?

Yeah. And now they demanded that I attend Alcoholics Anonymous and drug rehab and all this other bullshit. I paid a pretty decent fine, and so many places here in NY will no longer let us play. Screw em’, I say. They’re the ones losing good business.

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Speaking of Alcoholics Anonymous and drug rehab, how true are the rumors about all the drugs you do?

Very, very, very true. Its strange, I don’t do drugs when I am along. I only do them on stage. I do everything from X, Speed, Marijuanna, cocaine, LSD, Heroine. You name it and I’ve done it, very probably all at the same time.

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Aren’t you afraid of overdosing?

Not at all. Nova’s don’t OD.

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Yeah, well, there is a big line between musicians and Novas.

*Laughing* Not so big. I mean, we’re both huge fucking stars. Anyway, If I die on stage, that won’t be a bad way to go at all. I’ll be around Joey and Andy, and I’ll become more of a local legend that I already am.

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Joey and Andy Lord. You disappeared off of the face of the earth back in December or so, and erupted back onto the scene with Joey and Andy. Where did they come from?

Actually, I met them purely on accident here in NYC. I was admitted to a hospital after a long, long night, and they were there waiting for me when I woke.

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So they are big fans?

To say the least. They are a part of me now, more family than my own father or mother. I’d do anything for them. Besides, who the hell else would put up with my crazy and intrusive antics on stage that can, simultaneously, rip up a guitar and drums respectively.

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When did you write your first song?

About two months ago. Previous to Screaming Oh No’s, I never felt motivated enough to write songs. I could come up with neat rifts, sure, and I could play a guitar better than any man I met, but I didn’t care whether people wanted to hear it or not. I was lethargic. And its not like Jaime Jules would even think of letting me have some spot light.

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You’re referring to your old bands front man?

I am. The band was full of a bunch of great guys, but Jaime was such an ass. I owe everything to him, though. The night I broke out as a local legend was the same night I disappeared. Jaime was complaining about being sick all day before the show, but refused to post-pone. After two songs, he went to grab some water and just passed out mid-song. We stopped playing while someone checked on him, but they just pulled him to the side. He was just exhausted and dehydrated. The band and I decided not to continue the show, but the crowd wanted to hear the rest of our set. I picked up the lead vocals, and Jim, the bassist, picked up back-up vocals. The crowd instantly loved us. Derrick, the lead Guitarist, and I ended up in a guitar duel for a few minutes, but I blew him out of the water. It seemed the people there never wanted us to stop playing, and the band was having a blast too.

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Well, I’d like to thank you for your time today, Tori K. Just one more question. Do you plan on playing outside of NYC ever?

Maybe, but not anytime in the near future. I don’t see a point in doing vagisil commercials for a few extra bucks in between writing bad songs on the back of a tour bus with some jack ass executive screaming down my shoulder. I bet the money is better, but Joey, Andy, and I are getting along just fine now. If anyone wants to come out and see us, drop me a line via email, screaming.tori.k@ohnos.com. Thank you, Mr. Brunelle for giving me this opportunity.

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It’s our pleasure, Tori K. We look forward to seeing your success in the future.