Trinity RPG - Poker with the Proxies

Matt · February 11, 1999

<H1>Poker with the Proxies</H1><H3><A HREF="mailto:woodward@guesswork.com">by Jonathan Woodward</A></H3>

<HR>Scene: An opulent room in the upper levels of the Floor in Yeltsingrad, Luna. Cigar smoke drifts in the air. A round poker table sits in the middle, surrounded by six men and women. Going clockwise, they are:

Matthieu Zweidler: A distinguished man in glasses.
Otha Herzog: An aging gentleman with long gray hair.
Solveig Larssen: A buff Scandinavian woman in her 50s.
Rebecca Bue Li: A female figure in a hooded cloak.
Giuseppe del Fuego: A solid dark-haired man.
Alex Cassel: A youthful man of African descent.

Zweidler is shuffling a red deck of cards; Herzog is shuffling a blue deck.

Zweidler: The next game is five-card draw, nothing wild.

All: [Groans.]

Zweidler: [Piercing gaze.] Is there something wrong with five-card draw? [begins dealing.]

Cassel: No... and there wasn't anything wrong with it the last seventeen times, either.

Larssen: You always call five-card draw.

Herzog: And you always will.

[Everyone looks at Herzog askance.]

Herzog: [innocently.] Just a guess. [Looks at cards.] I bet 5.

[Everyone else sees it.]

Zweidler: Cards?

Herzog: I'll take one.

Larssen: I'm pat.

Bue Li: You're bluffing!

Larssen: The Legions don't bluff.

Bue Li: That's right, you just call it "strategic overreaching".

Larssen: [Glare.]

Zweidler: Do you want any cards, BL?

Bue Li: Two cards, please.

del Fuego: Three.

Cassel: Five.

Zweidler: You can't take five, you ninny.

Cassel: I can take whatever I want. But, let's compromise. Four?

Zweidler: Do you have an ace?

Cassel: [shows ace, receives cards.]

Zweidler: Dealer takes one.

Herzog: I bet five.

Larssen: See, and raise ten.

Bue Li: I raise ten, also.

del Fuego: Out.

Cassel: Call.

Zweidler: Out.

Herzog: Out.

Larssen: [Glares at Bue Li.] Raise twenty.

Bue Li: See it, and raise twenty.

Cassel: Out. Very.

Larssen: Raise twenty!

Zweidler: That's five raises. No more.

Bue Li: Call.

Larssen: Hmmph! [shows a busted straight.]

Bue Li: [shows two pair.] Told you you were bluffing. [Collects chips.]

Cassel: That's my girl.

del Fuego: Or very nearly.

Cassel: [surprised glare.]

Zweidler: Your game, Herzog.

Herzog: Indeed. I call five stud. Larssen folds early, Bue Li stays in without raising, del Fuego bluffs on a busted flush, Cassel raises intermittently on three of a kind, Zweidler folds late, I fold early. Cassel ends up winning, getting about ¥60, mostly from del Fuego. Shall we actually play the game, or just redistribute the money?

del Fuego: I hate it when you do that.

Cassel: Come to papa!

[Everyone hands chips to Cassel. Deal passes to Larssen.]

Larssen: Seven stud, low in the hole, no option. [she stares at the deck, and in a blur it shuffles itself, then deals itself.]

Bue Li: I have high card. Pass.

del Fuego: Why do you call this game with no option? I bet one.

Larssen: It's like combat. There's always the chance for a last-minute disaster.

Cassel: See the one.

Zweidler: See it and raise one.

Herzog: Sometimes there's a chance for last minute disaster. Sometimes there isn't. I raise to five.

[Everyone else calls. In the back of the room, a door bursts open and a Chromatic, wearing tattered pieces of a restraining harness, runs through the room and out the other door. He is pursued by a group of humans firing weapons. The proxies ignore them. Three rounds of dealing and betting pass without incident.]

Larssen: Last card, proxies. Hey!

[Larssen slams her elbow down on top of the deck. Something goes "squoosh;" del Fuego makes a muffled grunt.]

Larssen: del Fuego, was that you?

del Fuego: [Adjusting his clothing.] More or less. Saw it in a old TV show.

Larssen: Save it for Bue's deal. Don't pull that crap on my watch. You're out. [deals]

Bue Li: I bet five. ...And it won't work on me, either, del Fuego.

del Fuego: That's not what you said last night.

Cassel: [Angry glance at del Fuego.] Raise five.

Zweidler: [Frowning at cards.] Damnation. Out.

Herzog: Raise ten.

[Everyone gives Herzog an uncomfortable look.]

Larssen: Um, out.

Bue Li: Out.

Cassel: Out.

Herzog: [sighs heavily, collects winnings.] I might have been bluffing.

del Fuego: Why would you bother?

Bue Li: My deal. You want me to call Flaming Cross, so I won't. Five stud, follow the queen.

Cassel: [Leering.] Anywhere, doll.

Larssen: Oh, for god's sake, Alex, put it in neutral.

Zweidler: I'll handle it. [stares at Cassel, who suddenly looks stone-cold serious.]

Cassel: Cripes, if you could bottle that look you'd make a fortune. ...But don't do it again.

[The group of armed humans runs back through the room, firing behind them. They are pursued by the Chromatic, who is glowing like a star and firing red-orange biolaser beams through walls. The proxies ignore all this. The hand passes without incident. Bue Lie wins a modest amount.]

del Fuego: My deal. Day baseball, extra card on a four, nines are wild, and you match the pot on a three.

Zweidler: Match the pot?

del Fuego: Can't handle it?

Zweidler: The possible gain is rarely worth the price.

del Fuego: You can fold at any time, Doc. [Deals cards. Larssen gets a three.]

Larssen: Heh! [Matches the antes.]

Zweidler: Sure, early in the hand, it's no big deal...

Cassel: Whine whine whine. [Three rounds of betting pass. The pot builds up, and some people fold. Eventually it's just Cassel and Larssen.]

del Fuego: Last card, people. For the Scandinavian Scandal... another three! Possible straight flush, if you match the pot.

Larssen: How much is it?

Zweidler: [Off-handedly.] ¥240. [Everyone blinks at him.] I keep careful tabs on money.

Larssen: Fine, I match. [she pushes in most of her chips.]

Cassel: Heh heh heh!

del Fuego: And for the Electric Kid... A nine! Three sevens showing.

Cassel: Pot's rich enough for me! Pass.

Larssen: You're not getting off that cheap. Twenty.

Cassel: Oh, I'll see it. [The last down cards are dealt, and the betting is the same.]

Larssen: At last! Royal flush! Beat that.

Cassel: [Flips over a deuce, a wild nine, and another seven.] Sorry, blondie, five sevens.

Larssen: [Long slow burn.] Next time we're in a brawl together, you can watch your own back.

Cassel: And the next time we're in a shower together, you can wash your own front. [Coughs and other amused noises from the rest of the table.] My deal, yeh? [There's the softest of pops, and an African woman steps forward from the shadows.] Bol!

All: Bolande!

Zweidler: We thought you weren't going to make it.

Atwan: Traffic was murder.

Larssen: Traffic?

Atwan: Well... I was far enough around the supercurve of the universe, that even though I left where I was early enough, my space-time geodesic was slightly bent by the time I arrived. So, I ended up late. Did you really need to know that? [Herzog nods knowingly. Larssen and most of the others look dumbfounded.]

Cassel: You want to deal?

Atwan: Surely.

Cassel: Don't call me...

Atwan: [interrupting.] I won't. Trust me. [she drops her coat, and pulls up a chair to Cassel's right. He hands her the deck.]

del Fuego: What's the game?

Atwan: Pass the Crap. [she holds the deck up, and -- WHAM -- it's dealt. The cards are instantly in front of the players.]

del Fuego: [Looking at cards.] Hoo-wah!

Zweidler: Great poker face, DF.

Herzog: He'll learn.

Larssen: He'd better.

Bue Li: Don't you dare pass me the cards you're thinking of, Bol.

Atwan: Okay, I'll pass you something worse.

Cassel: Why don't we do this more often?

del Fuego: Probably because we can't stand each other. My bet, yes?

[We fade out to the sounds of friendly bickering and occasional bursts of gunfire from outside.]<HR>

For intro guides to poker, I recommend <A HREF="http://www.poker.com/" TARGET="_new">poker.com</A> and <A HREF="http://dir.yahoo.com/Recreation/Games/Card_Games/Poker/" TARGET="_new">Yahoo's poker index</A>.

Five-card draw, nothing wild: The basic poker game. If you don't know this one, y'gots no business here, pardner.

Five stud: Another very simple game. You should know this already.

Seven stud, low in the hole, no option: Seven stud is like five stud, only bigger. "Low in the hole" means that, of your down (hidden) cards, the lowest one is wild for you. "No option" means that you do not have the option of getting your last down card up. Thus, the last down card may change what your low down card is, ruining your hand.

Flaming Cross: A variation where five "community cards" are dealt into the center of the table in a cross shape, and revealed one at a time. Popular in certain circles.

Follow the queen: When the up cards are being dealt, if a queen is dealt, the card after it is wild.

Day baseball: A variant of seven-card stud, where you do something special on threes, fours, and nines. del Fuego's specific choices are fairly typical.

Match the pot: Putting money into the pot equal to what's already there is easy early in the hand, but murder later on.

Pass the Crap: A variant of draw where you pass some of your cards to the player on your right. A favorite among teleporters.

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Trinity RPG - Poker with the Proxies

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