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Greetings <NULL/ERROR>

Thank you for subscribing to N! News!, Be in the Know with Novas! We will update you on a regular basis for all of those newstories that you, the novaphile with a hunger for knowledge, needs to know to be in the know.

In todays Top Headlines:

President Portman nominates Gary Pruitt to Supreme Court!

As our readers may remember Judge Pruitt is the Chicago, IL based Federal Judge who has handed down landmark decisions limiting the freedom of novas to use their powers. The State of IL v. Mothball case is the most famous, where the nova Sandra 'Mothball'

Andrews was found guilty of gross neglegence in the deaths of three Chicago teens who were killed by her bio-deppressent powers

during an attempted rape. Critics of the nomination claim that President Portman is only trying to win points with the anti-nova forces in Congress, while supporters of the move claim it is a bold step in bringing the

Supreme Court into the Nova Age by bringing in a justice with experience in novas

and the law. Judge Pruitt is being nominated to fill the position left open with the retirement of Justice Clarence Thomas.


London Fog, uncovered!!

The defender of London, Elizabeth 'London Fog' Barton has been denied insurance coverage by LLoyds of London after the fracas that occured at the London premier of Alejandra's new concert film, "F.H.C.".

London Fog has been blamed for the $5.6 million dollars of damage caused during the lightning storm she summoned to break up a gathering of anti-nova demonstrators that threatened to turn ugly. The city of London would normally be covered, however the city's insurer insists that London Fog was there as a private citizen, having been invited by Universal Films as a local

celebrity and not as London's defender.


Nova execution in Tehran goes off!!

Despite Teragen threats of reprisals if not outright prevention, the nova Fahroud Hadeem was executed in Tehran this morning for the crime of being a nova. Fahroud's cause of eruption is unknown but his powers of flight and bioluminesence were not enough to prevent his death.

Due to his enhanced nova physiogemy the traditional death by stoning was a long and gruesome procedure. However, there were no lack of volunteers during the over an hour long process.

Utopia has expressed its horror at this barbaric practice and promises to continue its fight within the UN to stop Iran from executing any other novas. The Teragen were more outspoken with their intentions but

no apparent effort to save Fahroud was made.


That is all today dear reader, but please be assured that as nova news happens, we will keep you updated.

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How nice, even here in our supposed 'sanctum' we get spam. Ah well.

Not that any of this is news to me, its a shame that N! seems to think that their little infotainment division is actually worthy of being called 'news', but I am a little saddned by some of it. We have a fairly intelligent baseline, gifted in his craft, who has allowed his profesional opinion be shaped by fear. Mothball's 'guilt' of gross negligence is laughable. Simply because she was skilled enough to protect herself without killing the swine does not make her morally required to do so. Police officers are taught to empty their clips into perpetrators should they believe their lives are in danger, shouldn't Nova's have the same rights?

As in regards to London Fog, the less said about the camera slut the better.

Tehran disappointed me. I would have thought that some of my more active bretheren in the Teragen would have done something about that. Now, I haven't heard anything, but the lack of action makes me wonder if something well, hidden, was at work. Any of you out there know?

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OptInput1: Hullo?

OptInput2: Yes, its on John, ok?

OptInput1: Hey Lisa, that's "Burn", remember?

OptInput2: Well that's "Crash" then is't it?

OptInput1: Oh yeah...sorry Crash.

OptInput2: About the "London Fog", why are insurance companies always screwing over public spirited novas? It seems that we always get the short end of the stick.

Opt1Input: Hey, get that Pot Noodle out of my face, its smells like something died in it.

Opt2Input: Shut up Burn. Well, what do people think? How about that poor man in the middle East? Getting stoned to death sounds terrible, how could Utopia not do anything about it?

OptInput1: Yeah, I have to agree that was pretty shitty. Buggers over there had not better try that on us or they'll end up smashed and toasted.

OptInput2: Thank christ we live in England. I don't think I could live in a country that fucks me over for being a woman and a nova.

OptInput1: Oh, here we go again...tell you what Crash, I'll fuck you for being a woman, or because you are a woman or whatever.

OptInput2: Shut up John.

OptInput1: BURN!

OptInput2: ...

OptInput1: Sorry.

OptInput2: Bloody well better be or you are on the silent list for a week.

OptInput1: ...

OptInput2: Don't make cow eyes at me sonny jim. Oh, go make some coffee or something will you?

OptInput1: Will do.

OptInput1 Logged off.

OptInput2: Well, had better go now. Been a pleasure chatting. I'll make sure Jo...Burn is better behaved next time. Lets hear from you yanks and such about this middle east thing. You have a Nova president, what's he going to do about it?

OptInput2 Logged off.

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  • 3 weeks later...

New Headlines Novaphile!!

Noted Thereapist Declares Novas Anti-Family!

Dr. Emily Posten, noted family therapist and author of the bestselling book, "The Family; Our Strongest Bond" has come out and declared that the remarkable lack of novas entering into marriage and even fewer electing to have children shows that "the presence of the MR Node must exacerbate the ego to such a point that normal interaction with others becomes impossible."

Dr. Posten has been an outspoken critique of the anti-family attitudes that she blames for the decline of traditional values. Her announcement came as part of her press release for her latest book, "Novas: Powerful Bodies, Crippled Souls"


Celebrity Columnist Murdered!!

N!'s own Mackenzie Robertson was murdered last night by the nova terrorist Doktor Dethprong. Dethprong was outspoken in his distaste for Mackenzie's popular gossip program for some time, declaring it "baseline filth that stains our pure beings".

Apparently the last straw was when Dethprong was overwhelmingly voted the number one pick on Mackenzie's Top Ten Dumb Nova Names. Dethprong has taken public responsibility for the explosion at Mackenzie's Beverly Hills mansion and has dared "baseline society" to try to bring him to justice.


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Once an asshole; always an asshole, eh Doktor d? Have you been taking to your buddy Serpentis recently? I doubt it. Seems he found himself stranded in the good ole PRC. Pity that.

Too bad you didn't bother investigating MacKenzie's other, less noted works. He spent a great deal of time and money helping some of the less fortunate among us, both baseline and nova. He may have been a jerk on the air, but that was just a persona he portrayed, not who he really was.

I bet he didn't even beg for his life, there at the end. I have a feeling you won't be doing the same, when your time comes.

For the rest of you, this isn't a threat on the good Doktor's life. I don't threaten people who have earned that level of attention. That would just be stupid. Kharma has an interesting way of catching up with folks like Doktor d. Next time I hear about something coming down the pipeline toward him, I will just let it pass me by. Some folks aren't worth helping out. Doktor d, you made the list.

Oh, yeah! I love that thing about novas being anti-family. That's a good one. Any comments, Geryon?

What about Andy and Jack? Those guys are committed and have a long term relationship going. Don't they count?

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Aw hell's bells, what the in the hell does some shrink need to be stirring up the waters like that now? Dumb bitch. I have 'normal relations' with baselines all the time. Not trying to brag or nothing but I am just sowin' mah oats. I'll settle down with the right lady when time comes. In the mean time it ain't my fault that all of my efforts have been fruitless. Well, I assume they've been fruitless since I ain't had no visits from the gentlemen at Dewey, Cheatum & Howe representing some lass from me past. Guess the Good Lord just don't want ol Bill fillin up this planet with too many chilluns.

So all I gots to say to the good doctor is piss off and mind your own buisness lady!!!

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