opnet [OpNet] Stained

[Avenger]

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black

I see my red door and I have to have it black

Maybe I'll fade away and not have to face the facts

But it's hard facing up when your whole world is black"

I'm sorry I came as a disappointment to you, Jager. I mean that. I am sorry. Not so much to you... I disappointed myself, too. I feel... I don't feel anymore, and I think that's the problem. Something inside me has died and won't be back.

I figure I owe you some explanation. I think you've got my number well enough that you can already guess at what was going on that evening, but allow me to set you -- Elizabeth -- James -- and Kera -- to rest, insofar as I can. Which won't be much.

When Costas took over Kera's body, he did so to hide. He was certain that nobody would attack and kill a twelve year-old girl just to get to him. He thought he would be safe. And he wasn't going to let her go. James' first device failed once already. I wasn't willing to chance another failure. That was our one chance, Jager. Costas wasn't the sort who is going to give you a second punch. You put him down when he shows himself or you don't ever. I was thinking about what was best for the world. If I hadn't -- killed -- Kera when Costas was weak, vulnerable and confident of his safety, I have sincere doubt we would ever get the chance again. I could not, in good conscience, allow Costas to survive that night. The havok he would have wrought in subsequent months and even eyars would have undone my work manifold and caused the kind of misery we associate with names like de Sade and Torquemada.

No, it wasn't right for me to make the choice for Kera or for anyone else. But I did it any damn way. I have no choice but to live with that.

I too was in Kera's head when I dealt the deathblow. The psychic backlash of four people screaming in unison will haunt me for the rest of my life. I used to enjoy that noise, and the hot electric hum in my frontal lobe of a life of pain being snuffed out. It was quite another thing to feel it happening to myself. And an innocent child.

I'm not shedding any tears for Costas. I would kill him a million times over if given the opportunity. I have no qualms about having murdered him. But I shatter every mirror that I've looked into since that night. Something inside me wishes that it would cut my hand up when I do it, and the desire to feel my own hot, sticky blood wash down my clenched fists overcomes me. But I can't even have that catharsis. I am left alone with my self-inflicted emotional agony and have no release.

I failed her, Jager. I failed her. I promised I'd protect her. And because I fucked up -- because I failed -- now she's dead. An innocent soul. A child. A little girl. I allowed her to die. She'll never laugh or smile again. She'll never get a chance to grow up or date or go to prom. And it's all my fault.

This is the second time I've lived through this. At the risk of sounding self-pitying, tell me which is worse; to die in the conflagration, or to be the sole survivor?

I would beg you for death, Jager. If I didn't still have work to do. If I didn't think I could at least try to redeem myself. I probably never will. But I can try.

I don't feel very good about what it is I do anymore.

I'm sorry I fled, Jager. I think I saw a little bit of something inside msyelf that I was never meant to. And when Kera's limp body fell into my arms, I found myself temporarily unable to recognize myself. For a moment, I lost my grip on what I am. Maybe it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

-- Avenger

[Jager]

I am not the one to judge you, Avenger. I don't have the right. I don't really know if anyone has that right.

You don't dissappoint me. I knew you were a killer the moment I saw you. You are the kind of person that can wake up in the morning, kill someone, and then sit down and eat a hardy breakfast. I know the type because I have been there.

Kera is dead. Costas is dead. That is the past. Where you go from here is up to you. You are right about "something inside of you dying". It happens everytime we kill someone. Usually, we don't notice. We fall into a pattern of behavior and response. We decide that something has to be done and we do it. We provide ourselves with some reason or goal that comforts us so that we don't feel ourselves dying inside. That is, until the wound becomes too great.

Deep down, you know you can't avenge them all. You can't punish every rapist. Some will slip past you, no matter how hard you try. What are you to do?

Did Costas deserve to die? Certainly alot of people here thought so, but they didn't actually have to pin his mind down within some innocent's body and kill him... and her, did they?

I have "had" to kill people I couldn't contain any other way. Was I right? I don't know. It is likely that I never will. I was the person there at that moment and time and I acted upon the decisions I reached.

Enough belly-aching on my part. I get up every day and do the best I can.

Where do YOU go from here?

[Apep]

How pathetic. And yet the massochist gets his fix in the end.

[Avenger]

Fuck off, kiddo.

Feeling bad about what I did and mourning the death of an innocent doesn't mean I've gone a rubbery one, and it sure as hell doesn't mean it's taken the edge off my tongue.

Besides, you're hardly one to whine and bitch about masochism. I know full well how fucked-up you are. I wouldn't throw around the word "pathetic" with such casuality.

I wrestle with demons of my own creation every day. The last thing I need is your meaningless derision.

-- Avenger

[Violette 'V' D'Aronique]

Seems to me, Avenger, after reading through your "My Enemies" thread and learning of your methods and philosophy, that this Kera girl needs to be, in your words, avenged. Or are you going to claim exemption from this?

Regardless of how you choose to justify it, an innocent life was purposely taken.

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Violette 'V' D'Aronique ]

[Jager]

I am sure Apep would much rather live in a world were Avenger pre-empted rapists. You know, going into a daycare, noting which toddlers are genetically pre-disposed to commiting rape, and twisting their little heads off. Yep, that would be so much better, Apep.

"V", I don't know you or your background, but why don't you explain your point of view as something more than a sound bite.

How much do you really know about Avenger and how he ended up doing what he does?

What empowers you to be his judge? I would really like to know, because that is a career path that I would be really interested in. I would love to know that I had all the answers and wasn't insane.

Perhaps an explination would be in order. Avenger hunts down and kills rapists. A week ago, he felt compelled to kill an innocent girl in his quest and, for whatever reason, that seems to bother him.

You could have put forth some helpful insight, but instead you chose to be flippent. People fall over the edge every day, folks. There is no need to grease the path.

[Apep]

Avenger,

,,

That's fine to mourn over a kill. What I don't get is why you try and justify your actions to us? Or is it that you just need to convince yourself? I find it hard to believe that you did not pre-evaluate the consequences of your actions. You should have expected this. In your quest I would have thought you were prepared for such a loss. Sacrifice is often needed,I thought surely you would understand that.

I don't see how you consider two sentences whining and bitching, they were just a slight observation. That you pull so much out my brief statement is damn amusing.

I am without a doubt all fucked up like you say, but damn it that's just the way I am. I may even own the market of "all fucked up." We all have our demons believe you me. But when you come here and share them with us, you're just asking for it.

Glad you've got your bite back.

Jager,

What? Where did you get that from? Never would I condemn someone for crimes that they have not yet commited. Oh, hell, I don't need to explain this to you, you should know how I feel about this. Fine, twist em off. I don't care.

And regarding V. Jager, some people are not as hardened to such things. Don't insult her for that. She did bring up a valid point though. Were someone to try and avenge her death, would that be wrong?

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Apep ]

[Violette 'V' D'Aronique]

Mr. Jager,

Earlier, Avenger has written,"I would NEVER kill someone that I wasn't SURE had committed this HORRIBLE crime."

Obviously, this is not the case, is it? Some deaths are justifiable to him as long as it is in the name of his holy crusade.

He has also written, "I protect the innocent...and I avenge the wronged."

Angel Teen is both innocent in this affair, and wronged. Am I wrong, Mr. Jager?

And, "The cold facts of the matter is that these men had committed a crime for which they needed to pay...In your ridiculous ideas that all people really are equal and that "everyone deserves a second chance", you have forgotten that these men had done something very, very bad to someone who did nothing to them."

Does Angel Teen's murder not qualify here, Mr. Jager? Does Avenger qualify for a second chance? To paraphrase his own words, "Avenger has done something very, very bad to someone who did nothing to him."

Later, "and the knowledge that someone cared enough to hunt down and end the life of the person who wronged her based solely on the virtue that he wronged her, I'm more than glad to do it all...My main concern is for the victims, and it does concern me that some of the victims may never have the closure that comes with confrontation."

Main concern for the victims. This is now seen for the crap that it is, isn't it? Mr. Jager, Avenger's main concern has been for his own quest and whatever jollies it gives him. Angel Teen's best interests were obviously not what Avenger had in mind.

And to Angel Teen, "If it's what you sincerely want, I'll protect you. I'll do whatever I can to keep you safe."

Really? Does that include her murder to get at Costas? If this was the truth, then he would have found a way to strip Costas out of Angel Teen. He's implied the ability to "rape the minds" of his victims, and other assorted telepathic nicities. Surely, if he had been acting in Angel Teen's interests, as he claims, and not his own, as it seems, it might have worked out better for her.

Recently, he's added, "I wasn't willing to chance another failure. That was our one chance, Jager. Costas wasn't the sort who is going to give you a second punch. You put him down when he shows himself or you don't ever. I was thinking about what was best for the world. If I hadn't -- killed -- Kera when Costas was weak, vulnerable and confident of his safety, I have sincere doubt we would ever get the chance again. I could not, in good conscience, allow Costas to survive that night. The havok he would have wrought in subsequent months and even years would have undone my work manifold and caused the kind of misery we associate with names like de Sade and Torquemada."

Listen to what he's saying, Mr. Jager. "The havok he would have wrought in subsequent months would have undone my work." This was never about protecting Angel Teen, this was a vendetta about a criminal arrogant enough to challenge him.

After this, we have, "I would beg you for death, Jager. If I didn't still have work to do. If I didn't think I could at least try to redeem myself. I probably never will. But I can try."

So, despite what he thought about his victims, he is exempt from being avenged and deserves a second chance.

Finally, "I'm sorry I fled, Jager. I think I saw a little bit of something inside msyelf that I was never meant to. And when Kera's limp body fell into my arms, I found myself temporarily unable to recognize myself. For a moment, I lost my grip on what I am. Maybe it was the best thing that ever happened to me."

So, not only is Angel Teen dead, but Avenger benefits from it as well? I'm willing to bet, Mr. Jager, that what Avenger saw is what I've just related to you as well.

You ask me who empowered me to be his judge, but Ranger has consistently asked who empowered Avenger to be the judge of 689 people, and for his effort, Ranger has been ridiculed and derided. Mr. Jager, I'm not judging him on my morals, but on his.

This is the truth as I've seen it through what's been presented to me here: Avenger knew going into Saturday night that he might have to kill Angel Teen to get at Costas. There was never a doubt whether or not he'd do it. His quest, and his pride, was all that mattered.

You might accuse me to twisting Avenger's words to my own benefit. But I'm really not. At least, I don't think I am. I'm not going to benefit in any way from this. I just had to say something about this all of this.

How can the rest of you be so non-chalant about this??? We're talking about someone who killed 686 people of his own accord outside of legal channels, and all of you, minus Ranger, approve of this? And now that he deliberately killed an innocent, you're going to tell me not to judge him and just let him deal with the grief on his own??? This isn't the first time, either. If the "this is the second time I've lived through this" line means anything, he might have done this before!

Why he is he exempt from the deliberate murder of a teenage girl than any of the 686 rapists were of their crimes?

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Violette 'V' D'Aronique ]

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Violette 'V' D'Aronique ]

[Hugin]

I do not seek to place judgement at anyone's feet here. I am appalled how this all happened. There is no need for clever remarks or ill-timed attempts at turning the screws in someone's soul.

A Nova is dead. A young Nova with potential so bright as to blind the ignorant masses. Her life was snuffed out and I mourn this. I had little opportunity to discovery the beauty that she was. My only memory of her face will be of the moments when her fear soaked features twisted to a cruel mockery as she was subsumed by something unholy. I wept that night as I have not for quite some time.

Avenger, I have no words of solace for you, nor recriminations. Live your life, make your decisions.

One of us has died. Nothing more need be said.

[Violette 'V' D'Aronique]

Screw that, Mr. Meehan. It's all well and good when you people are out there killing in the name of whatever cause you feel right, but when one of your own is the one at fault, you just say "live your life and make your decisions??????"

What's wrong with you people????

[Hugin]

You people?

Which people would you be refering to?

Terats?

Novas?

What exactly are you trying to communicate? I would hate to respond with venom if none was called for.

[Apep]

Everything is wrong with all of us.

[Avenger]

Anyone who would attempt to exact retribution for what I did is welcome to try. I will fight back. I expected no less of any of my so-called victims and I would expect no less of you. No quarter asked or given.

Have any of you considered intent? Do any of you understand what the word means? You'd think -- as fucking advanced as we creatures claim to be -- that you would see things a little less black and white. There is always a circumstance, always a time and place where the rules no longer apply. Where you have to pay the price and accept the fact that you have to do something that you know full well you're going to hate yourself for the rest of your life for, all in the name of what you hope will be the greater good.

When you kill a man in battle, it is patriotic. Heroic, even. When we kill a man for sleeping with our spouse or stealing from our home, we are a murderer. The difference? Intent. I never wanted to kill Kera. That wasn't my intention. But I was prepared to finish that wretched debacle that evening, and I would have sacrificed anyone present to do it. Kera, James, Jager....myself. I'm in this for the whole, boys and girls. This isn't about me and it never was.

The men I killed hurt many, many people. Sometimes scores. Many felt good about it. Those that were so tormented that they felt they could do nothing else were put down mercifully and quickly. And they were put down so they couldn't hurt anyone else. I will wrestle with what I did for the rest of my life.

Anyone who thinks I pose a further danger to girls inhabited by sociopathic rapist-murderers is welcome to hunt me down and exact your righteous fury. But I've turned a corner in my life. I have more important things to do now than hang out here justifying my actions and explaining to would-be copycat avengers that bust down my door why they'd be better off running away.

Hunt me down and I'll fucking bury you.

From here on out, you all won't be hearing much from me, something I am sure most of you will consider a boon to your continued existence. I will occassionally make myself heard as is needed, but for the better part, I plan to be too busy killing people to get a whole lot of typing done.

As a slight exemption, I will still leave the occassional message for Jager when I am unable to get ahold of him otherwise. He and I still have much to talk about.

Lastly, a few final words for you, Violette;

This is the second time that I promised to protect an innocent and failed. It was the second time that I failed in my primary directive, and that is to defend those who cannot defend themselves. The first time was when the only woman I ever loved was killed in her home by a psychopathic killer-for-hire because she got a glimpse at information that a tenth of which would get you greased.

I don't live a guilt-free, regret-free life. I have more than I'll ever need. I doubt you or anyone else could claim otherwise. I am vilified because I splay out my mistakes and sins for all to see, so that every pinhead with a keyboard can comment on my situation, like I spread this information because I want the insipid criticism of small-minded ass-ticks. I exhibit my regret for reasons that are none of your fucking business. You choose to read and reply.

If I felt inclined to root out your every secret sin, what would I find? Until you have been where I have been, seen the things that I have seen, you have no place to judge me. You are a babe in the fucking woods until you have walked a week in my steel-toes.

What you do not know about me could just about fucking well fit on the surface of fucking Jupiter. Come get me or shut your fucking mouth.

That's the end of it for now. Post your little arguments, your little complaints, your well-planned philosophical debates for what I horrible person I am. I'm not replying anymore. I don't care about your approval and I never did. What started as an explanation turned into trying to make someone else understand. That became something I never intended. And I'm tired of playing the game. So I'm ending it here. Unless you have something more to say than restating "You're a bad, bad man" one hundred different ways, I'd advise you to not waste your time.

I am a warrior. You are not. Evil exists. Good -- or ambiguous, if you prefer -- must combat it. That is all.

-- Avenger

[Tuesday Childe]

Post removed by consent.

[ 12-08-2001: Message edited by: Tuesday Childe ]

[Jager]

"V", you make many valid points. Once I go into the field with someone, I agree to "watch their back". Its my own personal code of ethics. In case you haven't guessed, I am also a murderer. No justifications.

Kera is dead because I was too slow. I didn't do something to alter that outcome. Avenger killed her and as his team-mate, I am also responsible.

Could I have done something to alter the outcome? I don't know. I can't stop Avenger, but I might have bought enough time for one of the others to act. It doesn't really matter, now.

I still feel that Costas had to be stopped. Utopia couldn't contain him. He was one of the most powerful mentalists I have ever encountered and he was rarely vulnerable. If he had escaped, his psyche profile would have been altered and it is unlikely we could have ever ambushed him again. What would you have had us do?

As for someone avenging Kera; Sadly, things like this happen every day and is likely someone will try. To what purpose? It won't bring Kera back.

Please understand something. I don't follow Avenger's creed. I don't believe he is justified and we have argued about this. He can also be a very good man (or nova) and a loyal friend. I live in an imperfect world and do the best I can.

Apep: Yeah, I was out of line. I have let this get to me and I blasted you for no good reason. You have been there for me in the past and I should have extended the same courtesy to you. I apologize.

[Guest]

What I find so fascinating are all of the justifications the participants of that witch-hunt have displayed here. If your actions were just, then there should be no need to justify them to individuals who had nothing to do with the incident in question. The fact that all who participated in Costas' and Kera's demise are seeking to rationalize and justify what happened tells me that there was less justice involved than you would have us believe.

I also find the excuse that "there was no choice" to be a poor and flimsy one at best. There is always a choice; some obvious, some not. Some pleasant, some not. The fact that you, Avenger, have blinded yourself to all those that do not deal with death and violence does not mean that they do not exist.

To be frank, I find the whole incident to be dissapointing. It is laudable that you managed to end the life of one who seemed irrideemable, but at what cost? The life of a 12 year old girl who should have been no-where near a confrontation such as this, let alone a participant? I hope Costas' death was worth it but somehow I don't believe that it was.

To be honest, I expected better from the whole lot of you.

[ 12-08-2001: Message edited by: Atwight ]

[Guest]

Yeah, Avenger. I´m sure that you´ll kill everyone who´ll come after you. You do that so well.

You bring everything down around you; you´re the walking and talking definition of Bad News to everyone that breathes the same air as you do.

Angel Teen, being the name that I got to know her under... she´s gone, snuffed out. maybe you did have a choice, and maybe you didn´t. Point being, you promised toprotect her. Instead, you let Costas get to her. You failed, and then you killed her.

Just do the world a favor and stay away from everyone but your favored little vitcims, Avnger. The existence of creatures like you makes me want to puke. Maybe, some day, you´ll use that Quantum-powered brain of yours to face the facts of the kind of sick thing you are. Until then, keep to yourself.

I´ll never trust anyone of you again.

[Jager]

Gwyneth, I am sorry you feel that way. As I said, it is an imperfect world.

Atwight...man, there is nothing else to say.

Who here feels that there is never a justification for taking a life?

Have I become so jaded that I just accept the death of an innocent as the price for getting the job done?

[Jager]

Gwyneth, I am sorry you feel that way. As I said, it is an imperfect world.

Atwight...man, there is nothing else to say.

Who here feels that there is never a justification for taking a life?

Have I become so jaded that I just accept the death of an innocent as the price for getting the job done?

[Guest]

Do you know what makes me, perhaps, more sick than anything else? That it is Atwight, someone who has struck me as perhaps the most inhuman in his views than anyone else around here (with the possible exception for Ashnod) that made the point.

What did the girl do there? Was she a fucking decoy? A bait? Had I only known this when she decided to leave me, I´d...

Yes, Jager, you seem to be one jaded son of a bitch. At least you don´t try to define your entire existence through some gorefest killing spree. Small mercies...

[Father Ryan]

It's ironic that it takes loss of life of someone you know for many of you to realise what monsters walk amongst us. Now that for some, realisation has come too late.

This is not a reference to Novas.

Simply a point about the murder of innocents.

[Guest]

Just remember that old (paraphrased) line, padre:

"When fighting monsters, one should take care to not become a monster himself."

You and Avenger are very much alike. You both simplify the world a whole lot. You both throw rants to justify your actions - I´m no psychology major, so I won´t speculate as to your reasons for this - and you both make me sick. Caught up in your own masturbatory fantasies where you are saviors of the world, tragical antiheroes or whatever other sick little world view frame that get your juices flowing.

You know what? Avenger almost had me thinking that he was right, at one point. That was, of course, until he finally proved what a sick little fuck that he is. Believing yourself to do the right thing does not make it so (not that I think these statements will make a lasting impression on anyone here).

Killing is the easy, cowardly way out. While a painful necessity at times, it is not an Easy-Fix solution to the world´s problems.

[Wizard]

Are you, Jager? So jaded that you would willingly kill an innocent to achieve a goal? You told me once that death is always an option but never the first one chosen.

Not everyone is a mirror. Simply see yourself.

[Wizard]

Too late, Father? Has your world grown so very dark that you faith has withered?

I choose to believe in possiblities.

[Jager]

Actually, one of the things that has eaten at me is the fact that my instinct was to let Costas go. Seriously, I have always considered myself someone who could get the job done, no matter what. Had Costas escaped, countless other lives would have been put at risk. God help us all, I would have let him go.

There was a time that I would have beaten Avenger to the kill. This time, I hesitated. My mind was working on contingencies plans, fall-back options, some way to save Kera. I missed what was obvious in hindsight; that Avenger wouldn't hesitate. I made an assumption and she died.

So many of you have tried to show me that there can be hope in this world, but it wasn't until this second that I realized how much it had changed me.

Gwyneth, I thought Kera had made it to you? How did she get away, and more importantly, how did she know were to find us?

[Guest]

I´d ask you for advice on how a baseline woman in her thirties could possibly restrain a young bull-headed Nova, Jager, but as far as I reckon from reading old posts here, you got spanked the last time that you gave any such advice.

She was obsessed with the idea of meeting that freak, completely convinced that he was going to protect her in ways that I never could.

I couldn´t do a god damn thing but watch her leave; I didn´t even had the time to reason with her once she made up her mind. That is true helplessness; to watch something like this happen, completely unable to do anything to stop it. Now she´s dead, and I do so want to see the same thing happening to that bastard who dubbed himself "Avenger".

[Jager]

I can understand the difficulties of dealing with the 'Invicibility of Youth'. They never really accept something can happen to them.

Okay, she was trying to catch up with Avenger. How did she know were to find us and how did she either A) Slip inside Prodigy's containment field, or know to be inside of the chosen area when the field came down?

Did anything change about her in your last few hours together? After all, if she had run away too early, you might have had a chance to contact us. I never got the chance to know her, so I am not sure she was capable enough to just "track us down".

I am not looking to change your opinion of Avenger, but if someone set Kera up to get killed, I want to find out. I think you do, too.

[Guest]

Quote:

Originally posted by Gwyneth Marlowe:
Atwight, someone who has struck me as perhaps the most inhuman in his views than anyone else around here (with the possible exception for Ashnod)...

You find me inhuman Gwyneth? I am not sure if that pleases or offends me.

[Ashnod]

Quote:

Originally posted by Atwight:
You find me inhuman Gwyneth? I am not sure if that pleases or offends me.

Take it as a compliment, hon. I did.

[Guest]

Jager: Your guess is as good as mine. If something reached through to her, a telepathic/subliminal suggestion or just a delivery of information, it must have been prior to her seeking sanctuary here... of course, this is me assuming that everything I know about this place is fact rather than hypothesis. I won´t speculate there, but it´s painfully obvious that something went all to hell. I don´t even have all the facts about what actualy did happen - I only knew that she was dead when I read it on this forum.

Whatever I can do to dig up facts about this dirty fucking deal, I´ll do it. I just don´t see myself being of much use in a conflict involving Novas, except as support for a Nova "proxy". I´ll se what favors I can call in.

Atwight: While I admit to being a bit burned-out lately, I honestly didn´t mean to offend. You are simply (judging from my selection base, mind you) the individual Nova who has advanced the most beyond your "basic human" template. I do not pretend to be qualified to make a psychological profile of you based on what you´ve stated on the forums (if anyone did, they´d be lying).

[Wizard]

Having the ability to perceive the naked weft and weave of reality, and to make changes by force of will alone, is a wonderous thing. It does tend to have certain collateral effects on the mind possessing those abilities and give me pause in using words like 'superior' or phrases like 'less limited' when describing quantum abilities.

For instance;

A thirty-ish baseline woman perceives immediately when she's been 'played', even if she lacks the information to determine who played her. Meanwhile, the more gifted are only beginning to wonder if perhaps there is more to the situation then they perceive.

Cui bono, my friends.

Who profits.

[Guest]

Man, what a bunch of pitiful creatures you are. No, really. I mean that. From the bottom of my binary little heart.

Synapse here. No, no, no standing ovation, please. You can sit down now, ladies. I know that all the bitches want a piece of this hot digital action, but 'El ' has but one love, and her name is...Bea Arthur. Turn your heads away in shame and bow at my radiance, kids.

So everyone hates Henry now, huh? Nice. A collection of hired killers and altruistic thugs wearing tights condemning my good pal. And for killing a girl? Shit, Lash kills girls for fun. Epoch has human slaves. ... Well, y'know, so does Narcosis, but to hear it told, they enjoy their job. Good work if you can get it, y'know? But back to the retarded metaphor at hand, let me get this right; only a couple hundred people were killed in the Sao Paolo bombing. Only scores in the T2M Siberia disaster of '04. Only a few dozen by Utopia reps clearing out that slave pit in Bangkok. Only tens killed by T2M "hero" Saxon after Viagra-vating various underage zip whores throughout Asia. Only a few hundred by various hired killers wearing masks all over this great ugly sphere of ours. And only a few million by various crusaders and villains throughout the course of human history. But you're all mad at...Henry?

If I may put on the serious hat for a moment, who the fuck are you all kidding?

You people think like fucking baselines, I swear. The depths of your hypocrisy is downright stunning sometimes. A thousand-and-one horrible, fucked-up things happen around you every and you do nothing. One guy -- the only honest guy I've ever known -- fucks up and you hear about it, and suddenly everyone is the fucking Jon Benet Crusaders' Guild. "Grab your torches and pitchforks, lads! There's villains to be caught, by golly!"

I don't claim justification for what Hank did. It was fucked-up by my standards, and I contribute to half of www.rotten.com's six million daily hits. But none of you are his judge, and not a single one of you -- except my man Jager -- has any place to pass judgement. Henry has been skating a thin line between buttfuck, shit-throwing crazy and explosive rage ever since that day. If there's anyone who isn't taking this well, it's him. No, that doesn't mean you should feel sorry for him. He doesn't feel sorry for himself, I don't see why you should. But this "Oh my god! You killed Kera!" shit was old from the start. The girl died. It sucks when people die. At least Henry didn't have an erection when he did it, unlike the six-hundred-something zip kidfuckers he tore to itty bitty pieces.

No, Muffin, Henry didn't ask me to write this. He'd probably make me look at gay porn if he did. But since it takes me all of a planck moment to read your amusing little self-righteous diatribes and respond, I thought I'd take a break between downloading the latest naked pictures of Wizard to bust you fucks down a bit.

I don't think any of you will ever know what it's like to be fifteen forever. I'm smarter than any of you kids will ever be, but my development wasn't just arrested, it was taken out to the woods and lashed to a tree to be left for dead. If I had a dick I'd be jerking off twenty times a day. And while I know every fact -- every fact and every rumor that there is to know, my ability to 'learn' those big important 'life lessons' is a little stunted. I still think with the brain of a smarmy teenager and will for the rest of my life. Suck on that. But a few things I've actually really learned I learned from Henry. The guy taught me dedication, and honor and justice. He taught me bravery. And yeah, he taught me compassion.

Compassion, you ask? Put your pacifier back in, you're drooling all over yourself.

Not a one of you -- except Jager, like always -- knows a fucking thing about me, Henry, or what we -- yeah, he and I, you want to make something of it? -- do. But here you are, congregating around a mistake, kicking a good man when he's down, ready to destroy a good guy for doing some bad shit that you don't get. I even saw one of you (I won't name names, because it would be rude to mention a post that Tuesday Childe made and then deleted like that) threaten myself and my home for what he did. Fucking awesome. You kids are sweet, really, and I know you mean well. But screw your fucking heads back on.

If you all want to make a difference in this world and right heinous wrongs, volunteer at a fucking soup kitchen. Build a house. Offer relief to rape victims. Teleport Zantu tribesmen from Zaire into the latest Congressional Banquet to run rampant and fill their bellies on pigfucking capitalist excess. But targeting the Teragen? You're either looking to get yourself fitted for a bodybag (what Geryon will do to you will help you fit nicely into a dime baggy) or laughed out of the party. If you think we won't back our boy, you're wrong. That bullshit about Henry fucking you up if you hunt him down was just the big guy blowing smoke. He doesn't want to and wouldn't hurt any of you if he could get away with it, even though you disagree. The rest of us, on the other hand, will fuck your day up if you push. We're the Teragen, after all. We've got an image to uphold, right? "The Villains of the World!"

Excuse me a moment while I laugh maniacally at my Pax action figure and drop him into the simulated lava bath of my official Divis Mal 'Fortress of Death' Playset (now with red-colored "lava" ooze!).

I haven't read anything here to convince me that Henry did anything wrong outside of being pragmatic. But like the man himself told me, "Sometimes what's right isn't always what's good." Life sucks. Wear a fucking hat. And until you ig'nunt lil' chillun's get your facts straight (I forget, how many of you actually asked Henry about the details? Oh, right. None), maybe you should research as an alternative to calling some special-ed lynch mob.

If anyone wants to have words with me or the villain of this little soap opera, you can slip some private tongue via this site to the guy. He won't be checking it anymore, but as long as he doesn't, I will. And while he no longer feels a need to try and convince you all that he did the right thing, I on the other hand get pretty pissed off at people threatening and vilifying my good friend.

And to the rest of you, the dipshits who still plan to hunt down and "bring to justice" the 'mighty' Avenger....fuckin' bring it on.

Synapse

[Wizard]

Okay.

Who let all the comic book character's out again? Either lock that door or start issuing mood stabilizer's.

[Apep]

Synapse? yeah right, and I'm having Pax's baby. Pull the other leg, you're not fooling anyone.

[Guest]

Awwww, poor Avenger, he feels bad. Don't be too hard on him folks, he's a beginner. Just like the rest of the Terragen he's desperate to get Mal's attention so he can get some. The Terats are nothing but a bunch of bored children whose only direction comes from the way Mal's dick twitches of a morning.

Avenger boy, you seem like a reasonable murderer, why not get religion and join my friends and I on our crusade to rid the work of the baseline offal?

[Jager]

Apep, if it isn't Synapse, who is it? I'm pretty sure it isn't Avenger.

Hazzard, thank you so much for that fifteen seconds of bile. Go plug yourself back into a wall socket.

[Wizard]

Who?

Someone trying to stir the pot for personal reasons having little to do with others but a great deal to do with their own pitiable ego.

You have personal knowledge of Synapse, while I have only second and third hand acquiantance with that worthy. Does this truly appear to you as the voice of that being? Or does it appear as a pale and faulty imitation by a being possessed of limited understanding and ability. An imitation based only on what appears 'kewl' and 'angsty'. A unable to comprehend the life of another except as how it must be, as that is how they understand it.

Deep is sometimes only skin deep and inner demons are occasionally only the murmurings of an over-inflated ego. I'm sorry but; there appears to be nothing here but wind without air and thunder without sound.

[Ashnod]

I've done my best to stay out of this, but I'm drawing the line here.

Synapse, if that's TRULY who you are, pay attention to me. Two Novas are dead because some zips were getting hurt. End of Story. Period. Are you honestly going to tell me that you support the death of two Novas (one a Teragen member) by one of our own simply because someone was crying over baseline problems?

None of us in the movement are going to call into judgement what Avenger does with his free time. If he wants to play the Dark Knight to the baseline world, I have no problem with that. Some of us have called it a waste of time, but it's his time to do with as he pleases.

Nonetheless, two Novas are dead. By one of our own. Who made the decision to end an innocent Nova life to kill a Harvester so more zips wouldn't suffer.

And you...support this? You mentioned Lash...I honestly don't think he's in favor of this. He kills baselines too, after all. This is exactly the sort of crap that Nova Vigilance and the Primacy are both trying to put an end to in their respective ways: Nova death to cull baseline injury. You think Geryon is happy that a Nova was killed to protect baseline suffering? Or Shrapnel? Or Leviathan? Do you honestly think they are going to turn a blind eye at this?

And you...the Synapse I've spoken with before has been one of the most passionate Nova supremists around. What was the reason you gave regarding Lash's actions once? "BECAUSE HE CAN." Well, the same logic applies to Costas. He did what he could BECAUSE HE COULD. How can you possibly defend Lash's actions one moment, and then claim Avenger was right in killing Costas? And you dare to accuse this Forum of hypocrasy? You said "Lash kills girls all the time." Lash kills baseline girls, hon. Not Nova girls. Not the same thing at all from most of our respective points-of-view. A Nova child and a Harvester died to end baseline suffering, and all you have to say on the matter is, "What Henry did was pragmatic?"

I'm not going to venture into the volumes of other anti-baseline sentiments you've expressed not only in front of me but half our membership, but saying things such as "volunteer at a soup kitchen," and "offer support to a rape victim" are so pitifully out of character for you, I'd have to accept that you had a severe personality disorder for me not to take those suggestions with the normal two teaspoons of sarcasm that you'd normally serve with them. While you'll doubtlessly claim this was sarcasm the whole time, the intended effect of the words in that post was to misdirect, not enlighten. Not the same thing at all.

Since I don't believe you have a personality disorder, there's only one logical conclusion: you are not Synapse. Further more, since I doubt very seriously that you could relate to me on this Forum, or via Private Message, any of the conversations we've had in the past (and I would expect you to reply to that challenge with a "I have no need to play meaningless identity games with you, Ashnod," or some other attempt at wit, had I not already mentioned it first, whereas the Synapse I know could respond), I have no choice but to publically denounce you, and agree with both Wizard and my daughter that you are nothing more than a fabrication meant to sway sympathy towards Avenger, or conversely, deter any possible retribution towards him.

On the other hand, if I am wrong, and I highly doubt I am, then heed my warning please. Synapse, you do not speak for us as though we are united any more than I do. Not all of us in the Teragen condone what has happened, I dare say a sizeable number are not happy about this. If you want to defend your friend, fine. I have no idea why you chose to do so in fashion so blatantly against what you've always claimed to believe in (and don't try eluding the issue by giving me some quote along the lines of "What you do know about me, Ashnod, would fit in a thimble!"), but using our name to back up your threats is ludicrous when we let one of our own kill one of our own. In any event, whoever you are, you've only sullied yourself in the eyes of those of us who frequent this Forum.

Grow up.

[ 12-15-2001: Message edited by: Ashnod ]

[Hugin]

Ashnod, well spoken. I do not agree with many of your points, but it is always so pleasent to read your point of view. The 'inner circle' chose well when you were given the opportunity to be our spokesperson.

I do not know if that drivel was Synapse or not. I only know him through reputation and a few shared acquaintances. Whatever or whomever he is it does not matter. His post was in poor taste.

I agree with Ashnod at one point, AngelTeens death was a tragedy, and personally, I believe an avoidable one. However, I was not given the opportunity to make that call. However, Ashnod, I cannot agree that the loss of Costas was anything other than beneficial. He was an animal. He deserved to be put down. Lash is an animal too. Their membership in the Teragen notwithstanding we should not and cannot tolerate them any further. Baselines do not accept the degraded and foul of their kind, those that slaughter animals for fun or for some sick outlet. We should no more protect those of us who follow a similarly foul path.

Eruption is not the last step. We are on a glorious path, but one that requires dedication. Those among us who point to their sheer luck at erupting and proclaim it the sole prerequisite for godhood are sorely mistaken. We are not responsible to any earthbound set of laws, but we are still responsible. We are responsible to ourselves to improve ourselves, to move forward, not to wallow in filth and depravity. I do not weep that Avenger slew Costas. It matters not that the victitims were baselines. Costas was corrupt. Lash is corrupt and if given the opportunity I would end him without regret.

We are the Teragen. We are Terat. We are more than a collection of gibbering fiends, gluttons and hedonists. We are so much more than that, and those of us who do not realize this frighten me.

[Ashnod]

Quote:

Originally posted by James 'Prodigy' Meehan:
However, Ashnod, I cannot agree that the loss of Costas was anything other than beneficial. He was an animal. He deserved to be put down. Lash is an animal too. Their membership in the Teragen notwithstanding we should not and cannot tolerate them any further. Baselines do not accept the degraded and foul of their kind, those that slaughter animals for fun or for some sick outlet. We should no more protect those of us who follow a similarly foul path...We are more than a collection of gibbering fiends, gluttons and hedonists. We are so much more than that, and those of us who do not realize this frighten me.

I never stated that I agreed or disagreed with either Lash or Costas. Only that if one is going to support Lash's activities under the aforementioned rationale, then Costas's activities are supported by it as well.

But since you brought it up, James. Who amongst us gets to decide who is gibbering fiend, glutton, and hedonist, and who is the "so much more?" The morality by which you are judging these actions is baseline at its core. I must admit a slight trepidation that are you so quick to point out those of our race that should be eliminated.

[ 12-16-2001: Message edited by: Ashnod ]