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[OpNet] Ask Hazzard


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Hello boys and girls. Yes, my little group of miscreants it is I, captain radioactive, here to listen to your every question. You see while sitting drowning people by the pool the other day I thought why should I keep all this accumulated wisdom to myself? I am not a selfish person by nature, I want to share.

So my little microfish write to me and tell me your problems and I will dispense the wit and wisdom of Hazzard upon your scabby little heads! DO IT NOW YOU REEKING, FESTERING PUSS MONKEYS!!!

Just don't expect a reply before Monday, I have a legal conference to "attend".

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Here's one, big guy;

How can you claim to be such a badass when Synapse tells me that he happened to be monitoring the sector of the Blackburne you were staying in for awhile while you were tossing off to fake nudes of the Tommy Orgy trio?

-- Avenger

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Of all the things you've lost, do you miss your mind the most?

I mean, seriously, beyond being a posterchild for Bahrain, do any of your actions make any sense to you what-so-ever? I'm sure PU loves every little atrocity you commit. I know they love harranging the UN Security Council about how much safer the world would be if T2M could just "take the kid gloves off" and do away with national sovreignty were nova rights are concerned. You know; every nova in the world becoming a ward and the responsibility of the Utopian Police State. Sounds like way too much fun for me.

Has anyone rallied to your 'cause'. I know more than a handful of novas who have been so sickened by your works that they have swallowed their suspicions and agreed to work with Utopian authorities in hunting your ass down. Can't say that I blame them.

Hell, your not even a terat and some terats I know are ashamed to stand up for what they believe in because most other novas are convinced you are a Card-carrying member of the Teragen.

There have been 23 incidents of baseline on nova violence as a result of your insanity. One lady, an architect in Seattle, was badly beaten by some baselines who were holding a vigil for victims of the "Soccer Field Massacre". After the incident, even she blamed your activities for the violence that had been inflicted upon her.

There have been 6 reported incidents of nova on nova violence because of you as well. Seems you have a fan club. I especially love the brainiac who could turn himself into various chemical compounds and elements. Seems he and two others broke into a university and stole some chemicals. They wanted to wipe out a town by poisoning their water supply. Sadly, they became a bit confused and one of his friends tossed him the Strontium instead of the Arsenic as he jumped into the water. The resulting explosion killed him and permanently blinded one of his buddies. Their excuse was they wanted to impress you with their dedication to "the cause". Good work.

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Ask Hazzard? Ask Hazzard what? Ask Hazzard what horrible things mommy and daddy did to him to turn him into such a spastic freak? Ask Hazzard what kind of microphallus he possesses to justify the kind of posturing he inflicts on the world? Ask Hazzard how shallow the gene pool he crawled out of is?

Ask Hazzard if there is any chance that he is going to run out of ways to be a sickening, deranged freak?

My, there are so many things we should ask Hazzard.

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I have a few questions for you child of Satan.

Are you truly as stupid as you seem to be? Do you even realize what it is you are doing to those around you?

You leprous pestilent servant of destruction. I despise you in all your forms. Your existence is an insult to those poor creatures that were your family before you killed them. Your mere name is the only one in existence that causes me to feel true, unadulterated hate.

By your very diabolical name am I caused to sin. Thankfully God is forgiving to his servants in this trying time.

I am not forgiving Hazzard.

I will get you. I will hunt you down and you pleas for mercy will go unheeded as I send you burning back to the pits of hell.

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Now listen here Hoss, I don't mean to be throwin' stones when I live in such a pretty glass house but you are one nasty piece of work.

Now son, I crack skulls for one of the few good reasons there is, cash on the barrel head. But you, you I don't figure out none. What nasty critter is swimmin around in your skull that you do such godawful shit? Did yer daddy cornhole ya when you were a wee little one? If so, good, cuz your a sick bastard if I've ever seen one.

When we all get together and start talkin shop your name usually comes up. Normally right after "Guess what that sick fucks done now..." So chumpstain, just to let you know, if we ever cross paths, I'll do you for free.

I'd hate to get on the minister's good side, but it'd be worth it.

Every day your walkin is a bad one.

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Sorry about the delay my little dope fiends...my landlady called and it was murder getting her off the phone...it took me ages to scrub the brains off the handset.

Where to begin? I wanted your problems here kiddies, obviously I wasn't making myself clear enough for you baseline banging numbskulls. Consider it an honest version of ask Abbie.

Lets do this in order shall we:


Hey, its only fair, I caught him doing the same thing to photos of me!

MY ADVICE: Stop hanging around looking for pictures of my slong...that type of behavour will get you arrested.


Yeah, my bud Mandrake is a little slow, particularly since I switched the labels on all the bottles in that university lab. You should see the look on his face, I liked it so much I nailed it up above my fireplace. My people know the score Jager, their eyes are opened to the ultimate truth. Why only last week Boneman and Vitriol showed a whole sunday school in Utah the light of Hazzard...in fact the boys did such a good job the explosion was seen a couple of towns away. Thanks for the Soccar field report, must do that again, seems to get the folks really riled up.

MY ADVICE: Pay more attention to personal grooming, lose that chick you've been banging, I hear she has VD.


The aliens never removed the anal probe did they?

MY ADVICE: Get your head out of your ass, there's not enough room for two up there.


Admit it, the choir boy bit your knob off didn't he.

MY ADVICE: Why not visit your family in Arlington? Why not stay there?

Vile Bill,

Threats? Heh, heh, heh. This from the Nova eqivalent of a prostitute? And what is this obsession with picturing me bent over? Why do they call you Vile Bill? Is it because you swallow?

MY ADVICE: Viagra for the penis problems, a speech tutor for the lisp, and a big ole bag for that ugly mother of yours.

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My, oh my, but that hurt. I haven't felt so bashed since the 6th grade. Hazzard, grow a set, and I don't mean balls, I mean frontal lobes.

Is thinking anathema to you? Has it been so long since you have had a rational discourse with anybody that you are no longer capable of anything except juvenile recriminations? A pity, really. You were once someone worthy of more than disgust.

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God was with me last night Hazzard.

I hope the loss of Vitriol proves to you how all the sons and daughters of Satan shall die, consumed in fire.

Did you think I would not eventually find you?

I am a warrior of God. All of you tainted creatures shall feel His Holy wrath as His fiery sword smites you down.

You were not there last night Hazzard. Vitriol was. He paid for you.

But I am getting closer.

You are next

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Oh my the verbally incontinent have spoken...big suprise really.

Jager, whats your point here? I don't know whats worse, your leperous visage or the crap you come out with sometimes. Of course I think, I think all the time, about killin' and maimin' and all sorts a fun stuff. You just gotta open your mind Jager. You could be so much more if you'd just stop clenching your ass so hard and realise that we have to kill these baseline scum before they turn us all into slaves.

I hate repeating myself, but here I am forced to do it again and agian because you just don't listen...the baselines will take your freedom from you and destroy your souls. I will not let that happen.


Don't even get me started. The only thing you penetrated recently was that 80 year old retiree in florida...I'm sure he loved it though. You have more minds inside that condom shaped head of yours than at a univeristy kegger and you still can't see the truth.

Come on people, doesn't anyone have some real problems I can solve here? Gakk, you try to do something for people and they throw it back in your face.

Hey, maybe I can find that Costas fella and help him to understand the error of his ways. I mean that jerk has the power to cause some real damage and he wastes it getting laid and teasing that Avenger till he turns blue. I think I should find him and perform a little unnessecary surgery on his groin...oh yeah, I can see it now, little rapist boy jumps on a victim and thrusts a smooth dickless groin at her...oh man I just have to do this.

"Oh Costas, here Costas, I have a nice juicy whore for you to rape here...she looks like Avenger"...oh man no, I don't want him to run away. "She looks like Avenger's mom." Now thats better. Come on you piece of shit I don't have all day, I've got a dentist appointment a three.

Oh, and Ryan...why not ring your buddies at the church?

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You nasty, ugly, stupid, pansy little prick! I ain't got no tolerance for your kind of trash and boy you better hope we don't cross paths no time soon. I will beat you bloody and pound you silly. I will wrap you up in the Nasty Black and I will piss on your screaming skull. I don't take that kind of lip for no man or dog. You a dead man ya little bastard, dead!

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I have a problem, one of comprehension.


Not the deaths. I've come to understand that, while you do not always enjoy the violence and the pain, you do savor the outlet to your rage. The few regrets you've ever expressed are when you misjudge the injuries that others can sustain and death comes before you've finished. Or when I cannot see your actions as the one true path to... What? Freedom. Prosperity. Individuality. Control. Which?

It would seem that concern for other novas is actually fairly low in the priorities. Where are the tears for the novas that died? Where were the tears in Egypt?

If novas are a waste of effort and baselines are merely targets, why spend so much valuable time with the the nova supremacist rhetoric? Concern for my opinions? You've made it clear that you don't care what I think one way or the other and baselines are only a source of amusement or gratification. Why bother espousing a philosophy you care nothing about in contrast to the acts themselves?

Why waste your time on something that means nothing to you?

As for the rest; no one can take what I do not give, Hazzard. Not the races of man. Not the armies of Ryan's faith. Not you and not he. Thank you for your concern as to the wellbeing of my soul, however. It is appreaciated if inexplicable.

[ 11-27-2001: Message edited by: Wizard ]

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I forgot you quantum gift was to create manure by opening your mouth. Listen to me, the baselines are out to enslave us all. I am protecting you from youselves. By the time you drive yourselves into action the baseline scum will have you dead and buried. You will all be enslaved unless someone acts. I am that someone.

Question for ya Wiz; what the hell makes you think I would give a rats ass about a bunch of Utopian slaves who died while trying to serve their masters better? They are your future wizard. They are all our futures unless we fight this war.

I am fighting for the liberation of our people and if a few get killed along the way then that is the price of war. If a few join the other side then they are traitors to their blood. Regardless the baselines must die before they destroy and enslave us all!


You need to masturbate more. There's a lot of pent up agression there boy. I suggest your mother, she's got some grip, always puts a big 'ole smile on my face.

Well thats it from me for today. I think I'll go to the mall dressed as santa and strangle every little money-grubbing baseline brat that enters the grotto. Where's the christmas spirit these days huh? Remember people, kill 'em while they are young and you don't have to worry about 'em later.

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Yes, manure. As well as gold, broznium and more. And in more configurations than most would dream possible. Usually not with my mouth but I know a trick with pearl tears that goes over very well in Tai-Pai. Not to mention a trick with the recently deceased that always impresses people. No. I'm not mocking you but there is a difference in perceptions. Some see shit. I see potential.

Even if every baselines that ever lived and will ever live were out to enslave 'us' - what of it? Where were the tears when a mob of frightened people tried to beat a young nova to death last week in China? And no, I wasn't talking about Utopians in Africa before. I was talking about Egypt.

Remember sitting in a cafe drinking epresso and tequila while I hunted a nova in the streets of Alexandria like he were a quantum powered rabid dog. I stripped him of his quantum and then stood watching while the Killer-Of-Gods and the World Walker tore him apart. Where were the tears then? Do you have any idea what was done to him? Do you have any idea why? Do you care? You have to remember this...

"Pop! Goes the telepath!"

Where were your tears for your brethren that day.

The Utopians aren't my, or anyone elses, future. They're a good idea designed to go terribly wrong from their very inception. Designed to be obsolete before the first T2M unit had the first press conference. Doomed to failure before you ever had your 'oops' with some radioactive isotopes. It wouldn't really have mattered in the long run if they had done it differently, though. It isn't their time, although they serve a purpose. That purpose just isn't to bring peace on Earth.

There is no liberation, no oppression and no denouement of God waiting to be found hidden away in a forgotten crack of a chimney somewhere. Mal isn't going to come and raise anyone above all others to sit at his right hand. Neither he or God will cast anyone down into the flames of sinners to suffer. That's Father Ryan's forte anyway.

Again, thank you for the concern but I would take that answer now. The one that marries to my original question. There is not one nova you've ever mentioned that's received anything but your deepest scorn. There is not one baseline that has done more than draw your ire for their mere existance. Come on, Hazzard. You wanted to be the answer man so answer.

Why bother with the rhetoric that even you do not seem to care about?

[ 11-28-2001: Message edited by: Wizard ]

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You talk too much, typical woman. Why? I've told you why you dithering amino acid chain. I am trying to save all Novakind from ensalvement. I don't cry for fools and traitors. Let the stupid and demented die like dogs for all I care. You seem to mistake me for some bleeding heart Terat fuckwit.

I don't care about the lives of the individuals, they are irrelevent, I'm working for the species, not some shit-for-brains with quantum powered testicles. I'll quite happily "pop" any moron who gets in my what Nova or not. Now do you understand or do I have to use words of one syllable?

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No, but apparently I do. So let's break this down for you:

See Haz zard.

See peo ple.

See Haz zard kill peo ple.

Haz zard not like peo ple.

Haz zard say peo ple hurt no vas.

See no vas.

Haz zard not like no vas.

Why Haz zard kill for no vas?

Read it slowly and don't feel bad about not understanding the question until you've thought about it awhile. The pain in your forebrain will eventually go away.

The piece of the puzzle that seems to elude you is the question of why you are assisting a species composed of individuals that you detest. As in there are no nova that merit anything more than your scorn. As in you are the only nova whom you care about whatsoever. In each of your rants you could just as easily substitute the phrase purple dolphins, or perhaps cartoon mouse in more to your liking, and the semantic content remains completely unchanged.

That you transfer your own self image to faceless group is understandable with your background. The question is why you bother yourself or anyone else with that thinly veiled rhetoric of justification.

One supposes that you it is less a question of killing those that are not like you than it is of killing those that are like you were. Thanks for the answer though; I'll add to those I get from my Nova Gods and Transhumans thread. You are afterall a small piece of the greater whole.

[ 11-29-2001: Message edited by: Wizard ]

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Ok, once again Wiz-girl and listen this time. I hate the baselines. They are trying to enslave us all. I don't hate all Novas, just the morons who get in my way. Simple enough for ya?

The baseline scum have a head start on us, they have been planning our destruction from the word go, the guys I tortured this information out of said they were only doing it in case we turned out to be a threat. Bullshit! The reason they are doing it is because they fear our superiority. They fear us and everyone knows what mankind fears it deastroys. We have to get them first before we are destroyed.

Do I have to do everything myself around here?

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Baselines are going to enslave us...

Hazzard, if we, as novas, don't agree with you, you are threatening to kill us as well. By your own statements, you are denying us our freedom of choice. Taking away our freedoms is, by definition, slavery.

"Help us, Hazzard! Someone is trying to enslave us! His name is (gasp) Hazzard and you better go stop him/yourself because the rest of us are too weak or afraid to help ourselves."

Wait, you can't do that. You avoid tough novas and prey upon the defenseless, instead. Your about as comforting as an electric security blanket in a filled bathtub.

Your 'help' and 'guidance' isn't desired and you know it. Can the rethoric and just admit that you just like to torture and kill people that can't fight back. Your not a revolutionary or a liberator. Your a bullying, psychotic sociopath; nothing more.

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Wizard, Jaeger, might I point out that you are trying to be logical with Hazzard? I would put that on par with teaching a pig to dance, with the exception that I wouldn't equate Hazzard's mental faculties to be equal to a pig's.

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As always you've brought up a valid point, James. In this case however, the true question was whether Hazzard understood his own motivations or not. That thinly disguised rhetoric he so venomously espouses would lead one to assume he sees himself as some sort or patriot or revolutionary but that's window dressing and misinformation. Some of us do fear baselines and what they could do to us or to that which we love but not Hazzard.

Hazzard remembers all too well his pre-eruption days. While he displaces his self-loathing against those that remind him of his past, he does understand that his position is one of loathing, hatred and nothing more. The remainder of his diatribes are for the benefit of others to provide fascile reasons for his actions and keep anyone from looking deeper.

Apep, your observation has merit but one thinks it is the observation of the existance of one of Hazzard defenses. He enjoys the posturing of the petty lunatic and keeps people from searching for his motives beyond the window dressing. To be honest, Hazzard understands who he truly is and doesn't concern me nearly as much as another that visits here of comparable power level.

Hazzard plays his game and espouses his rhetoric as part of the inner nature that drives him. We're all real to him, as are his victims, but the game he plays is his world and definition. He sees beyond the game, understands his actions, and is waiting for someone to challenge his supposed invincibility. If in the coming confrontation he wins then he is proven right and fated to play the game again. If he loses then he is ultimately proven wrong and is free of the doubts that plague him. The other I speak of lives in a universe of one and is trapped in a past, the significance of which they hide from themselves. We are not real to that self-made victim, only passing phantoms that provide scenery and occasionally justification.

Please don't misunderstand me, Hazzard. In your moment of eruption you refused the truth and chose destruction over even the possibility of living beyond your past. That was you choice to make and now the role is yours to play for better or worse. I won't sully your focus by telling you how I feel about what you do as you are precluded from caring by the rules of your game. You have chosen to close yourself off from the universe and the rest of us. Again that was your choice to make.

I know your quantum signature and have examined your totality. Step outside of the boundaries of the game you've chosen, even for a moment, and I will grieve for your loss.

[ 12-02-2001: Message edited by: Wizard ]

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Father Ryan, if I know nothing of your pain it is because you've chosen to share it only in the most obscured manner possible. However, if you are correct then it would appear that we labor under the same limitations. Mine is in regards to Hazzard. How is God these days? Next time you chat please be sure to pass on that I am well and think of her often.

Ashnod, there are so many things on this planet alone that phase me, one wouldn't know where to begin in listing them. wink Your arguments and discussions give pause even from postions that one feels relatively comfortable with.

Honestly though, the testosterone driven threats and posturing that sometimes occur seem purely ridiculous on the face of it. Each of us is tapped into the primal forces of reality itself and yet so few demonstrate any understanding of themselves. Of why they do what they do. Of why they have the power to do what they do. Instead they become caricatures of themselves and thenn demand recompense from the world for it. Is it not similar with the Terats?

I'm not sidestepping your implied question. Its just not something I would prefer to discuss in public. I'll contact you offline at your private account.

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I believe I stand alone in my concern over whether Hazzard lives or dies. Should the man die alone with his potential unrealized?

Apep, when the whole world would have written you off as a psychopath, wasn't it one person's faith in you that helped you rise above it and bring you through the darkness?

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I know you disagree on this and the other but... This isn't a case of pulling a suicide off the ledge to give them a second chance. Hazzard already understands and continues to make his choices. His truth is that he hates that within himself that is reflected in his victims and finds the philosophies of transcendance to be a lie he will not accept.

The role he has chosen is his reason for being. Nothing fulfills him to the degree which becoming death, shatterer of lives, fulfills him. Potential, on the individual level, is not always a bright and wonderful thing.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Will everyone quit posting here! You keep setting off that dumb bitch on one of her endless, pointless rants about my personal life. Sheesh, I've got better things to do than listen to her whine about how I am sooooo bad and sooooo clearly fucked in the head. I have a job to do and I intend to see it through. Your children will thank me for my vision...and if they don't I'll tear their stinking head off!!! Just kidding heh, heh, heh.

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But Hazzard, isn't this what you asked for? Just because she has several good points and is getting under your skin is no reason to give up now.

Oh, wait. Walking away from difficulty is your way of life. "If it isn't easy, why do it", right? Hazzard, why don't you try dealing with your own life before you head out to save the world? We would all be better off.

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