World of Darkness: Attrition - The Truth Hurts [Fin]

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

[8:00 PM, 6 October 2009]

There wasn't a whole lot of spring in the step of Sarah Dead-Wolf as she made her way west out of her territory. The Red Dragon was hopping and patrons were a-plenty, but her heart wasn't in the hunt... especially after the massive dose of guilt she'd swallowed the previous night. Truth be told, the vampire wasn't entirely sure that she could ever bring herself to hunt humans again.

Fortunately, she'd fed well the previous night, prior to facing Kris and her failure. Enough of the red stuff was still in her undead system to keep her from hunger for now, and she more or less let her feet lead the way as she wandered out of her territory and into that of the de-facto pack that she called her friends. It didn't take long for those feet to bring her to the obvious place.

Standing there at Declan's front door, Sarah was torn. Facing him right now wasn't going to be terribly comfortable; shame was written all across her features and etched deep in her heart. But at the same time, she needed a friend. Lucien would have qualified, except that he really couldn't understand why this was such a huge deal for his life-challenged girlfriend. And in any case, the last thing she needed right now was the temptation of his highly-addictive blood.

Bracing herself, the Dead-Wolf knocked on Declan's door.

[Owns-The-Night]

The bass thump and gravelly roar of Rammstein died away and the door opened, Declan framed there against the warm golden light of his lounge. Wary silver eyes relaxed and the Rahu smiled as he realised who stood on his doorstep.

"Sarah. Come on in, girl." He stepped to one side, letting the vampire enter and closing the door behind her. "Take a load off." He gestured for her to appropriate one of the oversized beanbags he used as furniture and sat down himself. "How you been?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"I've been...." And she just sort of trailed off, as she made a few aimless turns around the room before flopping onto Dec's sofa, her posture entirely unlike the usual edge-of-the-seat wariness to which her host had become accustomed.

"Well, I guess I don't have to worry about crazy Topanga stuff anymore. I failed the test of Glory. Game over." While the words were delivered in a flat tone, they still managed to have a weight to them, as if a door had slammed forever shut.

[Owns-The-Night]

Dec blinked, sympathy for his undead friend obvious on his rugged features for a moment. He didn't say anything for a moment, just got up and moved over to sit beside her, almost touching shoulders.

"How did you fail the test of Glory? Would'a thought you'd have that one sewn up. Guts and valor are two things you ain't short on, Sarah." His voice reflected his puzzlement, along with a trace of anger.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Oh, guts I've got," she rued. "Don't go chalking me up for that valor, though. I screwed the hell outta that."

She looked up at her friend. "When acts are tainted, they aren't worthy of renown." Holding up a hand, she forced blood to the fingertips, and those wicked black claws of hers emerged.

"You got any idea what these do to a body, Dec?" It was a rhetorical question, and she answered before he could do much more then take a breath. "They cut in ways that nothing should cut. It's like using silver on one of the People... 'cept these do that to everything."

Shame was writ large across Sarah's face. "I've used these in damned near every fight I've been in. At first, I didn't really have any other lethal option, back before I had the wolf. But after I was able to change, I just kept right on using 'em. Never really gave a thought to what they did, and how bad it was.

"Not until Swara-Ann."

The vampire swallowed hard. "I tore the hell out of her back. She's still trying to heal it, still has those wounds seeping, months later."

Looking down at the floor, more or less around Declan's feet, she simply said, "So that was that. I'd failed the test of Glory over the course of my entire unlife."

[Owns-The-Night]

"Shit." Dec let his head fall back and gazed at the ceiling, eyes distant as he pondered over what Sarah had told him. A long few moments went past before the Rahu straightened up and looked at her.

"Can't fault the reasoning. Those claws are evil fuckers, right enough. But don't think I'm lettin' you give up, O'Neally." A slight growl entered his voice, somewhere between drill sergeant and wolf. "You're gonna have to learn new ways to fight, new ways to overcome a foe, to respect them even as you take them down. So the next time your right to Glory is called into question, you can stand tall. Cause that's as much part of the deal as fellin' a foe: gettin' up again when you've been kicked, and doin' it right the next time."

He knuckled her shoulder encouragingly. "You want to be like us, frail? Then you need realise that for the way of Glory, you've only lost when you're all the way dead. Bein' a warrior is more than shreddin' the enemy. I realised that a few months back, and I've been trainin' since, givin' myself more options to use in a conflict."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Give up?" Sarah tensed, her pose going from slumped to spring-loaded in one smooth and fluid motion.

"Maybe you don't understand. There's no re-tests on this, no second tries." She stood up to face the Rahu.

"I know now what I did was wrong. I'll hold to my Oath, by Luna, and that includes respecting my prey. I can fight without these damned things" - she held up her clawed hands - "and I will. But the hope I had for getting my head on straight is gone."

She tried to calm the rage building inside her. "It's not that you aren't my friend, or that I don't respect you. But you've been in this for just a couple years, tryin' to find your own way. The Topangas are the ones with the know-how to teach me, and that door has closed for good.

"So it's not a matter of givin' up. It's a matter of dealing with the fact that I'm not goin' where I'd hoped to be goin'. And I can only do this for so long before I start slippin', before I wind up as the fucking monster that's inside of me."

[Owns-The-Night]

"Think, Sarah!" Owns-The-Night's bark could have cracked wood. At thirty paces. "Right now, the Topangas are the only ones. In ten years, who can say? You're a goddamn vampire. So you have a long fuckin' time to get things right. And I swear on my name that, one way or another, you will get another shot." He stood up and faced the Dead Wolf, poking a finger at her emphatically.

"You passed tests of Cunning, Wisdom, Honor, and Purity. You gonna just give up NOW? "That's it, game over!" when you've come so far. Lettin' yourself be disqualified without even fightin' to make it right?" He snarled the last few words and began to pace. "Get your head outta your ass, Sarah Dead-Wolf. There is nothing, NOTHING, more against the precepts of Glory than quittin' just because someone else says you've failed, no matter how high and mighty they are. When Luna herself says "Give up", then you can do so. But She won't, Sarah. Luna's all about change, about the breakin' of a static mold." He stopped pacing and turned to his friend, his voice going low and intense, his silver eyes gleaming with the fires of the Rahlunim. "She don't give up. Her children don't give up. You might not be one of us, but you're closer than most ever get to dream."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

The effect of Declan's words was very much like a slap in the face... with a rather large stone. Sarah stood there, stunned for a moment, while she took in his words.

He's right. The Topangas may have a monopoly on that knowledge now, but in a decade? Hell, Declan himself might be teaching me.

A slight frown finally creased her brow. If you can hold out against the Beast that long.

It wasn't as though she had a great deal of choice in the matter. Either accept the delay, or give up... and giving up had a price that was far, far too high to pay.

"All right then," she finally said. "No giving up. If the Topanga's won't help me, I keep it together long enough to find someone else who can.

"But," she added, "I'm gonna need help keeping it together. You see me slipping, see me start heading down the road that most leeches do after a while, and I want you to smack me back to my senses so I can claw my way back up, got it?" Her eyes held a desperate sincerity; this was no small favour she was asking, but one of dire import.

[Owns-The-Night]

"Count on that." Dec grinned fiercely at her as he sat back down. "I won't let you slip, Sarah. Between me on one side of you and Lucien on the other side, you won't topple even if we have to glue your feet to the path." He clapped her on the shoulder.

"So how is loverboy?" he asked with a grin. "Still makin' a packet with his packet?"

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

Relaxing a bit, Sarah traversed the awkward topic of her boyfriend with care. "Lucien is... well, Lucien. He's doing whatever the hell it is that warlocks do, and is apparently acing his classes."

There really wasn't much more she could say on the topic - or that she was willing to share outside of their relationship. Even a vampire, it turned out, could have qualms about sharing such.

"So," she said, "what's the word on your pack? Have you guys hooked up with a totem yet?" She couldn't quite keep the yearning out of her voice; the Dead-Wolf was driven by both upbringing and instinct to seek out and join a pack. The odds were long, considering Amber's feelings about her, but she could always hope.

[Owns-The-Night]

"Nah, not yet." He shrugged. "Ariel's out of town at the moment. Amber, Moss and I are still pally and patrolling our turf, but when Ariel gets back I'm gonna push for the pack thing to take off. It's time we all got serious and stopped lettin' shit slide till it's too late." His lips set in a thin line, his eyes were full of determination.

"It'll be good to get it organised."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

The Dead-Wolf was a little surprised at that. She'd figured that, with their territory firmly established and such, the four had made the jump to packhood. But without a totem, that wasn't the case.

"Hmmm. Anyone keepin' an eye on the former totem from down south, Weave? Seemed a good sort, though I don't know as it'd be a good with with your pack when you get that all figured out."

She took up her usual perch on the arm of the sofa before adding, "Though I don't much envy you guys the alpha-challenge stage of things. Gonna come down to you and Amber, and that... well, that'll likely be a bit contentious."

[Owns-The-Night]

"Actually..." Dec grinned. "I'm puttin' Ariel up for the role. She's half moon, she's the one who's least wolfy and most humanlike of us all. The leader needs to be balanced. Me? I'm a Blood Talon and a Rahu. That means I'm great to have in a fight, maybe even running a fight, but it doesn't make me the best all round leader." He shrugged.

"But if Ariel doesn't want it, then I'll go for it. I'm not sure Amber even wants to be Alpha. Guess we'll find out." He said with customary stoicism.

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Ariel?" Sarah mused it over, finally nodding. "I can see that, if she's up to the job. El-oh-doth," she ventured in a truly bad iteration of the First Tongue word, "can make good Alphas. But isn't she still a Ghost Wolf.... Eh, you know what? If that winds up working out for you folks, then it does. I hope to hell it does; wolves need a pack."

And so do I, dammit.

[Owns-The-Night]

Something occurred to Declan, and he looked at Sarah. "Actually, I'm glad you're here, Sarah. Have a favor to ask of you."

She looked at him curiously, and noted that the uratha actually seemed a little nervous. Well, as nervous as she had ever seen him. "Well, spit it out, Dec."

"I'd like permission to come onto your turf and bring someone along." He said, searching her eyes for some sign of yea or nay. "I'll be straight: there's a girl, she knows what I am and isn't freaked, she might be a wolfblood, and I want to show her the other side. I need a relatively safe locus for that, and the only one I can think of that's safe enough is the one on your range." He smiled, a little abashed. "You could say I need to borrow your place for a date."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

One eyebrow crept far, far up Sarah's forehead.

"Dec, you know you've got my permission to come onto my territory and use my locus, but let me make sure I've got this straight. You want to bring a date, a nice girl, to a lust-spirit locus behind the Playboy Mansion on a date? Just makin' sure...."

[Owns-The-Night]

"Well..." Dec grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought it'd be a cool place to take her on a third date. And I'll warn her about it first, give her the choice. She wants to see the Hisil, and that's about as date-like a spot as I have easy access to."

He chuckled and leaned back. "She can see ghosts, has been able to all her life. But werewolves came as a bit of a shock to her. And no, I ain't told her about vampires, mages, or the other shit yet."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Ah, gotcha. So she hasn't got a clue about me, then." Sarah was about to switch subjects, then stopped cold.

"Hold up a sec. How exactly is it that she happens to know about werewolves? She trip across it somewhere along the way through her ghost-spotting activities? I mean, I've been pretty shitty with the Oath - as I noted at the start of this visit - but you didn't just up and tell her, did you?"

[Owns-The-Night]

"A spider-spirit slipped through the barrier here. I got on its trail and followed it up to some old abandoned mining town..." And Dec told the tale. How he'd caught the azlu just as it had been about to hollow out August and use her as an overcoat. How August had needed help to get free of the floorboards, and how some instinct had prompted him to shift and help her with her injuries. Then he told of the strange pictures she had drawn the next night, and how they showed a beast that was probably a pissed of werewolf killing the townsfolk.

"When she saw me shift and didn't suffer the Lunacy, I figured that she was supernatural enough to talk to, at least. And things progressed from there." He finished with a smile. "We had a good date last night, and plan on hookin' up again."

[Sarah Dead-Wolf]

"Well...." Sarah trailed off, thinking about the situation. It was very, very rare for someone who didn't have at least some of the blood - or a supernatural persuasion of their own - to watch someone shift without falling to the lunacy. The fact that she was willing to deal with Declan and maybe help him give on better feet in the wake of Morgan's abrupt departure didn't hurt, either.

"I guess in that case it's OK," she hazarded. "Though if you run into me with her, well hell, can't really pass me for human all that well. Prolly best to be straight-up with her about it.

"And that reminds me. I need you to drag me over to Shadow so I can do a proper patrol of my territory over there. I know that you and Amber and such have been keeping an eye on it, but dammit Dec, I don't feel right without at least taking the occasional look myself."

[Owns-The-Night]

"Sure thing." Dec said easily, nudging her with his shoulder. "We'll try and fit that in sometime soon. Within the week, I reckon."

Sarah left not long after feeling, if not better, then at least somewhat stabilised, Dec hoped. He meant what he said about smacking her sane when necessary, and hoped that it wouldn't mean having to put his friend into torpor or stake her. Still, at the end of all things Owns-The-Night was a Rahu of his word.

Sometimes that meant doing the hard things.