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Aberrant: 200X - Nightmares [Complete]


z017

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It was always dark in Shae's dreams. Even when xe dreamed of pleasant thigns or sunny days spen with xir family, the darkness was always there, lurking. This wasn't one of those pleasant dreams and the darkness was pitch. Xe reached out into the blackness, xir invisible fingers brushing over the countours of something that transitioned back and forth from cool, smooth hardness and a downy softness. Xe felt claustrophobic; xe was shaking and the more xe felt around the strange enclose, the slicker and shakier things became. And then there was the smell.

The air was acrid with the tang of metal and something unidentifiably noxious. Xe knew it was several different smells mixed together, but any attempt to separate them out was met with waves of dizziness and stabbing pain in xir temple. The sounds, too, faded in and out in some psycotic syncopation with the smells. They buzzed along the countours of the changeling's prison and through xir fingertips into xir body. The sounds were making xir teeth rattle and xir jaw ache.

Xe tried to move but in this nightmare the slow dripping pain along xir arms weighed xir down into the soft fabric xe's back was pressed against. Shae only knew xe was upright because xir head kept falling foward and took so much effort to raise it back up again. It was getting darker; everything was sickeningly becoming more of whatever would make it worse.

Shae knew xe was dreaming; xe also knew with the utter certainty of nightmares that xe was alone and dying. Xe reached out, trying to grasp the memories and talents that would let xir know that xe wasn't alone. There had been others, ones that cared and ones that understood, but here there was only the buzzing and the pain and the darkness. Xe was alone, trapped inside xirself on the precipice of death.

Xe felt the fall and that infinite moment between dying and dead; and then xe was gone.

-=-=-=-=-=-

The cool wetness of the pillow was how Shae knew xe wasn't dead anymore. There were sounds and smells and softness around xir again, but the darkness receded from a blessed patch of moonlight filtering in through the curtains of the room. Xir family was still asleep, tangled in amongst one another; xe had been sleeping on the outside this night, curled up against Edward's broad back.

Xe slipped off the bed and padded into the bathroom to splash cold water over xir face. Shae glanced into the mirror while reaching for the handtowel; the face that looked back flickered in xir sight as xe nearly collapsed to the floor. Several moments passed before xe could stand again, but the ghostly face had been replaced by the chic New York red-head xe usually favored while at the Blackburn. Xe watched the image in the mirror, for the first time truly seeing the woman looking back as a mask and a stranger.

Xe began flipping through features, changing eyes and hair and lips and nose and skin and gender, trying to recapture that momentary image. Time passed and xe nearly ran herself empty of the quantum that fueled xir life, but nothing had formed that evoked that same visceral reaction. For the first time, Shae felt uncomfortable in xir body, like it didn't quite fit anymore.

Shaken and still shaky from the nightmare, xe made xir way back to the bed, burrowing herself into the middle of the tangle of xir family and wrapping cir arms tightly around Saori, as if the changeling's 'mother' could somehow make it all dissappear by the morning.

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  • 1 month later...

Saori woke slowly as cold fingers and toes stole her sleep away. Mumbling protests, she nonetheless held Shae tight, thinking that the changeling was gracing her with sexual desires tonight. It happened, that occasionally, one of the quad would seek sex with just one other member. Sometimes, it was because nobody else was interested, or sometimes because they were looking for the exact experience that could only be gained with that person.

So that was her first thought, but the arms that clung to her only clung. Half-asleep, Saori opened herself to the fae nova – and received the brunt of Shae’s dark emotions. This was unusual enough that the Oriental nova woke up further. “Shae?” she whispered in the dark. “What’s wrong?” She knew without a doubt that something was wrong, very, very wrong.

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Images and feelings and fear flickered schizophrenically through Saori's mind; weakened enough by Shae's own shaken state of mind to feel muted and not her own. She pulled in closer to Saori and her 'mother' could feel that rush of relief that she was awake flowing through the her 'child'.

*I....I....I don't know. I had a dream. A nightmare. Something. And then something happened after I woke up. I....I don't fit anymore. I'm not right anymore.*

The ivory nova could feel tears slipping along her skin and the shivers that coursed through Shae's body with her mental keen. Even now her features were indistinct, never quite settling on a single look even though Shae was near the limits of her reserve of quantum.

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"Shhh," Saori murmured, hugging Shae closer. For once, the naked press of bodies wasn't about sex, but comfort, as she soothed her changeling. Realizing that this was more than mere night terrors, Saori untangled herself from the bed and drew Shae after her. Signalling to the ever-changing nova to be quiet, Saori led her into the living area of their apartment, shutting the door after them.

The mixed-blood nova pressed Shae into a seat on the couch and wrapped a blanket around her. As Shae watched her with transmuting eyes, Saori started a fire in their gas fireplace. She came back to Shae's side, wiggling into the blanket with her, arms holding her tight again. "Now, darling," she murmured softly, more because her mouth was close to Shae's ear than any desire to be quiet, "tell me what you dreamed and what is wrong."

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Shae leaned into her, the usual sexual overlay of their interactions conspicuously absent as the changeling tried to fit the feelings and images of her nightmare into coherent words. "It..it was dark and it smelled...awful. I felt...weak, sick." Xir voice dropped to whisper, "My head hurt and I was dying. I felt like I'd already been buried, maybe....I don't know."

She shivered against her encroaching fear, her eyes mindless tracing out the patterns of the rug they were curled up on. "And then...I woke up. After I died. I...I went to the bathroom and I saw something. I was something....someone, maybe? I can't...can't bring it back. I can't remember. And now...nothing fits. Nothing feels right. I'm not right."

She shivered again, pulled in on herself in her misery. Pain was easy, it could be pleasure if you just wanted it to be. Tomas and Saori had taught her that. This was different. This didn't change, and Shae had no idea how to handle that.

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Saori was quiet; for all of her worldly experiences, she was just seventeen, a child herself. Her hands began to rub gentle circles in Shae's back, trying to soothe the changeling through touch alone. But touches weren't enough.

"I'm sorry you feel this way," Saori said softly. Her dark eyes met her daughters with sympathy. "But you are right. Not correct, but right. Just as you are. No matter what you feel, you are as you should be, and you are my family."

She hugged her fiercely. "I love you, who and what you are, my Shae."

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Shae leaned into the hug, but Saori could still feel the swirling emotions behind the far-off expression on her child's face. Saori was a comfort, and so were her words, but Shae felt wrong to herself.

"I know, I just......." The words faded into the snap and crackle of the fireplace. The changeling couldn't find the words, so she said nothing and waited. She was only now starting to wonder who or what it was she was always waiting for.

She bit her lip, lost in the merry-go-round in her mind of fear and pain and uncertainty.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Saori knew her limits, and she had just reached them. If someone wanted sexual comfort, that was easy. Emotional comfort outside of the bounds of sex was hard. Saori realized that her only strong point in that area was in knowing when sex wouldn't help. And given Shae's willingness to do whatever members of her family wanted, it could do some real damage to the young nova. She was powerless to help her in any meaningful way, beyond a band aide that would have to come off later.

"Stay here," Saori instructed, pulling herself out of the cocoon and tucking the blankets back into place around her lover. "I'll be right back." She kissed Shae's forehead and slipped back into the bedroom.

"Tomas, Edward, please wake up." The concern on her voice cut through the sleeping mens' dreams and drew them awake. "There's something wrong with Shae, and I can't console her." Saori let them see all the fear she had hid from her 'daughter'.

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Edward sat up, pushing the fog of sleepiness to the back of his mind. He slipped out of bed, grabbing a pair of gray silk pajama bottoms from the chair and slipping them on. A few weeks of living with his new family had adjusted Edward to the idea that he would very rarely be allowed to sleep with anything on, but so far he remained obstinately opposed to their preference to Eufiber, and it had become something of a game between the shape-shifter and the time-manipulator to debate the benefits versus detriments of traditional human clothing. He touched Saori on the cheek comfortingly, as if to reassure the beautiful Asian woman that everything would be taken care of. Then he made his way into the living room, and sat down on the couch next to the young changeling, slipping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her shivering form into his comforting, steady embrace.

"Shhh.. what's wrong, my dear? Tell me about it."

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Shae leaned against her newest lover, trying to fit everything into words that would explain better than xe had been able to with Saori. Language failed xir a second time, though, and instead of an explanation Edward was washed over with a twisted tangle of emotions, hazy dream memories, and the sense of despairing displacement that had taken hold of the changeling.

He could feel xir struggling between xir own emotions and the desire to slip into a being that would put her loved ones at ease. It was a testament to how deeply this disturbance ran that for the first time in Edward's knowledge of the trio he had made into a quartet, Shae was choosing xirself over their desires.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Tomas rose at Saori's entreaty and padded naked into the lounge, green eyes glittering like dragonfly wings as they caught the light. His skin appeared to be sculpted from ice and moonlight, but was soft and warm as he settled against Shae's other side, slipping a slender arm around xe's waist.

"We are here for you, Shae." The changeling prince examined his lover carefully, feeling the turmoil of xir emotions and thoughts. "Tell us what has you in such upset."

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Xe shivered again, but began to speak slowly and carefully. "I was somewhere....somewhere dark and close and it smelled like...like plastic and rotten eggs. Everything was shaking and my arms were wet."

Xir's eyes watching the flickering flames in the fireplace, xir features still in that hazy state between any of the face xe usually wore. "I was dying," xe wispered,"...I..I died." Xe pulled a little tighter in on xirself, "And then I woke up. I..I thought it was okay.....that it was just a nightmare, but...when I looked in the mirror....someone else was looking back."

Xe squeezed xir eyes shut, "I tried to see who it was, to make them come back, but now they're gone and I don't know who they were but nothing else fits anymore and I don't know what's wrong with me now!" By the end xe was nearly shouting in xir frustration and fear; xe had only a year of experiences to really be able to cope with, and even for a precocious nova, that simply wasn't enough.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Saori had followed the two men back out to the couch. As they curled around Shae, Saori curled around Edward. She drew to him instinctively when she was troubled or upset, as if his age and experience alone could see them through their troubles. She listened to Shae talk, her dark eyes seeking out Edward and Tomas', sure they'd have an answer.

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As one arm tightened reassuringly around Saori and pulled her closer in order to provide her with his silent reassurance, the other hand came out from around Shae and reached down to xir chin instead, tilting it up very gently so that he was looking into xir gaze.

"Your gift is so different from the rest of us, my dear.. so unique, in that instead of wielding great power, you seem to hold great potential. Now.. something may have happened to you.. at least that is what I believe. But it does not mean anything is wrong with you, other than the fact that you are distraught. And no matter what you look like, my love.. no matter how you act.. no matter even if you remember it all.. you are still you, and can never truly be anyone else other than yourself.. you are only very good at pretending. You are still yourself deep inside, even if you are learning who that is all over again, and changing through your experiences.. as we all do."

His hand shifted, moving from her chin up to cup the side of xir's face, cradling xir cheek gently in the reassuring way of his. He could feel xir's skin shifting slightly beneath his hand, the curve of skin and angle of xir cheekbone changing under his touch, but he didn't flinch away. It didn't seem to bother him, that the person sitting in front of him could be anyone xe wanted to be in the blink of an eye, and xe was beginning to truly believe from xir time with Edward that he neither loved xir for that fact, or despite it. He simply.. did.

"Whatever you dreamed, or remembered, you are here with us, now. You are part of our family, and even if you died - as you may have, you would not be the first of the greater race to experience your rebirth at the point of your past self's death - you did not stay that way. You survived. And whatever you remembered, or will remember, if that is the case.. we will be here with you through it. Do you believe me, my darling?"

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Shae burrowed xir way as thouroughly between the members of xir family as xe could, trying to take comfort from them as xe had been able to for the past year. Xe succeeded if only just a little, and nodded to Edward. Xir eyes flicked downward, though, and back inside to the turmoil boiling so close to xir surface.

"I just don't understand. Why is this happening? Why is it changing?" Xir eyes flicked around to the three of them and then back down to the expensive Persian rug in front of the fireplace, "Why is this happening to me? Why can't it just stay like it was? I was happy."

It was an ancient complaint, one renewed in each generation. The three had made Shae their lover, their apprentice, their friend, but right now xe truly was the child they sometimes though of xir as. They were xir parents, her caretakers and teachers, and as such, the gods of xir life. Couldn't they fix this?

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"It is still much the way it was, at least your life here," Saori said softly. "We are here, and always will be. We love you, and will always guard you. This night hasn't changed that. No matter who you were or even who you are, you are our family."

She reached around Edward and touched Shae's arm, letting her feel her 'mother's' touch.

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Tomas stroked Shae's hair tenderly. "There may be a positive to this, my love. It may be that these changes are your mind naturally growing beyond the crude limitations that others imposed on you." His fingertips stroked xir cheek, the touch engendering more reassurance and warmth than the desire or pain she well knew he could cause.

"Remember when you first came to us, my lovely Shae?" the fae young man breathed, his scintillant eyes holding hers. Shae nodded, a faint smile on her lips as she remembered. "Not so long ago, yet since that moment you have grown and grown beyond who and what you were when we found you." Tomas kissed the corner of xir mouth gently.

"You remember that knot, that angry knot in your mind? The knot that you, I and Saori put a binding around so it could not wound you further." Shae nodded, her head resting on Tomas' moon-pale shoulder as he continued to stroke her hair. "Perhaps you have started to untangle that knot yourself, naturally, unforced. It is possible that these dreams and memories are like the itching of a drying scab, soon to fall free." He moved his hands to cup her face, cradling her with more tenderness than any beyond this room might imagine the demon princeling could contain.

"Don't be afraid, sweet Shae. Never be afraid. Whatever comes, whatever you discover or remember, we will still be yours and you will still be ours. Change is part of our path as novas. Embrace it. Anticipate it." his lips curved in a sinisterly beautiful smile. "For when you remember who did these things to you, we can begin about exacting justice."

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What if I don't want to be them again? The thought wasn't intentionally broadcast to the others, but it was a strong current in the changeling's mind; strong enough not to have stemmed from a conscious thought.

And the knot....

It was still there, pulsing and every once in a while trying in vain confusion to reign in the thoughts and actions of it's errant owner. Strangely, it seemed to have no opinion on the conversation at hand.

Xe was still afraid and still worried, but xe had been told by her entire family now that it would be all right. That no matter what happened, they would be there for xir, that xe would always be theirs no matter who or what xe had been before being theirs. It would have to do for now. Xe finally settled on a form, a mocha-flavored woman with long dark hair and chalcedony eyes; she tilted her head up and caught Tomas' lips in a soft kiss even as she reached out to pull Saori and Edward to her. If now was going to change, then at least she wanted it to be a pleasurable as possible while it was still here.

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As Shae turned towards Tomas for the kiss, Edward wrapped his arms around xir from behind and leaned down, brushing his lips softly across the side of xir neck. He trailed kisses softly up to xir ear, and pressed a kiss tenderly on the apex of xir cheekbone.

"Come, darling.. let us take your mind off of such troubles for now. What will come, will come.. and we will be here for you when it does."

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