Aberrant: Dead Rising - Homesick (complete)

[Venus]

(ooc: This fic is a direct follow up to Grease Monkey)

Violet ran as fast as she could her thoughts constantly circling around Ira, Cassandra and Dan. Why didn't he tell me? Why did he run away?. Self doubt ate at her ego and she hated the effect it had on her. She wasn't sure of herself anymore. Was she losing her powers? She needed a mirror and she needed it now.

As soon as Violet reached the club she quickly went upstairs to her quarters and looked at her reflection in the full lenght mirror she had. She was gasping for air and was calming down slowly when she saw herself. The woman she saw in the mirror was Violet in every detail she knew and was aware of. A sigh of relief escaped her lips and she smiled nervously at herself and she shook her head. You silly girl...

Jill had seen her lover run upstairs as if she was bitten by a bug. Worried she followed her and waited hesitantly at her door. Finally she decided to enter asking Violet, "Are you ok, honey? You looked terrified when you came in. What happened?"

The strong blonde came closer embracing her lover carefully from behind giving her comfort. "I'm here, honey. We can talk if you want... or just hold each other. I don't mind.", her voice was soothing and confident. Violet loved her for many reasons but her sense for doing the right thing at the right moment was what she treasured the most. The impossible voluptous bombshell leaned into the embrace and hmmed audibly. She needed some attention badly... it felt sooo good.

[Courier]

James tapped on the frame of the open door and said with concern, "Violet? You smell of fear and panic. What's happened?"

*I don't smell blood...*

[Venus]

Violet tensed for a brief moment when she heard James' voice.

"It's nothing.", she lied. "Just a stupid encounter with that new boy and his girl. She is really weird." but I can't stop thinking about her

"I think I just got... too confused with her emotions and it messed with mine... she is intense if you understand what I mean.", the long breaks between her sentences were telling James that she was either lying or holding back on some details.

She gave him a warm smile while one of her hands playfully lost itself in Jill's long blonde hair. This distraction felt good to her. Like a healing balm that soothed her burning skin.

[Courier]

James thought, *Refusing to look at trouble makes it bigger, not smaller.*

James walked over to Violet and she got the feeling that he was studying her behind those thick glasses which hid blind eyes. James said gently, "Violet... you didn't come in smelling confused, you came in smelling afraid. Terrified. Please, tell me about it." *I smell Ira on her.*

James added, "Did Ira do something?"

[Venus]

Violet instinctively shook her head. "I'd rather not speak about it, James. It wasn't that important... and Ira didn't do anything. Really. He's not going to stay anyway so I guess that subject is moot.", an involuntary sigh escaped her lips.

"Listen... I really had a rough day. Why don't you go to Jo and let Jill and me spent some time together?", Violet slowly turned around still held by Jill's strong and muscular arms and placed her arms around her shoulders.

Violet's voice didn't sound as comfortable as she usually did but only James could tell that. Something must've really spooked her.

[Courier]

The problem was it felt important, or maybe that was it smelled important. James was tempted to back track where V had been, maybe look up Ira and find out what had happened. But if Ira needed a beating James felt he'd rather know that before he went looking for him.

Violet was dodging the problem. Something had really spooked her. If she needed settling down, James could handle that and maybe ask her more questions afterward.

James stepped forward, grabbed Violet's hips, and then pressed her bottom back so it locked into his own pelvis. James said evenly but with an undercurrent of both frustration and amusement, "I'm not done probing you yet Violet. Something happened out there. Now we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way."

[Venus]

As soon as James grabbed her hips Violet's body responded automatically gyrating barely perceptible to increase his and her lust. Violet gasped briefly and smiled her arms still slung around Jill's shoulders. She felt the heat rising within her, pulsating from her crotch and spreading over her whole body.

James could hear her breathing faster and the gyrating of her hips increased with the occasional push on his growing erection. Her body was switching into autopilot again and she felt how her desires conflicted with her thoughts, with what she really wanted.

Violet stared at Jill, looking straight into her eyes trying to hold on to something that pulled her out of this. James thought, naturally, that she wanted to have Sex but he ignored two things. First, she told him she wanted to be with Jill, second, that didn't mean they were going to have sex. What Violet needed was comfort that went beyond the mere satisfaction of her skewed desires.

With an unusual grunt she forced herself out of the embrace of both her lovers.

Click to reveal..

Willpower roll and spent 1 WP roll for extra suxx. (6d10.hits(7)=4) wow, that nets me 5 suxx to withstand her lusty flaw

"No!", she said firmly stomping on the floor with one foot making her huge breasts jiggle hypnotically which was an unwanted side effect right now.

"You can't always solve this shit by having sex with me, James!", she was clearly getting angry and frustrated. "You know how difficult this is for me, you know how fucked up I was. I don't want that to ever happen again! You understand?", she wasn't making much sense since she left out what almost happened when she was alone with Ira... or with Dan.

"Please James, there must be another way. All I'm doing is holding back. The moment I leave this place I'm holding back. It's like walking on hot coals _all_the_time_.", she hated to admit it, but she really needed release. She wanted to vent that frustration and looking at James and Jill the obvious was the easiest path to go. But that meant giving in to it. She couldn't stop herself from wanting them... both of them, right now... at the same time. Tears where slowly watering her eyes and she looked longingly at Jill.

[Courier]

James was surprised and showed it. He said, "Not solving things through sex sounds like a good idea. And you do have another options, you can change into...".

James had a light bulb moment, "...Jennifer. That's the other scent." *She doesn't 'want' to 'have' to have sex, which is fine, but if that's the case then why...*

James said, "Violet, is there some reason you don't want to shift to Jennifer? You're on fire, you want a way out, why not take it?"

[Venus]

"No!", she screamed at James. Not again, I just had that conversation!

She tried to swallow it down and spoke again with a much lower voice, "No... Why should I have to? Why is everyone asking me to do that?!", Will Jill still love me when I'm Jennifer? I... I don't love her when I'm Jennifer... And what if I can't change back?

It was all written on her face, every question of self doubt, every fear she had. She clenched her fists and tried to shake out the built up emotional turmoil that was boiling inside of her.

[Courier]

Originally Posted By: Violet

"No!", she screamed at James. She tried to swallow it down and spoke again with a much lower voice, "No... Why should I have to? Why is everyone asking me to do that?!"

James thought, *This was one of THOSE questions/responses. It's like getting the reply 'Why do guys always ask that' when you ask a girl, 'Are you a virgin?' That the issue keeps coming up indicates that the issue keeps coming up.*

Originally Posted By: Violet

It was all written on her face, every question of self doubt, every fear she had. She clenched her fists and tried to shake out the built up emotional turmoil that was boiling inside of her.

*Careful there James, Jill is right there and this gets physical between V's strength and my own she could get squished.*

James reached over, put his hands around Violet's fists, and said quietly, "Violet. You're half out of control and Jennifer is your brake. You know this, I know this... please, shift back. We need to talk this out."

[Venus]

The words hit her like punches and she flinched. Her eyes searched his but found only the glasses they were hiding behind. She shook her head to express her refusal - no denial of the truth. Violet didn't pose much trouble for him to keep her in check. His grip was firm yet didn't hurt her.

"But what if I can't... change back?", she answered slowly giving in. James could sense how she changed back, how her shape lost it's incredible, almost impossible curves. Violet winced one last time, then she was gone leaving Jennifer behind. Her struggle got weaker and then it was over.

"I'm so scared, James.", she admitted almost crying. "I'm so vulnerable and I don't want to lose this.", it wasn't clear what she exactly meant by 'this'.

[Courier]

James took Jennifer in his arms and hugged her in what he hoped was a comforting and non-sexual manner while he stroked her head and made comforting sounds. After however long it took for her to either settle down or stop fighting him he said, "Tell me about it."

[Venus]

Jennifer welcomed James' embrace and gave in for a while. It had been too much lately. Her attempts to find her place in the community, the secret of her dual nature, Cassandra and most recently the murder.

When she had calmed herself she simply started to talk, "I'm terrified by the thought to be unable to change back one day. I don't want to stay like this - I want to be her because she is strong and independent. Stronger than I, better than I. It's all I ever wanted but no matter what I do I screw up all the time. Why should I have the need to get a break from her? And that's not because of the effect she is having on others, it's because I can't control it for extended periods... unless I have sex.", Jennifer blushed in shame.

"I'm sick... This can't be normal, James. And right now I'm not even sure if I love you... or Jill.", she looked sadly at the blonde barbie missing the emotional tie she felt when she was Violet.

"I don't know what to do... it's driving me insane."

There was of course the issue with Cassandra and Ira. She didn't dare mention that topic. Something connected them and it scared her because she didn't understand it. She refused to accept it, but Ira ran because he was scared... confused and appalled by her kiss. There was only one answer to her question. They did kiss the same or she was getting crazy. Just like Cassandra. Maybe she already was.

[Courier]

James sighed mentally. The root cause was becoming clear, and it was looking like Jenifer was still a dissociative personality. She was using Violet as an escape. Ideally they'd get a super-human head-shrink, but it was far too likely that James was the best they could do.

James said gently, "Jennifer, there is no 'her'. There is only 'you'. She isn't better than you because she is you."

James thought for a moment then said, "Violet, without transforming, tell me about Jennifer. What do you like about her, what do you dislike?"

[Venus]

What?

Her reaction was obviously unexpected and caused even more confusion before she understood what James was trying to do.

"I... I don't know. Jennifer is... weak, insecure and small.", she was definitely losing her mind. At least that's what she thought.

"I can't tell what I like about her... she's just a regular Jane, no one special with no particular talents or skills. I was a model for christ's sake! How important for survival is knowing how to pose and walk down a catwalk good these days? Or how to apply make up and appear fresh and rested even though you haven't had sleep for the entire weekend...I'm a total fail.", James could hear the self-loathing dripping from her words.

Jennifer had a worse than negative self image. She hated herself, she didn't like her figure, didn't like her hair. She was convinced no one would notice her if she stood in the crowd. She didn't even like the sound of her own voice.

"Why are you doing this, James? You wouldn't care much about me if I wasn't Violet. And what about you, Jill? I'm not your type, aren't I? And I'm not a lesbian... or bisexual.", that last part didn't sound as convincing. Jennifer was clearly confused about her sexual orientation.

[Courier]

James considered, *Well, this is worse than I thought. Someone really did a number on her. Boyfriend, parents, scumbag manager, or maybe all three. If they were still live... yeah, if the situation were different, it wouldn't be the same.*

*I've tried telling her that Jen is attractive and that hasn't worked. I could tell her I love her but that's just a distraction. I'm not really an issue here. No real choice, let's get it out into the open.*

James stated, "Violet is your fantasy. Power, beauty, sexual expression and so forth because you see your other self as powerless, ugly, and repressed. Problem is the longer you're Violet..." *...the fewer inhibitions you have until you're literally crazy. But let's find a better way to phrase that.*

James said, "No, the problem is you hate being Jennifer so you're not shifting back, and with no break, well, Violet has no brakes."

James asked evenly, "Is that a fair assessment of what's going on?"

*Step one, admit there's a problem.*

[Venus]

"I guess so", Jennifer admitted slowly sobering from her outburst.

"And I'm trying very hard to fit in here and make myself valuable to this community but the longer I'm changed", she was trying to avoid to refer to herself in third person, "the more difficult it gets to 'cool down'. I haven't told you but this emotion control is a two way thing. It strongly affects how I feel. Do you remember how I used to override your feelings with mine?", she looked up at James not used to being so small next to him. Her frame was so much fragile and smaller than Violet that she'd forgotten how it was like. A nervous smile crossed her face and she tried to catch Jill's eyes for reassurance that everything was fine.

[Courier]

Jennifer was beautiful but in a very non-Violet way. It was hard to think of her as 'Violet'. Not for the first time it occurred to James that Jennifer was 'his', so she really should have sexual access to him, just like Jo, Jill, and Violet did.

James thought, *Down boy. We're here to address her hang ups, not my own.*

James said, "I think the key here is we have to get you more comfortable with Jennifer. Comfortable, confident, and feeling less like a potential victim. I think I can do that. I helped teach Jill and Joe how to shoot. I've been thinking that I should start teaching them, and you, how to fight."

Jill rolled her eyes and said, "I know how."

James said, "You're great with a weapon, pretty good with a gun, but I was thinking of Hapkido, or joint locks. It one of the ways that the weak can seriously mess up the strong."

Jill looked at James' 6 foot heavily muscled frame and asked, "And you know this how?"

James said, "I know it because when I was learning this stuff my Master wanted to teach it. I didn't take it all that far, but going super took me up to his level."

[Venus]

Jennifer looked sad to the floor. "So I guess I'll never learn how to cope with Violet? Is that what you're trying to say? Take more time being not super and learn how to survive without relying on my powers?", James could hear that she wasn't really thrilled by that idea but it was an attempt.

She looked up at him and smiled, "At least you didn't suggest we'd have sex and get over it, because then I would've thrown you out.", now that sounded really serious and not as jokingly as he might have assumed at first.

[Courier]

James nodded and replied seriously, "I'm saying I don't think anyone could learn how to cope with being Violet."

James said with a trace of humor, "She's built for a wild ride... but 90 mile an hour rides with no brakes and no time limits don't end well. Jennifer's job is to be sane and stable, and that means you need to actually be Jennifer at times."

As an after thought James added, "As for sex... if Violet's problem comes down to too much sex, then perhaps Jennifer's is not enough." If James had eyes he'd probably be staring intently into Jennifer's.

[Venus]

If James could see her eyes he would've seen the fury literally firing up. No matter what, he is always down to the same thing!

"Listen up, James!", she tried to push herself away from him, her voice making very clear that she was upset. He must've pushed the wrong button.

"I'm not the one having issues with sex, I think that's you by now. You should be with JoAnna if you are looking 'for-a-wild-ride'", the last part imitating his humorous voice he just had.

"I don't believe you just said that! James - you and I - no more, capice? We agreed on that, remember? People are going mad over what is happening here and I tried very hard to keep them from forming a riot and put us down. If you want to do something good? Why don't you put your offer for self-defense course up on the black board? I may come around and join you - but stop thinking with your dick!"

(ooc: if he keeps her hands locked she'll struggle futively and slap him the moment he releases her. Well, try to slap him)

[Courier]

Jennifer pulled away easily and James said mildly after she was done, "I suppose I deserved that. And the blackboard is a good idea." *Letting more people see her might start to convince her that Jen is desirable.*

Considerably harsher James added, "But there's no may about it. This isn't about me, or about my relationship with you, or about my relationship with Jo or Jill, or even about how the camp feels about me. Those are red herrings."

"This is about you and your relationship with yourself. So don't kid yourself into thinking you have a choice. You be there as Jennifer or you are racing down a road that leads to exile, insanity, or worse."

James paused to see how she took this.

[Venus]

Jennifer raised a finger but had to stop there, her mouth was half opened. That actually made some sense. He has a point.

"Yes, this is about me... but it also includes all of you and we have to change things or else this won't work out. You are losing JoAnna, I know that - I can feel it. And I am totally confused about what I really feel because it is so overwhelming once I've changed. It's a whole different world out there through violet eyes - and I'm afraid to lose that.", her shoulders slumped a bit forward and she really wanted to be somewhere else now.

"I need some time to think this over. You've been great to me, James. I really am thankful for that but I have to change more than that to move on and I'm not sure right now how. Can you... understand that?"

[Courier]

James was more than a little surprised, and even without eyes it showed. This wasn't a conversation turn he had expected. There was a noticeable pause. *What was that? Did we just break up?*

*I'm not sure. She said something about changing things but she sounds seriously confused and I don't think she knows what she wants to change.*

*I seriously can not see Violet kicking me out of her bed.*

*This is Jen... and you're encouraging her to be Jen. I could... no. She is going to die unless she figures this out, and probably take other people with her.*

*So walk away? That feels wrong on some fundamental levels....*

*... but the alternatives are probably worse and self destructive. Let her go for now, trust that she'll come back.*

Finally James said, "I understand. None of that changes firing up a school. Say... 9 to 11 am and 7 to 9 pm?"

[Venus]

Jennifer was really relieved when James said he understood.

"I thank you soooo much, James.", she hugged him as good as she could and even gave him a little kiss on his lips.

"I think I'd be cast out by long if it wasn't for you and the sisters.", she looked at Jill smiling at her.

She waited a moment sorting out her thoughts. "This is not a break up, James. I don't think I can deny you once I've changed but... you got to help me keep things under control. No public screw ups anymore - think before you speak, especially if it concerns the both of us. Some stuff you said at the meeting really hurt and it makes me think you assume you own us. People will always resent me, I've understood that now and I need to gather my strength to live through that. I already got a plan but I need some time... just by myself and Jill... ok?"

[Courier]

James nodded, somewhat relieved. *That's something of a relief... I'll spare both of us the lame excuses for my screwups, she's right about that. That leaves only...*

James asked, "If I put together a class, say starting tomorrow, are you going to be there?"

[Venus]

Jennifer nodded enthusiastically, sensing a great weight being lifted off her shoulders.

"Of course I will, James. I guess people have to see me before my prolonged absence causes yet another rumor. Do you want me to write that down and put it on the board on your behalf?"

[Courier]

James nodded again, somehow he'd had this mental image of himself posting and that just wasn't going to happen.

James said, "Please." and waited for Jennifer to get a pen and paper.

"In the fine tradition of the blind Master, starting tomorrow 'Master' James will be giving Hapkido lessons at Violet's from 9-11 AM and 7-9 PM.

Hapkido is the Korean martial art which stresses Joint Locks and Self Defense. It's one of the more practical and less stylistic forms."

-Jennifer (posting for James)

[Venus]

Jennifer wrote down the message as dictated and gave James another kiss, this time on his cheek on her way out.

"I'll be right back and thanks again."

She was feeling good and that was a new kind of experience to her. She hoped she could hold on to it a little longer.