Aberrant: Stargate Universe - Conditions of the Beast [Complete]

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

From Facing the Brass

Originally Posted By: Sgt. Declan Perault

"I'm okay." He sounded a little distant. Dec had stood motionless throughout the short and savage dressing down by O'Neil, his shoulders slumped and his eyes on the floor. He glanced sideways at her and smiled a little. "I'm just glad you're safe and I didn't hurt... a friendly." He stopped abruptly and leaned against the wall, looking down.

"What the fuck am I saying?" he said with sudden heat. "They were drunken assholes, but they weren't enemies. They didn't deserve what h- what I did to them." He held his hands up and stared at them with distaste before his gleaming dead-metal eyes rose to meet Olivia's. He didn't seem close to tears this time, at least. "Even if I didn't start the fight, damn sure I shouldn't be covered in people's blood at the end of it. Caine said it on our first day: I'm better than that."

"You're right," Olivia told him. Part of her wanted to coddle him, but that wasn't going to help. So she looked him in the eyes, in his dead eyes, and said, "You are better than that. You have issues that you need to overcome. Tonight made that very clear. I want to help. More than that, I have an idea. It's not perfect. It will likely be a bit rough." As rough on me as it is on you, to start at least.

"It's a kind of conditioning. I want to instill in your an automatic reaction, triggered by a word, a safety word, for lack of a better term," Olivia said, trying to speak calmly and directly. "But because that's dangerous, to have a 'shut off' word, I want to have another trigger: it has to be said by certain people. I think we'll be working it out by scent, as that would be incredibly hard to duplicate.

"None of that will be easy," Olivia said. "I'm not sure it will work. I'd say no, but your fight instinct is already triggered by stimuli. I want to be able to turn if off with stimuli, and tonight I think I saw the key to that. In the bar, your heart rate spiked when... you, um." She faltered here for a second and drew a deep breath. "You indicated interest in my appearance, and said, 'I think that thing in my head is gettin' confused, and that's not good.' But I don't think it was what you thought it was. When you're in combat-mode, your eyes dilate down to pinpricks. But when you indicated something was wrong before you went into the bathroom, your eyes dilated." She was getting into the aspect of problem-solving, and getting more and more animated. "And, D- Sargeant... they weren't dead. They were very active. I wish... I'll try to show you."

She cleared her throat and glanced up and down the corridor. "Are you interested in trying this? And did you want to try tonight? You seem pretty upset. If we can at least establish that my idea is possible, you might be able to rest easier tonight, and have a clearer head on the mission. And," she grinned with a hint of impatience, "I'm really interested in seeing whether my idea will work. But it's up to you, of course."

[The Red Man]

He studied her for a long moment, listening and re-listening to her words in his head.

"...they weren't dead. They were very active. I wish... I'll try to show you..."

...be able to turn if off with stimuli...

He blinked at her, his entire bloodstained face except his eyes radiating amazement. What's she thinkin'? He considered that for a long moment, then slowly nodded.

"I can't sleep at the moment anyhow. Might as well give your idea a shot, Doc." He trusted her to have his best interests at heart, but he wasn't sure she realised what she was messing with. For that matter, he didn't know really either. "Be... Be careful though, huh?"

Olivia smiled at him. "Go shower and change, and meet me in the usual sparring room. Don't worry, Sergeant. I'm pretty confident in my observations." She patted his arm and headed off to her quarters. Dec watched her go, then turned towards his own.

Twenty minutes, two scrub-downs, and a change into an Air Force issue t-shirt and sweatpants later, Dec was padding into the sparring room the Doc had told him to meet her in.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia was incredibly nervous as she hurried into her room and peeled off the stained clothing. She didn't really know what she was doing here; she had her theories, but would they help? Her gut said they would, but until she saw improvement in him she'd worry. Hopefully, as they progressed, he'd have ideas for improvement, as well.

A shower and a quick change later, she was joining him in the workout room. Smiling with a confidence she didn't feel, she slipped off her over shirt to show she was wearing a gray tank top rather than her usual short-sleeved shirt. "Okay," she said, "sit cross-legged on the floor, please. And I'll need to see your eyes."

As he situated himself, she locked the door, more to slow down interruptions as opposed to actually stopping them. If things got out of hand, and someone came in at the wrong time, she'd need that time to regain control. That was assuming she got control at all. She made sure she had her cell phone ready and then there was no more stalling.

Turning, she found him sitting quietly, waiting for her. This is going to be awkward. She knelt in front of him, sitting back on her feet. "Sargeant, we'll have a few ground rules," she said. "If you get too uncomfortable to continue, you'll tell me. Use the word... wormhole. I think that's distinctive enough." He looked a little confused, but she plowed on; the purpose of this attempt should be apparent soon. "Also, please keep your hands in your lap as much as possible. I suspect there'll be a moment where you won't, but we'll pass that bridge when we come to it. If I get uncomfortable, my word to break is... Sherman.

"Ready?"

"Um, sure," he said, looking intrigued and a little confused.

She nodded and rose to her knees, shuffling forward. She purposely got a little closer than was comfortable for either of them, but didn't let her knees touch his folded legs. As his eyes widened, she reached out and ran her fingers through his wet hair. Her eyes met his, as her fingers stroked his scalp and sought that same dilation reaction from him again.

[The Red Man]

What the FUCK! His eyes widened in shock as he felt her fingers grazing his scalp, sending prickles of cool pleasure down his spine. Her dark eyes were close, framed by her own damp hair, the smell of shampoo and deodorant gently surrounding the air around him. Is she..? Nah... Wow... feels good... uh... He shivered a little under her touch. And it happened.

He felt his heartrate speed up, his face taking on a faint expression of panic as he heard it loud and clear in his ears. Despite his sudden fear, however, his pupils nonetheless widened a little as Livy looked on.

"Uh... Livy?" his voice sounded a little husky. "I.. uh..." His eyes flickered downwards for a moment, away from her beautiful dark gaze... and ended up looking straight down her smooth brown cleavage. He stared for a long moment before flushing dark red and quickly jerking his gaze back up to hers. Too late. The Doc hadn't missed his two to three second stare and was scowling slightly at him, her own features darkening in a flush of (probably) anger.

"Sorry!" He swallowed hard and tried to relax, but it wasn't easy. His pupils shrank a little from their dilated state, but were still larger than normal.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Sorry," she said seeing his hot flush. This was the point of the exercise, and she forced herself to relax. "I... that is kinda the natural reaction," she said, feeling the blood darken her own cheeks further. She slipped her fingers behind his ears, then drew a finger down each side of his jawline. Her own blood was pounding, and she could feel her pulse dancing under her skin as her fingers met at the peak of his chin. His beard wasn't rough or coarse; it was thick and tickled her over-sensitized skin.

Seeing that his pupils were dilated, she released his face; one hand slipped back into his hair, while the other pulled out her phone and snapped a quick shot, focusing on his eyes. She drew her hand slowly out of his hair and sat back on her heels, passing him the phone. "There," she said softly, trying to ignore the slight, husky change to her voice. She cleared her throat and murmured, "Your eyes look completely different. I believe you're in another state of heightened awareness, but not one based around fighting." She deliberated for a second as he studied the picture, then decided that he was more than aware of what this heightened state was based around.

"This is the key, I hope," she said, feeling her stomach clench. This is where it could suck. I trust him. I trust him, she thought. Her hand closed into a fist and she punched at his nose, knowing she'd never connect. But she had to know if one state could switch to the other rapidly.

Please don't break my arm, Declan...

[The Red Man]

Olivia's fist got roughly ten inches before she felt his hand grasp her wrist painfully and pull up and forwards, deflecting her strike harmlessly over his left shoulder...

And incidentally, leaving her face about six inches from his as she placed a hand down to stop herself overbalancing forward. Dec's eyes looked into hers, his pupils having shrunk somewhat but still large and dark as he released the grip on her wrist. He noticed that her own eyes were wide, noting the faint flutter of her pulse in her throat (and once more feeling his eyes tugged downwards from her throat before he managed to get that reflex under control).

"So..." his voice was a little huskier, and he swallowed in an unsuccessful attempt to normalise it. "What does this mean, Livy?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"You have two heightened states," she said, pulling herself back into her kneeling position. Her fingers were tingling as she released her grip on his thigh, which was where she'd grabbed to catch herself. "Well, at least two," she amended, struggling not to rub her sore wrist. "There could be more, but those two I've seen for sure, now.

"These states can be reached rapidly, almost instantly," she said, distancing them both from what had just happened by talking in a calm, almost lecturing tone. "You can apparently move from one to the other. Think of it as a three-way switch: you're either off or you have switched into one of the other two states. You just have two high settings instead of a high and a low.

"With experimentation, you can control which one you switch into," she continued, looking at his bold, lively eyes. That excitement was slowly fading as they engaged in an intellectual discussion. "What I'm proposing is that we work out a trigger, and then I help you associate your non-violent... um, your aroused state, with that trigger.

"I am going to suggest you come up with a word, something that you won't run into in the field or in casual conversation, but is only a couple of syllables," Olivia added. "Then we'll associate that word with the triggering, along with me saying it. That will keep an enemy from crippling you by finding out your word. Once we have the association going, we'll cut back on my... immediate association, and work on getting your trigger associated with Caine and Jones so that they can help you trigger, too. The ultimate goal is that you self-trigger, and don't need us to do it for you."

She smiled. "There are downsides. This will mean that you'll probably have to deal with an overwhelming drive to procreate, though I hope that will fade with time. This will replace your fighting instinct, so that in the bar, you would have not felt the massive urge to kill but to... have sex." She struggled not to cringe at the awkward pauses or terminology, but this was awkward. There weren't many men she could have done this with. "Understand, this will take time, and effort, but I'm willing to help. Are you interested?"

[The Red Man]

He blinked at her, his skin prickling as he remembered her nearness. "So there's goin' to be a codeword that makes me, uh, horny?" He shivered a little and forced a smile. "That sounds a little creepy to me, Doc." He looked down at his hands. "What if it makes me as outta control as the other high settin', but in a sexual way?" he asked in a low voice. "I mean, I ain't exactly gettin' women throwin' themselves through my bedroom door these days." He swallowed. "I don't want to be *Like that motherFUCKER that hurt you* some sort of... rapist."

He chuckled nervously as his gaze rose to hers. "You sure me walkin' around with an 'overwhelming urge to procreate' is a good idea? Even in the short term? It's not like I feel particularly inclined to celibacy as things stand, y'know? Especially..." he let that thought die half-uttered.

...with you around he didn't say. Someone else heard him though, someTHING else had been stirred by his arousal and was currently weighing the situation.

*Don't be a pussy. You want control over this, so do I. Think I like bein' your berserk side? Fuck, man: you didn't kill your squad when you flipped, you held back from Kyria when she tackled you. I'm tryin' to tell you, bro, you ain't a monster or a rapist.*

Dec looked to Livy like he was having doubts, wanting to trust her plan yet afraid of what might happen if it went wrong. Looking into his eyes as she was, the Doctor didn't miss the sparkle behind the metallic iris as he considered. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was startling for someone who was used to seeing no life in that mercury mirror.

Finally he nodded. "Okay. I'll give it a shot." he smiled at her. "Uhh... Tryin' to think of a code word now... How about 'green hand'? Should be pretty safe."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Rapist!? Olivia's eyes were as large as saucers as Declan spoke. She'd never considered that as a possibility, not even for an instant. "I-I-I really don't think you need to worry about that," she said quickly. "I can't see you... ever..." She swallowed hard, her eyes closing as she fought to remain calm. When her eyes opened, she said, "You never seemed the type to me. Honestly."

She drew a deep breath and drew it out. "Given that I'll be doing the triggering, it's likely I'll be..." She paused and licked her lips nervously. "It's likely that I'll be the focus of your attention. I can't imagine that you'd hurt me like that." She was a bit nervous, but this was Declan.

He hunted me once, her cynical voice said.

That was at Caine's orders, she replied calmly. I believe he's safe.

Which you've based on such astounding empirical evidence as...?

Hush. The decision is made.

"Green hand?" Olivia confirmed, nodding. "Would you feel safer if I were to have a desist word, something that would in theory jar you out of... your aroused state? I know you're worried; I don't think there's cause for alarm, but it you'd feel better, we can do that. And... did you want to start tonight?"

[The Red Man]

"For a desist word..." he pondered for a moment, smiling as a thought occured to him. "I kinda feel like a dog being trained here." he grinned at her. "Okay, how about 'down boy'?"

Olivia laughed and shook her head at that. "You might want something a little more obscure..." she tilted her head at him. "But it's the desist phrase for your arousal, so I can't too much harm."

"Well, yeah. It won't do anythin' if I'm not hot to trot, will it?. Plus if someone else were to hear that they wouldn't think it was special." He pondered for a moment, then nodded in final confirmation. "Yeah, 'down boy' it is. And..." he considered her for a long pause. "I'm willin' to start tonight if you are, Doc."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Down boy? I'm turning you into Inuyasha," Olivia giggled suddenly. At Declan's blank look, she said, "One of my brother's favorite animes." She quickly explained the basics of the plot, including Kagome's phrase to restrict the half-dog demon's actions. "If I had magical prayer beads, this would be a snap," Olivia chuckled, "but real life isn't quite so simple. So. How about 'sit, boy'? That work for you?"

,,

Declan laughed. "Sure, sounds good."

,,

"Then are we ready?" Olivia asked, feeling a twinge of nervousness.

,,

Declan nodded, looking somber. The telltale glimmer in his eyes picked up slightly. He's going in already? Olivia swallowed. He certainly seemed to be enjoying this, which was the point, right?

,,

The room seemed too small suddenly, and Olivia hoped she wasn't making a bad mistake. Rising back onto her knees, she began to play with his hair again. "Green hand," she said distinctly, then added, "While I'm doing this, say that to yourself. We need to get to the point where green hand forces a reaction as instinctual as what I'm doing right now. Have you ever meditated?"

,,

"No." The single word was deep, while his silver eyes were starting to disappear behind an ever-widening pupil.

,,

Olivia sighed a little. That would have helped. "Focus on green hand, and what I'm doing," she said softly. "Keep your breathing even and steady. Breathe from here." She'd have never done this outside of this scenario, but she placed her hand on his belly as she said, here. She felt the muscles - and most of his body - jump at her light touch, but she left it there. "When you breathe in, feel your chest, then breathe deeper, using your stomach to fully extend your diaphragm. When you breath out, push in with your stomach to empty your diaphragm first, then constrict your chest." She picked up one of his hands and pressed it to his stomach, holding it with one hand. "You should feel your hand move out when you breathe in, and it should move in when you breathe out."

,,

She let him take a couple of breaths before she nodded. "Yes," she said softly. "If you mess up, just start over. If you can focus on your breathing and your phrase, good. Otherwise, just try to get the breathing; it should empty and focus your mind, and give what I do greater impact."

,,

He nodded and she released his hand, walking on her knees until she was behind him. She crawled close, until she could feel the heat from his body. She was also very aware of him suddenly - of his scent, mixed with shampoo; the shine of the lights on his hair. Tentatively, she reached out and put her hands on his shoulders, near his neck. She leaned forward a bit more, pressing herself to his back and murmuring directly in his ear, "Green. Hand." As she heard a slight hitch in his breathing, she leaned back and started to massage his shoulders and neck.

[The Red Man]

Tight-sprung muscles forged of flexible steel tightened and relaxed under Olivia's hands as she pressed against his back. Dec tried not to press back against her, only partially succeeding.

Oh my... damn... His breathing certainly hitched as he felt Livy's breath on his ear, and another shiver ran down his spine. He nearly grumbled in protest when he felt her soft breasts cease pressing against his back, but the grumbles were stilled as her hands started to work over the thin cotton of his t-shirt. Green hand... green hand... he repeated to himself, trying to time it to the various pleasurable shivers that were prickling from his scalp on downwards. His heartbeat started to rise from it's lazy one beat every 3 seconds, quickly hitting forty per minute and climbing rapidly as the mixture of endorphins and adrenaline started to course faster through his hyper-evolved system.

He was also aware of Livy's body behind him, the heat she was giving off, the slight shallowing of her breath, whether from fear or arousal he couldn't tell. But her hands were gentle and unhurried as she kneaded at his muscles, and Dec leaned back a little into her, responding almost instinctively.

*What d'ya know, Ranger? Maybe she's not all that platonic after all, eh? Woman doesn't do this for just anyone. Bet Caine never got a sexy back rub. That asshole Wright, either. You should tell her what her boyfriend did. Maybe she'll get mad and then get even.* In his slightly dazed state, Dec tried to respond, to hush that darker voice in his mind. Unfortunately, it came out as a low, barely audible murmur.

"No... s'not like that... she's helpin'... me. Get...f'ck.. outta my head...assh'le... green hand... Livy..."

*You are so fuckin' precious. She needs a good man. We're a good man. Fuck, even I wouldn't hurt those big dark eyes.* Dec's heartbeat was approaching ninety now, for him a pace only reached during critical danger moments. *We could look after her, protect her. She's good for us. Remember how it felt when she slept against us at her brother's place? Think about that.* Dec moaned slightly, indeed remembering how that had felt, and his skin flushed warmer under Olivia's hands, his breathing deepening and becoming a little more ragged.

"Livy..." He tried to articulate, to tell her something was wrong, but it came out a throaty purr. It had been too damn long since he'd known a woman's touch... and damn sure no woman had been like this. Somewhere inside him, the Other started to laugh. *Green hand, Dec ol' buddy. Green hand. Ahh, don't worry you sissy-boy. We won't hurt her. Don't ya feel it? There's no kill-urge here. No need for me to come out and play. Unless you ain't up to it, stud.*

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia was feeling pretty good about this whole thing. Declan was responding well; she was monitoring his heart rate with her sharp ears, comparing it to the levels it had reached in the bar. He was getting close, and part of her wondered what would happen if he got there and maintained that level. She hoped that the answer wasn't "heart attack". She wasn't sure that she could explain that one to anyone. "I was trying to condition him to switch between fighting and sex, and accidently gave him a heart attack." Yeah, that wouldn't work. Though it would distract the General from the mess at Kiki Nass, she was pretty sure that wouldn't be constructive help.

,,

She focused on keeping things sensual rather than sexual. There were so many things she could have done to escalate this: kisses to the back of his neck or his ear, sliding herself forward until she had to part her thighs around him or something as simple as pressing her face into back of his neck.

,,

Then her ears caught his mumbling. What is going on? she wondered, frowning a little. Who or what is he talking to? The first part sounded like a plea, but the second, a single word, was more like a prayer than anything else. The way he said her name caused a short shiver to race through her body and she began to wonder if this really was such a bright idea.

,,

Without stopping - they were so close! - she leaned forward again and murmured, "Are you ok? Do I need to stop?" Her breath brush over his ear as her hair pooled over his shoulder. Her hands shifted down, sliding down his sides to continue their steady assault on the tense muscles down there. "Just give the word, and I'll stop."

[The Red Man]

He twitched slightly under her hands, his heart-rate reaching a crescendo to her sensitive ears, his breath coming faster as hers teased his ear. But amazingly, his heart didn't seize or fail under the assault. Stronger than any human organ, the lump of muscle was pushing hormone- and oxygen-laden blood around Dec's system at a phenomenal speed: Olivia could practically hear the blood rushing through his veins as...

...Something shifted, moving out from the shadows that had been It's home for the last two years since the breakdown. Something with roots in the hindbrain, but refined though the terrible alchemy of intellect and war. Freed only in moments of panic and fear, it had a form of it's own that had been slowly germinating ever since the encounter with the artifact...

...the tension suddenly left his muscles.

"Don't stop on my account, Doc. I'm havin' a great time." Livy froze, fighting the sensation of ice in her veins. The voice was Declan's, yet it wasn't. It was like someone else was using Dec's voice. Someone less unsure, less frightened. Someone who sat up a little straighter and pressed themselves against her hands in an almost cat-like motion, their face still turned away from hers. Someone with a voice that was a little lower than Dec's, filled with menace - not for her specifically, more of a general warning to the world, like a diamondback's rattling sound. "Mmmhmmm... You are good at that. Oh, don't fret none - you ain't in any danger. I'm still me, though there's a bit of me that would disagree. I have ta say, both of us in here are lovin' this experiment of yours."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

He's mad, Declan's mad, and no one saw it! The thought raced through her brain like a bolt of lightning and was immediately followed by, And I'm locked in a room with him! A surge of adrenaline that zinged through her muscles and getting her ready to run and fight, a surge of power -

That was utterly wasted. This was Declan; running and fighting was utterly useless. She had to think her way out of this.

Whatever you do, Olivia, don't tell him no.

The thought made her want to scream in despair, but she choked back the sound. Her body might be paralyzed with the certainty of uselessness, but her mind was moving extra fast. She didn't believe the assurances that he wouldn't hurt her; she'd heard that before. Do what you have to to survive, to get out of this. You only have a few hours before someone will coming looking for you. You've done this before.

Give him something. Placate him.

Fighting the tremors shaking her body, she started to rub his muscles again. Her fingers had lost their warmth; the digits were cold as ice as she began to work the loosened muscles again. She dropped her head, turning it to the side so that her cheek rest on his shoulder, and he couldn't see the abject fear in her eyes. "Good to know you approve. I value your opinion... Declan. Or do you have another name I could call you? You said you're Declan, but you also said 'both' of you. Is there another address I could use to distinguish between the two of you?"

She didn't believe the 'both' of them for a moment. There was one Declan, and he was completely nuts. In no small part, some of the emotions in her were sorrow - sorrow that her trusted friend wasn't worthy of that title or that trust.

[The Red Man]

"Call me... Red-hand. Or Red, seein' as we're friends. I like red." He shifted under her hands, then sighed slightly. "That is, if we are friends. Cuz somehow, Doc, I'm gettin' the feelin' you ain't my friend anymore. Maybe you're just his friend. That's cool. It makes me your friend, and that's a good thing, in case you were wonderin'"

He shrugged off Olivia's hands gently and slipped away from her, standing with that same fluidity she had seen him move with a thousand times before, though this time it seemed somehow charged, as though he were a tiger in human skin. He stood up straight and stretched his arms out up and wide, taking a deep breath.

"Damn that's good... You know what it's like to breath air second hand, Doc? Like you can feel what the other guy feels when he takes a breath, but not feel it yourself?" Still facing away from her, the shaggy head tilted slightly, a note of razor-keen amusement entering that voice. "It's like someone tellin' you the fuckin' plot of the movie while you're lookin' at the DVD case, but somehow messin' it up so you get a pale washed-out imitation that still spoils the whole fuckin' show." The man calling himself Red snorted.

"You still with me back there, Doc? I gotta say, you're handlin' this well. We admire you, ya know. Both Dec's do." Abruptly he turned, a flash of movement almost too fast for her to follow as he crouched a few feet away and grinned at her. Livy stared in shocked disbelief. No doubt, there was definitely someone else home in there now.

The previously dead eyes were sparkling, glittering as though lights were moving behind the metallic surface. Dec's face, always having a certain shy rugged handsomeness, seemed transformed, the features taking on a more sharply predatory attractiveness than before, heightened by the sword-blade grin.

"We scare you. But you, above anyone else, don't need to be scared of us." Red-hand's smile softened, still appearing somewhat sinister. "Listen good, Doc. I'm a part of Dec that was split off when we went cuckoo in Afghan-land. He buried me, became a fuckin' pacifist because he couldn't DEAL with the fact that everyone he knew died out there except him. He was GOOD at stayin' alive, usually by killin' every motherfucker standin' against him. The Army was his world, and his squad was his fuckin' family." Red considered for a moment. "Our family, I should say. He took it hard. I've been kinda asleep since then, till somethin' woke me up not to long ago. Those 'fits' Dec has? They were ME tryin' to be heard, with no control and no smarts to guide the hands. Dec's so afraid of killin' now he was suppressin' me. Still does. You relaxed him some... Just enough for this to happen."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

He wasn't trying to rape her and that alone took some of the panic away. She remained where she was, kneeling as he stretched and talked. She was still shaking, her hands folded in her lap, the image of a non-threatening being. She tried to keep her calm, but she couldn't keep the horror off her face when he told her that she was responsible for this... reaction.

"I see," she said, feeling the tears rise and hearing the tremor in her voice. She considered what to do for a moment, then tried hard honesty. "You do scare me. If you're the aspect of Declan that hurt all those people, then why should I believe that you won't hurt me? Is it because I... gave you your freedom? You think that I can get you a 'Get out of Declan free' card?" Don't tell him no.

"Actually," she said, not giving him a chance to reply, "I think I'm asking the wrong questions. I think the one question I really need answered is: what do you want from us, Red? And by us I mean myself, Declan, Caine, even O'Neill. What are you seeking?"

The calm, rational questions were helping; she was able to start remembering what she was supposed to do, to keep herself safe. She expanded her hearing, and the radio chatter of the base filled her ears. She selected one of the MPs channel and got ready to call out, if things got bad. So long as all Declan did was talk, she'd listen. If he wanted to kill her, she might get a single word out before she died. She should call them right now, but Declan needed help, not a jail cell.

[The Red Man]

"What do I want...?" The sardonic smile faded, the brow furrowing in faint puzzlement over those strangely illuminated eyes. "I want to do my damn job. With me free, Dec won't kill mindlessly, especially with you helpin' him with his control issues. With me around for when he needs me, WE can keep you all safe. He loves you guys, which means I do too." The monster in human skin shrugged. "Got no choice in that. He is me and I am he, after all. We share the same bod, the same talents. I'm the side of him that don't shy away from sayin' or doin' what needs to be done. He's the side of me that stops me bein' an animal to be shot."

Red sat down again in front of Livy, a sly grin curving his lips. "You won't be seein' me again when you get Dec all steamed up. I just took the opportunity of him bein' distracted to come out and tell you what he can't." The grin faded, an almost tender look coming onto the imposters(?) face. "He cares about you, you know. He might have problems, might have me lurkin' seperate from where I should be, but he cares. We care. Why'd you think he spends so much time trainin' you?" Red-hand's head cocked as though listening. "Heh. He's cussin' up a storm right now. Expect awkward embarassment when I'm gone." Those glittering, lethally vital eyes fixed on Olivia's. "Got any other questions?"

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

More questions? Olivia rarely had had a time where she didn't have more questions than answers, but for once, her desire for answers were subdued by her fear of the entire situation. So she quietly shook her head, swallowing hard. There was too much information to process for the moment; her brain was churning through it, but shock and fear were muddling things up too much.

"See ya around, Doc," Red said, grinning at her-

And the grin changed, becoming an embarrassed frown. It was Declan-Declan, the man Olivia would have trusted to save her life, or even slept next to without concern. For a second, she held it together, but the change in the room, the loss of that faint air of menace changed everything. Her face crumpled and she tottered backwards onto butt, pulling her knees up to her face. Holding her legs, she started to cry, mostly from delayed reaction.

Declan was completely nuts. The one she was depending on to save her was far, far more fragile than she'd ever believed him to be. How could he save her?

By being Red, her brain informed her, which only made it worse. If Red was the price for her safety, was it worth it? How could she subject Declan to that again?

She hadn't noticed Declan's state, but sudden guilt overwhelmed her. She uncurled herself and crawled to him, throwing her arms around his neck and half-sitting in his lap. "I'm sorry," she whispered to him between sobs. "I... I didn't know! I'm so sorry!"

[The Red Man]

"Shhh... It's okay... It's fine... He didn't hurt you..." Declan was half-babbling himself as he held her tight, tears of his own starting from his once-more dead silver eyes.. "He wasn't lyin'... Fucker wasn't lyin' about any of it. I didn't realise myself until tonight. Earlier, in your car after I thought I'd blanked out - that was the first time I heard him. He was there before I think... Maybe. But he had a voice tonight." He shifted a little, getting her comfortable against him

"You didn't do anythin' wrong, Livy. Not you. It's me. I'm broken." He cradled her gently, his voice low and reassuring despite the words. " I've been broken ever since- well, what he said. Somehow, I think the artifact tried to put me together, but it fucked up. Or somethin' went wrong. Or I'm the wrong star sign. Damned if I know."

He rested his cheek against her hair, his eyes closed. "I'm sorry." he whispered. "Sorry I scared you. Sorry you saw him. He's the worst of me."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

This was her friend, but the illusion had been shattered. She'd pulled back the curtain, and she couldn't go back to her state of ignorance. Olivia had just moments to make several hard decisions.

The first was what to tell Major Caine. Olivia knew that Caine would defend Declan to the ends of the earth, but if the big CO ever thought that Declan was truly a danger, he'd find a nice, comfy cage to leave him in for the rest of his life. But Caine needed to know that something was up. She'd planned to show off her control of Declan, but only after it was established. Now, she had to decide what to tell him about Red.

The second was what to do about Declan himself. Could she trust him to retain control of "Red", now that he knew the truth? Could he retain control? "Red" was powerful enough to bend Declan to his will; he'd shown that.

Third was the question of whether they continued their control attempts. "Red" had made it sound like it was helping, but Olivia wasn't willing to believe that at face value, especially since he'd also said that what she was had allowed him to "take full control".

As she calmed down, Olivia began to try to restore order. Pulling herself back a little, she unwound her arms from around his neck and cupped his cheeks, rubbing away his tears. "It's okay," she said, not sure she was telling the truth. She stretched up enough to kiss his forehead, trying to calm him down.

Now, she was tired. Too much up and down, too many switch-backs and changes: she was reeling but the work wasn't done yet, not by far.

"Declan, we have to decide what we're doing," she whispered after he'd quieted down. "Do we want to keep doing this? Is it safe? Am I damaging you with the conditioning? What are we going to do?"

[The Red Man]

Her nearness was reassuring, as was the concern in her voice. He let his eyes meet hers for a long moment, his mind sorting through the questions.

"I don't know for sure what we should do, Livy." He sounded so human now, so warm, that Olivia almost doubted that the Other voice could have come from the same throat. Almost. "I don't think you hurt things, though. He was there already, but couldn't come out because I was calm." He tilted his head, listening to someone. Olivia didn't need to imagine who that was.

"He says that he'll only come out when I need him..." Dec's voice was slightly bitter. "Of course, that'll be when HE decides he's needed. He ain't lyin', though. I don't know how I know, but I could tell if he was... guess that means he really is me, huh?"

"I don't want to stop what we were doin'. Maybe it can help with my control over him." Dec flinched and shivered then. "He's laughin'. The fucker's laughin' at me." He looked at Livy then, his face taking on an air of forced calm.

"You got to tell the Major, Doc. He's got to get me locked up. I'm a threat to anyone he decides is a threat to me, you or the team, and that could land SG21 in the shit, big time."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"No," Olivia said, then more firmly, "No. I won't tell Damien until I'm sure he won't lock you away." She thought about Declan in a cage for the rest of his life. Her hands, still on his face, tightened a little at the thought. She tried to imagine Red in a cage, and failed; all she could see was him raging like a monster. No, locking Declan up would be a disaster.

And she didn't want to see him in a cage. The very idea made her throat constrict painfully. "I will help you fix this. I will make it so that you are in control, Declan," she vowed, meeting his silver eyes that used to scare her - used to until she'd learned how much worse they could be. She believed he had the power to be in control; "Red" was a part of him, and ultimately, the only person who could control Declan was Declan.

She shifted her grip on his face and turned more to face him. His arms loosened and let her shift; once she was as close to facing him as she could be without straddling him, she looked him in the eyes and said firmly, "Red, stop that. You're not helping. If you want this to work, you have to cooperate and work at this just as much as we do. For now, I need you to be quiet." This is more than a little crazy! Please... let this work.

Without waiting for a reaction from Red, she slipped her arms around Declan's neck. Her face was almost uncomfortably close, almost lover-close as she said, "So, starting again. It's gonna be a bit tough. Red broke the mood nicely, didn't he?" She knew that she'd been scared enough to put sex out of her mind for a week. But she wanted more to make definite progress with Declan tonight.

She smiled and lifted her arms over her head, then arched herself backwards over his strong arms, stretching her body. She let out a sigh of pleasure as tense muscles were forced to tighten still further, then release. Smiling a bit, she rested her arms on his arms, noting the odd sensation of being held by a strong man, and not being afraid of it.

Not very afraid anyway.

"Anyway, I've had a rough night, and I think it's my turn for a back rub." She raised her eyebrows at him. "What do you say, Declan? Up to working on my sore muscles?"

[The Red Man]

Wow... Am I ever up for that. He smiled back despite himself, pupils widening a little once more as his body reacted to the feel of her so close. "Uh, sure. Been awhile since I've given a back rub, mind."

Yeah, like NEVER. Like the lady said, shut the fuck up. Face facts, you were never that good at real intimacy, were ya? Wham-bam, thank you ma'am. And whose fault was that, jackass!? Sure... blame me for the emotional distance. You're my violent psychopathic side - who the fuck do you think I should blame, smart guy? Red went silent. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Olivia smiled at him, then slipped out of his arms as she twisted to put her back to him. He took a deep breath, then let it out, not realising that she could feel it on her shoulders and the nape of her neck. He carefully place his hands on her shoulders and, aware of his strength, gently kneaded along to the base of her neck, his fingers warm on her fear-chilled skin. She felt smooth under his palms, the small tightnesses in her muscles apparent under the warming skin as he continued to work. He tried to imitate her movements on him, his fingers playing gently down her spine before trailing back up again to the base of her skull, under the dark fall of her hair. With a slight smile he gently gathered her hair to one side and let it fall forward over her right shoulder before lightly stroking the back of her neck with his fingertips.

"So.. uh, how's this?" His voice was a little huskier than usual, he realised as soon as he spoke. She felt so damn good to touch, he was feeling a little confused. She was a friend, and a team-mate. But was this more? Did either of them want more?

Sure you do. Yeah, I do. But she might not. Let's not be a collective asshole like that guy who hurt her. Yeah... alright. I'd love to spend some time with that fucker... and some power tools. Green hand, remember? Yeah yeah. This is Dec's horny time. I'll be in the back here.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

His warm breath on her shoulder made her jump, and not in a good way. She wasn't sure that she could get in the mood after Red; but then the point was to get Declan in the right mood. His hands made her shiver - "It's like riding a wild horse." - and want to pull away from him. She locked herself in place and let him tentatively run his hands over her shoulders, neck and back. He gained confidence as he worked, and to her surprise, a tingle of pleasure ran down her back.

She gasped in surprise, then rolled her head forward and released a whispered moan. And it wasn't the first; as she relaxed and he warmed her skin, she felt more follow until her skin ached with the pleasure of it. Now she understood what devious torture she'd just subjected Declan to, because while she often doubted her ability to entice men, she knew she gave a good back rub. By his words, he didn't, but she didn't think that was true, not anymore. Her skin was more sensitive than before, but surely that alone didn't account for the way her breath caught tight in her throat?

With acute intensity, she recalled the first time in the shower she'd "assessed" her tactile sensitivity. That assessment that had left her slumped against the wall of her shower, struggling to stand after her first orgasm achieved only with her fingers. She was there again, and here too, and the combination of Declan's hands and the perfect memory of her own exploratory touches nearly undid her again.

Right as he asked how it was, Olivia leaned forward and rolled to her knees, stopping the session with physical distance. "Good," she said in a strangled voice, struggling to pull herself back from the edge of embarrassing herself very badly. She managed to turn enough to smile at him, to let him know that he'd done fine, just fine. Too fine, even.

"Ok," she said, her face flushed and her eyes darkened from her near-encounter. "Ok. I think I'm ready to work on you, now." That was a lie. What she was ready to do was crawl into a hot shower and get the release that now had almost every part of her throbbing. It felt as though her body had gone running off without her, responding to stimuli without a sense of proportion. Good grief... this is crazy, absolutely insane! What did that Artifact do to me?

[The Red Man]

Her low, throaty moans were surprising, then extremely gratifying as Dec got into his task. He felt her skin flush with inner warmth under his palms and her body trembled - not much, but loudly enough to his senses. Hey... I'm good at this! He tried not to grin like a fool as he experienced the very welcome and totally unfamiliar sensation of a woman melting in his hands.

Then she pulled away, her voice a little strained, but Dec was smiling as she turned back towards him. Her eyes were large and heated, her face darker with the flush he'd felt under his hands, and her smile... Her smile was equal parts longing and reassurance that he'd done well.

For his part, Dec's heart rate was back up to a steady canter, and his pupils were nicely dilated from the sensations and emotions roused by the too-short back rub. His gaze met hers for a long moment before he smiled shyly and, nodding, turned his back to her. "Okay Doc. I'm all yours."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

You had to put it like that, didn't you? Olivia moaned to herself. But it had been nice to see that slight tinge of pride on his face - the typical male delight in making a woman feel good. It made Olivia wonder what would have happened if she'd allowed him to finish what he'd started, then reminded herself that orgasms likely crossed the lines she'd set in her mind.

She looked at his broad back and prepared herself for doing this with the same detachment she had done before. But it was a lot harder now, when she slid up against his back. Her skin cried for further contact; his shirt was an affront to her. She pressed against him as before, on her knees so that she could whisper in his ear. To her shock, she almost told him to take off his shirt; at the last moment, she said, "Green. Hand." Oh, green hand indeed.

She sat back and began to work on his back again, aware of the blood rushing through his veins - and her own pounding heart. Her over-stimulated nerves were busily convincing her that she needed to do whatever was necessary to give her release, while her brain was reminding her of Caine and Vinny and her duties.

Her headache was getting worse.

With a sigh, she leaned forward against Declan again. She couldn't help it, and once she was there, she was reluctant to leave. "Sorry," she murmured, aware on some level that she wasn't helping him by blurring the lines like this. Resting her forehead against his wide back, she ran her hands down his sides and onto his waist. From there, she began to run her hands over his thighs. This was not quite a massage anymore; her hands didn't so much kneed as stroke. Too wired to be subjective anymore, Olivia barely managed to remember to listen for his racing heart, so see what happened when he reached The Zone.

[The Red Man]

It was too much: way way too much for any man to deal with. She was pressed against him, her hands moving around him and down his thighs in an embrace that was sensual and intimate in a way the ex-Ranger hadn't really known even before his breakdown. Red had been right about one thing: the old Declan had been so distant, so focused on his primary function, that the few sexual encounters he'd had had been short and sweet to say the least, scratching an itch rather than connecting with another person, and ultimately unmemorable for both parties.

Now was different. Oh, was it. Whether the artifact's effect on his senses, or the separation and distinction of his colder more ruthless side were responsible Dec didn't know. And didn't really care either. He was surrounded by a beautiful woman's arms, could feel her pressing against his back, could feel her hands stroking the muscles of his thighs very, very keenly. His heartrate was peaking into The Zone again, but he wasn't losing any of his awareness. He could feel Livy's breathing against his back, and his t-shirt seemed to be an intolerable obstacle.

"Livy..." he whispered, shifting against her slightly as his hands twitched. He was resisting the urge to remove his shirt, to feel her hands on his bare skin. This time, Red was silent, in the back of Declan's mind somewhere, dormant while the other side of Declan was in the ascendant. He had become polarised: one aspect of his personality was hard, cruel and ruthless, the other, untapped side was something gentler. And as his heartrate pushed into The Zone, it drove aside the emotional walls a lifetime had built, let down his armor, made him someone who was no longer an uneasy synthesis of two, but now almost a third distinct personality as focused and confident as Red.

Naturally, the focus was a little different, though.

His hands, strong but gentle, slid onto hers, covering them without restraining or impeding their movements on him. The touch was warm and sensual in itself, a sensation that was heightened when he started to trail his fingertips over the back of her hands and up her forearms in time with her movements.

"It feels good." His voice was warmer, more mellow, a gentle purr against her. His hands gently caressed hers as he chuckled softly. "I'm wishin' the clothes weren't in the way. I'm wishin' you felt the same." Humor danced in his voice as he half-turned his head to look at her, his pupils nearly covering the silver discs of his irises. "I'm almost wishin' we weren't on the same team, though that'd be sucky too." His breathing was deep and strong, now and then hitching a little as her fingers coaxed some new sensation out of him. Then she felt him shifting.

Slowly he turned in towards her, agile on the ground as he was on his feet. His hands slid over her stomach, then around her waist and further, and Olivia found herself gently picked up and moved onto Dec's lap, her arms still around him as his hands played with her back. His eyes were large and dark and alive, simultaneously eerie and tenderly reassuring.

"Don't be scared of me. I ain't goin' to attack you or hurt you. I just want to see you." He stroked her hair with one hand, the other in the centre of her back, his body giving off waves of heat that Olivia was all-too aware of. "I remember the safety word. I'm not losin' it." His smile was shining as he looked down at her.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

She was losing track of what was happening; all of her senses, from scent to sight, were being overwhelmed by sensations, both from her actions and Declan’s. When his hands covered hers, Olivia released a breath she didn’t really realize she was holding. Her nose burrowed into his back a little, filling her with his scent. She was on fire for the first time in so long; the nearly-blinding pleasure was making her giddy.

His moving her threatened to undo that giddiness. There was ten seconds of panic when he shifted her, but when she looked into his eyes, heard his words and realized they’d reached their goal, the panic faded. “No,” she said, grinning at him like a woman in control of only half her rational mind, “you wouldn’t hurt me. You’re not Hatchins.

“So you said that it feels good,” she pressed on, so giddy and out of her mind that she failed to notice her slip up. “What else? How does it compare to the other state? Study it so that you know it, and can feel the difference between this and the other. You said you wanted clothing off, but you’re in control, complete control. This is exactly what I was hoping for!”

Excited, she leaned in and hugged him tight, pressing her ear to his chest. There was awe in her eyes as she listened to his heart race wildly, but knew that he was fine. Lifting her head, she said, “This is so incredible.” Without really giving him time to answer any of the questions she’d already tossed at him, Olivia added, “Hopefully, we can repeat this – starting cold sometime after the mission would be a good idea. I’m a little concerned about getting jaded, but I’ll be doing some research and I think we’ll be able to keep things ‘fresh’ so to speak.”

She sounded like she was in full babble-geek-out mode, but one hand had drifted up onto his neck and was playing in the hair at the base of his skull, while the other was teasing the skin at the collar of his shirt. Her fingers moved from sensitive skin to fabric and back randomly, a tiny torment. “You did it,” she said softly, her eyes shining with pride and elation and desire. Her hand left his collar to cup his cheek; her thumb brushed over his lips, and Declan wasn’t sure she was completely aware of what she was doing. “You really did it. Congratulations, Declan.”

[The Red Man]

"Me? You did it." he smiled back at her, and his lips instinctively kissed the thumb that was trailing over them. "Okay... We did it." he allowed with another kiss, this time to the palm of her hand. Who's Hatchins...? said a voice in the back of his mind, but he didn't ask. He stored the bit of data away for a better time, not wanting to ruin the moment. His own fingertips trailed along her cheek, brushing her hair back over one ear, the actions as intuitive to this facet of him as carnage was to Red.

"As to what it feels like: it's like the same high I get from, y'know, combat and huntin'. But it's gentler. Maybe I got three people in me rather than two? Like there's Red Dec, then there's the normal Dec that everyone sees, then there's who I am now?" His brow furrowed and he shook his shaggy head a little. "Naw, I don't think that's right... It's not like this state makes me a totally different person..." He shrugged and smiled. "Hell, I dunno, Doc."

His hands were still lightly caressing her back and shoulders as he cradled her. Without thinking, his head dipped a little towards hers but stopped at the half-way point as he caught himself. He swallowed heavily as he looked into her eyes, his voice a little throatier still. "You were right about one thing, Doc. I'm havin' that overwhelmin' drive you mentioned. Procreation ain't the half of it. It's like I want to fall into you and never come up for air." He half-smiled, trying to lighten the mood, though his eyes were almost smoldering as they met hers. "I really hope you ain't expectin' me to feel this way towards the other guys in '21. They're great fellas, but I don't swing that way."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

His lips were shocking against her skin, sending little sparks of pleasure up her arm to join the raging maelstrom already burning her alive. “I don’t think that there are three,” Olivia said easily, burying her fingers in his shaggy mane. As her hands did their part to march this encounter toward a line that shouldn’t be crossed, she continued to talk. “You seem to be you – I can tell when… Red’s around.” God, she hated putting it like that. It seemed to be enabling his madness, but her options where to stop enabling and turn him over to the authorities. As she watched his silver eyes shine with joy and pleasure, she knew she’d made the right decision, even if it was the wrong one. It felt right to her.

Then he started to kiss her. Olivia’s eyes flew open wide, but he stopped and she relaxed a bit. She felt a messy mixture of relief and disappointment. She really didn’t want to break the rules, but right now, losing herself in a kiss sounded like the best idea in the world. When he spoke of diving into her, she felt more of her resistance melt, until there wasn’t enough to stop. But there was no chance for her to act, not before he found her ‘sit, boy’.

The mention of their other team-members was enough to stop her. In particular, the thought of Caine was a splash of cold water. He could see her pulling back and regaining control, slowly. “Yeah, I’m, uh… going to have to come up with something else for that. I just worry that if I’m the only one who can trigger it on the team, that we’re looking at a situation where I’m incapacitated – or removed from the fight – and no one else can help you. What happened in the bar is the perfect example. Even if I could have done this for you, it wouldn’t have mattered, because I wasn’t there. So once we’re sure that green-hand is established, we’re going to have to find a way for the guys to trigger it. I could try to open it to all girls, but I don’t suppose you’d want female gou'ald green-handing you anymore than you’d want a random chick doing it.” She sighed and shook her head. “I’ll figure something out. I promise.”

She glanced at him again. “You feel ok? Are we ready… to call a halt for the evening?”

[The Red Man]

He tilted his head to one side, his expression so uncharacteristically playful she blinked. "Well..." he leaned a little close, his smile teasing. "I think we've made progress, Doc." His face inched a little closer to hers. "And it is late." he whispered softly.

"And we do have to be up in the mornin'." he stood up, supporting her weight easily, his balance perfect as he slowly rose, then set her down on her toes. He smiled down at her, his eyes still large and dark, a reflection of a Declan that was the antithesis of Red. "So... I guess we should stop." he sounded a little disappointed, but he was still smiling warmly, his hands resting on her hips comfortably as hers were still looped around his shoulders. He looked Olivia in the eye, his expression heartfelt.

"Thanks for this, Livy. Thanks for all of it. I feel... well, human I guess is the best word."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"Good," Olivia said, leaning into his body. The reaction was natural, a sign of the comfort she felt around him. That little bit of added pressure made her very aware of him, of his enjoyment of the moment. That should have scared her, but it didn't; she was far enough out of her own mind that it felt normal. It could have been Declan's comfort with the moment; his playful smile seemed to allow no unsettled feelings.

"Then it was worth it," she said, and she meant it. Even her fear-filled moment with Red was worth that easy, happy look on his face. She wished it could stay there forever. Her friend deserved to feel like this all the time. That would mean taking him to bed all day, every day, her mind noted. If you can keep him in the Zone every waking hour, then you're a super-woman. Or the Whore of Babylon.

Impulsively, she pulled herself up and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm glad it worked," she said, unnecessarily - but then she slid down his body, wringing reactions from both of them. "This is... pretty crazy, isn't it?" she asked, but she had that dazed, far-off look in her eyes again, and it wasn't clear what she meant.

With effort, she released his neck, running her hands down his chest. She stopped her hands at his waist, her palms brushing his belt. One of us has to start to stop.

It has to be you. He's in the Zone. You have no such excuse.

Her hands dug into his waist, as if she needed balance and support to step away. She took that step with effort, pulling his hands away from her. "So, we'll try again after the mission, first night?"

[The Red Man]

He swayed as though he was going to step after her, but kept control of himself, barely. The feel of her moving against his body had been intensely sensual, and his breath was coming in long, deep draws as he fought for control.

"Yeah." he told her with a smile before taking another deep breath, tasting the air that had her in it, then swallowing hard. "After the mission." He brought one hand up and cupped her cheek in a gently affectionate imitation of her touching him. She felt warm under his hand and he swayed forward again, this time in control of himself as he leaned down and kissed Olivia's cheek dangerously close to the corner of her mouth.

"I'll see ya in the mornin', then?" he stated rather than asked, though there was subtext present, oh was there ever, in his words. He couldn't draw back from her, couldn't move away as their eyes met again. He swallowed. "You better... get goin'. I'll... lock up here." Then take a very, very cold shower! his arousal-dazed eyes said clearly.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

Olivia turned her face into that warm hand, her hands starting to shake with the effort of control. His kiss left her face tingling and wanting more. How long had she been with a man and not felt a little fear? Even the few men that she'd carefully selected based on their lack of resemblance to Hatchins had done things that had made her tense. And now, this man who was as solidly built as Hatchins had her struggling to not just fall against him and take what his eyes were promising.

,,

And why shouldn't she? Didn't she deserve to have something that was untainted by that asshole? Hadn't she been afraid and repressed long enough? And didn't Declan deserve to see what happened at the cumulation of the Zone, so he'd know what happened, here in a safe environment?

,,

The answer to all those questions was yes, undoubtedly so. But the time was wrong; the man may have been right, but his preexisting relationship to her wasn't. Maybe if she'd had missions under her belt already, or if her first wasn't tomorrow, or even if they hadn't been on base at the moment. But Olivia didn't want to lose her shot at going off-world and seeing the wonders that the StarGate offered.

,,

"Damn it," she said with feeling, the first curse word Declan had ever heard her utter. Grimacing, she added, "Darn it, anyway." The first stirring of anger at just how unfair it was crossed her face, even as she reached up and gently put her hand over Declan's. She stroked the back of his hand, then pulled it way from her cheek. Time to kill the mood dead. Silently apologizing to him, she took his hand and wrapped it around her throat, lightly.

,,

Nothing. Just a warm hand on her skin; no crawling sensation of fear or terror. Instead, she felt only a pleasant tingle from the contact.

If Declan thought he'd seen her surprised before he quickly realized he'd been wrong. She dropped his hand and took three quick steps back, her eyes wide and shock written on her expression. She touched her throat and then murmured, "Yeah... time to go. See you... you in the morning."

[The Red Man]

"Wait!" Dec didn't start after her, but the look of shock on her face was like a cold glass of water dumped down his spine. "What is it?" He looked at his hand, then at her, concern all over his face. "Did Red peek out at you or somethin'? I could've sworn he was asleep."

Now he stepped towards her, trying to figure out why his friend was suddenly so spooked. "What's the matter, Livy?" he asked more calmly, offering a supportive hand out to her. "You're lookin' like you saw a ghost."

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

She considered brushing off the question, but this was her teammate and friend. Slowly, Olivia turned back. She didn't take his hand; instead she hugged herself a little as she considered how to say this right. "We all have triggers, Declan," she said softly. "Having a hand around my throat... it normally triggers something in me that I was hoping would cancel out the crazy mood that we had. It worked, kinda, just not the right way, and... it surprised me." For a second, she considered telling him how well, it worked, normally; how she could be jarred from sleep if her sheet lay too heavily on her neck. She let it go; that would lead to a lot of questions. Not that this wouldn't, but being vague was better than being specific.

,,

She was feeling rational and vulnerable again; it was almost welcome after the natural high she'd just been experiencing. At least this sensation was familiar, and she could trust her actions and thoughts under its influence. Belatedly realizing Dec's concern, she added, "No, no... It didn't have anything to do with Red. All me and my... triggers." 'Crazy issues' would have been more accurate, but no need to tell him that.

[The Red Man]

"You mentioned a name earlier. Hatchins." Dec said quietly, his gaze now very sober. "You freak out when a guy grapples you: I spotted that cue right away. And you were expecting my hand on your throat to act like a cold bath." He studied her as he spoke, his voice low and soft. "I ain't the sharpest tool in the super-people box - you're smarter than me by a long way. But I ain't dumb either, Livy."

"I saw this sometimes in Somalia and Afghanistan. We'd find women who would scream and fight if a medic tried to tend their wounds after they'd been attacked. The last thing they'd want to see was another damn male of the species." He sighed and sat down where he stood, looking up at her, his head tilting up at her as he leaned back on his hands, deliberately leaving himself open and non-imposing. "You've been attacked by a guy. Probably a big guy. Called Hatchins. Tell me if I'm wrong there." He let that hang in the air.

[z-Olivia Jenings-Izumi]

"With me around for when he needs me, WE can keep you all safe. He loves you guys, which means I do too."

,,

"He says that he'll only come out when I need him... Of course, that'll be when HE decides he's needed."

,,

Olivia looked at Declan; her thoughts were on his reassurances that he would protect her. She wondered what would happen if Declan ever found Hatchins; she thought of Red's love of mayhem and stopped wondering. So she tried to stop things before they got out of hand.

,,

"It wasn't as bad as you're thinking," she said, sitting down in an attempt to seem casual. "It just got a bit out of hand. I mean, it wasn't good, it's just not like... what you're thinking. He didn't attack me." He was invited into my house. The next words weren't as smooth as they could have been, which just made her angry at herself. "And I didn't... say... no."

,,

Her smile wavered, but she met his eyes. "Just a bit of fu-" Her voice cracked on the word 'fun' and the smile was gone. Olivia could feel the tears and her eyes dropped in a futile attempt to hide them from Declan. Her breathing deepened, then caught in her throat. She unclenched her hands with clear effort. "Just a bit of fun," she repeated with a tight jaw, "that got a bit out of hand."

With a sudden shake of her head, she abandoned the attempt to fool Declan into passivity and just asked for it. "I don't want you to get into trouble over this. I don't want you to land in jail because you found him and Red tore him up," she said, her voice low but firm. "I've done my best to forget it. It's gotten a bit easier every day. I haven't seen any of them since that night, and I don't want to ever again. It's old news, and I'm getting over it."

,,

She tried to make it positive. "I mean, tonight, with what we were doing, once you hit the Zone, I was as comfortable as I've been with a guy in a long time. I wasn't tense or flinching. It's a good sign for me, kind of the final boundary to cross, you know?" She smiled, a real smile, no pretense. "Maybe this will be therapeutic for me, too. Healer, heal thyself."

[The Red Man]

"Come here." Softly spoken, it wasn't quite a request but nor was it an order. Olivia hesitated for a long moment, then inched over to him. Gently hands slid onto her shoulders, then round them, drawing her into his reassuring presence, cradling her head against his shoulder as the tortured sergeant hugged his friend. "We won't go lookin' for this guy. But don't try to bullshit me that it was just a little fun that got outta hand, okay?" His voice was calm on the surface, though Olivia could readily discern the emotions swirling underneath the reassuring tone.

"And I'm glad that maybe I'm helpin' you too, Livy. It's good to know I'm not the only one here gettin' somethin' positive outta this." He smiled down at her faintly, one hand stroking her hair. His eyes were back to normal - he wasn't being sensual or sexy, just as comforting as he could be.