opnet [OpNet] [Journal: Revenant] Something's Not Right

[Warren Verona]

Nov 3rd, 2017

Something's missing. Some would say I have it all. Money, Velvet, something resembling a 'normal' life... but there is something not right.

Since I left the WCK I haven't been 'Revenant'. I dormed down, I like to be dormed when I'm around Vie. She says Revenant's visage doesn't bother her, and I believe her, but it bothers me. I know Revenant and I am the same guy, like Bruce Wayne and Batman. He's the mask I wear to keep the world of light and joy at arms length.

Velvet is my light and joy now, so I've been trying to keep her as close as I possibly can to me. She accepts me, loves me and believes in me.

I don't know... maybe it's time to hang up the cape and cowl. With Vivi at my side there is no reason for Revenant to come out.

It makes sense I suppose. A Revenant is a spirit who has returned to avenge something. His work is done I suppose. There no one left for him to prove himself to, there are none left who can challenge him, and there is no power left for him to acquire.

Yes. I've made my mind up. It's time to put Revenant to rest, once and for all.

I no longer need to hide behind the masque of death.

~Verona, Warren J.

[Warren Verona]

Nov 21st, 2017

My head's been bumping something fierce lately. Doctor says it's cool though. Most novas like myself who have rarely used their ability to go dormant often suffer from headaches or vertigo once they decide to spend too long that way. Or in my case, permanently.

Nothing major, he says they'll pass, especially for a guy like me who hasn't been dormed for more than a couple hours at a time for the last 20 years. I have to admit, the vertigo is sort of fun. It's like I'm buzzin'.

Violet keeps asking me why I haven't undormed in almost a month. I'm running out of answers and I think she knows I'm bullshitting her. I'm sorry Vie, I just need time to find the words that'll explain it.

She'd never accept me 'quitting' the whole Revenant thing. At least, I don't think she would. She says it's as much a part of who I am as dancing and carousing are to her. I have to do this though I think.

Everyone knows The Revenant, heck I know some mothers use him as a story to get their kids to behave. No one knows Warren Verona. I walked past Cade on the street yesterday, even said 'Excuse me." as I walked past him and he didn't even recognize me. As always he was polite as could be, but I walked away with such rush of exhilaration.

He didn't know me. This is my chance to just start over, to forget all the evil things I've done and just be a normal guy, the guy I was never given the chance to be.

Let the world blame Revenant, and while it's busy blaming him and hating him in the corners of their mind they'll have no idea that I've started my new life, free of their judgment and hateful stares.

Thanksgiving is coming up; Violet is having dinner with her mother. She still wants me to meet her, but I'm not ready. Family is an odd subject for me and I'm thankful she understands my hesitation to meet her mother. I will eventually Vie, I promise.

Mom, wherever you are, I'm sorry. Not a day goes by I don't think about you and what I did. I hope you can forgive me.

~Verona, Warren J.

[Warren Verona]

Dec 1st, 2017

Violet's Thanksgiving went well, that's cool. She said her mother seems interested in meeting me. Violet talked me up I think, she's had pretty bad luck with relationships in the past. Bikers, alcoholics, criminals, those kind of guys. Hell, I'm all three. I wonder why she sees me as an 'upgrade'? Oh well, she does and it's good enough for me.

Her mother prolly won't like me and that's cool I guess. Can't please everyone, I just hope that Violet doesn't let her low opinion of me get between us. Parents can do that sometimes, and I guess I'm a little scared of that.

Okay, I'm a lot of scared of that.

I found a job. Nothing great, but it'll help me pass the time. Chi Town Auto Body was looking for an engine specialist. I'm not certified but the guy was cool enough to let me come in and work a day for him just to show him what I could do.

I'm still a nova, and dorming down doesn't shut off everything. I can work all day and barely feel tired (I just need to sleep more now), and I also possess strength that's on par with Olympic class weight lifters save for where they might strain or falter I can lift it with little difficulty.

I tried to go easy on the strength thing, but being able to carry a transmission like its only 50lbs. is a great help, I'll admit that. Needless to say he was impressed, so I'm making $17.80/hr for something that is easy as pie for me.

I have to go back to the doctor today, headaches are gone, but I'm still suffering from vertigo from time to time. I haven't told Violet, but I'm seeing things. In mirrors, windows, my dreams... he's there: Revenant.

I think my head is just playing games, psychological stuff from living as Revenant for so long my body and mind just don't know how to quit. It reminds me of before, when I used to hear the voices of my sins speaking to me. Before Violet erected the shields in my mind that blocked them out I used to always hear voices tempting me and guiding me down the path of the monster.

They (it?) wanted me to take all my anger and frustration out on the world around me. To punish them for the things that were stripped away from me when I erupted as a child. Without Violet and help from friends(?) I may never had gotten through it.

I guess I owe you for that Wakinyan. Were it not for our battle I never would have seen just how dangerous of a man I was. All that destruction and for what? To win? I was a fool. Rest well Wakinyan, I know your soul will find peace. Trust me, I'm an expert in that department.

Violet hasn't strengthened the shielding in my mind for over a month, and I feel fine. Save for the dorming issues. I'm cured I think. They never existed; I was only being swayed by my own inner demons, by Revenant's inner demons.

I'm not that man anymore, Revenant's demons are not, and never were my own. He can't screw my life up any more.

~Verona, Warren J.