opnet [OpNet] D'OH moments!

[Ward]

I mentioned once that it was hard to be a bad ass down in the deep tanks when your voice sounds like a cartoon character on an adrenaline high. It comes from substituting helium in the air for the normal quantity of nitrogen found in places that aren't pressurized like the deep tanks. Nuts and bolts diving stuff but its important to a point here.

A few months back, as a contribution to the Devries toy and novelty line, I had to design a toy. Not that it was a moral imperative, but it was either me or Dr Alinsky and as I was her intern I designed the toy. I did some research, decided most toys are crap but figured kids still love to pretend. Anything that let's them pretend is probably going to sell so after many false starts I came up with my idea. I created a voice synthesizer that fits in the kiss spot at the base of the throat. Unlike most of the voice distorters out on the market, this one learns the user's voice then harmonizes with it to create a passable imitation of any of ten voices stored in the chip. So when the kids decide to play Elites versus Clumsy Utopian Lacky Number Seven, the elites can sound just like Lance Stryker or Totentanz complete with accents. The company wanted to expand the line of voices but I was already deep into weapons research so I sold them the rights to the template algorithms and forgot about it until yesterday.

Some new arrivals showed up in the tanks. After I give my usual welcome to hell speech, one starts asking me questions in a normal speaking voice. Turns out she's got one of these toys, programmed with her own voice so she can speak normally down in the tanks. She told me later its a hot seller this Christmas season. Popular not only with kids but with entertainers and people that would like a voice more masculine or feminine than the one they were born with. So long story short; a toy I designed is about to become standard issue in the tanks.

I don't even get points or a royalty check off this. Ain't that a bitch? Oh yeah. The point. The point is never sell what you can lease, and never lease what you can keep proprietary.

[Warren Verona]

And we give a shit about this why?

What makes you think I give a rats ass what you do in those tanks of yours? Get out, get a fuckin' life and quit spoutin' ingnorant BS. Boo flippin' Hoo you didn't get yer royalties, really, I'm crushed.

[Ward]

Actually its called opnet. Billions of computer systems, varying from the funcationally archaic to jagged bleeding edge. All kicking up signal even when those systems aren't proactively projecting thoughts, delusions or dream around the planet. Since the aggregate of all of this would be a deafening mess to anyone not possessing a frightening intelligence I wouldn't want to deal with, we learn to pick and choose what we want to partake of. Why would I think you care? Because you took the time to read it then decided to respond. Someone who doesn't care just bleeps right on by, or if they've made a mistake doesn't compound the error by interacting. If this, then that.

Nice of you to stop by and share your perspective though. I hope we can do it again sometime. Take care. Its been a pleasure.

Oh, and I really like your avatar. Very colorful.

[Jager]

Hey Ward, life is a learning curve. It's great that you created something that found an unintended creative purpose. That's its own kind of magic. Thanks for the tale.

[Ward]

Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time to read Jager.

The real suckie thing about this whole affair is I threw the damn thing away. Oh sure I got paid for it, at scale rates, but I really screwed the dog. Who knew anyone was going to like the thing let alone find something useful to do with it? At least I can put it on my resume. If I ever get tired of pressurized living in tin cans I can always get a job with Mattel or Novation.