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[OpNet] David Devlin, "Mr. Charm School"

Zeke Ryder

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She's so happy tonight. She's glad my attentions are elsewhere, and that there's hope I might get out of the house, maybe meet someone else. She doesn't want to leave me, or take someone for herself, she just simply wants a break.

Stuff like this has filled every Playboy letter since the 1950s. It's supposed to be every man's fantasy. So why does it make my heart break just a little?

Because the rules of decency and love and respect don't change. Even when the one you love is almost sixty years younger than you, and you can see her aging, and you suddenly aren't. Even though you can sing like no one else, whereas twelve years before you couldn't carry a tune if it had a handle. Even if you get to go all over the world and have people freak out about you like you're a new messiah, and the one you love stays at home because she doesn't handle travel well. Even if you have every reason to believe you'll outlive her...

Funny, I Erupted because I couldn't live without her, to become the man she wanted me to be. Now I'm so much so that she can't handle it anymore, even though letting go would kill her. It's always the case that your wishes come true when what you really need is something else.

Miles Davis and John Coltrane were meant for nights like this.

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And then...there's the other question, the big elephant in the room that can't budge.

We've certainly practiced enough with getting her pregnant, so why no kids? Before I got her back, I'd never considered any more children, seeing how my last two turned out. But with her, I could see a better future than I had any right to expect. So why no little ones running around?

All I've read tells me it's just a nova thing: we're so accelerated that we just don't put our biological emphasis on reproduction. But somehow, given that our nodes are just so much wish fulfillment compressed to the size of a pea and stuck inside our brains, that explanation doesn't satisfy me.

I'd be a fool to say having a child would fix what's wrong with us, but that's not why either of us want to try. I'm sure she just wants us to have a family, and I'm certainly ready to give it one more shot. Even if we had to split up, we'd still keep together and care for each other for the kids.

Can't believe I just wrote that. But that's about where we are, right now. I think I need to go for a long drive somewhere.

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