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[Fiction] Wakinyan-Nightmare Fuel


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The silver Lexus pulled to a stop in front of the cabin. Two men, almost identically dressed in shiny blue suits, differentiated by only hair color and different colored “power” ties stepped out. “Alright Kirk, remember, this is our shot. No one has this guy under contract yet. We can get him for next to nothing. I mean, look at this place.”, he said indicating a less than impressed reaction to the rustic settings.

Kirk smiled, “Don’t worry Tony, don’t worry. I got it and well get him. Game face on? Okay, then lets do this.” Neither man noticed the rustling in the trees behind them or the heavy musk smell of some great beast.

The two men walked up to the door and politely rapped. They could hear shuffling from within. Moments passed and no one came to the door. Tony knocked again, a bit more forcefully, “Excuse us, Mr. Thunder-Hawk? Jacob Thunder-Hawk? We’re hear to speak to you and your son?” Footsteps trumped toward the door and it opened. Standing there was an older man, small and bent but seemingly possessing a bit of steel within.

“Of course you want to speak to Totem, my grandson. Why else would you be out her in that silly car for?” The old man’s voice totally belied any sense of infirmity. This was a man who could scold a dragon. Or, as the case may be, a griffin.

“Okay we really need to see your grandson, Sir.” Tony spoke with a smile on his face that stretched ear to ear. It made him look friendly, or so he thought. Totem’s grandfather thought it made him look every other white businessman that came up here after Totem, stupid and dishonest.

“And why must you see Totem?” Anyone who truly cared to listen would have noticed that Jacob’s voice was tired and simply going through the motions. Kirk Thomas and Tony Thompson didn’t really care to listen.

“Well, we’ve got an idea that we think he’ll just love.” Tony’s smile broadened even wider and Jacob began to wonder if Tony’s smile could actually wrap around his entire head and meet in the back.

“Really?”, again, Kirk and Tony simply seemed unable, or unwilling to hear the tone of disinterest in Jacob’s voice.

“Oh yes. Those ads he did for the SUV had very high recognition scores. He’s got an incredible Q rating considering his public exposure’s actually been pretty limited.”, Kirk finally spoke up and his voice seemed almost absurdly giddy with excitement. Perhaps he thought his tone of voice would be infectious. It certainly did make Jacob feel ill.

“Ah yes, Q score.”

“Um, rating.”, Kirk corrected him, not even having the decency to speak with respect.

“Of course. Rating. Please forgive this old man, I am untrained in the ways of your highly technical white world.” Even sarcasm seemed lost on these silly wasicu.

“Oh, no problem. None at all. But see, we’ve got a concept for an entire ad campaign for Stone Mountain Hunting, Inc.”

“Hunting equipment?”

“Yeah, hunting equipment. Best money can buy.”, Kirk was getting really pumped up, “You see, we picture Totem, laying on the ground in front of some guy decked out in the whole slippers and smoking jacket look. Kind of like Totem’s a bear rug. Funny eh? Then he lifts his head up and says ‘Hey, what could I do? He shopped at Stone Mountain.’ It will be huge. We’ve got a whole line of ads planned. He could be the next Taco Bell dog!”

Jacob had enough he turned around and stomped through his door, slamming it.

Tony looked to Kirk, “What’s the old geezer’s problem?”

Without warning a deafening roar split the mountain air. Birds took to the air. Animals ran for cover. And the bowels of Tony and Kirk emptied themselves. Before they could even react a beast from their nightmares burst from the trees and roared at them once again. To say that they screamed like children would to do disservice to those brave youngsters of the world. As the monster loomed over them, a musk wafted around them that informed their olfactory senses that their ears had not lied, death was with them and it was pissed.

The door flew open from behind them, “Run, run you foolish white men! He hungers! He rages!” Jacob shouted at them, waving his walking stick, looking all the world like a prophet of doom. A prophet of Tony and Kirks’ doom.

The monster that they only could assume was Totem spun around, turning away from them and apparently spotted something that interested him more than the two stinking, screaming men. He bunched his shoulders up and with a graceful leap landed on top of the silver Lexus parked in the clearing. His actions seemed confusing until he started to slam his pelvis into the back of the vehicle. Each thrust brought forth a cry of twisted metal and shattered plastic.


Jacob rushed forward to take in the scene and turned towards the men, “It’s worse than I feared. He hungers not for blood, but for a mate.” Jacob nearly flew back into the cabin and locked the door. His muffled yelling could be heard from within, “Flee, flee now you stupid wasicu!! He will have you for his women!!”

That was all that was required. As frightened and terrified that Kirk and Tony may have been, the knowledge that if they were to stay frozen in place they would be used in a way horrific to many men under the most of circumstances. The concept of that act being perpetrated upon their defenseless rears by a monster who’s penis likely weighed as much as either of them would terrify even the most experienced rent-boy in all of Fire Island. They ran screaming into the woods.

Moments passed and silence fell. Totem stopped dry humping the now decimated luxury sedan and peered into the woods, looking for the men. Jacob poked his head out of the cabin, “Are they gone yet?”

A hearty chuckle escaped Totems throat, “Yep, fastest white men I’ve ever seen, Grandad.”

Both of them started to laugh, long and hard. Sometimes you have to find your humor where you can.

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