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[OpNet] It's been awhile.


Wakinyan

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I know it has been a long time but I wanted to get some of my thoughts down.

I sat in Yokohama today in a little sushi shop. The owner cleared space at the bar just for me to fit inside and sit down. Everyone was warm and friendly to me. I felt the normal stares but not the fear which was a nice change. I had all the Kaiten Sushi and all the Soba I wanted. The people here are great though I noticed I formed a crowd quickly. It was strange though. They didnt climb over one another to ask for autographs. They just all watched me quietly speaking to each other. Odd but far more peaceful that I am used to.

Yasukuni.... I can't stop thinking about what happened there. Did I touch the past or did I touch the dead? Does that line even really exist. I hope no one was insulted, I don't know the customs here very well. Though I don't know what kind of customs cover communicating with the dead.

I have some concern that I don't have a lot of choice on when it happens. Even now I see people out of place in time walking the streets I think the power might be growing in me. I guess it is something I am going to have to get used to.

I finished my meal but I couldn't pay for it. The owner insisted it was free. I probably ate twenty thousand Yen worth of food but I am sure it would have been insulting to force payment. I did at least give him a Lakota prayer before I left. He looked very happy so I guess no one lost anything.

I think about Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Part of me wants to go there but I have to say I am a bit worried about what I will see. Maybe I will go up north to Hokkaido for awhile first and think things over. I have heard it is still rather untamed as far as Japan goes.

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Totem, is this your first active ability outside of your camoflage? From anecdotal evidence, you seem to control that ability on an instinctual level. If this is the same, then you aren't likely to get lost in these abilities.

You might want to learn self control and self discipline. If these abilities you've gained are acting like natural responses for you, then you will need to learn to meditate and alter your consciousness to control them.

And you just happen to be in exactly the right part of the world to best learn those abilities.

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I was just remarking on the fact that, when he was expressing some extreme views on skimming the gene pool, you didn't have a comment. Now you're concerned.

A lot of people died in the fireball. Is that more impressive than those that died later from burns or wasted away from radiation sickness? For me the big take-away is that people died, not what the tool de jur was.

Maybe it looks different to a tech head.

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You know, I just want to say that I take a lot of crap for saying I'm an elemental or a flame spirit. People tell me, no, no, no, no, that's not possible.

But Totem here sees the spirits of the dead and nobody criticizes him one lick about whether or not this is just a scientific phenomena induced by psychological desire or malady, they're just quick to accept what is obviously a supernatural occurrence and warn him away from a spiritual hotbed.

Sheeshz. Make up your freaking minds already.

Sorry for highjacking your journal, schnookems.

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I never said you were crazy. But I would be looking at that, and other possibilities, before I started encouraging what might be just someone's craziness.

You seem like an extreme kind of guy, Totem. I just can't figure out why she's only now starting to worry about your sanity. You talking about killing people wasn't enough to rate a comment but seeing dead people is?

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Killing is easy. When they wont go away even after they are dead it becomes a problem. Every moment you live you are killing something Tarot. Your very existence means the end of something else.

Am I crazy I might be. Might it be from my taint? I wouldn't be suprised. Might I have been before I erupted? Could be. Doesn't really change much the ghosts still whisper and they dont seem to care whether I am sane or not. Sometimes being crazy helps..

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Quote:
Originally posted by Totem:
Killing is easy.
Let me know how it feels when you get the short stick then. I'd be curious to know if the view changes. And I'm not stupid. I even realize meat doesn't grow in those little plastic packages at the market. There is still a huge difference between something dying just because I exist and someone being murdered because it works out better for me.
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Once again you just prove how clueless you are Tarot. You kill things just by breathing because it works out better for you. You step on ants, you inhale spiders in your sleep. If you interact with this world in the slightest way you kill.

Now instead of just blurting out every ten seconds how violence is bad and killing is bad. Why not take some time to think of what is valued in life. I know what I value in life and I know what I take away if I have to, every animal I have ever killed I have said a prayer for. Believe it or not to my knowledge I have never killed a human being.

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(temporary hijacking for a response)

Juri, maybe its because they want to believe in Totem, but don't want to believe you.

After all, you came along first with the "I think it would be cool to be a nova" when you already were one, then you came out of the closet and trumpeted the "I'm a self-made nova unlike all you Quantum Accidents" bullshit.

Totem comes across as a teenage kid who transformed into a Gryphon-esque nova and has been honestly dealing with what comes his way. He is as nice a guy in person as he is on the Opnet (for a teenage guy).

You can come across as a punk-ass bitch (though you aren't) at times.

(End hijack)

Totem, there is still so much we don't know about ourselves and existance. So much is still a matter of faith, if one choses to believe.

Sometimes you have to go with what feels right.

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Juri, as you have just pointed out, people are complicated.

Don't put it past them to call Totem a New Age Shaman (gasp ... he's Native American after all) but your just a little girl running away from your scientific reality. wink

Despite the fact that you do a Walking, Talking Burning Bush routine with flames that DO NOT BURN. laugh

Life can be so unfair at times. Othertimes, people can help make it that way.

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Quote:
Originally posted by Jager:
Juri, as you have just pointed out, people are complicated.

Don't put it past them to call Totem a New Age Shaman (gasp ... he's Native American after all) but your just a little girl running away from your scientific reality. wink
Oh yeah, because Native Americans and Australian Aborigines know secrets that the "civilized" people of the world have no clue over.

You're hitting on one of my biggest points of contention with the magickal world, Jager.

Jeez, schnookems, I think we need to take this out of your journal. Sorry.
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Clueless am I. Sans clues. Possessing not a single databyte of information that might illuminate. Your conscience is clean but you really enjoy spouting off like there isn't a difference between the microbe that died after I inhaled and me going after the restraunteur with a streetsweeper for ripping me off by taking 16% for his tip instead of 15%.

So how is that aggression thing working out for you? wink

I do get it though. It took me a while but I got it. You enjoy needling the newb. Cool. You did have me going for a while though. I really thought you were a psycho for a hot minute.

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I gotta agree with the clueless part, Tarot. You really seem to be ...

Tarot, if you ever want to not be noticed as a nova, can you? Or, for that matter, been confused for another beautiful, talented nova?

Every second of every day, Totem is Totem and recognizably so. He doesn't enjoy the options left open for the rest of us "normal"-looking novas.

Spend a few days walking with him and watching the inadvertent fear in people's eyes as he goes by. Deal with the reality that with his size and appearance there are places he can't go to anymore.

People look at me (and if I'm recognized) and are pleased as punch to see me. I'm the nova healer.

They see Totem and you can see the ones who are terrified that he might be hungry.

Its a whole different world with an entirely different set of problems.

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Quote:
Originally posted by Juri 'Salamander' McClendon:
Not buying it, Jager. You can't say that novas are a scientific phenomena and then say that quantum expression gives you the ability to manipulate the world of magic.
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” -Arthur C. Clarke
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Read this whole thing before you go off again, Doc.

First, get off it. Read through his posts from the last two weeks and tell me the man writing it doesn't come off as a basket case looking for an excuse to kill something. Tell me you would know something more just from reading the posts.

Is he? Seems not. The man that seemed like the biggest jerk in the world, Jager, says he's a nice guy. And look at you. Would you even be bothering to comment on this if you didn't think he was a nice guy? Not someone to be pitied or afraid of but a genuinely nice guy. And then there's Sakurako, who is frightened for him but didn't have much to say during the psycho killer conversations.

I get it. He's not that. He's angry, venting and you all know him well enough to understand that. Just back off a little and recognize that that not everyone knows what you know. And since he is a nice guy he knew exactly what he sounded like to someone that didn't know him. He didn't care. No, I don't know him and am just going off what he's posting but HELL NO does having a bad life mean I'm suppose to sit here meekly while he goes off saying things I think are morally reprehensible. Okay, I get it that he's not serious. I get it that he thinks there's nothing wrong with saying the things he does because he has no intention of actually going off and killing people for stupid reasons.

And yes, I get that he has a bad life and that excuses everything because you know he's not serious.

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Quote:
Originally posted by Neil Preston:
I gotta agree with the clueless part, Tarot. You really seem to be ...

Tarot, if you ever want to not be noticed as a nova, can you? Or, for that matter, been confused for another beautiful, talented nova?

Every second of every day, Totem is Totem and recognizably so. He doesn't enjoy the options left open for the rest of us "normal"-looking novas.

Spend a few days walking with him and watching the inadvertent fear in people's eyes as he goes by. Deal with the reality that with his size and appearance there are places he can't go to anymore.

People look at me (and if I'm recognized) and are pleased as punch to see me. I'm the nova healer.
They see Totem and you can see the ones who are terrified that he might be hungry.

Its a whole different world with an entirely different set of problems.
Oh, Neal you see one nova that doesn't look human act like he looks,and so all novas must do so? I have seen what he is capable of doing when he losses his temper,and I have seen him do so more than once. But wait, he is not human looking,and there are places and things he can't go or do. Well, I do not look like a beast, but I do not look human either. I can't go many places either. I can't do many things either.I have to say that my life hasn't been the best either. I just tend not to put myself up on a cross because I am treated the way I act.

Neal, Totem may well be blowing hot air.You may well be protecting your friend. I do not really know either of you well enough to make that call, but I can tell you that Totem has problems. He needs to deal with them,and if needs be I will do what I said I would.
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