[Fiction] Patches of Normalcy

[Lou Anne Burgess]

“Surrendering responsibility is something that rarely creates healthy growth. I was mad at Wakinyan at first because following my interpretation of his advice or warning put me into the position I was trying to avoid. Once I came to my senses though, he didn’t do anything other than give me a warning, I chose to act on it."

"So I can surrender responsibility and stay mad at him, or realize that I did it and get over it. If I don't get over it though, everything's potentially poisoned. Speaking of your brother, since you’ll likely talk to him long before I will, would you please thank him for his warning. While it didn’t actually keep me out of harm, it did help keep me alive.”

“Is the quantum genie as fickle as legends say the folklore genies are? If so, then I’m probably sorely screwed.” She seemed to have gotten back into a good mood again. “So just practice ‘til I can’t practice no more and then pray I don’t drown going to Rio? In all seriousness, I’m just trying to get better understanding and control of what I already can do. I’ll worry about listening to the Genie’s whispers when my life’s a little more balanced.”

Her face mask of seriousness she replied, “As for helping others, you’re right, it is very simple. Have furniture, will travel.” She attacked her food with gusto.

[Neil Preston]

Neil waits for several mouthfuls to be eaten and digetsted before offering up another comment.

"My brother evokes contadictory responses to be sure. A great power moves through his young head and he reaches for much. He has certainly pushed himself in directions I would not want to go, and I don't envy him the tools he has picked up along his chosen pathway."

Neil seems to consider something while eating another mouthful.

"I don't envy him, but I don't discount him either."

Neil looks over at his collegue,

"If we are lucky, people won't be discounting you, either. They won't dream too much for you, nor will they dream you too little. You'll find that happy medium between what you feel you can do and what the world suspects you are capable of."

[Lou Anne Burgess]

“Wouldn’t being discounted have some advantages though, particularly if it helps you maintain some space between what the world suspects you can do and what you really can do? Or is that the wrong way to think about it?” She finishes the last of her salad and sighs.

“It’s going to take me the rest of this week to get things wrapped up here in town. Maybe next week I can actually relax some and practice on getting to Rio and see you there? Any words of wisdom you can impart before I have to think about the paperwork grind again?”

[Neil Preston]

Neil looks down at his lap before looking back into Lou Anne's eyes. He holds a haunted expression for her to see.

"As both a physician and a nova healer, we both know that time will come when the loved one of a patient doesn't understand you can't work their miracle. Worse, eating right there at the back of your mind, you know the power exists just beyond your grasp to make their fantasy a reality. I think you've dealt with a bit of that from the opposite side of the problem ... helping people get over an imagined dependance on a nova. Except this time you will be that nova, and you'll know how close you are to that power."

Neil sights.

"That's the hardest part for me to deal with."

Neil looks down once again before returning his gaze to Lou Anne.

"Get yourself some Administrative Assistance. Make them as close as family, because the best ones will be that way to you. Three should do once you get going."

[Lou Anne Burgess]

There’s a look of concern for Neil on Lou Anne’s face when he finishes talking. “Hey Neil, ease up on yourself! Other than regeneration, I didn’t get any healing abilities from my eruption, so in that regard, I can only fully understand the physician’s standpoint. But from that standpoint, you and I both know that close and on the horizon might as well not exist. Drug companies and equipment manufacturers might want to convince people that nothing is impossible, but sometimes Panaceia withholds her favor and there’s nothing we can do about it. I assume from what you said that ‘being a nova’ is even less excuse to loved ones than a normal doctor faces for that failure, regardless of what the nova in question can really do or not.”

“But relatively speaking, paraphrasing that old Bill Murray movie really is appropriate here. You're A god, You're not The God. I know the heartache of losing a patient, I also know that you lose far fewer patients than most of the other MSF personnel I can think of. I hope the miracles you can pull out of thin air help that guilt and disappointment at least a little.” She still looks concerned. “If you ever need to talk about it, let me know. I’d be more than happy to repay the favor. Okay?”

Neil continues talking and she sighs, “Administrative assistants, yeah, that will probably be a necessary evil at this point. Moth couldn’t handle the angry callers and needed to get home, I doubt it’s going to be any easier on her after this. Now I get to drive other people insane with trying to understand me, great. I guess you keep your assistants stashed away here on campus where the psych under grads can work with them and get practice?” She smiled hoping he’d cheer up some.

[Neil Preston]

"I let the University to find me a good mix of students to work with. Sociologists, Pre-Meds, and even Stat majors all work well."

Neil sits back and thinks a second.

"Groundhog Day is one of my Dad's favorite movies. He says it tells us a good deal about the quality of life. That's something I love the most about the MSF is what it makes all of us reach for."

"As for my assistance, they are gathered by my student faculty advisor. They get to sort through the various requests we get and prioritize the cases for either my review or another MD's review. I, in turn, devote my worktime to the problems at hand, and record my field notes for translation for peer review. It's what they designed for me and I don't see any reason it shouldnt' work for you as well."

[Lou Anne Burgess]

"It sounds like you would collapse under the weight of paperwork if you didn't have people to help out. What kinds of requests do you get exactly that requires a staff that large? For that matter, how many consulting doctors do you work with? This is all based on the aforementioned research that you're doing and were suggesting for me?"

Lou Anne looks mildly horrified. "If that's the case I may have a harder time figuring what I want to do than I thought. Not that I'm allergic to paperwork mind you, that's just," she pauses, "excessive. On that same note, it pretty much brings me in a grand circle back to the point in my life where I decided to become a doctor and/or shrink specializing in my field. If irony were salable, I'd never have to worry about money again. Eighteen years later, here I go again." Lou Anne chewed the last of her salad thoughtfully.

[Neil Preston]

"Lou Anne, it is just that so many of us sign those grandiose contracts with their exclusivity that bites people like me in the ass. Me, and people like me, end up working for the dozens of under funded institutes of higher learning as well as cash-strapped Health Departments over the globe that need our help, but can't pay too much ... if at all. Its not too bad though. In a given day, I'll consult on about 20 doctoral dissertations, 10 diagnoses verifications, and assist in 1 to 4 surgeries ... and that's just what gets routed to my server. These are the time/patient critical cases that get submitted to JH that the board feels needs a nova's touch."

"I give them a rough idea of how much work I'll be putting in during a given month and they make the heartbreaking choices on what does and doesn't' get to me."

Neil reaches out and attempts to stroke Lou Anne's hand in a comforting gesture.

"Right off the top, you know how much the world needs you. It needs you a whole lot more than you can give. You've got to find a way to channel that need constructively. You've got to remember that you need to wake up still loving this as much as you did when the words I want to be a doctor first rolled off your tongue. The help is there. Take it."

[Lou Anne Burgess]

"That doesn't sound as bad as the lead up had been sounding. For a minute though I was thinking I'd developed Time Travel and no one had realized it; me least of all." She smiles though it's obviously partially for show. "And I know that liking what you do is important, you just were making it sound like a complete reversal away from dealing with people and into dealing with paper. I've got enough paper with my name on it that Pax might get a hernia, going that route is not what I want to do. Amazingly, Sylvan cracked me on the head with it last week and that's why I'm in as good a shape as I am now."

"On the positive side, at least travel within the contiguous United States shouldn't be a problem." Her smile this time was more genuine. "And with luck, maybe I can stop racking up the Frequent Flyer miles going to Europe too. One thing at a time though."

[Neil Preston]

"You teleport, is that correct?"

"Because my fiance teleports and she's just started Pre-Med here at John H's, and the one getting me around for MSF ... which will be real handy. Not only will you know experts in some really varied fields, you'll also know which regions could use some well-timed advice before a crisis arises. In a way, I think we are almost wasted in a standard practice. We do so much more real work were it really matters thanks to both our nodes and the Opnet."

Neil's face lights up even more.

"Oh, and you will find out that you gain so much more access now to some of those people you need to push to get things done. You lay down the sacred mantra of I'm the nova working on this and people will snap to and start helping out. Yeah, I know its a node-scam, but its something we can use for Good, so I accept it now. To me, its a small price to pay to get a shipment of di-hydrochloride netting to an outbreak of Denge Fever before it becomes an outbreak."

Neil cocks his head questioningly.

"I imagine you've come at this phenom from the other side too, haven't you? Why does that nova get all that attention when I'm doing some real work over here?"

Neil shakes his head.

"Well, you're on the novas side of that line now. Its going to take some adjusting to, no doubt. What I should be asking is, what can I do for you?"

[Lou Anne Burgess]

"Yeah, teleport with cargo, telekinesis, I'm a one woman relief flight, with an M.D. no less. And I agree that the normal concept of a practice probably isn't practical. That's why I wanted to talk to you about what my options were so that I can afford to do what I want, but still eat." She looks sadly at the nearly empty tray. "Meeting experts sounds fun, so does branching out."

"I don't know that I want to have anything to do with any scams, node related or not. But if I can take away excuses, that's a different matter. And you're right, I know the other side of the nova flaunting what they can do and screwing over everyone that's actually worked their butts off far too well." She looked mad and hurt for a moment, but dismissed it. "But that's another story for another time, I've revisited it too much lately. As far as adjusting, that'll be a bit easier, I'm just a normal doctor who can do other stuff. With practice I might be able to work without a bunch of assistants, but that's something for later."

"Now, about this other little fact you threw out?" Lou Anne looked at him funny at first but started smiling as she continued, "Fiancée, thought I wouldn't notice you slipping that by? Were you planning to announce this publicly or did I just miss the announcement? So who is the lucky lady so I can offer her my congratulations?"

[Neil Preston]

You might not know that Neil Preston was a man truly and deeply in love, but multiple key senses would have to fail you first. The very mention of fiance brings a smile to his face and light to his eyes.

"Yeah ... Nova ... that's her name, Nova. She's a new student here. She was already doing Recovery and Triage with us in Kyrgyzstan and decided that she could do even more as a full-on physician."

Neil's gaze drifts softly up and miles away.

"Beyond that, she's smart, funny, intelligent, athletic, beautiful, and engaging," Neil looks seriously at Lou Anne, "and I haven't a clue what she sees in me, but I'm smart enough not to press my luck. She's everything I could imagine a mate and a partner being. Its like I didn't know what I was missing until she showed up, but now I don't know what I would do without her. She completes me so."

Neil smiles shyly,

"I imagine you already know what that's like, though."

[Lou Anne Burgess]

Lou Anne watches Neil's mind drift away to thoughts of his lady love and she smiles. When he gets serious and self-disparaging her smile turns amused and then mock-disapproving. "You're right, you're obviously not good enough for her. But, I guess you lucked out. Looks like Aphrodite worked you over too, didn't just smack you in the head like most but paid special attention to you. In a case like that, what can you do?" She smiled broadly again. "We should get over to the burn unit, after your declaration of love for her I'm sure she's suffering third degree burns to her ears."

"I do know what it's like. It's refreshing seeing you, pardon the expression, 'kids' that have been together for a comparatively short time though. We've been married eleven years and I wouldn't trade it for the world."

"I'll opmail you about anything else, I don't want to risk pushing you off of the cloud you're on, that's a long way down. Were you going to surprise her with being here or did she know you were coming up this way today? Her name's really Nova?" Lou Anne appears lost in thought a moment, "Nova Madigan aka Flicker or someone else?"

[Neil Preston]

Neil blushes.

"Yeah ... I got pretty clobbered alright." He lets the comment quiet off then adds,

"Eleven years and counting. Your not doing too shabby yourself."

Neil helps Lou Anne clean the table up and move the trays to their appointed place.

"Nova Madigan aka Flicker ... yes indeed. You married a Racheal, right? How has she been dealing with the news and the changes?"

[Lou Anne Burgess]

Lou Anne nods, "Yes, Rachel's from Boston actually. Amazingly, she's been handling this better than I have, once she found out I wasn't dead or in a coma at least. Apparently the initial news when M. Urman called was incomplete and she didn't know what to expect when she got to Paris."

Lou Anne and Neil walk outside into the afternoon heat. "She's been trying to help me put it in perspective and keep me grounded. But she's been getting ready for her classes to start though, so I've tried not to bother her too much with it. So, I guess we'll be meeting Flicker when we come to visit you in Rio?"

[Neil Preston]

"I certainly hope so, though she's going to be hitting the books pretty hard, I bet. She's in an accelerated program geared toward novas. Still, its really just a phone call and a thought away, and we'd love to have you down anytime."

Neil looks around campus whistfully.

"Give me some warning, though, and I'll try to wrestle something up in the kitchen. One of the hidden skills I picked up with MSF is how to cook in a dozen differnt cultures and curse in twice as many more."

Neil looks around.

"Any place I can walk you to? My day is pretty clear."

[Lou Anne Burgess]

“The only place I have to go is back to the office, and that’s no hurry. How about we walk down to Lexington Market and browse the shops? It’s not too far and if we take too long, I can get you back to campus fast.” She grinned. It was a good walk, but the myriad of vendors of both food and non-food gave them plenty to see. It was late afternoon when they left the area to return to Hopkins they reached the campus a little while before Flicker’s class let out. Lou Anne and Neil said goodbye. She disappeared with a slight pop, the scent of roses hung in the air all around Neil for a moment marking her passing.

Returning to the office, Lou Anne turned off the alarm and sat heavily in her chair. The list of requests stared at her, daring her to act on them. She succumbed for a while, working until the bulk of the rush hour would be over. Returning home she made a large dinner and called Rachel at home. It was something normal and even though she felt much better about herself and her future than she had when she came down to Baltimore on Sunday, these normal things comforted her immensely.