[Fiction] Another Zach Bronstein Interview!!

[N News Service]

Well greetings maggots. It is I, your Pulitzer Prize winning Journalistic God, Zachary Lionel Bronstein. Back from the booby hatch and itching to get my hands dirty with ink.

Well, not ink so much as we are trapped in this soulless age of OpNet hell, but we will discuss that another time.

I AM BACK!!! Better than ever and twice as nasty. Well, fine, better is a tad much. I still have a nasty twitch in my right eye and I am currently on enough Xanex4 to mellow out a squad of rampaging cheerleaders. But, what can one expect when some vengeful quantum fueled Fury unleashes her presence on you? Enough about me, this is about my return to Journalism!!

We come back to you today with a soft piece, speaking to one not too secretive and easily reached if you use the words "booze', "coke' and "pussy' enough times in a single sentence. This Elite (notice the capital, I've been informed that using the capital is a requirement of the interview.) has been on the scene for a number of years now and has recently moved into the N! Top Forty Badasses list of Elites with his defeat of The Conch while doing his latest tour of Kashmir. The Conch? Somebody pissed Bruce off. If you don't know whom I'm talking about you probably don't follow N! Elite heavy coverage, and if you don't, what the hell are you reading this for? Go see a ballet or something you educated twerp. But, for those of you do follow it, but are simply too stupid, which is most of you admittedly; I'll spell it out. Today, we are speaking with Vile Bill, vulgarian, letch, drug fiend and Elite.

Just in case this piece doesn't meet your stellar expectations I have only two things to say in my defense 1) Fuck you, you inbred, undereducated, glue sniffing morlock. 2) You try to write anything spectacularly brilliant after imbibing more alcohol and drugs than can be good for any five men. Apparently, when Bill parties, everybody parties. Luckily I'm translating this shit from tape, my notes look like Sanskrit.

Zach Bronstein-Well, Bill, you've cracked the Top Forty after more than a couple of years as an Elite. This is a tad unusual, most Elites who have been in the game this long either never get close to cracking the Top Forty simply due to the fact that their confrontational style is either not very confrontational, i.e. They are sneaky little bastards who don't rack up points kicking ass, or they are permanent second stringers, ubermensch when compared to baseline humans but more like Charlie the Prison Bitch when compared to the heavy hitters out there. Your rise in the ranks has been slow and steady, how come?

VileBill-Well, I gotta say its cuz I gots a fairly laid back attitude toward the whole thing little man. I mean, I go out and do the mud stomp with the best of them, but when it comes down to throwin down I prefer to take a fucker's mask rather than rip his brain out through his ears. Takin' masks just don't shoot you up the stats as quick as killin' a motherfucker. So, I got a pretty good success ratio on missions I go on, I don't often end up the loser in a fight, but, since I let the other sucker keep breathin, my place on N!'s board has always been a little shaky.

ZB-So, you are a softer, gentler Elite? Not to be talking over your head, but have you ever heard of an oxymoron?

VB-Listen chump, I ain't Joe College, but I ain't stupid neither. Yeah, I know what you're sayin' you're just not getting what I'm sayin. I ain't gentle, I'll pound skull and bust legs with a grin on mah face, it's just when it comes down to it, a sucker comes up against me it's easier to stop him than waste him. The Nasty Black just works that way.

ZB-Yes, the one expression of your quantum powers that is external, your "Nasty

Black' as you call it. You've been showcased in a few N! Specials on unusual nova powers, you know, the ones outside the seemingly common blasts of energy, force fields, modes of flight, etc. Your "Nasty Black' as you call it, is, well, disgusting as hell for one thing, but apparently fairly effective. Describe it for my fans Bill, if anything it might put them off their feed for a while.

VB-Yeah (chuckling) the Nasty Black got its name cuz that's what it is. Nasty as hell and blacker "n midnight in a coalmine. I dunno how it works; whenever the eggheads at DeVryes try to explain it I just start hummin a little George Jones and they eventually go away. I don't need to know how it works, it does. I'm a nova and that's what I do. Tryin' to spell it out just don't seem right. Well, whatever, what I do is I get a might rumbily in the gut and just puke out a big gout of black, tarry mess. It's all steamin and nasty smellin as hell. Thick and sticky it'll just smack some sumnabitch right off his feet and cover him in goo. Starts to harden right quick, slows em down a bunch. Then it comes the Nasty part. This one I did kind of listen too, the chemical makeup in the goo replicates some aspects of spider and snake venoms, real nasty neurochemical concoctions. There are like five or six poisons in the whole deal. Makes seeing anything difficult cuz light starts to hurt your eyes. Muscles don't work right. You get all dizzy n' shit. If you get dosed real good and you don't got much stamina or toughness going for ya, you gonna start pukin and going into convulsions.

ZB-Oh joy. And this doesn't just kill people outright? The equivalent of being bit by a ten foot tall black widow and no one just drops right dead?

VB-Well, it ain't designed for killin I guess. I dunno. Doc's said that I must not have wanted to kill the guys who jumped me when I erupted. Don't know why, cuz I personally remember wanting to rip their goddamn heads off. Now, I've hit some baselines and had them end up dyin on me, but every nova I wrap up in it just gets all messed up.

ZB-So, you merely render them incapacitated and steal their masks? Hence a slightly misleading placing on the Top Forty if you were to consider your actual success ratio.

VB-Damn straight. I guess I just don't see the reason in wasting another Elite simply because we're on opposite sides of the fence is all. I get paid shitloads, but not enough to completely be a bastard. Clients want death and death only; there are guys they can hire for that.

ZB-But you have killed some other Elites, names like BigGun Martinez, Super Demon Killer, and La Estrella Azul come to mind.

VB-Well, sometimes the Nasty Black don't work too good, the mission is on the line, the opposition just ain't gonna give in, and honestly, the guy is some ravin' nutjob or bloodthirsty fuck. That being the case, I start throwin down some serious shit. Maybe I was packin' some hard-core hardware like happened in BigGun's case or mebbe I just flat out knew that I had to kill him before he killed me as in SDK's case. Sometimes, well, shit just goes wrong like with Azul.

ZB-What happened? The footage showed you being fairly ineffective, the gun you were using was just bouncing off La Estrella Azul's “Aura of Virtue” and suddenly she was cut to pieces.

VB-I'm not too sure to be honest. But, that fight had been goin on for a hella long time. I was sweatin bullets. Most of the other Elites were out of juice already and had taken off. It was just me and her, each leading a couple squads of baseline soldiers. She was on the defense and couldn't let the compound fall and let her client get captured. We had enough firepower that his "copter couldn't take off so she had to hang around way too long. Maybe she just gave out, I don't know. From chattin with the energy throwers most of them tell me that you can tell before you run out. Maybe she hadn't ever run out. It's really a shame though, nice piece of trim that one. I still can't go anywhere in Panama to this day, she was real friggin popular with the locals there.

ZB-Well, lets change subjects. You've always been pretty outspoken, so lets get some of your thoughts on novas on the scene today.

VB-Kewl, fire "way.

ZB-Totentaz.

VB-Never talked with the guy outside an op, and then only twice. He don't party with my crowd.

ZB-Lance "The Stone Badass' Stryker

VB-Hard drinkin' sumnabitch, parties pretty good but we pretty much don't hang.

ZB-It's been rumored you've got a bit of a problem with Jack Chance, what about it?

VB-Naw, ain't got no issue with NoChance. He just stepped on mah toes in an op before and we kid each other now and agin. He's a good man. I'd get his back, and I'd trust him to get mine.

ZB-How about some Terats. Count Orzaiz, you both frequent the Amp Room, ever sat down and talked?

VB-Well, Count Oz and me, we gots lots in common. We shag lotsa baseline tail, party like there ain't tommorow and throw around cash. But, the man has style falling out his ass. We've talked some, but it ain't like I'm going over to his house and party. Real nice guy though, real nice.

ZB-Ashnod, she's been in the news of late.

VB-Oh hell, she's a pistol. Never had the chance to sit down and get all gossipy with her, but I'd like to. Guess she's a real smart gal, pretty into that whole political stuff and all.

ZB- More rumors, you had a bit of a go somewhere with a new nova. Little girl by the name of Endeavor?

VB-Ohhh, that twern't nothing. Little girl just got all uppity cuz she thought I was trying to climb in her skirt. Hell, I'm old enough to be her daddy. We cool now. Good thing she didn't lip off to somebody without a sense of humor. She's ain't bad, but she ain't much either. There are some hard guys out there who would have peeled her like a banana and just taken a few bites.

ZB-Okay, how about we make some attempt at turning this into a socially redeeming piece? There has been a lot of outcry against Elites as of late. Utopia claims that you are only prolonging conflicts that Utopian diplomats could handle quickly and simply if you weren't there to stir the waters. Terats have claimed that your entire profession is simply another form of slavery for baseline desires, with you being shackled by money and social demand rather than in chains of iron. You seem to be one of the Elites who really enjoys their job, what do you have to say about the detractors of your profession. Now, remember to keep the words small, don't want the readers heads to ignite.

VB- Thanks man, I'm glad you asked this because honestly, I been getting right pissed off about this whole shitstorm. Ok, lets talk about the Terats first, cuz them I don't got so much of a problem with. I ain't human. That much I know. I look in the mirror and I see black eyes that look like a couple scoops of frozen black crude. I crack a big "ol grin and I see gums that look like they were carved out of obsidian. My tongue is black and oily looking too. People get nervous when I walk in a room, and like we already mentioned, when you piss me off, if I don't beat you down with anything handy, like a Cadillac, I'll puke up some of the nastiest shit on the planet and make you wish you were dead. That ain't human and anyone who says I'm just a human with a little extra ain't got a good handle on what human means. So, when the Terats start their “We are the One Race” chant, that don't bother me none. Now, I've read some shit, it may not sound like I got a brain in mah noggin, but I do read, I do try to keep up. So, I've read some of the stuff that's been written. I read Sherazahde's column, I've read Prodigy's old stuff, I've read interview with Orzaiz and some other stuff. I don't necessarily disagree with them.

ZB-Do my ears deceive me, are you coming out of the closet here? Are you proclaiming yourself a Terat?

VB-Nah, I don't think they'd want me even if I did. Nah, what I'm trying to get at is I ain't coming from no place where I say they are bad guys. Nah. But, at the same time, I get pissed when they call me a whore. Yeah, there are some Elites who are doing the job for the wrong reasons. They in it for money and that's it. They think that taking on dangerous ass work is worth it simply cuz of the cash, they don't want to do it, but they can't say no to the money. That's wrong. I kick ass, I walk and talk like a very bad man because that's who I am. Before I erupted I was a bad man. I spent time inside for breaking a guy near in half over a fire hydrant. I ran with bad men. I still got my old Iron Cowboys patch from when I rode. I have beaten cops into the ground with their own sticks and I scared upright citizens just by grinning at them. So, when I became a nova I was able to do what I like and do it more. I like fighting. I love getting in the field and going up against tough bastards. I love fighting for my life. It makes me feel alive and real. I am a warrior. Before I erupted I was just a fighter, a brawling little man. Now I walk the earth like a god. I am Ares, I am Thor, I am Smoke and Fire and Panic. I do what I do because I love it, because I would feel empty if I didn't . I don't do this because I am a slave. I ain't no slave to no fucking man. I don't work for baselines, I work for Anna DeVryes, I work for the Lady. I respect her. She's a nova and she knows what the hell I am about. I have always worked for DeVryes and DeVryes only. I never subcontracted, I never freelanced. I wouldn't work with the Janissaries and their punk ass wannabe owner. I know a lot of my bro's have got this thing for Carrington, not me. I respect the man, he knows his shit, but I don't work at DeVryes because of him, he don't know me. He couldn't know me.

ZB-Okay. Not sure how that's going to affect you ratings. That kind of rant might scare off potential customers you know.

VB-If they want me, they get me. I will bust through walls and tear down buildings, but they take me as I am. Deal with it or fuck off.

ZB-Ok. What do you have to say to the Utopian complaints regarding Elite warfare. They say you are turning Africa into one giant bloodbath. Kashmir is a wasteland because of you, or so they say.

VB-Bullshit. Lets look at some harsh truths here. You the president of the Congo, you have 40 million bucks to spend on something to kick the shit out of the rebels that are pissin you off. You can spend that money on a bunch of soldiers with crappy training and a real bad attitude. They then pound through the cities and villages like a wildfire. They fuck with people so the people don't help the rebels. They burn down farms where they think the villagers are helping the rebels. The soldiers get all amped up and they rape women and beat up old men, cuz they can and they think its fun. Or the Prez hires a bunch of Elites. Elites don't care about villagers or farms, it's a waste of their time to fuck with little people like that. They want to do the job and get back to partying. They don't bother creating mass havoc all over the place, they go after their targets, take care of business and get out. Say the rebels hire a couple Elites, now the Elites are fighting Elites and the only baselines who get hurt are the ones joining in. Now, yeah, we cause some collateral damage, but nowhere near as much as a baseline force does. Our fights are in a much more concentrated area. For the most part we don't get paid on the amount of destruction we cause. We are hired for specific goddamn goals and those are pretty basic; destroy Fort X, wipe out cocaine factory, capture or kill rebel motherfucker or government motherfucker. Hell, Utopia can kiss my goddamn ass. They are the ones who profit from all this fightin'. DeVrye can make money off of peace, did you know that? I get jobs all the time to simply act as a bodyguard. DeVryes has got novas up the wazzoo who don't fight. They got scientists, entertainers, computer freaks, etc etc. Utopia is the one that needs people nervous and scared. That's how they get so much power, they point at the scary shit and offer to help. If the world ain't scary there ain't a lot of need for them is there? Why do the peaceful, big, rich countries not welcome Utopia in with open arms? Why does the U.S., Japan, and Russia keep their own fuckin' counsel? Cuz they can handle their own problems. It's the little fucked up countries that flock to the Utopian banner, they're the ones who are handing over the key to the store in the U.N. Utopia needs chaos. Without it, they ain't got jobs.

ZB-Wow, pretty heavy stuff coming from a leg breaker. Well, that's all the time we got for now kiddies. Zach'll be back soon with some more exclusives real soon.