opnet [OpNet] Haven't been so embarrassed since high school locker room

[Guest]

Dear Abbie,

I have two problems.

One, I had a horrible eruption. Well, not _horrible_, but it was really...really... it was just lame. People giggle at me! Everyone at parties always asks "How did you erupt?" and I don't know what to say! Everyone else has "I was almost hit by a UFO." "I was saving starving orphans from a fire." "I saved Pax from the glare from his shiny head!" or something vaguely impressive like that. What can I say or do when this topic comes up?

Second, I have a lousy nova-name. It's not my fault! It's actually just been a nickname for most of my life because I have a dental problem. They call me "Fang". I wouldn't even name my dog something trite like that. Now, I have tentacles and a pretty impressive quantum bolt, so I'd really like something more fitting. I tried to get people to call me "Cthulhu" among other things (usually famed for having tentacles...), but they just laugh at me. What to do?

- Haven't been so embarrassed since high school locker room...

[Abbie]

Dear HBSESHLR,

You only have one problem, poor PR. It sounds like you didn't erupt with increased skills in public relations or advertising. You aren't the only Nova whose eruption was lame. There is a reason why Totentanz and Pax don't talk about their eruptions.

You need an image makeover. Don't try this by yourself, that's how you got in this mess. Hire a PR consultant or a PR firm. DeVries and Utopia are well known for great image making and spin doctoring, but there are plenty of good alternatives. If you don't know who to hire, look at the web sites of independent Novas whose images you like and see who designed them.

He or they will give you a new Nova name, and coach you in how to deal with questions about your eruption.

- Abby