Aberrant: Children of Quantum Fire - [Interlude] Poke it with a stick! [FIN]

[Shosuro Miren]

Puck laughed and clapped for her display. "Yeah, I think that works for starters." His voice carried perfectly to her, despite the differences in their sizes and the distance, even with her on her hands and bent down. He grinned at her, "Now, I know that's not all you can do. Let's see it all, if you're up for it?"

His tone was encouraging and he seemed genuinely eager to see what else she could do. "Though, I totally want a piggy back ride later to the other islands around here!" he added with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

[Toby Lupin]

Darrik clapped too, grinning to say the least. "I'd like to see more. And you're not up for it..." He grinned mischeviously at Puck, "Puck will have to try and match those acrobatics. Hell, he should do it anyway. A little fumbling and sweating on your part can do us all some good. And laughs too."

[Doctor Varroxxian]

The Starseeds clapped and cheered - one saying loud enough to be heard at Brute's level "Wow, so big and so graceful at the same time!"

Then an idea occurred to the same Star "Brute! Can we try making sandcastles later? I think you can easily make more land!" ... the other Star said loudly "I think we can pick an area of the sea floor without much coral ... and you could relocate that. So we don't hurt the marine life."

The first said to herself and then to the group "Heee heee, I haven't made sand castles in fifteen years. If a super strong nova compacts the sand, they could partially glassify it. Would be like a hard sandstone. Really, a castle." ... she added, loudly up to Brute "I can show you how to make the sand keep its shape as stone ... this could be really cool. Help protect millions of people on coasts from storms by making thin protective islands. Help shelter marine life too, make new habitats."

[Brute]

Sex, she thought, is that all he thinks about? Does everything have to be innuendo?

It was making her feel weirder and weirder, seeing Darrik making eyes at Puck all the time. Heck, seeing everyone make eyes at Puck all the time. Starseed probably had sex on her mind, too. But it seemed like Starseed had something else to say, something else to do. Darrik seemed to always be talking about sex or implying he wanted sex or whatever. Infinity was like that, too. She thought she knew why. Anytime Darrik was around she felt hotter, and tingly. But that wasn’t fair. He was cheating and she knew he was somehow. Something about how she felt was wrong. Maybe Puck’s affected the same way.

Listening to Starseed made her smile, though. Nobody ever suggested she could make islands before. And using strength to make stuff, that was something beyond her imagining. All she knew of her power was breaking and crushing and killing. But making sandcastles that were good for people… that was something special.

“Yeah,” she said, “ya should show me how, later. And speakin’ o’ the sea…”

Brute sent her node flaring, and quantum flooded through her. Her flesh rippled, and her skin became to move like liquid before shimmering to water. For a few moments she remained coherent, an inverted water giantess over one hundred and fifty feet tall.

Puck’s eyes widened. “Uh, Eden…”

She giggled, and came apart. Brute came crashing down on them, tonnes of water falling down like a waterfall appearing out of nowhere. They all cried out as the freezing water washed them off the beach into the surf, dumping them in the shallows.

For a few moments, Brute disappeared into the ocean, but then in gross betrayal of physics, the watery puddle of her body crept out of the tides and up onto the beach, spread wide enough to cover it entirely.

It felt nice being like this, liquid and free of form. She knew she could merge with the sea and disperse into it altogether, appear miles and miles away, but she had no need for that right now.

After a moment or two of being wet and seeping into the sand, Brute drew her watery mass together and climbed up, slowly forming her body once again, a seemingly naked giant woman of clear, pure, cold water sitting on the beach with her arms around her knees, looking out over the ocean at the distant sun.

[Shosuro Miren]

Like everyone else, Puck was knocked back and down by the deluge, sputtering as his sister went to play with the ocean for a moment. He glanced over to make sure Sara and Infinity were alright, and the indignant glare Infinity was giving the ocean cut through the shock and set off a gale of laughter. He shrugged at Darrik and flipped over into a handstand and started to make his way over to his sister; he got about halfway there before the shifting sands sent him tumbling. He tumbled gracefully, his clothes somehow always managing to fall just right and the sand brushing itself off as if afraid to offend the alabaster nova with its presence, but he'd still obviously lost his balance. He tried again and managed to stumble like a drunken, upside-down monkey until he collapsed, grinning, next to Eden.

He dug into the wet sand of the beach and began forming a building-esque block between them. "Y'know, I've never actually made a sandcastle," he said casually. "Or been a flood. You might have to apologize to Inifinity, though. For some odd reason she seems to think that bathing suits shouldn't get wet." He was grinning and teasing her and waved for the others to join them. "Okay, Eden's showed off for a bit and proved conclusively that she is better at handstands and being water than anyone else here. Next!"

[Toby Lupin]

Darrik got a bit overwhelmed and tossed about by the water, and he came up with Gwen and Agatha gasping out of the water. As the three waded to shore, those that felt any sense of attraction to Darrik might not consider the water spout the best thing for their libidos. The evidence of that was how the soaked eufiber clothing of his clung to his most sensual shape- and the mass of his drenched hair seemed to give the look of a wicked indulgence in carnality.

Gwen hauled herself around Darrik, breathing a little excitedly with the surprise of Eden's trick, and the chill of the water on her- but the flush on her cheeks did suggest that coupled with pregnancy hormones, she was getting turned on by her boyfriend's state. A husky dog, dark-furred in the same shade as Agatha's hair and wearing a collar that precisely matched the style of the eufiber necklace Darrik's other girlfriend had been wearing paddled out to beside them and once on dry land, started shaking vigorously, provoking a little chuckle from Darrik and Gwen.

[Doctor Varroxxian]

Having just barely saved the food by slamming the grill lid shut one Star only stayed in place by holding on to the big grill as it was pushed down six inches into the wet sand by the water.

The other Star was swept into the lagoon and flew back. She collected a few interesting shells on the way back as the start of an inspired idea. Both Stars were laughing with everyone as they did their best to dry off.

It was obvious this really took Star back. "I love the beach!" She proclaimed with both hands full of shells.

[Brute]

Brute watched her brother play, smiling as he stumbled about, somehow looking more charming with every trip. As he sat down beside her she solidified, water flowing to flesh with a sound like ice cracking. Then she shrank back down. She could have been a cloud for them, but Puck seemed satisfied to see her do her thing and it wasn’t necessary anymore.

She more or less hid behind her brother to avoid looking at Darrik. There was no end to it. He was obscenity walking, and she hated how he made her feel. But it was nice hearing Star shout, and watching Puck make his sandcastle.

Ah guess this is a day out, she thought. Bit like a night out only different. An’ every time, ah’m hangin’ around draggin’ everythang down.

Brute wasn’t ‘in’ to it the way Puck was. Dr. Sellas talked about how she needed to build up a healthy relationship with her powers, but if her brother and the others were examples of that, she couldn’t imagine how to ever get there.

They liked being what they were. Brute didn’t.

It was simple, straightforward, and true. Dr. Sellas talked about that, too. She said you couldn’t be happy unless you liked yourself. Brute didn’t know how to do that, either. Starseed’s idea about building things on the beaches was interesting, but really, she didn’t think it would make a difference. Not to her.

But if it won’t make a difference, why not? She figured that was the first step to not wallowing. Learning her escrima and practicing in the gym helped to make her happier, at least until she stopped. If she knew that building sea walls wouldn’t really change how she felt about herself… then why not do it? At least that way somebody would be happier for her being around. Until the men in the choppers come, ah guess.

She took a deep breath, and her eyes were again drawn to the blue of the horizon, but she was looking further, wondering where the men came from and when they would come again. Sometimes she told herself they would leave her alone now because of what happened in China, but really what happened there was the same as what happened in the US. Wasn’t there some rule about trying things three times?

Brute shook her head, put on a forced smile, and watched Puck make sandcastles.

[Doctor Varroxxian]

"So I guess its my turn..." Said one of the Stars .... as she gathered the other in a huddle. They looked over at Brute and Puck ... and noted how everyone was gathered more or less on the beach.

"OK ... here goes. This one is a special for you!" one Star said to Brute ... and then with great effort the landscape of the island behind them changed. Transforming as seemingly real holograms washed over the scene - tricks for the eye, but magical.

Now, the scene was one of a winter wonderland. A fairy kingdom, with a magnificent castle, a village bustling with fantastical wintry fae folk in Victorian finery. riding in their carriages ... children sledding on the keep hill ... pine forests set with glittering white snow on their branches like a postcard. All in vivid animated glory. It was literally a storybook come to life.

In the foreground, a gigantic ten story high by twice as wide silvery arch of the same quasi-elven construction as the castle set the scene ... as if they were all really looking through some immense magical gateway to another world. Once could even faintly hear the peel of bells on carriages and children laughing on the hill ... the breeze and the barely audible sounds of the forest.

"There we are ... "

[Brute]

Starseed didn’t know. She couldn’t. But could she ever have chosen worse words than ‘this one is a special for you?’

As Brute’s world turned mad for the second time in her life, every agonizing memory stormed back to the surface. It was like when Scripture was in her head showing her how it all really was. She could see the way things were and what Starseed wanted her to see at the same time. It was like her own broken memories projected into the real world.

It hurt.

She cried out and flailed, destroying Puck’s sandcastle as her foot went through it. Brute clutched at her head for a second and tossed up the sand as she rolled towards the edge of the water where reality was untouched. It ain’t the same, she said in her head, over and over, it ain’t the same, she ain’t in your head.

“Stop it,” she said, her eyes wide and voice wavering, “Star, make it stop! Make it stop!”

[Doctor Varroxxian]

At Brutes unexpected reaction, Star was momentarily confused ... of course, a moment is a very short subjective time for Novas like her ... the holgrpahic field switched to transparent near instantly - faster than it could even be dropped it was transparent, invisible.

Hopefully, inoffensive.

Star looked ... mortified. Her sleves eyes and body language conveyed a loud and clear 'sorry. so sorry. I am really sorry.' while both stood stock still. Genuinely not knowing what to do that might help or hurt the situation. Logic dictated no action was the prudent course.

[z-Infinity]

Infinity sighed as her glare went mostly unnoticed. Of course swimsuits were supposed to get wet, but she looked like a drowned rat now. The nova squeezed the cold water out of her hair and scraped at the beads of water on her body, trying to help everything dry out, even if only a little. And there was sand clinging to her now, defying her efforts to slap it off.

Puck got another glare for the ease with which he avoided all the sand, but thankfully for her friend, Darrik seen had Infinity distracted. Damn it, he offered me sex to get me here. I'm gonna burn in this sun, have sand in very crack and hole in my body and still not get any beach lovin'. Damn him.

But she admitted to herself that she was here because of her friends. Eden, Darrik and Puck were her friends; Gwen, Agatha and Star were less known to her but she liked them well enough. The first three - she really liked them, even loved them, perhaps. So when Brute panicked, Infinity forgot about her sandy skin and moved to help her.

Two steps later she stopped. "Eden!" she called, afraid to come closer to the thrashing woman. Eden could cave in her skull unintentionally and that wouldn't help Eden. It wouldn't be particularly good for Infinity either, so she hung back and called, "Eden, hon, its okay! It's alright now!"

[Brute]

She could see Puck, frozen in shock and horror. She could see Infinity standing nearby but outside arm’s reach, face full of concern, and Starseed standing by, mouth agape, wondering what she just did.

The air around Brute turned frigid, so cold that the sea froze around her and shattered when she moved to sit up. Every stray drop of water hardened on her and broke off in moments. Ah am such a damn screw up.

Brute rubbed her head, wondering what to say. They had to think she was being a complete retard. And she was, sort of.

Today was a day to showoff. She melted again, puddled, rose up in a column of water and solidified standing once more. She walked free of the ice, her feet seeming to merge with it rather than break it now. Once she was back on the sand even that hardened around her feet. With an effort of will Brute pulled the cold back inside, where it couldn’t hurt anybody.

“Ah’m sorry, Star. Ah jus’ got some… uh… issues with illusions. S’ a long story an’ ah ain’t sure ah wanna talk about it,” she drawled, and rubbed her neck. “Puck knows, ah don’t mind if he tells ya. It was real impressive. In a way the fact ah went an’ freaked out on ya is a sign o’ quality. Ah’ll jus’… take a minute. Y’all jus’ go on showin’ off. Don’ let me drag things down none.”

Brute parted her hands for a moment, and just let herself come apart. She dissolved into mist and drifted up the beach to the treeline, a faintly girl-shaped cloud coming apart at the edges, almost as if she were inside the cloud and trying to push out of it.

She had never taken on this form anywhere other than on the frozen ice plans of the arctic.

As she drifted into the treeline and her wispy body engulfed the outermost trees, they turned instantly white as they snap-froze. Cracks and pops filled the air, and bark burst out in chunks as sap froze instantly. Ground foliage hardened to ice, leaves turned brittle as glass. Here and there tree limbs snapped off completely. As the back of her cloud disappeared, Brute felt a tree give way and collapse. She looked back to see one topple over, dragging down a second and third as it fell.

Brute flew through more quickly and solidified in the midst of the trees, drawing the mist back together and hardening into flesh and bone once again. Oh yeah, Brute, that was reeeeeeeal smart. Doin’ your bro proud right now, ain’t ya?

She covered her face with one hand and leaned against a tree, shaking her head at her own awkward stupidity. She always did say her powers were best at destroying things.

[Shosuro Miren]

Puck finally snapped out his panic as Eden drifted in her air form through the trees. He glanced around to make sure that no one was hurt, then stepped up the to treeline, close enough for Eden to hear him. "Wow," there was honest awe in voice. He surveyed the downed trees an grinned a little as a thought occurred to him. "Florida orange groves would love you."

When she gave him a blank, confused look, he gestured at the frozen plants. "They spray oranges in Florida when there's a chance of a hard freeze at night, to insulate the fruit and keep it from being harmed by the cold. It sounds kind of backward, using ice to keep the oranges warm, but it works."

He could see that twitch in her, that little movement of muscles around her lips and eyes that betrayed her rationalizations about how he was just trying to make her feel better and she was totally useless. It made him feel helpless, but he knew that confronting her on that directly wouldn't do anything productive, so he just sighed. "I can take you home, if you want, Eden. I wanted this to be a fun day for us, but..." He held his hand out, "I don't know what to do. I know Star didn't mean to upset you, and I know you don't mean to be upset. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" He took a step towards her, not quite breaking her bubble of personal space; his expression was lost and pleading. "If there's anything, you know I'll do it, right? I love you. No strings. No expectations. No judgement. I do think that you're amazing and that everything you shown us today is...is special, Eden. Is part of the amazing that is you. I hope I can help you see that."

[Doctor Varroxxian]

"Its OK" Star said, still very quiet, and not wanting to interrupt. She went to busy herself with a burger that needed eating ... and removed herself gingerly from the social minefield that she really didn't know how to traverse ...

[Brute]

Brute nodded. “Ah know you mean to help, Puck, an’ ah’m sorry ah keep messin’ up.” She looked around at the frozen devastation she had accidentally created. The bark of a nearby tree was still ice where her dispersed body had touched it.

She sat down on a stump and rubbed her eyes. It was partially reflexive. She felt fine, really. Puck was impossible to disbelieve when he talked like that. He knew her. Half the time it seemed like he knew what she was thinking as she thought it. More than once she had wondered if it might not be better to learn how not to think, and just let Puck pilot her around like some kind of bizarre puppet. He would put her to better use than she did for herself, no doubt.

“There ain’t no need ta take me back, Puck,” she said, her voice as heavily accented as ever. “This thing that’s wrong wit’ me ain’t goin’ away by lockin’ me up in a box. S’jus’ somethin’ ah gotta deal with. An’ ah know that. But that don’t make it no easier ta deal with. S’like knowin’ that all ya gotta do is go over that big ol’ mountain, only ya got no legs an’ no arms. Guess it’d still be easy for y’all, but not so easy for everybody. Jus’ give me a few minutes ta calm down, an’ go tell Star s’all okay. Maybe tell her what the problem is. Ah’ll be back in a bit. Oh, can ya get mah bag first?”

She waited until Puck brought it to her, then smiled at him, rose and walked past the trees onto the other side of the island, the other beach. The two beaches had been neatly separated by the clump of trees and undergrowth in the centre but Brute had fixed that somewhat.

Like ah ever fix anythang, Brute thought to herself as she moved down the other beach to stand looking out to sea at the rolling waves with her bag in hand. Part of Brute yearned to melt away, to merge with the sea and race across the world until she found her way back to her cave in the arctic where she belonged. But Mr. Bear was back in Exalt!, and she could already picture the look on Puck’s face if she told him or he found out.

That would never happen. She could not do it.

Brute closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of the wind in her hair, on the sound of sea birds screeching overhead, and the taste of sea spray on her tongue, along with the distinctive feeling of body heat, large and small in all directions.

[z-Infinity]

"Go take care of Star." Infinity's voice arrested Puck's movement toward his sister. "I can talk to Brute." She gave a sardonic smile as she added, "Star's your girlfriend, not mine, so you go take care of her."

"And is my sister your girlfriend?" Puck asked, an eyebrow rising.

Infinity's smile turned coy and mysterious. "Not yet," she cooed, then laughed at his expression. She was still giggling as she turned and walked away, picking her way through the sand and over the newly-created path. Her humor faded as she walked. She knew she wanted to talk to Eden, but she wasn't sure what she was going to say to her.

"Eden?" Brute had to have sensed her coming, but the gentle tone to Infinity's voice still seemed to surprise her. The young nova glanced up to see Puck's bedmate and her friend, looking at her with concern. "Are you alright?"

Infinity knew that Brute was upset, but she wasn't having a seizure or anything at them moment. That was definitely an improvement over the last few moments. "Mind if I sit with you for a while?"

[Brute]

Brute felt Infinity coming before she arrived. There wasn’t much giving off heat above water this far out to sea. The sea breeze had a cold edge to it that would have made baselines wrap up warm, which only further marked them out.

She didn’t say anything, though. What was there to say?

Ain’t it a broken record already? Maybe not. Honestly, she didn’t talk about her problems too much. Brute did not want to bother people if she could avoid it, but moments like this… well, they caused some bother.

“Naw,” she said, and gestured at the sand. “Sit yerself down if yer in the mood. Ah’m fine. Nothin’ new, same ol’, same ol’. Kinda embarrassin’ to wig out like that but it happens. Didn’t mean ta mess up ya day none. S’ jus’…” she raised one hand, and then let it drop. “Ah dunno what. Ah jus’ saw that trick o’ Star’s an’ it put me right back there, in that forest. It weren’t there, but ah remember it jus’ the same. Hell of a thang,” she said.

[z-Infinity]

"It is a hell of a thang, er, thing." Infinity flushed a little at the slip, then sighed. She took a seat next Brute, looking sideways at the pretty nova for a long moment. "That can be pretty scary stuff," she casually commiserated. "Childhood demons are not to be taken lightly." Eden looked at her and Infinity wasn't sure the woman understood. "Mine have to do with being powerless. I grew up around novas who could do so many things, right from birth. And then there was me, who couldn't do shit. I really wanted my powers as a little girl - my power, not ones borrowed from someone else. At first, people told me it would come in my own time, then they stopped saying that. They just patted me on the head and told me that powers weren't everything before flying away or seducing Pax or calculating pi out to a billion places in two seconds. So my demons are not being as good as anyone else. Yours are just more visceral, Eden. Even Puck carries scars from his childhood, all ten seconds of it. We're all shaped by those who raised us."

She paused, trying to make sure Eden got what she was saying before just saying it. "Look, you've had a bad time of it. You were treated unfairly. So it's alright to have bad days and bad reactions. We all understand, and no one's upset with you. Star's more worried about you than about what happened - we all are. It's you we're scared for, hon. Is there anything we can do to help you?"

[Shosuro Miren]

Puck made his way back over to where Star was nervously finishing off a hamburger and and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "It's okay, Star. We're here to show off our powers. Eden's got....issues? scars?....and you just accidentally triggered one of them. It hurts because you didn't mean for that to happen, but it also means we know a little bit more about her today than we did yesterday." He squeezed his arms, doing his best to comfort her. "So, no more illusions today, or around Eden until we talk to Laura about it. Infinity's talking to her and hopefully she can lure her back over here. We can lay off the power play for a while, I think."

He stage-whispered into her ear, trying to tickle her with his breath and lighten her mood, "I have ulterior motives, anyways. We can talk about those and eat lunch. Okay?"

[Doctor Varroxxian]

Star nods in understanding ... Saying to Puck "I kind of figured. I don't want to make anything worse ... you know. I'm fine though ... and no more illusions. But what about an energy construct ... something solid like Darrik's. It won't look like anything except a big dimly luminous kind of creature. Would that be OK?"

...

The other Star calls out "I've got a bunch of really great hamburgers cooking here - they are ready now too. Nice and juicy, not under or over done. A double burger for everyone and then some! Polish sausages up soon ..."

[Brute]

Brute could feel the heat of the portable cooker on the other side of the island. She remembered Infinity helping her shower. She looked at Brute like she was… what? Out on the ice Infinity seemed disgusted with her. Maybe ah misunderstood. Ah’m good at that. It seemed to her like this was both an attempt to reach out and to pull her in, to get them talking.

“They were right, those friends o’ yours. Powers ain’t everythang, they ain’t nothin’. This thang wit’ me, it’s more ‘n jus’ an ‘issue’ or a ‘demon’ as ya put it. It’s somethin’ not workin’ right up in mah head. Somethin’ wrong wit’ mah node, or so they say. Ah’m no sciencey type. Puck’s made me cleverer than ah was, but ah still ain’t no brainbox. Dr. Loshe said there’s these scars on mah brain an’ mah node that won’ heal.” She gave a deep sigh. “Hell of a thang.”

She watched the horizon, following the clouds in the distance. She could be up there in a moment if she wanted, hundreds of feet up closer to them, or drift up as a cloud of air and join them. But she couldn’t fix herself. That was the only power which mattered, which could ever matter.

“Ah’d swap, y’know. If ah could. Ya could have all mah powers if ya wanted, if ah could get a head that worked right. Way ah see it, powers don’t mean shit. Not really. They don’t make ya happy. They don’t even make ya special. Oh ah know, there’s the ‘beautiful unique snowflake thang’, but that applies to everyone, baseline an’ Nova. But every Nova’s got their own box o’ tricks. Heck, if ya don’ have nothin’ that probably makes ya more unique than the rest o’ us. How’s that for irony? Ah’m sorry folks were mean ta ya, though.”

She bent over and took out her rattan sticks. She stood and twirled them in her hands, spinning them with inconceivable agility and speed, sending one spinning atop a single finger and just twirling the other on her palm before catching it and sending it twirling again.

“Ah’ don’ know what anyone can do, Infinity. If ah did ah’d be askin’ y’all to go on an’ do it. Ah don’ like been this way. S’ jus’ the way mah dice rolled, embarrasin’ though it is. The only thangs I really like is growin’ big an’ mah escrima.” She smiled. “How’s that for Nova entertainment? Hittin’ thangs all baseline-style,” Brute caught both sticks. “Cain’t even say ah’m good at it yet, but ah hope ah will be one day.”

[z-Infinity]

"Eden. I'm going to be a little blunt with you," Infinity said, and her voice was even hard. Not as hard as it could be, but harder than Eden had heard directed at her before. "You should never wish your powers away. You don't think they make you special but they do, because they make you Eden. You wouldn't be you if you were any other way. And you don't like that? Well, tough shit.

"You have had a hard time of it. There is no doubt about that," Infinity went on. "Your parents treated you horribly and that was wrong of them. They wronged you. But everyone gets wronged, some more than others. What you need to work on getting better, not giving up the glory that is you. Baselines would kill to have your powers. They'd worship you, if you'd let them. You have a gift, and beautiful, precious gift, and it makes you special. Mal says that each nova is a potential being of perfection - unaging, beautiful and powerful. That is what awaits you, Eden, if you'll only realize that through all this pain, you were born with a rare gift. And it is rarer because no one else has had your shitty experiences. They have the potential to make you strong - they've already made you strong. You lived in snowy wastes that would kill me dead.

"And your escrima? You wouldn't be able to do half as well as you could without your powers. It’s something you love and your powers enable you to be glorious at it,” Infinity pointed out. “When you deny your powers, you’re only denying yourself; when you want to give them away, you’re only trying to gut the very essence of you.” Red eyes met hers hard. “You are wonderful and beautiful Eden, and you’re lying every time you say otherwise.”

[Brute]

Brute was surprised to hear the edge in Infinity’s voice. She seemed angry about what she said, though she supposed that was to be expected. Her heart jumped, and she felt a little heat in her cheeks.

She took a deep breath and turned away, frowning. It was the first time anyone had been anything other than gentle with her. But she knew Infinity meant well. She was saying all the nice things Puck always said, though a little different.

“Ah don’ think ya understand, Infinity. S’ not that ah’m wishin’ mah powers away, s’ jus’ that ah’d exchange ‘em for a head that worked right. Mal… ah hear the name plenty but ah don’ know more ‘n’ that. He don’ mean nothin’ ta me either way. Mal can say ah’m a redwood table for sale at fifty bucks in a corner store, don’ make it true.” She paused and considered the rumours around the OpNet concerning Mal, and the very non-rumoured fight with Caestus Pax which resulted in pax getting his ass kicked. “Well, sayin’ that, maybe it would. Some Novas done got some wacky powers, an’ nobody seems quite sure what Mr. Mal can do. But he’s got a shoppin’ mall named after him, so how bad can it be? Or maybe everythang sold in there is like transformed people who pissed him off. Huh. Never thought about that.”

She glanced over at Infinity, and saw a look somewhere between crashing thunder and an exploding sun. Ah get the feelin’ that she ain’t too fond o’ that line o’ discussion.

“So movin’ on,” she said quickly, “maybe some Novas got all that potential an’ maybe some don’t. Ah mean ya ain’t wrong. Baselines’d worship me, like they worship plenty o’ Novas, but that don’ mean nothin’. They don’ even know what they’re worshippin’. They worship the power. An’ that ain’t nothin’.” Brute raised her hands and stared at them. “If ah’m honest ah don’ even understand it, but ah guess that’s what ya call a position o’ privilege. Ah got it so ah don’ know what it’s like not ta, so what do ah know? Ah feel what ah feel. Ah’m not bein’ clear,” she said.

Brute ran her hand through her hair, in a way so similar to Puck it was eerie as she tried to find the right words to express what she was feeling, but fumbled in the dark of her own confused thoughts. She paced about on the beach, leaving deep, frozen footprints. Finally she rounded on infinity. “Don’t ya see? These powers, they don’ mean nothin’. What we’re doin’ right here, right now? This means somethin’. It’s two people talkin’ an’ gettin’ to know one another. Ya think we need powers ta do that? Ta talk? Heck, you have sex all the time,” she said, pointing at the woods for no real reason but she was instinctively thinking of Puck. “Do ya need powers for that? No! Puck don’t neither! Ya say it, Infinity, but ah don’ feel it an’ ah don’ see it. Not in you, not in Puck, not in anybody ah know. Ya cain’t just tell me that powers are great an’ all that. Ah need ta see it. An’ ah know ya can do good thangs wit’ ‘em, Starseed was jus’ sayin’ how maybes ah can go make them sand thangs on the coastline. But they’re…”

She trailed off, and let the air out of her in a long sigh. “Ah don’ got the words. Puck’s gone an’ made me smarter, but not half smart enough. Ya talk about mah escrima, but ya don’ get it. It ain’t bein’ good at it that makes me happy. It’s the movement in it, the pacin’, the triangle step ya make, the in-out-in-out, the pattern an’ the flow. An’ all that was made by baselines an’ there are dozens o’ baselines way better ‘n’ me, an’ they got no powers at all. But they got my utmost admiration, ‘cuz ah seen videos o’ them doin’ their thang an’ it makes me so, so envious. That’s what ah mean about sayin’ maybe one day ah’ll be good at it. That’s somethin’ ah gotta earn. Ah ain’t tryin’ ta be somethin’ ah ain’t, Infinity. Ah’m jus’ tryin’ ta be… me. An’ these powers ah got? They ain’t mah essence. Ah don’ feel like ah’m really bein’ me when ah’m usin’ ‘em. That’s ridiculous. Powers don’ make a man, they cain’t.

“Puck ain’t who he is ‘cuz o’ what he can do. He’s who he is ‘cuz o’ how he treats people. An’ sure the powers let him do more ‘n’ other folk but… it’s always been like that. Guys like that Richard Branson fella back in the nineteen hundred an’ nineties, or that Texan guy who set up the XWF. All that shows ya is what they can do. It don’ tell ya who they are, an’ it sure as hell don’ let ya see their quote-unquote ‘essence’. Ya cain’t do nothin’, ah know. It bugs ya, ah can tell that much from what ya just said. But that don’t make ya a lesser person, not less than me, or Puck, or that Mal fella. Far as ah’m concerned y’all are way more important than him, ‘cuz ah don’ know ‘im an’ he ain’t never done a thang for me.”

[z-Infinity]

Infinity shook her head. “Puck treats people the way he does because of his powers. Without them, he wouldn’t be able to do the same things he does for people – and honestly, he wouldn’t want to do them. Not in the same way. He’d be unable to do any of the things he’s doing now or wants to do. He does what he does because of his powers and that’s part of who he is now. Your powers shape you, just as your life did. Your powers let you flee your mom and dad, and hide for a long time. Yes, your head doesn’t work right, but you can get better. You can’t fix not having powers.”

The Mal thing was upsetting, but Infinity let it slide. Brute didn’t understand – and that was when Infinity realized that was because she’d never talked to her about it. “Mal’s not done anything for you personally, but you should meet him someday. I think you’d like him. Maybe he’d become important to you too.”

“How? He gonna fix mah head?”

Infinity smiled. “Maybe. But honestly, he’s just a great guy. I’d like for you two to become acquainted.” Her smile softened, showing the true depths for her feelings for the red-headed pseudo-god. “Honestly, he believes in me more than anyone else. Sometimes, I even believe in myself because of his words. That’s the kind of person he is. He’s… He’s my Puck. He always looks at me, and sees what I could be, not the messed up me. But he loves me even though I’m not that ideal me yet. He’ll see you the same way,” Infinity predicted. “He’ll look at you and see the Eden you could be, and treat you like that person. We should all be like that. We should all look for the best in a person, you know?”

[Brute]

Brute surprised herself by shaking her head. What Infinity said was definitely nice in principle, but for some reason it had no traction with her whatsoever. It wasn’t that she phrased it badly or she had needled a soft spot, or anything like that. It was like she began to talk about someone else. “Naw, Infinity. Well, yes too. We should be nice ta each other an’ help each other. But ya shouldn’t never look to someone else for inspiration. An’ ya shouldn’t be lookin’ at the horizon for some sorta ‘ideal you’ an’ hatin’ what ya see in the mirror. Ya should be able ta do that on yer lonesome. Ah know it might be hard ta believe, but ah wasn’t out on those plains as some sorta ‘cry for help’ or somethin’. It jus’ seemed like the best place ta live givin’ people kept tryin’ ta kill me an’ stuff.”

Infinity shrugged. “Like I said, you couldn’t have done that without your powers.”

“Don’ ya mean, ‘ya wouldn’t o’ needed to without yer powers’?” Brute gave her a little smile, put her escrima sticks back in the bag and then looked back out to sea. “It’s a double-edged sword, Infinity. Powers don’ solve nothin’. They don’t make ya a better person, an’ they sure as hell don’t make life’s problems go away. Dr. Sellas said that Novas got problems baselines don’t, and baselines… well they got problems Novas don’t. Ah reckon she’s right about that. Ah don’t know, Infinity. Seems ta me sometimes, Novas jus’ get all fluffed up on self-importance jus’ ‘cuz they can leap a mountain in a single bound. Who cares, really? Ah don’t. So what if ya can jump a mountain? Ah’ll care when ya sit down wit’ me an’ play a game o’ Scrabble.”

She chuckled at that. Brute did like playing Scrabble. She wasn’t very good at it though Puck’s recent fiddling with her head had made her game much better. She could feel Infinity’s eyes on her, though she could never have guessed what the girl was thinking.

“Y’all’re wrong about Puck. Ah think ya may o’ blinded yerself ‘cuz ya powerless. Puck’s nice ta people. He don’ have ta do what he’s doin’. Wit’ Exalt! ah mean. He didn’t have ta come lookin’ fer his older, dumber sister. He didn’ have ta take in the lost an’ the hurt an’ try ‘n’ make ‘em better. He’s doin’ that ‘cuz he’s a nice guy, not because he has powers. Y’all’re messin’ up motivation an’… uh… what word am ah thinkin’ of? Motivation an’…” she clicked her fingers, “means! That’s the dang word! Puck’s powers give him the means ta do what he’s doin’ in the way he’s doin’ it, but they ain’t his motivation. Ah don’ believe that for one second. All he’s doin’ – when ya cut away the pretty quantum-powered trappin’s – is runnin’ a home for folk who got hurt an’ lost on the way ta wherever they was goin’. Baselines been doin’ that for centuries. Priests an’ convents an’ stuff. Though ah don’ think they’d approve o’ Puck’s stance on celibacy, ah do think they’d appreciate the spirit behind what he’s doin’.”

She turned to Infinity again. “As for Mal… who cares if he loves ya? It ain’t gonna make no difference if ya don’t love yerself. So long as ya look at me – especially me – or Puck or Starseed or anyone else an’ ya decide ya less than us, it don’ matter what anyone else says or tries ta do. Every time, y’all’ll jus’ run yerself right down. An’ if yer basin’ yer personal value on havin’ powers… then yer worthless. ‘Cuz it ain’t the powers that make the man. The man does that. Or the woman, in our case. Yer powers won’t never make ya a better person, Infinity. Only person who can,” she pointed at her, “is you. An’ bringin’ it back ta me, that’s the root o’ mah problem. As nice as Puck’s been, and as much as Dr. Sellas tries ta help, in the end the only person who can fix me is me. An’ somethin’ in this big thick ol’ head o’ mine is resistant ta that. But ah know ah’m the problem, an ah’m certain ah can fix it. It’ll jus’ take time. But ah don’ feel bad ‘cuz mah powers are kinda… breaky. Ah feel bad ‘cuz o’ who ah am, not what. An’ part o’ why ah feel bad is that ah’m clingin’ to mah past, an’ ah know ah am, even though there ain’t nothin’ back there for me. That, girlfriend, is righteously messed up.”

Her odd reaction to Infinity’s perfectly reasonable suggestion comes from the Autonomy enhancement, or at least my interpretation of it.

[Doctor Varroxxian]

As Infinity and Brute talked, the Star all gathered near a large flat stone. The food was ready for others, so she turned it all on low and closed the grill top to keep it fresh. She just didn't feel much like eating, with the tension and the lingering sense that she'd really hurt Brute. She heard what Brute said, and knew it wasn't in any way intentional but still ... there should be something that could be done. A nice gesture.

So the Stars got together, and began to plan. The holographic field was still up but completely transparent - blank. So one of the Stars kept it up but just used it out of view to start planning. They gestured silently, and used Bodhi in pure pulses at very close range. They were very careful not to disrupt or distract anyone - especially Infinity or Brute.

Then the stars, in fast task time, started to work. No illusions, this would be solid and real. This would be symbolic, and Brute liked symbols ... from listening to her Brute was a bit of a philosopher. Infinity would appreciate it too, as would Puck.

The Stars, in a bit of a blur, gathered smaller stones from here and there ... placing them around the large flat stone she had found. Many of the stones were driven into the ground with her more than sufficient strength. In minutes a little round stone foundation had formed, and on top of that small blocks of highly compressed sand - sandstone that was almost glass from the immense pressure that one of the Star's shifted form could exert. The foundation was a two meter high platform that should be able the flood line.

Row by row, layer by layer in an almost seamless dome a little round house rose up on top of the platform ... no more than twelve feet across on the inside it would sleep three, maybe five it were packed to capacity and two slept on the floor. Bits of wood from around the island were incorporated where absolutely necessary but it was mostly made of sand, shells, and coral. The dome was cosy, comfortable ... and truly a welcoming space. There was one room on the ground, a small entry vestibule, and a half height bed loft level. It was simple, with a counter to prepare food, a sofa-bench and small tables as a sitting area in the single room on the ground floor. Shelves were nooks in the thick earthen walls, and there were even some details like thick woven mats of ocean grass that softened the sofa or small rough green glass block windows made with a flash of quantum power aimed at the sand on the distant shore. The design handled natural light, but kept the heat out. The thick earth structure would channel the breezes in, but retain a cool interior with its heavy thermal mass.

The little house rose as everyone talked ... a gift for Brute. A solid, real, homely place. The Stars did their absolute best to work quietly, and not interrupt.

It looks something like this ...

http://evolutionarye...picture-019.jpg with cleaner lines and smoother surfaces.

[z-Infinity]

The red eyed nova sighed. “Brute, you keep taking what I’m saying and twisting it around. Yes, Puck is a nice person. But he wouldn’t be that person without his powers. Hell, he wouldn’t be here in any real capacity, and neither would you or I. His powers have made him, literally. Otherwise, he’d still be figuring out his letters and which end of the spoon goes into his mouth.

“If you want to wish away your powers and be a baseline, fine. If you don’t want those powers, you can find a back-alley surgeon who’ll happily cut your node right out of you. If you want to think that your parents wouldn’t be cocksuckers if they’d been baselines, you’re welcome to that. You seem to think that a nova exists in a vacuum, that they have personality and then powers are just tacked on. That is not the case. You are the way you are because of your powers, good and bad. Puck is the way he is because of how he’s been raised and treated, and he couldn’t be this way without power. What you’re doing is assuming that Puck is exactly who he is because that’s who he is. You’d be wrong. We’re all shaped by our life and part of that life is powers. Puck wouldn’t have to be nice if someone else had raised him or his powers allowed him to do other things.”

Infinity took a deep breath and continued, “And you call me blind because I’m powerless, but you are such a power-hater that you can’t see that a person is all of their parts. If you don’t like your parts, then fucking fix them. You say your resistant – well, resist back. You can get better, just like I might get powers someday. But you can work at your problem. It’s within your power to get healthier, to overcome the abuse heaped on you. You want to cling to having a ‘bad head’ and that’s your choice.

“And don’t question if I love myself.” Infinity was really pissed now; she’d been trying to hold herself back, but she couldn’t. She got to her feet and knocked the sand off her body. “I can love myself and still want to improve myself. I don’t have to be perfect to earn my own love. Mal’s affection does make me feel better, just like Puck does you, only I don’t try to feel bad that he cares about me. It’s alright for Mal to care about me. He’s like a father to me. The implication that just because he sees me as the perfect Infinity means that somehow I need his adoration to feel whole is fucking insulting. I’m going for a walk.”

Pissed, she spun on her heel and headed further down the beach, away from Brute and the other group of novas.

[Brute]

“Ya kinda missed my point, Infinity,” Brute said, and sighed. “Puck’s love don’t make me feel better. Not where it counts.”

She let her go. Their talk was just two ships passing in the night, firing all their guns into the sky. Infinity didn’t seem to get it, and Brute wasn’t sure she got Infinity, either. Still, it was a decent way to pass the time. It didn’t feel like a proper talk, not like she had with Dr. Sellas. Maybe they were both just terrible listeners. Brute never thought of ‘listening’ as a skill, but maybe it was a skill. Dr. Sellas always seemed to be good at working out what she said. She never had that feeling she got with Infinity, like she was talking about someone else as if that person was in any way relevant to Brute. An’ she ain’t got no powers, neither, Brute thought.

All of a sudden, though, she turned and looked at Infinity’s retreating back. She shouted, “Hey, infinity? Ah thought the node jus’ grew back if ya cut it out? Ah’m sure ah read that somewhere!”

There was no answer. Brute shrugged and picked up her escrima bag before heading for the treeline. She did not quite feel ready to return to the others yet. The freak out was over, for sure, but she still felt a bit… wobbly. Like up was up, but if she wasn’t careful it might be down at any moment.

Brute took out her escrima sticks and began pounding the hell out of a tree, filling the air with a rhythmic crack-crack-crack of rattan on wood, practicing the simple triangle step and the rhythmic blows that called to her soul so clearly. It felt like this was something she was born to do, like she could do it forever and not get bored.

After a couple of minutes of making the tree regret its existence, Brute dropped her escrima sticks into the bag and headed back through the ruined trees to Puck and Star.

She saw what Starseed had built for her, and a smile spread across her face. Brute dropped her bag and went down to examine it. The look on the faces of the various Starseeds let her know who made it. “Aw, shucks, Star, ya didn’t have ta,” she said, peering in through one of the windows. “Y’all made this while ah was over there pretendin’ to talk to Infinity?” It was a strange way to phrase it, but that’s how she felt in the end. They had said some things, but she didn’t feel like either of them were coming away from their engagement any more informed than they were going in. For one reason or another, something just didn’t click.

Starseed began showing Brute around the little house, and she smiled, feeling the horror of just a while ago melting away like dew before the sun.

Brute thought back to when Puck was doing that… thing he did, with Bodhi, where Brute felt herself ‘connect’ to everyone else, for just a moment. But something in her made the connection hard to keep, it slipped and she fell out of the link. Puck never looked disappointed, not when she was involved, but he did look just a little upset. Maybe he hoped he would be able to fix her with it.

When she emerged from the house she gave Starseed a hug. “Don’ worry,” she said, “it weren’t your fault. S’ jus’ mah messed up head. Oh, Puck, get over here. Ah wanna ask ya somethin’.”

He came over to her, flawless and beautiful and perfect as ever. Ah guess she’s got a point about that. Hard ta think what he’d be like without his powers. Only it wasn’t that hard. She remembered when he was much less than he was today. The Puck of today made that one seem a pathetic weakling. But he was still Puck. If powers were so intrinsic, so integral, shouldn’t Puck have become a new person as well?

“What’s up, Eden?” Puck had that special look in his eyes, the one that was half-playful and half-serious, like he wasn’t quite sure which Puck he needed to be for her right now.

“Ah was jus’ wonderin’, after what me an’ Infinity talked about, do ya have a power that makes ya nice? Like if all ya powers went away, would ya be a bad guy ‘cuz ya need ‘em to be good?”

Infinity couldn’t accuse her of twisting her words now, whatever that was supposed to mean. She had gone right to the source and asked him directly. She would have to ask Dr. Sellas about it, too.

[Shosuro Miren]

Puck smiled and chuckled, "I'd like to think I would be." He shrugged, "How I act, that's just me, quantum or no, but others wouldn't probably like me quite as easily or as much without the...oomph...the my quantum signature gives me."

He sat down gracefully on the ground, gently tugging her down with him. "Eden, who we are isn't determined by our node. It's the choices we make, and sometimes the choices that are made for us. Your powers don't make you anything other than a nova. What you do with those powers, and why and how, that's what makes up who you are." He sighed and took a breath, knowing he was about to tread on uneasy territory at best. "Think about the time with the men in the helicopter."

She shuddered, and he put a hand on her arm, trying to steady her but using no more than just a simple reassuring touch. "You ignored them while you climbed because they weren't important to you, even as you were careful to avoid harming the other hikers as you moved. You reacted when they attacked you because they were attacking you, trying to kill you. And you've felt guilty about the outcome of your protecting yourself ever since. Your powers did only two things in that time: allow you to grow to climb a mountain for the pleasure of it, and have the strength to crush a helicopter. Your personality did much more: you showed care for the lives of others when you were careful of the other hikers; you showed innocence of the dangers of the world when you weren't suspicious of the helicopter when it first appeared; you showed self-preservation when you reacted to the attack on you; and finally you showed an understanding and repercussion of your actions when you mourn the death of those that soughtdeliberately to kill you."

He pulled her into a loose embrace, "You are a good person, Eden. Were you not, you would have trampled those hikers simply out of carelessness and cared not one bit for the men that died trying to kill you simply because you are a nova. Compassion, empathy, these are deeply ingrained in you." He squeezed his arms around her, his voice tinged with sadness and a touch of frustration, "Perhaps a little too deeply ingrained. You hold onto your guilt so deeply and it keeps you from moving past the attack. I don't know what to say to help you, but if you think of anything, you tell me, huh?"

[Brute]

Brute rubbed her hands together, almost on reflex. The feel of the metal in her palm never left her mind. Sometimes she jerked her hands back from spoons. It always made people look at her funny. Everyone in Exalt! knew about Puck’s broken older sister by now, and they all left her alone for the most part. None of ‘em know what ta do wit’ me, she thought. They’re probably scared o’ hurtin’ me an’ makin’ Puck mad. Not that he’d get angry wit’ them. They’re his real family these days. Bodhi changed everything. Her not being in the loop changed everything. All of a sudden there was a new world that Puck and everyone in Exalt! except her was a part of. Could be a part of.

She pushed those thoughts aside. They were no better than the feel of the helicopter being crushed into a ball in her hands. As acts of wanton destruction went, it was quite low key. It haunted her just the same. She wondered what Infinity might have said about the helicopter incident. About the men Brute murdered. She guessed the answer would be ‘it was self-defence, deal with it’. Ah reckon she’s a harder sort o’ girl than me, Brute thought.

“Of course ah will,” she said, smiling at her brother. He was doing that thing he did which made her feel better. It wasn’t like she minded it. “But the things Infinity said… ah don’t think ah understood her right. So maybe you can help me work it out?”

Puck nodded. “Sure. I was listening. Sort of,” he said, with a bashful smile. It wasn’t like he missed anything these days.

Brute sat down against one of the outside walls and Puck sat on the sand nearby. “S’ jus’… Infinity was talkin’ like our powers make us who we are. Like, fundamentally. Now ah figure that who we are ain’t dependent on our powers. Ah reckon y’all’d be jus’ the same as ya are now if you were baselines, ya jus’ wouldn’t be near so famous or important. Infinity’d probably be upset about somethin’, Star’d probably be in some lab somewhere workin’ on somethin’, an’ you’d probably be in an animal shelter or somethin’ like that,” she said, smiling at Puck. She could easily see him caring for lost kittens. So long as the staff around him were sexy, of course.

“I’m not quite sure about that,” Puck said. “Honestly I can’t imagine what I’d be doing. I doubt Star could, either. Everyone on this island was born a Nova. It’s what we are. But it’s not who we are, as I was just saying.”

Brute shook her head. “Naw, ah get it. Probably. Ah’m jus’ tryin’ ta figure out what Infinity was sayin’. She seemed real annoyed wit’ me, an’ ah figure she weren’t listenin’ ta me real hard neither, but still ah wanna understand what she was sayin’. Can either o’ ya rephrase it a little for me, maybe? Ah’m prob’ly just slow on the uptake. As usual,” she said with a self-conscious smile. Quicker don’t mean quick, she thought. Puck made her smarter, but that just meant there were all sorts of more complicated things she didn’t understand. Same shit, different day.

[Shosuro Miren]

"What she's saying is that our powers are a part of who we are. I could still be a nice person without my powers, but it would have taken much longer to create Exalt!, if I even could, without what my quantum gifts." He sighed, "And Infinity, both in personality and situation, is rather defined by her lack of obvious nova abilities. To her, your talk of wanting to get rid of your powers would be the same as a baseline speaking of wanting to disfigure themselves or amputate a perfectly fine limb."

He hugged her again. "She's worried about you, in her way. She's trying to help and the conversation hit a few of her own buttons. Everyone's got them and we're usually pretty good at not listening very much once they get pushed." He smiled, "She wants you to embrace every part of yourself. Even the parts that might be scary or that hurt or that you think aren't import. You can't figure out who you want to be until you know who you are."

He kissed her on the forehead. "Did that help at all?"

[Brute]

It did. She wasn’t quite sure how what to do with it, though. Brute was certain that this was not one of those ‘Puck smile magic’ moments. It wouldn’t be different once he went away.

She leaned back against the wall of the house, looking up at the sky while Puck studied her from her side. He was quiet, waiting for her to speak, and she was quiet, trying to work out what to say.

“Ah don’t get what’s so wrong about takin’ mah time,” Brute said, shaking her head. “The way she talks it’s like ah want ta be like this. Ah cain’t jus’ click mah fingers an’ make mah head better. All ah’m sayin’ is that these powers ah got… they don’t help me, not in the way that matters most. Mah head’s broke an’ nothin’ ah got can fix it. An’ all ah said was that if ah could exchange mah node for a head that worked right, ah’d do it.” She ran her hands through her hair.

Who am ah? That was the question Puck was putting forward. It wasn’t easy.

“Puck, how the fuck can anyone ask me to answer that question?” She looked to him, not angry but frustrated. “How is it even fair to ask me that? Ah was livin’ in a cave in the damn arctic until a couple o’ months ago. Ah’m tryin’ ta work through this stuff, ah really am. But it’s complex, an’ now Mr. Scripture’s let me see everythang in mah past an’ that…” she was breathing heavily now, running her head through those memories. There was that pull again, that vortex in her mind that kept trying to drag her down and pull the past into her present. The shadows looked weird for a moment, but other than that everything was fine. She blinked and shook her head. “It hurt a lot, Puck. It was scary. Before all ah really had on mah mind was what ah did to those guys who came after me. Ah couldn’t remember much, everythang was hazy. Now? Now ah remember it all, an’ it don’t help, Puck. It really don’t. Ah guess ah can face it now, or somethin’, but ah cain’t do it overnight! Ah’m not tryin’ ta be a drama queen. Ah jus’ got mah issues.” She sighed. “Naw, that weren’t what she was sayin’.”

“No it wasn’t,” Puck said. “Nobody wants to force you, Eden. We can’t help you if you don’t share what you’re feeling, though.”

“Ya cain’t help me if ah do, Puck. It’s brain damage. Scripture cain’t fix it. Nobody can. Ah worry sometimes that this is mah life. That ah’m gonna be thirty nine or somethin’ – if ah live that long – an’ ah’m still gonna be livin’ those nightmares. If mah own head, if there’s somethin’ in mah quantum signature that ain’t never gonna let me forget… what’s it sayin’, Puck? Who am ah? Am ah meant ta be some emo chick? Ah don’t wanna be that! It’s like, all ah wanna do is forget, an’ ah cain’t. No matter what ah want, ah cain’t do it. Ah ain’t meant ta. So ah gotta do somethin’ else wit’ it. Ah cain’t settle mah issues, ‘cuz they’re always gonna be wit’ me, always waitin’ ta jus’ spring out an’ get me. Maybe Infinity’s right. But ah don’ know how ta do that, Puck. An’ the idea that ya wouldn’t be here, ya wouldn’t be helpin’ me, ya wouldn’t even be tryin’ if ya didn’t have ya powers… that’s horrible, Puck. That’s scary.”

He took her hand in his, his skin as soft as a dream. “Go on, Eden. I’m listening.”

“It jus’ means y’all got no control over who ya are. All ah am is jus’ mah node, an’ what dad did ta me. Might as well not bother. Jus’ roll wit’ it. No point in tryin’, because ah’m jus’ mah powers, an’ ah can use those without even thinkin’ an’ they got nothin’ ta do wit’ mah head. An’ you, y’all ain’t really nice, ya jus’ pretendin’ ‘cuz yer powers let ya act like a nice guy. That’s what she’s sayin’. Everythang ya are, s’jus’ yer powers. Everythang ya do, s’jus’ yer powers. Yer jus’ a slave ta what ya can do, ‘cuz if ya couldn’t do that, ya wouldn’t be doin’ anythang. How can ya not find that scary? ‘Cuz if that’s true, ah ain’t never getting’ over this. This is gonna be me in twenty years. There’s no point in talkin’ to Dr. Sellas, in talkin’ ta you, talkin’ ta anyone.”

She looked him right in the eye. “Ah ain’t gonna get better. Ah ain’t supposed ta get better. So if what Infinity’s sayin’ is true, why are ya even tryin’ ta help? Why do ya look upset when ah’m upset? Ah’m meant ta be upset. Ah’m meant ta suffer. Ah’m meant ta be there, in that forest that don’t exist, wonderin’ whether or not what ah’m seein’ is real or isn’t real… forever.”

Brute slumped. It sounded so hopeless and fatalistic. She didn’t want to go through this forever, didn’t want to keep embarrassing her friends and loved ones because her brain happened to go on a spaz attack. She didn’t want years of ruining happy days with her seizures and bad memories. She didn’t want to be – at the end of the day – just a bad memory that would never, ever go away.

[Shosuro Miren]

"That's not what I said at least, Eden. Infinity...." She looked up at him, brown knit as she try to decide which part he meant. He sighed.

"We are who we are. Powers might enhance that, or even in some cases detract from that, but who we are is far more than quantum sparkles." He held her close, "I'd still be here for you. I'd still be doing something like Exalt!, something with the same principles. Or at least I'd still be trying. That is who I am. Infinity might disagree, but I think that at least in part that's because she's lived her life stuck between two worlds: not a baseline and not raised to be like them, but not quite a nova in the eyes of most of her peers either. She's let that, let her lack of powers, define her. That's her decision, but it doesn't make it true of everyone else."

"As for you...my belief is that the majority of it is up to you. If you want to stop seeing Laura, that's your decision. If you decide that you're going to be this way forever and so you're going to stop trying to change the situation, that's your choice too. I don't like that choice. I never could. But it is your decision and I would respect it as much as I could." He looked down at her, "My choices are to do everything I can for you. To love you no matter what because you're my sister and that connection is very important to me. That's not the only reason I love you, but it is where it started."

He hesitated, long enough for her to catch it which meant quite a long time for his enhanced mind. "There are other options. You're right - Scripture opened up all the pain of your past at once. He was doing his best to restore your mind so that you could heal, but it sounds like it's still very overwhelming. There are hypnosis techniques that could help you temporarily set a barrier between your conscious mind and some of those memories - until you're ready and able to deal with them. Small doses at a time, essentially." A telepath could do it, too, but he couldn't bring himself to even broach that subject with her despite how it might eventually help. Those scars were still too deep and fresh for him and he wasn't the one that had been psychically abused for years. He hugged her one more time. "The choices of what you do, Eden, they're all yours."

[Brute]

Choices, choices, Brute held onto Puck. Her eyes were getting wet again. She blinked and tears began to stutter down her face, freezing as they went.

“Yeah,” she said.

It was a fragile word, and a poor end to what they were talking about, but this wasn’t about her and she felt like she was getting in the way of people having fun again. She’d probably ruined Infinity’s fun already.

Brute straightened up and then rose. She put on a smile that she didn’t feel. Infinity had gouged her in the scars, and they weren’t going to heal anytime soon. “Ah’ll,” she raised her hands and then let them drop. “Ah don’t know, Puck. Thanks for supportin’ me. Ah don’t wanna be this way forever but ah guess she’s right. In a way ah am gonna be stuck. That don’t help me figure out what ta do with it, though. Ah jus’ don’t know.”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “You don’t have to. Nobody expects you to get better overnight. You’re dealing with a lot right now, and half of it you didn’t even know you were dealing with until recently. Don’t rush yourself, but don’t give up, either. I believe in you.” He kissed her on the forehead.

Brute smiled. “All of a sudden ah feel so much better,” she said, and winked. The smile felt a lot more real this time. She gestured across the island. “Ya might wanna go see Infinity. Ah think ah sorta ruined her day. Bit o’ give an’ take in that regard, maybe, but ah didn’t mean ta. Maybe you can make her feel better?”

[Shosuro Miren]

He nodded, "Okay, then."

He gave her one last hug and then picked his way quickly across the island to where Infinity was still pacing back and forth, muttering to herself. He leaned against a tree and interject, "Do you want someone to talk to?"

He didn't bring up the conversation or the meltdown before. If she wanted to talk, she'd talk. If she wanted to be alone, she'd tell him to piss off. And if she just needed to blow off some steam, she'd probably strip off his clothes and drag him down to the sand. Whatever she chose, just as he'd told Eden, it was her choice.

[z-Infinity]

"No." The word was petulant. "There's not much to say Puck. She's got her view, and I've got mine, and neither of us will change it." Infinity moved over to the tree and sagged against it, leaning her head on his shoulder. "It's her call to be however she likes," Infinity added, "even if I don't agree. Especially if I don't agree." She rolled her face against his shoulder, taking comfort in his presence. "I just didn't like that. At all."

[Shosuro Miren]

Puck distracted her for a while, making good on his promise and letting himself be distracted as well. Infinity was always good for that, sex and comfort. The picnic continued on for a while, but the spirit of the days had been broken. Bits of enthusiasm and carefree joi de vivre were picked up along the way, but after a few more hours the group packed up and headed home.

Puck made his excuses to the others and retreated to his office. He'd meant to unveil his growing plan today, but it hadn't worked out that way. That was fine, he'd adapt. But the plan still needed working on. And I think we all need a little time to process today...

[Quantum Fire]

End of Thread

XP: 3 Standard, 2 Baseline, 3 Nova