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Kamiko addresses shoppers everywhere

Sailor OOC

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Thought I'd repost this little gem I've posted elsewhere. Also, remember that Black Friday refers to the Friday after Thanksgiving (if you haven't known that).

Okay, here I go... Shoppers, Black Friday, and YOU.

Yes, Time to talk about holiday shoppers. Why? well other than I love them so much /sarcasm . I also think there should be classes at the malls for the purpose of training shoppers in how to behave, and how to treat the workers with respect. If it's a seasoned Mallrat who loves causing grief for clerks or a harried holiday sheep... I mean shopper.

You see, the typical shopper thinks that the person behind the register is their robotic servant. A slave if you will. They will, if so much as one thing goes wrong with the transaction, howl to the gods to bring their wrath upon the clerk that wronged them. I have personally seen a customer wait for a manager to arrive, and watch to see if saild worker got fired. Usually, about 99% of the time, such a thing WILL NOT happen.

You see, a worker is not responsible for things like register malfunctions, or incorrect entries for sales. What you do is take your recipt to the manager. They know what's going on. Don't slip in that the register worker didn't give you the correct price. And sure as hell don't get legal with clerk saking that it's false advertizing. Most likely, there is no conspiracy against you. It's just an ERROR. Moron.

Next is when someone asks for something that is OUT OF STOCK.

You see, unfortunately, unlike the internet, there is no FAQ that states what is in and what is not. So when a floor worker says it's out of stock, don't be a pissant and ask what's in the back room. They for one don't have the authorization. Second, if it's out of stock, wasting a floor worker's time with yet another look in the back is counterproductive. They aren't being lazy. THEY KNOW. PERIOD. Deal with it.

If they roll your eyes at you, it's probably because they got asked this question 50 gazillion times. It's not being rude. It's just their way of focussing their willpower so they don't rip your head off.

Next, it's this whole 5am deal. Okay, you wait outside fom like what, midnight, not to get tickets for some concert, but to shop? HELLO! Where's your damn priorities? Shopping for food is more important than getting the latest Mortal Kombat for your kid that souldn't even be recieving such a gift!

Then, when you, oh hardcore one (yeah, right) step in, and get grumpy, sluggish workers, you complain. THINK YOU PRIMATIVE SCREWHEAD! They're tired! They got up at 3 in the morning, their turkey tv dinner they ate last night is still working through them, and they had to deal with people yelling at them through the door because they saw them through the glass to let them in 5 minutes early because THEIR watch read 5am!

1: You're on store time when you're on their property.

2: It doesn't matter what your watch says. You can take your watch, shine it up, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your CANDY ASS!

3: Looking like you're gonna break the doors down will only get security called on you. MORON.

But back to task here.

You're dealing with workers who, at the sacrifice of family and friends, shunned following an American tradition of being with their familys on a holiday weekend, to feed your need for a deal. Depriving hardworking Americans time with their loved ones. You should feel ashamed wearing one of those American flag pins. You're no patriot. You should feel guilty about wrecking a fine tradition that celebrates the American pioneer spirit!

Oh, I'm just getting warmed up.

You people have, without the shadow of a doubt, contributed to multiple people having seasonal depression, suicide, nervous breakdowns, and countless health problems through the stress YOU CAUSE. That 1000 yard stare? They aren't ignoring you, they have PTSD. Yes, you heard me, a retail location during the holiday rush, and especially on Black Friday, is like a war zone.

Not to belittle the work our boys and girls overseas are doing, but DAMN. You morons are just as bad as what we're dealing with. Only instead of guns, you got screaming babies, unrealistic expectations, and issues that are better dealt with by a psychologist or therapist!

Most retail workers, while only paid anything from minimum wage to 7 or 8 an hour, yet do these jobs.

1: Package delivery of anything over 100 pounds to someone's car.

2: Mental therapy and diagnosis of a shopper's need, without ANY prior diagnosis (Mind Reading).

3: Negotation.

4: Peacekeeping without proper equipment.

5: Crowd Control.

6: On-Site Anger management courses.

7: On demand inventory updating to costomers.

You see the picture. Clerks and floor folk are UNDERPAID, OVERWORKED, HAVE NO BENIFITS, and generally have NO WORK SECURITY AT ALL. You can see why their morale is so low. Add to that the drama between workers spurred on by shopper shortened tempers, and you got a reality TV show waiting to happen. Except this is real life, and there is no million dollars for the "winner". Just more hours and less respect.

You want to know what really is the big problem? People not being able to deal with the fact they got referred to a manager to deal with their problem. UH HELLO, that's the Manager's JOB. Fixing your problem that the cashier or floor worker cannot deal with either because it's not their job, or they are UNABLE to correct it.

Note I said UNABLE, not UNWILLING. The workers WANT to help you. By expediting you to the fastest way to completing your trip. They know you want to get done with shopping. Don't slow up the process by trying to get a worker to break the chain of command for a 5 cent discrepency. And dragging your heels when they refer you to a Manager with complaining and insults.

And please, PLEASE, for the sake of all that is right in the world, DON'T DEMAND A DISCOUNT because things didn't go your way. You won't get it, and you'll only hold up the line howling and complaining for one. That just makes the people behind you more pissed off and the clerk's job EVEN HARDER after your sorry ass has left.

In fact, here, I'll give you some guidelines. Perhaps you should print them out, and take them with you for a guide on how to shop with NO EFFORT at all.

1: Patience. Learn to use it.

2: Crowds. There'll be lots of them. Don't expect things to be fast.

3: Calm. The calmer you are, the better people will respond.

4: Ask for help RIGHT AWAY, not after spending a half hour getting flustered and stressed out.

5: Things run out. Don't harass a worker thinking there is some magical back room where everything mysteriously appears.

6: DON'T WAIT TO SHOP untill the last month! Shopping in October or September isn't weird, IT'S SMART!

7: Remember, the person helping you is TIRED, CRANKY from morons, and will still help you. But only if you don't feed them an uppity attitude.

8: When referred to the Manager, go IMMEDIATELY. Don't complain that the clerk that did so is lazy, or not doing his job.

9: Complaining about a clerk or worker to a Manager for not fixing your problem that they referred you to a Manager for is low. Very low. After all, the worker sent you BECAUSE the MANAGER can HELP YOU. Isn't that what you wanted in the first place?

10: Hanging around to see if a worker gets fired for doing his job is counter-productive. Not only will your complaint get laughs and snickers behind your back, but will be told among co-workers starting with this. "Hey, did you see that crackhead?"

11: Remember this: You are not always right. The worker is mostly right.

12: Also remember this: The worker isn't lazy. He's tired. There's a difference. Be gentle.


Follow those guidelines, and you'll be fine. That, and a retail slave will thank you for it.

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For God's sake, just go to the manager. They get paid the big bucks to deal with customer issues, and have the authority to do something to boot. Too many managers have a bad habit of hiding behind workers; don't let them. They are the true face of the company, not the guys and gals on the floor.

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