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World of Darkness: Attrition - Troubled, Lost, and Destroyed [Randy Edison][FIN]

Adrian Moss

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She came knocking on his door late in the evening, long after he'd came back from dinner. He was angry when he went to the door. There was still so much homework to go through, and that last thing he needed was ...


Shadow had been crying, and recently. She stood at the door, hand clasped in front of her so hard, her knuckles were white. Randy gave a deep sigh, stepped back and opened the door. Shadow skirted him as she came in, avoiding contact. He slammed the door shut. The last thing he felt he needed was some Emo-girl crying all over the place. She was upset and he didn't give a fuck.

"What do you want," Randy said as he went back to his desk. Shadow sat down on the bed and sniffed softly. The Magus made to sit down when he saw some movement at the edge of his vision. Shadow's hand reached out snake-like, grabbed the knife he kept under his pillow, and lunged at his back.

Randy spun and shifted his weight. He caught Shadow's untrained strike, grabbing her wrist. His other hand pulled back in a strike posture. With a quick twist, the knife went flying out of Shadow's hand and she stifled a scream of pain. His free hand struck her in the sternum, sending her flying back on the bed. There was a moment of silence. Shadow's gaze went from Randy's angry eyes to the knife on the floor. She began crying, which only made Randy angrier.

He moved to backhand her. Shadow stuck her chin out, tears streaming down her face.

"Do it!" she screamed. "Just kill me."

Randy held his hand. He backed away and picked up the knife while keeping his eyes on her.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Did you come to kill me? Done now?" he growled. Shadow fell back on the bed and brought her hands to her eyes. She was weeping louder now. He reached out and grabbed her by one of her wrists. Randy yanked her up as she yelped in surprise and pain. "I've had it with you. Get out."

Shadow struggled against him, but he was bigger and stronger. Randy made it to the door.

"You've ruined me," she sobbed. "You should have killed me."

'Here comes the drama,' Randy thought. He relented primarily because he didn't need her weeping and wailing at his door.

"What do you mean?" he ground out. His disinterest clear in his voice.

"I ... I tried to get past you ... past what you did to me ..."

Randy said nothing. Shadow was searching his face for something.

"I tried to get past you. I did. You raped me, and I tried to get on with my life."

"Shadow, we've been jogging every morning for the past month." Randy didn't address the rape issue. "You are hardly avoiding me."

Her eyes still puffy, tear tracks on her face, Shadow looked rather pathetic in his sight.

"I tried ... I ... had a date tonight. I tried, he tried ... I was screaming and hitting him ... I can't go on like this."

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Randy digested the news. The lesson for Shadow here was that life sucked. Randy was already well aware of that fact. He stared at her, anger still banked in his gaze. He wanted her to just go away and stop bothering him.

"If that's it, you can leave now," Randy said without passion.

Shadow snuffled, unwilling to just give up. She had some twisted hope that he might care.

"What ... what about us?"

"There is no us," he said calmly. "Never was. Not going to be."

Shadow looked desperately around the room for anything to cling to. She looked back to Randy, pleading with her body language. She was totally desperate now.

"You can have me," she whispered to him. He looked at her appraisingly. His hand let go of the door handle. "You can have me any way you want," she begged.

Randy looked over at his unfinished homework then back to Shadow. She was a mess. This manipulative crap made him angry.

"Fine," he growled. "Take off your clothes." She started slowly.

"Now," he barked. She picked up her pace until she was totally naked before him. She tried to cover herself with her arms and hands. Randy forced the arms to her sides. His gaze went up and down her. The cool dorm air caused goose bumps to rise on her skin. He touched her forearm and Shadow flinched away. The man pushed her toward his bed, pushing until she fell down on her side.

"Fine, he growled. I'll fuck you, but that's it. We aren't girlfriend/boyfriend. You aren't anything to me. Got it."

She nodded.'

Randy dove in like a starving animal.

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Randy woke up feeling her warmth against him. For a moment it was good, then he remembered. He remembered all those faces, all that death. Anger boiled up and nearly consumed him. He wanted to strangle her, break her, destroy her for what she'd done despite all his efforts. How badly did he have to hurt this girl to make her to go away - run away for that matter. He hated the world and he hated it right back. He took that hate on all around him that he might ...

Maybe he should have let her stab him. A tear ran down the side of his face and into his ear. He had wanted to strangle her in her sleep, but it was too late. Despite his savagery, his cruelty, his hate - all the terrible things he could dump on her - she kept coming back. He ran her into the ground every morning, his cold eyes holding her in open contempt. He never gave her a smile, or a kind word. He had made her a vessel for his rage.

Now, he cared about her. Now she was going to die, just like everyone else who ever got close to him. Just like his Sister. He couldn't save her, and he couldn't save Shadow, and it was all his fault.

Shadow moved against him, dreaming of something unknown to him. He brushed a few errant hairs from her face. 'How would she go', he thought. Would he recognizer her? How much more would he die inside? Would he have enough to save his younger Sister? He stopped worrying about it. It was too late now.

Shadow's eyes opened, peaceful-like, but when she saw his eyes, fear took over. She shivered. Randy kept staring at her which made her nervous. Under the sheets his hand brushed across her stomach. She was still dealing with that sensation when he pulled her up for a kiss - a real kiss. He rolled on top of her, she was afraid and not nearly ready, but she didn't protest. She could sense something different about him. As he began his rhythm she could hear him chanting something. He edged around on the bed, rolling over so she was on top. Shadow rose up slightly.

This is different, she thought. What was he saying? Her own rhythm took over and she rose up fully on him but still she struggled to hear him. One of his hands rose up from her hips to her breasts and began fondling them. This caress was different. It took her another moment to realize what was going on. Randy was making love to her, not fucking. It felt like lightning rushing up her spine. Their rhythms came into synch and they were nearing the end of the ride. She had to hear what he was saying. As the moment came over them both he was finally loud enough to be heard just once.

"I hate you," he gasped, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you ..." continued the chant.

Shadow's head come down upon his chest, right below his chin.

'That's okay', was her silent reply, 'I hate you too'.

Finally, she had something she could live with.

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