opnet [OpNet] What is the /best/worst/weirdest fan-fiction about you out there?

[Ghostwriter]

Just thought I'd start this thread for a laugh.

Novas attract fans like honey draws bees. Some of these people like to write stories about us. Sometimes these stories are good, sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're just plain weird.

One of the best (and funniest) ones I ever read was a crossover with Xena: Warrior Princess written in my T2M days. Julie and I were the reincarnations of Xena and Gabrielle who had to fight a reincarnation of Ares with reborn Joxur and Meg as our sidekicks.

One of the worst I suffered through was the one where I went birdy without Franklin and humped Wakinyan, Vixen, Edward and just about every other furry, fuzzy, scaled or fanged nova out there.

One of the weirdest was the one where I got it on with Antaeus.

So, give a list of your best, worst and weirdest fan-fics.

[Wakinyan]

God where do I begin.

I can't get the mundane stuff listed to many Apep and Vixen stories. Scales and fur seem to mix in that.

One of the stranger involved a Slash of me and Neil. Who woulda thought Neil was a top huh?

Another strange one involved me infecting people with Griffanthropy.. WTF that is I have no idea but apparently I had to have sex with them in order to spread it.

[Singularity]

One of the worst I've seen is from my old days as an elite. It involved me defeating and "conquering" an almost endless list of other elites, male and female.

Probably the strangest was from about six months ago when I was keeping out of the public light for a bit. In the story, Geisha had captured and added me to her male harem because I had left the Project, turning me into her sex slave. Then it got a little surreal when Samhra busted into the T2M A/P facility to take back her "property," and it turned into a dominatrix showdown using the male harem. Primarily myself.

The things people think of, eh?

[Slattern]

There have been a few delightful ones. Very twisted actually. Loved them dearly.

Do you know that some authors really can't accept the idea that you've shown up to make their fantasies some true?

[Vixen]

You only get twelve, N!Prime board, before I sleep for the night, so: sweet dreams.

1. The Predators have teamed up with the Daleks and conquored New England. The Dalek's plunger arms are used in naughty ways. Can anyone find the ability to care about new England long enough to rescue it? Enter... Vixen, Wesley Crusher, Bruce Lee and Dave Foley! At this point, I stopped.

2. Endeavor uses a gun that turns me into a dildo. It went downhill from there.

3. I join the cast of 'Doogie Howser, M.D.' The weird thing about this one is that it went NOWHERE. I just sewed up a lot of patients and talked with Doogie Howser, and then it ended.

4. Nightwing scores! I 'team up' with Batman's protege'. This one I chuckled all the way through because I've had a crush on Nightwing all my life.

5. I become a rock and roll star. And then I turn out to be that white haired chick from the 'Heavy Metal' movie. Yeah.

6. I wound up getting humped by KITT, using an extendable gearshift. And then KITT and KARR wound up... you know, I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

7. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I discover that 'Puck' from Alpha Flight has gone bad, and also that he is a vampire and all of his lost height was made up for 'somwehere else.' If you don't know what Alpha Flight is, I envy your spotless mind.

8. Bizarro Vixen. Me hate it so much me not start thread about it.

9. I wind up swooping down and abducting Agent Fox Mulder while he is wearing his red speedo. It wins the prize for the worst line of all time: "I should be your partner. Then someone only has to shout 'Fox!' to get both of us running."

10. I wind up putting everyone in the Matrix. My version of the Matrix involves a lot of necrophilia, that's perfectly okay now 'cause it's just the Matrix. Yeah, it was one of those fanfics where you just go, "Okay, why did you write that down?"

11. By lore, kitsunes can make other kitsunes by biting people and ka-vixening them. In this story, I vixen-ify every single nova in the world. All of them, if not female already, become so. Let's just say that it's a very disconcerting process having a version of yoruself giving tips to Totantanz on how to be a girl vixen. This one was fully illustrated, no less.

For the curious, no, I can't turn people into large breasted vixens.

Yet.

12. I eat, literally and figuratively, Sloppy Joe.

[Sandcaster]

If I had a dollar for every fanfic I've run across that claimed to know places where I wasn't sand-covered....

[Brother Jacob]

Do you not see what you are doing, you aberrants? Do you not see the corruption of youth that is the direct result of your sinful, demon-ridden, wasted lives of debauchery and sin? Do you not see this as fulfillment of the plans of the Great Deceiver himself? Look to Matthew 14, Exodus 32, and countless other examples, and you will see that you are only repeating the vile sins of the past.

Repent, you aberrents! Repent, before it is too late!

[Iron Rose]

Most of the ones I've found that involve myself also involve several of the other metallic novas on the boards. Lots of clanging heard for miles....

[Slattern]

Brother Jacob, how would you like for me to show up and give you such a night of passion that you'd worship me for the rest of your days?

[Good Alice]

I can't read my fictions. Too many of them have to do with me growing big and well I hope I don't have to spell it out for people but hey are messy and not what I would ever find pleasurable.

[Bic]

Ah, the joys of stardom! And they say art is dead. It seems it's merely been grotesquely mutated into a writhing mockery of its former self.

Okay, I have a follow-up question: What's the best/worst/weirdest published literature about you out there? Or by you for that matter? Not to denegrate fan-fiction, but we can be a little more selective than the lowest common denominator, I'm sure.

And no I can't answer any of these myself because nobody wants to write about me. It's ego-shattering, I know, but I'll get by somehow.

[Sherazahde]

The worst thing about writing about your life is often the stories that pop up about you are true.

Most of the fanfics about me I've read have some basis in fact, even if the cast has been changed. So while the urban myth about what happen with me and a well-known Elite at Starlord's is true, it's probably not the Elite you're heard about.

My favorite completely fictional story about me are the doujinshi I've read in Japan. Ohmigod, they've got one of me making it with a Pokémon. I think it was Meowth. It's kinda odd to see a little cartoon you in cartoon bondage being done from behind by a little furry cat thing. It's so ludicrous you just have to have fun with it!

[Edison]

Quote:

Originally posted by Brother Jacob:
Do you not see what you are doing, you aberrants? Do you not see the corruption of youth that is the direct result of your sinful, demon-ridden, wasted lives of debauchery and sin? Do you not see this as fulfillment of the plans of the Great Deceiver himself? Look to Matthew 14, Exodus 32, and countless other examples, and you will see that you are only repeating the vile sins of the past.

Repent, you aberrents! Repent, before it is too late!

You had your chance to purify me you ass...you lost it when you didn't want to show up, so just leave us alone.

Though to answer the question at hand, I haven't had any...guess I'm just not popular enough.

[Ghostwriter]

Quote:

Originally posted by Brother Jacob:
Do you not see what you are doing, you aberrants? Do you not see the corruption of youth that is the direct result of your sinful, demon-ridden, wasted lives of debauchery and sin? Do you not see this as fulfillment of the plans of the Great Deceiver himself? Look to Matthew 14, Exodus 32, and countless other examples, and you will see that you are only repeating the vile sins of the past.

Repent, you aberrents! Repent, before it is too late!

Honey-baby, fan-fiction existed before we did. Find a better argument and we might talk.

[Conduit]

Quote:

Originally posted by Iron Rose:
Most of the ones I've found that involve myself also involve several of the other metallic novas on the boards. Lots of clanging heard for miles....

I think I read some of those.

[Vixen]

12 more fanfictions found on my last trawl. If you find yourself clutched by existential horror late at night, contemplating the heart-freezing nature of a society that produces this stuff: you're welcome.

13: Through the horrors of contracting through Nova Services, International, I have to work in a conveinience store with two wisecracking Gen-Xers and a wacky pair of stoners. About as much fun as the gynecologist.

14. Vixen Guest-Hosts the 'Muppets.' I quantum bolt the Swedish Chef into charred felt, and I get Frank Oz to talk dirty to me in the Fozzie Bear voice.

15. Vixen Guest-Hosts Saturday Night Live. About as funny as it sounds.

16. I encounter a nova who can petrify things and I get turned into a statue. Apparently being a statue is really erotic because the author then described exactly how sexy my pose was, and how hot I was even though I was, you know, solid stone.

17. Self-insertion fanfic about a guy being seduced by me. Nothing outstanding, except the guy was painfully, PAINFULLY honest about how he looks in real life.

18. I let ex-President Bill Clinton... 'Lewinsky...' me.

And then Hillary joined in.

And then so did Chelsea.

19. Masters of the Universe self-insertion homoerotic fanfiction featuring myself, Kikjak, and the Power Rangers. You know that sound a record player makes when you take the needle off it? I heard that in my soul.

20. I travel back in time and make love to myself. Yes, the fan fiction that dares to ask "If you travel back in time and make love you yourself, is it homosexuality, incest, or masturbation?" It never gave me an answer.

21. I sing songs with the cast of 'Newsies.' Wagon Treble Ferret?

22. I turn various men into articles of clothing, and then I wear them. ... actually, I should try this one.

23. A really gruesome one where I get turned into soma, and am still sentient as I'm ingested. People who write this kind of stuff... they don't vote, do they?

24. Some story about how I was sunning myself nude on top of one of the buildings in Seattle, and I wound up getting shagged by Caestus Pax, who dipped his bald head in oil and rubbed it all over me. There was a listing of these all with the same basic premise and different female novas. I think Samhra was in one...

[Neil Preston]

I don't end up in too many of them, but I do try to reply to every one I discover. Dictating replies helps pass the time in surgery.

[Ghostwriter]

Hmm, some more weird, wonderful and woeful fan-fics about me:

1. I take over the British Museum's Reading Room and turn all of the books into my sex-slaves. I get shudders just thinking about all of the paper-cuts.

2. I get into an origami showdown with the anime character Yomiko Readman and the loser has to be the sub to the winner's dom. I won... Paper dildos, wouldn't they be kinda soggy after the first use?

3. I psychically dominate Caestus Pax and Divis Mal and watch them make hot monkey love. I don't know what was more disturbing about this fic, the idea of Pax and Mal together, me being the one who got them together or the use of the phrase 'hot monkey love' in reference to the leader of the Teragen.

4. I make paper cutouts of other novas and make them do explicit and perverted things to each other. I won't go into detail about Singularity, Pele and some whipped lava...

5. I discover I can talk to animals and do perverted things with a ferret.

6. I rub baby oil on Vixen. Oil and fur? Hello, anybody home or just the lights on?

7. I rub baby oil on Narcosis as part of a cast of thousands.

8. I mud-wrestle with Slattern and we get it on in front of a cast of thousands.

9. I teleport through a computer screen and seduce a guy. I'll just say this... 'Half a minute, half a dick'.

10. I make paper sex-toys and sell them to other people. Hello? Soggy and paper-cuts? *shudders*

[Preston]

Why in the g**-d*** H*** am I in any of these things?!?!?!!? For the Love of the Virgin Mary, I am NO ONE'S Daddy but Neil ... and NO, we do not have a homosexual incestuous relationship!

*&#@& ....

Freedom of Speech my .......

[Sakurako Hino]

Samhra... you made my day.

Here's one I discovered of me.

It seems that someone likes MMORPGs, so they made a story of me exploring the landscape of one, and getting... violated... by some sort of cuthuloid horror.

There's another one where I make the perfect android companion. Connect the dots there, folks.

I sort of like the one where someone I think watched too much star trek, and they have be go to an alien world and get "coupled" with 50 green-skinned hunks. At least from description they'd be hunks, but I digress.

And I get coupled with the oddest folk.

Me+Totentanz (Snuff there)

Me+Geryon (We make some freaky babies... oh, and I become queen of earth too.)

Me+Ashnod (? Wadawha ?)

Seriously, who has time for all this?

Then again, I keep thinking of wanting to make a specially modified Yomiko Readman costume for you, Samhra. Halloween is close...

[Ulysses Bailey]

Sorry, Captain, but that's the price of: 1. a free society; and 2. having a public image. It might not be pleasant or tasteful, but it's the result of balancing freedom with censorship. There are always alternatives within our system, however I fear your public position could place you in a more difficult situation than, say, Carver and the fan fictions about her.

[Lemmy Chillmeister]

I love these things.

Though really, there are only so many 2-foot long ice dick stories a guy can take. Make up something new.

Fuckers, it's not like I need anything to enhance the ten pounds of dangling fury I already got.

The one where I make the Fireman my bitch was just poorly fucking written too.

[Preston]

Mr. Bailey, I accept the prices of freedom and I know I do not have to like it when people use me in name and likeness in their sick fantasies.

[Wakinyan]

One man's sick fantasy is another man's dream come true...

I wonder what little Slattern has to say of all this?

[z-Carver]

Quote:

Originally posted by Preston:
Why in the g**-d*** H*** am I in any of these things?!?!?!!? For the Love of the Virgin Mary, I am NO ONE'S Daddy but Neil ... and NO, we do not have a homosexual incestuous relationship!

*&#@& ....

Freedom of Speech my .......

I agree 100%, Mr. Preston, but let me tell you - not much to be done... I've checked.

[Ulysses Bailey]

Quote:

Originally posted by Carver:
I agree 100%, Mr. Preston, but let me tell you - not much to be done... I've checked.

Your situations are a little different, Ms. Carver. Your status as an entirely private citizen gives you, potentially, more protection that the Captain. Also, publicly conceding defeat (or the potential of defeat) could make your position in bargaining for protection of your rights much more difficult.

More simply, it's not over until the fat lady sings.

[Cade]

Some of them are damn creative.. I read a few here and there, they're usually good for a laugh.

[Ghostwriter]

I sponsor the really talented writers into creative writing programmes and publishing houses.

[Morninglight2]

I never get ta read none of this. My OpNet device is keyed ta block it all.

[Singularity]

Oh, thanks, love, for reminding me that I need to send that gift basket.

[Jager]

Personally, I take great amusement in hunting down and having little chats with the more creative authors of some of my fictions. Of course, sometimes they facinated and other times they freak.

[Cade]

I've also gone out to find some of the good authors.. most of them had a quite pleasant time I would say..

[Gerald Haney]

I'm a little hurt.

I could only find six of them. SIX! That's it. Heck, I found more about Charr for goodness sake (don't read, please, for the love of all that's holy don't look for them.)

And in all six I'm Tarot's little rent-boy.

Yeesh.

[Wakinyan]

Quote:

Originally posted by Gerald Haney:
And in all six I'm Tarot's little rent-boy.

What's that old saying about the shoe fitting?

[Ghostwriter]

Oh Lordy, how could I forget the ones involving me and Charr?

I personally tracked the authors down and told them that the only way I like tentacles is in battered calamari.

[Amped]

Quote:

Originally posted by Jennifer 'Dervish' Parks:
I never get ta read none of this. My OpNet device is keyed ta block it all.

You made me interested, so I went and looked them up. We have one together. Use your imagination there.

[DigiGeist]

Thank whoever designed the OpNet for making everything have a tag that could be blocked.

Most of these folk have free OpSite accounts with easily blockable OpIps.

As for Those that have jobs and pay for personal accounts, just use Google with caution.

[Wakinyan]

Why block them? They are worshipping us as best they can so allow it. Can you imagine how one of these people feel as they post this story then have Samhra come out of the text of their story in front of them? How godlike is that? Now only franklin of course knows the payoff but still just the act alone of having her arrive to acknowledge their work is something! I wonder if she does this while sunning naked on that rock and if she remembers to recloth herself first.

Some of it may be perverse or strange but I think a few of them have good ideas too.. Yes I am looking at you Vixen..

[Edison]

Meh, I prefer not to be written into anybody's perverse little world. I have enough problems as it is. The bitch is bugging me for more alimony.

[Gerald Haney]

Quote:

Originally posted by Wakinyan:

Quote:

Originally posted by Gerald Haney:
And in all six I'm Tarot's little rent-boy.

What's that old saying about the shoe fitting?

Very funny.

So the four stories I found of SuperBeast riding you in every possible way should also be given weight? I didn't know you were into the spurs so much butch boy.