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[z-Carver]

I have been home a couple of days now. My parents won't look at me. My sister finds reasons to not be home. My boyfriend just broke up with me because "he can't handle it."

Can I go back to being a human now? Please!?

Carver

[Singularity]

I am sorry, Carver, but this is... permanent. It is who you are, for better or for worse. The first days are going to be the worst but it will get better. Just do not be afraid to ask for help.

[z-Carver]

I've lost everything! I don't even look like myself anymore! And I'm just supposed to let it get better?

Would someone please take out my MR Node? I'd be normal without, like I'm dormed all the time. I could be normal again!

[Amped]

Carver, you've been given a gift. People will react to you differently, but it allows you to know who loves you, who wants to be around you. Surround yourself with the people who are willing to be uncomfortable to be with you, they are the ones that care enough and they are the only ones you should care about back.

You're lucky though, you're allowed back in your household. I wasn't allowed to return home. I was put under "special care."

Normal is overrated anyway. People are false to you when you're normal.

[Harry Black: The Magician]

Carver let me tell you about my night yesterday. Last night I did a little impromtu show for a group of refugees Ibiza. I do a lot of those but we'll just talk about last night. They're sleeping on what's left of the beach and disease is one of the biggest concerns right now. A month ago they were business men and women, kids playing on in the streets, hookers, moms, dads, clubbers in from Europe... A mixed group of survivors. You get the idea.

I dressed as a street sweeper to do my act. So of course I was going about my business of sweeping up the mess and little things kept happening. Flowers that grew back and blew raspberry cheers at me no matter how many times I pulled them up. Winds that sprang up out of nowhere to try and tug my hat away. Little figures of stone and aluminium cans that kept trying to steal my sandwich, or when I was getting that back, my brooms and trashcan. By the end of it I had most of them giving me a smile or laughing at situations and my tricks.

Nothing I did changed the circumstances. The riot still happened, people are still dead, and the wounded still suffer. But for a small moment in time they could envision life not defined by fear and pain.

There's a lot to be learned in that.

[Timeslip]

Carver,

What I'm going to say is going to come off somewhat harsh, but bear with me.

Of course your parents and siblings and boyfriend and other baselines in your life don't know how to interact with you. You've moved past them, they realize it, and you wind up on the receiving end of their lack of comprehension of what you really are now. To make matters worse, no amount of explaining it to them will give them understanding of what it means to be nova, anymore than a human can successfully communicate the human condition to a monkey.

The best thing for you to do -- by far -- is to find and be with other novas; trying to live like a baseline isn't really in the playbook anymore for you. After a while, you'll come to realize just how lucky you really are to be a nova.

[Long]

Carver, I can understand what you're going through. It hurts to lose your family because they cannot come to terms with your new status. Loonk at it this way, they are being up front about it and telling you now, not hiding it until it consumes them.

I have to agree with Amped, Being a nova is a gift, though sometimes you have to give something back in exchange.

[Conduit]

Carver, I can't say that I understand. I didn't have a great relationship with my family before my eruption, so not speaking to them after wasn't all that big of a change.

And I'm probably the last guy to give advice, having spent the better part of 6 months with the fishes, but I say, be yourself. If nobody likes it it's their loss.

[Vox Via]

I am sorry. Your node is a part of you. Taking it out would be killing a part of you, at best. You are no longer who you used to be. you are now who you are, and like an adult dreaming of being a child you will never be what you once were. You are not better or worse than what you used to be. you are what you are.

I wish i could change that fact.I wish I could make things go a way that would mean you or anyone else didn't have to suffer.

[Alex Craft]

As an aside, Carver, remember that anyone who offers to remove your node, make you human, or anything along those lines is almost certainly (well into the ninety-ninth percentile) scamming you or intending to kill you and use your brain to make drugs.

(Not exactly the most upbeat response, but I figured you needed the fair warning.)

[Amped]

Then you can procede to let me know where they are. I'm keeping a list of all those types.

[Harry Black: The Magician]

Then you might want to look into Moscow Amped. There are lots of unsavory things going on there. I only spent two weeks in the city but it was amazing what got offered. And a little sickening.

[Alex Craft]

Or China - Macau would be a good place to start. Either way, it's a great way to get yourself killed.

(Man, I'm just filled with cheerful information tonight.)

[Amped]

Like hell I'm going. I'm not stupid. I just want to know where my enemies are located.

[Neil Preston]

Well Carver, I could take a look at you and see if there is anything special causing your disassociation, beyond the standard effects many novas are dealing with. At the least, I could give you a good idea what you are dealing with.

Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am too. My family and I remain close, except for my mother, but that's another story.

Harry, I caught your show. It really does help. Thanks.

[z-Carver]

Alex,

Maybe I would be better off dead, but if they killed me to make some nasty drug, that would be bad.

I just hate it like this. Everyone here is saying this will prove who really loves me. That's bull - I was loved before, and I was the one who changed into someone else. I don't blame my family for pulling away; I would probably do the same.

Gifts that you don't want aren't something to be happy about; they're something to sell as soon as you can in a yard sale. But I can't get rid of this - it is a part of me now.

I just hate all of this.

[z-Carver]

Neil,

What kind of things are you talking about?

Carver

[Violette 'V' D'Aronique]

I just hate it like this. Everyone here is saying this will prove who really loves me. That's bull - I was loved before, and I was the one who changed into someone else. I don't blame my family for pulling away; I would probably do the same.

That's particularly sad, Carver. While the circumstances are radically different, and I understand that, you can equate what you're saying to families that abandon loved ones after horrific, scarring accidents. Or after the contraction of a major disease.

You changing isn't something you chose, and that's something families are supposed to keep in mind. Families, and most especially parents, are supposed to love you for what you are, regardless of what that is.

When bringing a new life into the world, that new life has no say in what it is or what genetics it's going to inherit. That life just is. For better or for worse, those who brought that life into the world are supposed to care and protect it.

One day, your family will probably remember this. If they don't, ask them if they would be treating you the same way if you'd lost beauty to injuries in a car wreck.

Your boyfriend is another matter. Dump him and find someone else. You can choose your lovers. Relationships that aren't bound by blood are more like intimate contracts, and either of you have the right to break them.

And if you're looking for friends, there's no short supply of people here that would gladly stop by and love to get acquainted. We're a pretty diverse crew, but some of the friendships because of this place are very solid.

I'll stop by and take you to lunch if you'd like. I'm sure many of us would take that time for you.

[Harry Black: The Magician]

Quote:

Originally posted by Carver:
Everyone here is saying this will prove who really loves me.

No Carver. That's not what I said.

I'm sure you're a very special person and this is a very trying time for you. But there are people dying around me right now so you're just going to have to wait.

Quote:

Originally posted by Neil Preston:
Harry, I caught your show. It really does help. Thanks.

Its little enough but I do what I can.

[z-Carver]

Violette,

Thanks for the offer. I feel better than I did this morning. Between some of the nice things you guys have been saying and the email I got from Dr. Bosque this morning, I'm feeling better.

sorry to waffle guys but I kinda swing back and forth - sometimes I'm willing to hang on, other times I'm just so upset that I want to give up. This morning was one of the latter.

Violette, I have to ask, do you live in Phoenix? Otherwise, lunch will be hard.

Carver

[Timeslip]

You would be surprised at some of the interesting transport arrangements that some of us have, Carver...we're I not involved in a number of other things right now, I would probably swing by (and then your parents could see what a really different nova looks like).

[Neil Preston]

Quote:

Originally posted by Carver:
Neil,

What kind of things are you talking about?

Carver

I'm a student of the nova condition. I've studied novas the world over in all kinds of conditions. I've spent time as a combat medic, surgeon, and general practitioner, among other things both medical and mudane. I study both nova physiology, psyche, as well as quantum interactions with the physical environment, body, and soul.

I'm an MD from John Hopkins as well, though I am currently 'requested' to not practice medicine in the States for the time being.

I don't claim to have any answers, but I like to expand my horizons.
Does that help?

[Violette 'V' D'Aronique]

Quote:

Originally posted by Carver:
Violette,

Thanks for the offer. I feel better than I did this morning. Between some of the nice things you guys have been saying and the email I got from Dr. Bosque this morning, I'm feeling better.

sorry to waffle guys but I kinda swing back and forth - sometimes I'm willing to hang on, other times I'm just so upset that I want to give up. This morning was one of the latter.

Violette, I have to ask, do you live in Phoenix? Otherwise, lunch will be hard.

Carver

I can get to Phoenix within a few minutes. If you're not familiar with who I am, I'm a former member of Team Tomorrow and one of my abilities is being able to ride electrical conduits. Just let me know where to be and when and so long as there is electricity nearby, I can make it.

[Singularity]

I would take up most of these offers, Carver. Each person has an unique outlook that is worth at least hearing out.

[Long]

Timeslip do you really suppose you or I showing up would help her family come to see her condition in a positive light? Though if Carver agreed, I suppose we could scrounge a little time for a visit.

[Conduit]

Carver-If you want, we should get together for lunch. I should be back in Arizona sometime after the wedding.

[Harry Black: The Magician]

Good lord! Moments like these I wish I erupted with an understanding of the stock market or the ability to see winning lottery numbers. Everyone seems to have so much time and energy on their hands!

You're very lucky, Carver. Maybe not in erupting but definitely with all the novas willing to help you through the experience. Its very unusual and you should make the most of it. It won't last forever but I hope you'll make some new friends.

[Alex Craft]

"Maybe I would be better off dead ..."

Whoa now, there. First, it's good to hear you're not still on this. But, in case of another flip-flop ...

I don't pretend to know what's going on with you right now - some folks have pretty nasty eruptions, and I haven't heard the details of yours. BUT. No matter how bad it is, you are now a nova. The key thing about that is that, as a nova, any problem you have is fixable.

If you don't like the way you look, you can teach yourself to change your appearance. If your particular nature makes people twitchy, you can develop ways to sooth their discomfort. All of this takes time and isn't easy, but you can do it. Any and all limitations to your development are in your head - think your way around them, and you can take yourself pretty much anywhere.

(God ... I'm using the 'infinite potential' line. Somebody shoot me.)

And, if it helps, yes - they would be making very nasty drugs with your brain. (c;

[Sam Grey]

Quote:

Originally posted by Alex Craft:
And, if it helps, yes - they would be making very nasty drugs with your brain. (c;

I'll second that notion: the shit they make in the bad parts of the world would make that nova stomach of yours turn, Carver.

Don't pack it in yet, sweetheart. That Totem kid ain't complaining anymore and he's a fucking mystical beast that everyone stops from trying to get some action.

[Ghostwriter]

Honey, I'm not going to give a song and dance about how better life will be, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I'd never really lived until I erupted, and some of my best and worst times have come from me having a node, and I wouldn't change myself for the world.

If you truly can't live with what you are, learn to dorm. It's the only way you'll be anything ever approaching human again.

I'm sorry I can't offer more advice.

[Gypsy]

I was going to post something here. Oh I foget. Anycase. I hope things get better for you!

[Vox Via]

Carver, I honestly do not care what one these people you listen to, as long as you listen to yourself first. Listen to what you want. Listen to your soul, spirit, mind, node, heart or whatever you wish to call it. Just listen to yourself. You are what you are. You are not like you once were. You are not better nor worse than you once were. You are just different. I can't tell you much more than that. I can however say that you do not need my or anyone else's approval as long you are not hurting anyone else.

As for those offering you there hands I think they all only have your best interest at heart. I think they want you to be happy. I want this as well, but remember that no mater what side you choose you will upset someone. Even if you choose not to choose. Please understand that you can't please everyone. You should not even try to. It is not you job, burden or cruse to make us happy. It is your job to make yourself happy. If others are happy by what you do, that is just icing. So, take all the time you need, look over the offers, and the people making the offers and decide. Please do not choose a path that you can't change.

As for most the rest of you, let this poor girl be. She is suffering and you are treating like a slab of meat. Come do this. Act like this. Come join us. You are seeing her a nova and not a person. She doesn't know enough about us to trust any of us on any level that we are asking her to do. I hope that none of you try to take advantage of her. None of you.

[Lemmy Chillmeister]

Welcome to the sandbox Carver. You aren't human anymore and your family can feel it. They aren't bugging on you because you look weird or whatever, you feel weird to them most likely. You want to stay comfy with them you gotta give them some time. This ain't a new hairstyle.

You didn't ask for this? Guess what, none of us did. Well, except for Juri. But the rest of us had it happen all by suprise too. It's tough and a struggle but you got lots of folks who'll step up, tell you their stories and you can learn from them. I'd suggest you do that. Reinventing the wheel takes a lot of sweat and wastes precious fucking time.

You got two basic paths to follow. Bury your head under the stand, keep chanting that you're still human or that there isn't any real sort of difference that means much or you can own up to the fact that you've joined the One Race and that means shit is going to change. Lotsa little paths on each of the big paths, but you gotta pick one first otherwise you're just revving in neutral.

Now, I got a busy fucking schedule, but if someday you want to knock heads together and talk about what I've learned over these past years I'll be happy to make some time for you. Dinner's on me.

Welcome to the club sweetness.

[Jager]

Harry, it isn't that we are all rich, or have tons of free time on our hands, but a good number of us are rich and do take time out of our lives to help one another.

Who can do more for us that us?

Really.

Carver, some of us have lost our families, while others have been able to go home again. We understand.

Dump your old boyfriend like a nicotine habit. You have much better things to do with your time. Of course, being a nova doesn't make the guys, or girls, any less jerks, but at least you get to see things like Jupiter rising on Io and Krill streams in the Gulf along the way.

Buck up. It gets easier over time. If you need someone to talk to in a really dark time, drop me a private line.

[Timeslip]

Long: in comparison to us, Carver looks downright pedestrian; if nothing else, it might serve to make her look and feel more "normal" to her parents and sister by way of contrast. Gotta agree with the rest of the folks here on the boyfriend front, however; if he can't deal with it, he was never worth it in the first place.

Vanguard: nobody is treating Carver like a slab of meat. You need to stop seeing conspiracies everywhere you look, or readjust your tinfoil hat.

[Eris]

Carver,

Wow how everyone is so quick for you to dump this boyfriend.

Do you love him?

Does he love you?

Erupting is traumatic to you and it is also traumatic (Less so) to everyone around you. You both need to get your feelings in order before you move on. You are scared and so is he just try and keep that in mind.

I cannot believe how quick everyone it for you to just dump them. Hell I am not suprised they haven't tried hooking you up with some Nova on here. Amped, Juri, Conduit I am sure they would be good upgrades to that poor baseline boy..

[Amped]

Sorry Eris...I am accounted for. Though Conduit and Juri would be great upgrades I'm sure.

[Eris]

Wow you and Dervi consider yourself that serious? I figured you two where about as serious as a head cold.

[Amped]

I don't date multiple people at one time. She could if she wanted. That's her choice. It's just not my style.

[Vox Via]

Quote:

Originally posted by Timeslip:

Vanguard: nobody is treating Carver like a slab of meat. You need to stop seeing conspiracies everywhere you look, or readjust your tinfoil hat.

It couldn't be anymore funny. None of you are treating her like like slabs of meat. That is why Jager told a near complete stranger that she should stop dating a type of person purely based on one hardship in one relationship. A male dumped you and hurt you, go for girls. A girl did the same...

Jager has no place in telling Carver who she is romantically involved with. Yet he took broad the of saying that she only date novas because they can do bigger dating tricks. He ignored her emotions, wants and needs. No, nothing like a slab of meat. Jager only wants what is best for her.