opnet [OpNet] Well I'm back from hiding.

[Amped]

Well, I've been away for a while, hiding from people a bit, only being accessible by Mr. Bailey, and Dervish.

I had a nice little break. Everybody should take a vacation, especially one you don't have to pay for.

I slept under the stars, I hunted with my bare hands, I might have even had a vision, but that could have just been some bad fish.

So what has everyone else done to relax lately?

[Walker]

Well I've been checking out the latest sounds and changing my brain in interesting ways. Most of the details are in other topics, so I'll spare the repetition.

It's good to see you back here, means the buggers haven't ground you down in whatever sense you take that to mean

[Neil Preston]

Dude, I should have been you.

[Morninglight2]

Sorry I couldn't come visit, baby, but Hodge's been keepin' us on our toes in Tn2M an' I had ta do some contract work with NSI.

ATSIC couldn't talk me inta workin' for 'em, so now they're hirin' me through NSI for a crapload of ads about how great they are an' how much they help the Kooris an' Islanders. Please don't laugh if ya see the ads while in Oz.

I'm gonna arrange some off time ta see ya, promise.

[Amped]

We're both Novas, I understand we both leave some interesting and occassionally busy lives.

More so busy for you, well actually a whole lot busier for you. I really don't have anything to do.

[Wakinyan]

Novas lead busy and interesting lives? Man I didn't get that memo.

[Tarot]

Quote:

Originally posted by Totem:
Novas lead busy and interesting lives? Man I didn't get that memo.

You got to be kidding.

This morning I woke up to the sound of the smoke alarms going off in my place. It took me five minutes to get through the jungle foliage now growing out of my upstairs bathroom and would have taken me another ten minutes to get down the steps without busting my ass on account of the three inches of ice that stubbornly refuse to melt despite the fact I live in a fucking tropical climate.

Anyway, I cut that time off the downstairs race by vaulting over the bannister expecting to land on the couch below but that has inexplicably and unfortunately been replaced by a block of synthetic tofu with some odd properties. I know it has some odd properties because it takes all of the energy from my jump and redirects me off towards the patio with a weird sound.

About this time I'm wondering which of the motherfuckers from last night is the one I need to slip a mickie to before dressing their ass up in a ballerina costume and dumping them off in the transvestite bar in the hotel at the bottom of my cliff when a nagging sensation of having forgotten something occurs to me as I reach out to grab the patio door frame and stop my runaway flight. As my fingers grip empty air I remember that, oh yeah, we enlarged the patio doors a couple of nights ago to make it more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Really sets off the living room and increases the already awesome view but since I can just grab the railing seperating my patio from the cliff that's not what's worrying me. What's really worrying me is the science project that Gerry and Willie hammered out the night before my last full time maid quit. The odds of actually hitting it at just the right point to activate the space warp have got to be in the millions but its that kind of a morning.

The sound of my smoke alarms, and the light of the sun, abruptly disappear as I suddenly find myself clutching 110 pounds of sweaty squirming blonde femininity named Babette as we hurtle along the center stage of a strip club named The Constellations in Toronto. Its a short flight, ending with my head clanking against the brass pole where Wilomena was doing one of those funky moves. She clutches the pole using only her thighes and then slowing twirls around it as she descends. Its usually a pretty cool move to watch as she's so graceful but then usually I'm not below her so she ends up sitting on my face. The manager is actually pretty understanding about the whole thing.

He's mafia. Gerry and I call him Guido, despite his french accent, because he looks like a gorilla with a crew cut. I'd hate to be one of the overenthusiastic morons he ends up throwing out of here but he's always been pretty cool with me. Anyway, Guido helps me up and gives me an organge juice while we chat for a couple of minutes to let the dancing sparks of light courtesy of rapping against the pole clear out while Wilomena keeps apologizing about dropping on my face and offering to buy me breakfast. Then I remember the smoke alarms and run for the back booth where, now that I'm not hurtling through the air at a 100 miles an hour, I can see it has a red velvet rope around the booth and a sign that says, "Nova Patrons Only."

'Well that's kind of cool,' I think as I hunt in the air for the exact spot above the table where the warp is permeable. Babette and Wilomena are still hanging around asking me to stay and play but I'd kind of like to make sure my place isn't burning to the ground so I say thanks and give them a friendly pat. Babette is the quiet one and very sweet but Wilomena, a little enthusiastic, uses the pat as an excuse to grab me in a lip lock that tumbles me backwards (did I mention she's a 6'4' amazon?) onto the table. I hear Babette calling somebody a bitch but that weird 'sproing noise cuts her off and then I hear smoke alarms as the appearance of a tropical sun burns out my retinas.

Okay. Quick check while making my way to the source of the smoke billowing out of the door to my kitchen; I have a half dressed stripper in my villa on the other side of the world, I was lucky to open the doorway twice in one morning since it usually takes Willie or Gerry a good fifteen minutes of acting like stage magicians to do it and they can see it a helluva lot better than I can, and there's a raging fire in my kitchen.

'Scratch that,' I think as I fight my way past the smoke. 'There's a raging fire in my prehistoric excuse for an oven.'

Turns out that Willie shoved one of those microwavable only trays of predigested cardboard - macaroni and cheese in case you're interested - into the oven and then got distracted by the light reflecting in his spoon so it could all catch fire. At least that's what I think happened since I found him later on the roof staring at the pretty lights reflecting off a spoon and muttering about how cool it was.

I am not even going into Wilomena wanting to stay and "party", the meeting with the governor that got interrupted when 16 women in varying stages of undress and Guido arrived to escape the police raiding their club (although that seemed to go over pretty well with the governor now that I think of it), my fifteen year old cousin from New Jersey arriving as a runaway to stay with me until she finds her "muse", the phone call from my mother that was answered by Willie while he was getting a blowjob from Wilomena in my fucking closet (why is it always my closet? Its not like there's a lost copy of the Kama Sutra stuck in there or a gateway to the Heaven of Erotic Delights. Its just a closet) or the inevitable questions from my mother about why there's a horde of shiksa in my home. My favorite part was when in utter frustrations I said fuck it and just told her the truth about the entire day. After a long pause, she put my father the rabbi on to explain that its not nice to tell made up stories to your mother whose only concern is for your wellbeing. Oh, and my cousin thinks earning $80 grand a year stripping while writing off breast implants as tax deductions is a looking good as a career move.

Damn. There's the door bell. What the fuck is it now?

Interesting lives? Oh, just kiss my ass.

[Jager]

Thank you, Tarot, for highlighting the differences in our lives.

I can't help but imagine that Totem popping onto the stage would have gotten a slightly different reaction. Would Guido still hand him the orange juice afterwards?

[Wakinyan]

I am sure I would have had to pay for the pole.

[kestrel404]

Amped: Good to hear you're OK. I was getting kind of worried.

Tarot: Boggle.

[Tarot]

Jager:

If you're cool with Guido then Guido is cool with you. I admit its a pretty simple way to look at things but it works so there isn't much to argue about.

Totem:

Dunno. The way Guido tells it, he's got some kind of tax scam going on the whole thing so you'd have to be a real asshole before he'd turn dick on you.

Al;

Just another day in the life. Not even the most interesting one. That would have to be the night... Oh wait a minute. I promised I'd keep quiet about that until after the statute of limitations was up.

Never mind.

[GateKeeper]

You guys managed to keep a Gate stable and open permanently? Holy shit man I can't even get close to that yet. The best I have done is hold the Gate open for about 20 minutes but that did allow for an entire battalion deployment(they hauled ass).

Did you guys use a device or is this some part of Willie's power? I need to talk to the guy he seems to be much better at this than me.

[Vox Via]

Gatekeeper, you are young, and you have a lot to learn.

[Walker]

Tarot: So you don't think that posting that info on a public board is a bit like waving a big flag with the words S&T Tech-Reg please come search my house printed in big red letters? You know what they're like:-

"Permanent holes in the fabric of space-time? Possible C-Z involvement? This sounds like a job for a bunch of unsupervised teenagers in blue and white Eufiber"

[Jager]

Guido certainly sounds like one hell of an understanding guy. I'm just glad he's mafia, and not some sort of unreasonable fellow.

Still, somebody's got to lead those charmed lives we read about in fictions but never normally see.

Plus, that million in one chance wouldn't be fun if it couldn't be done at least twice an hour.

Plus, hitting a warp point that doesn't send you off into the vastness of space is always a good thing.

Then meeting the governor and having 16 girls (plus Guido ) bouncing across the same said million-to-one warp point to escape something as ghastly as a police raid (being busted for what exactly?). Glad the gov is thinking with his dick, thus happy.

GateKeeper, a permanent warp point would normally be a pretty rare (especially ones that send you to a place were you are not in immediate peril/dead considering the amount of known surface matter to that of known vaccum/occupied space) thing, but not anymore. For now, uncommon, but more are coming to a patio near you at any moment. Stay tuned.

On the plus side, my efforts to teach my eggplant to paint are yielding terrific results.

Walker, don't be ridiculous. Charmed life and all will see him through every time. Besides, Gerald helped create it/knows of it, right? I'm sure he would have informed proper authorities by now.

[Tarot]

Like you live a normal life.

My life is no more fantastic or interesting than any of yours but I happen to enjoy it most days along with the people I get to meet. Maybe if you weren't such a force of social entropy, your life wouldn't suck so much. Imagine every day being somehow fun and less "Classified; do not open except in case of angst".

Walker;

If Ro' ever decides to come out and play I plan on showing her every thing including the basement that's not suppose to be there. Besides, what are they going to do? Arrest me for possessing an unauthorized warp?

As if.

They can fucking pack the thing up along with the block of synthetic tofu that use to be my couch and send it off to Bahrain for all I care. I'm sure Guido would love to sell of his end of it for big bucks and retire. And it wouldn't be the first time I've had people wearing blue and white in my crib. Might be the first time they brought their lawyers with them though.

Oh wait, no it wouldn't. I forgot about the cobalt blue diamond thing.

Gee;

I want you to forget all about this idea of super smart novas sitting around a lab in white coats and calmly discussing the building blocks of the universe. I can let you in on that if you really want but its a little anti-climactic. Instead picture a bunch of novas in a very relaxed state and chilling when one of them, usually Gerry since he holds the record for most fucked up ideas that can't be immediately disproven by common sense, says something like; "You know what would be really cool?"

It all just kind of happens after that and rarely the way anyone envisioned. But what the fuck, you got to enjoy the ride before the Reaper hits the brakes.

[Rowena 'Synergy' Bainbridge]

Quote:

Originally posted by Tarot:

Quote:

Originally posted by Totem:
Novas lead busy and interesting lives? Man I didn't get that memo.

You got to be kidding.

This morning I woke up to the sound of the smoke alarms going off in my place. It took me five minutes to get through the jungle foliage now growing out of my upstairs bathroom and would have taken me another ten minutes to get down the steps without busting my ass on account of the three inches of ice that stubbornly refuse to melt despite the fact I live in a fucking tropical climate.

Anyway, I cut that time off the downstairs race by vaulting over the bannister expecting to land on the couch below but that has inexplicably and unfortunately been replaced by a block of synthetic tofu with some odd properties. I know it has some odd properties because it takes all of the energy from my jump and redirects me off towards the patio with a weird sound.

About this time I'm wondering which of the motherfuckers from last night is the one I need to slip a mickie to before dressing their ass up in a ballerina costume and dumping them off in the transvestite bar in the hotel at the bottom of my cliff when a nagging sensation of having forgotten something occurs to me as I reach out to grab the patio door frame and stop my runaway flight. As my fingers grip empty air I remember that, oh yeah, we enlarged the patio doors a couple of nights ago to make it more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Really sets off the living room and increases the already awesome view but since I can just grab the railing seperating my patio from the cliff that's not what's worrying me. What's really worrying me is the science project that Gerry and Willie hammered out the night before my last full time maid quit. The odds of actually hitting it at just the right point to activate the space warp have got to be in the millions but its that kind of a morning.

The sound of my smoke alarms, and the light of the sun, abruptly disappear as I suddenly find myself clutching 110 pounds of sweaty squirming blonde femininity named Babette as we hurtle along the center stage of a strip club named The Constellations in Toronto. Its a short flight, ending with my head clanking against the brass pole where Wilomena was doing one of those funky moves. She clutches the pole using only her thighes and then slowing twirls around it as she descends. Its usually a pretty cool move to watch as she's so graceful but then usually I'm not below her so she ends up sitting on my face. The manager is actually pretty understanding about the whole thing.

He's mafia. Gerry and I call him Guido, despite his french accent, because he looks like a gorilla with a crew cut. I'd hate to be one of the overenthusiastic morons he ends up throwing out of here but he's always been pretty cool with me. Anyway, Guido helps me up and gives me an organge juice while we chat for a couple of minutes to let the dancing sparks of light courtesy of rapping against the pole clear out while Wilomena keeps apologizing about dropping on my face and offering to buy me breakfast. Then I remember the smoke alarms and run for the back booth where, now that I'm not hurtling through the air at a 100 miles an hour, I can see it has a red velvet rope around the booth and a sign that says, "Nova Patrons Only."

'Well that's kind of cool,' I think as I hunt in the air for the exact spot above the table where the warp is permeable. Babette and Wilomena are still hanging around asking me to stay and play but I'd kind of like to make sure my place isn't burning to the ground so I say thanks and give them a friendly pat. Babette is the quiet one and very sweet but Wilomena, a little enthusiastic, uses the pat as an excuse to grab me in a lip lock that tumbles me backwards (did I mention she's a 6'4' amazon?) onto the table. I hear Babette calling somebody a bitch but that weird 'sproing noise cuts her off and then I hear smoke alarms as the appearance of a tropical sun burns out my retinas.

Okay. Quick check while making my way to the source of the smoke billowing out of the door to my kitchen; I have a half dressed stripper in my villa on the other side of the world, I was lucky to open the doorway twice in one morning since it usually takes Willie or Gerry a good fifteen minutes of acting like stage magicians to do it and they can see it a helluva lot better than I can, and there's a raging fire in my kitchen.

'Scratch that,' I think as I fight my way past the smoke. 'There's a raging fire in my prehistoric excuse for an oven.'

Turns out that Willie shoved one of those microwavable only trays of predigested cardboard - macaroni and cheese in case you're interested - into the oven and then got distracted by the light reflecting in his spoon so it could all catch fire. At least that's what I think happened since I found him later on the roof staring at the pretty lights reflecting off a spoon and muttering about how cool it was.

I am not even going into Wilomena wanting to stay and "party", the meeting with the governor that got interrupted when 16 women in varying stages of undress and Guido arrived to escape the police raiding their club (although that seemed to go over pretty well with the governor now that I think of it), my fifteen year old cousin from New Jersey arriving as a runaway to stay with me until she finds her "muse", the phone call from my mother that was answered by Willie while he was getting a blowjob from Wilomena in my fucking closet (why is it always my closet? Its not like there's a lost copy of the Kama Sutra stuck in there or a gateway to the Heaven of Erotic Delights. Its just a closet) or the inevitable questions from my mother about why there's a horde of shiksa in my home. My favorite part was when in utter frustrations I said fuck it and just told her the truth about the entire day. After a long pause, she put my father the rabbi on to explain that its not nice to tell made up stories to your mother whose only concern is for your wellbeing. Oh, and my cousin thinks earning $80 grand a year stripping while writing off breast implants as tax deductions is a looking good as a career move.

Damn. There's the door bell. What the fuck is it now?

Interesting lives? Oh, just kiss my ass.

Oh. Dear. God.

If I am coming to your place, I'm bringing some shiny things to keep your friend Willy occupied, a plane fare and a weekly ticket to Ripley's Believe It Or Not in Surfers' Paradise for your friend Gerry and a portable magnetic door for your end of the warp.

[kestrel404]

Synergy: But what are you going to do about the naked singularity under his porch, the giant man-eating crocodile he keeps in the bathtub, and the weekly meeting or the Teragen's pantheon that he holds in a pillow-fortress in his living room?

[Tarot]

Pay no attention to these magpies, Ro'. Its just jealousy and their every word is a complete exaggeration if not a total fabrication. I don't have a porch, the singularity always wears a tie and the rumors of man-eating crocs in my bathtub are false. Alligators are a completely different species from crocodiles, right? Anyway, she was only here while the New Orleans public defender was on vacation.

Good call on Willie and the shiny objects but I usually throw in some Pez candy just to be certain. Don't worry if you don't have any, I've still got a couple of boxes upstairs and the new Teen2M dispensors. For some reason those things crack him up. He doesn't even eat them, just has the little heads spit out the candy and laughs. As hobbies go its harmless.

So when are you flying in? I'll pick you up at the airport.

[Walker]

They might not arrest you Tarot but it might be real inconvenient if they decide to stick a customs checkpoint on the patio, hey? Never mind

it's probably not gonna happen.

I'm sure I'm just getting paranoid from previously living in Britain. If they could have got away with it the powers that be would have invented a law regarding, "The wearing in public of a suit Eufiber of such a colour and style as likely to occassion a breach of the peace." They seemed to have it in for me towards the end.

Can't think why.

[Tarot]

My only problem with a customs check point would be that it probably won't go with my decor. The living room and patio are done in mediterranean not early cold war. Other than that, they just need to pay their share of the rent but thanks for the heads up.

Never sweat the small stuff. Here, have a pez.

OH! I finally figured out the synthetic tofu. Its actually a decent trade off for the couch. A little too post-modern for the living room but I just moved it up on the roof and the problem is solved.

[Walker]

Yeah, I 'spose it is small stuff really and if it keeps them happy and off your back...

That's the main reason I used to tolerate the 'Powers That Be' bugging my phone, kept 'em happy and off my back. Of course it became fun after a while picking up the receiver and shouting out winning lottery numbers and racing tips. It used to make me smile wondering whoever was listening suffered from moral dilemmas wondering whether or not to bet on the information, which was always 100% accurate naturally.

Oh yeah and say hi to Willie for me, that's if he can remember who the bloody hell I am, proudly taught him eveything he knows I did

[Slattern]

Quote:

Originally posted by Tarot:

Just another day in the life.

Awwwww, I miss alllllll the fun.

[Walker]

Quote:

Originally posted by Slattern:
Awwwww, I miss alllllll the fun.

That's not the way Willie tells it

[Slattern]

Quote:

Originally posted by Walker:

Quote:

Originally posted by Slattern:
Awwwww, I miss alllllll the fun.

That's not the way Willie tells it

Walker, my tempting little slut, you shouldn't fib now. Anyone who knows Willie, knows he is incapable of tying together more than two sentences before some completely intriguing, like a stray hydrogen molecule, catches his eye.

[Walker]

I was just telling it the way that Tarot told me Willie told it. You were in that closet for an awful long time by all accounts.

Tempting little slut? Honestly my dear there's just no satisfying you is there

[Preston]

Welcome back, Amped. Glad to hear you are okay.

Sorry to say there hasn't been much time for me to relax recently.

[Gerald Haney]

Hey Tarot, just wanted to tell you, here in front of everybody that I won't be able to make it over this weekend.

Seems somes motherless fuck was spreading some outrageous tale that I was responsible for a black tech warp gate and I have just spent the last six hours getting grilled up and down by everyone with a higher rank than me at Utopia, so that's like everyone except the janitor.

So, I'm on unpaid leave for two weeks while they "check my story" and it's been heavily suggested that I stay away from Ibiza until I'm "cleared" just to make sure I don't taint my reputation.

So, thanks. Thanks a lot man.

Glad you got to tell a cute story blaming the Utopian and the space-case for whatever it was that got left in your living room.

[Wakinyan]

Okay who didn't see that coming?

[Rowena 'Synergy' Bainbridge]

That explains why Thorn nearly had a coronary when I announced I was going to Ibiza and whom I'd be spending time with, and Pax's orders to keep an eye out for strange things.

*sigh*

Gerald, you have my sympathies, but I didn't think that you were the Gerry in the story. I hope that things clear up for you soon.

[Tarot]

Off the top of my head? My guess is that Gerald Haney didn't. Okay, everyone really needs to calm down think about the important shit first.

1. Who the fuck are you and why are you acting like you know me?

_______________________________________________________

Items 2-14 removed as all it really said was for one particular person to go fuck themself. Since neither Gerald Haney or Totem is that person there is no point.

_______________________________________________________

[Wakinyan]

Someone forgot their Bipolar meds today!

[Tarot]

Totem;

Sorry T-man but there's only one sane response to negatism and entropy. Getting pissed might feel good but its just more food for the beast. But if you refuse to feed them then they have no choice but to turn back on themselves and keep consuming.

It says so in my copy of Karma for Dummies.

Gerald;

You have a reputation to taint? Besides mixing an Amp Well in under 5 seconds, I mean? Man. Whoddu thunk it.

So now that I'm over being pissed at a jerk, I was thinking about your situation. You get no pay for working towards the brighter tomorrow and you've been told that if you work your night job or go near Ibiza you're going to 'taint' your reputation which is, as far as I know, being a supporter of the brighter tomorrow?

I know a great lawyer if you're wondering how this is all suppose to lead to a brighter tomorrow and why you're putting up with this shit. His name is Bailey and he works pro bono.

[Gerald Haney]

Man, Tarot, I like my job. Both of them actualy. A lot. You're a fun guy, you're place is a blast and yeah, I know that some weird stuff, even weird for a nova, goes on there.

But you tell a funny story, people get a giggle, and it pretty kewl. But the thing is it has an impact. It landed on me with both feet.

I work for Utopia, and I like working for Utopia. I like being a part of something that feeds hungry people, brings safe tech to the world that makes it a better place and works real hard trying to spread peace so that folks stop getting killed. Now, Utopia has some rules, and one of those is we're not supposed to make weird gadgets that might go *boom* without any okay. So, thanks to your story it looked like I was breaking those rules, and those are rules they take real serious.

If I wanted to I could walk out tomorrow and never look back. They aren't going to throw me in jail. But...man...I like my life. I like it a lot and cuz you decided something would be funny my life got kicked in the balls.

[Tarot]

Hey Gerald, check this out;

Quote:

So, I'm on unpaid leave for two weeks while they "check my story" and it's been heavily suggested that I stay away from Ibiza until I'm "cleared" just to make sure I don't taint my reputation.

This is called getting screwed. No arguments from me the Project Utopia does a lot of good but since when did doing good mean getting screwed over because some whiney little shit thought some facts should be checked? Dude, you just got bent over and he didn't even have the courtesy to apply some lube.

If you're into this shit then more power to you but if you want a number I got it. No need to go after the company unless they knew he was pulling this crap and let it happen. And yeah, I can figure who dropped the dime on this.

[Jager]

Quote:

Originally posted by Tarot:
This is called getting screwed. No arguments from me the Project Utopia does a lot of good but since when did doing good mean getting screwed over because some whiney little shit thought some facts should be checked? Dude, you just got bent over and he didn't even have the courtesy to apply some lube.

Yeah. Screwed by you, ya moron. You just had to show the rest of us what a supernatural life you were leading to build yourself up. It appears that not once did you even consider the consequences for anyone else, and now someone else is getting hammered. How typical.

And now you get to act all outraged that someone is getting screwed over, when its your damn fault.
What? Did you think that publically discussing a warp point between two continents wouldn't have repurcussions for those involved? Then, you get to add that one of the points belongs to a guy you think is MAFIA!!! Like that didn't send off alarm bells ... but you got to look cool, right?

Better yet, you get to bow out of any responsibility by naming the people involved. With friends like you ...

Man, I am glad we don't get along. Being a friend paying your bills looks a bit rough. Still, I can imagine you will find more friends to use in the future, charmed life and all.

[Tarot]

Really nice post count. I guess its a good thing quantity over quality works.

For you.

[Jager]

Is that the best you could come up with?

Geesh, I imagine it was too much to expect an apology for screwing Gerald over.

[Tarot]

He did, they did, we did, I did and they did. Much like anything and everything that passed before, during and now after, none of it involves you or revolves around you.

But thanks.

[Jager]

Never thought it did revolve around me, but glad you have show a tiny thread of maturity.