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[OpNet] I been thinking....


Lemmy Chillmeister

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about some shit since Salamander showed up. She saw nova and knew baseline and was willing to risk it all to know nova.

Y'know I can't even remember my life before I erupted. Nothing real at least, no emotional connections or anything like that. Looking through some of the souviners I kept from former girlfriends and there just isn't anything there. I ain't spoke to my parents in years, or anyone else from my family. Bandmates been gone for awhile now, we just didn't jibe anymore. My manager, dude's been with me for years, he just seems, I dunno, just so far away now.

I got no affinity for no one without a node anymore and it's kind of weird. Like I'm walking through a world of ghosts occasionally coming across someone real. Baselines will never, can never get what it feels like to be me. I can't remember what it's like to feel sick or have a cold, have a hangover, wake up with a sore neck or back, be dizzy or even really scared. I've lost so much connection with them it's unreal.

But novas that's not the case. I mean, I know that Apep is so far beyond my ass in the school of kicking butt that it's not even funny, but I've learned enought to know that if I really focused on it, really made an effort, I could catch up. Same with Jager, Veil, or Ashnod even. For me, anything is really possible. It just isn't a nice warm n' fuzzy thing to say, it's the truth. My potential is fucking unlimited, it's just what I want to do that decides what I do. That isn't true for baselines. And I can't seem to feel for that anymore.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. Anyone else out there feeling like this?

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Shit dude, I know exactly how you feel. I don't talk to any of my old crew anymore. They're all freaked out from the taint, and I just don't see that they have that much substance. I still love my ma and all, but it's been a while since I've visited her.

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Cry me a rivir.Sit down, and listen. What you are feeling is not something only novas go threw.When I went out my house for Unlace Charlie's Summer Camp. For those of you not that witty that is U.C.S.C. When I came home three and a half years latter, nothing was the same. I mean, I tired going to the same places,and doing the same things.You know what? Nothing was the same.I looked around me and for a wile I thought the world had changed on me,but the world didn't.I did. I was no longer the same person.

I couldn't relate to my old friends,nor my family in the same way.I couldn't relate to the world in the way I used.I no longer believed in the Red White and true Blue.And don't get me started on how I changed in grad school.

Leamy, this is not only your node's fault.This is you growning up. So take a number, wait in line, and deal with it.

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Maybe it's my situation but I feel more immersed in my tribe than I ever did before I erupted. I guess maybe that is what I really wanted and it is what I got. Maybe my new body and aberrations are something I wanted in order to be more of a use to my friends and family here than I was.

Lemmy I dunno what to tell you. I am sure there are many on here who will spout one opinion or another that is better than mine. I guess just go where you feel, just remember these "ghosts" may come back to haunt you someday.

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I've been a nova for a little over a year now, and I have lost some social connections. My wife divorced me for various personal reasons, my co-workers are rather more distant, and I have not made any new friends in all that time. I hadn't given it much thought, since my work takes up most of my attention.

The only real social anchor I still have are my children. I try to be an active participant in their lives, even if their mother doesn't want me to be. I also visit with my parents on occasion - not as much as I should, but that's been true since college.

So yes, I have become distanced from most people, but not everyone.

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When I first became a nova, I believed it was validation of my superior attitude. For twelve years I believed that I was above everyone else. Sure, I still got along with baselines and I had no problem sleeping with as many bimbos as I could but they were still beneth me.

Now I realize how wrong I was. How far off I was from that perfection I thought I had attained. Sure, many of us do not relate to baselines. Some of us think we are far beyond them. But very few of us have seen ourselves for what we are. Or what we can be.

Yea, it is harder to deal with baselines. But I think that alienation is blinding us from seeing what we can become.

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The only thing you need to know is yourself.In all the facts of the world, you must only know yourself.When you know yourself, nothing else maters.

We all change, and yes our nodes change us.But it is nieve and irresponsible to claim that all our change after resieving a node is do it.

To those that wish to call novas anything other than human.I ask you this, are you so peaty to be offended by a tittle?As if you are, you are more human than you wish to claim.So, if novas are so evolved as to justify the need of a new tittle, then we shouldn't be bothered by our tittle.

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Is there a difference now and then? Well, yes. I'm a nova and I walk about doing pretty much what I wish. It's kind of nice.

But, I still keep in touch with my old friends, though alot of its in daily OpChats and not in person.

I talk to my dad regularly. Does him being a nova count?

I plan to go to the regular family reunion this year, as always. Any kin who got weirded out by my father erupting I haven't been in touch with since I was a teenager, anyway.

On the plus side, I have gotten to meet many interesting novas and baselines I would not normally get to meet.

I would think that if our power was truly limitless, you could keep up with your old contacts if you really wanted to.

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"I got no affinity for no one without a node anymore and it's kind of weird. Like I'm walking through a world of ghosts occasionally coming across someone real."

I usually don't have any trouble connecting with humans, but I have heard more than a few novas describe that feeling - sometimes in pretty much the same words.

I don't get it, personally. Sometimes I'll have a bad day and just get bored with dealing with humans, but I get that way about 'normal' intellect novas, too - hazards of a superhuman brain.

However, I have noticed a few other mental changes in myself - most notably a tendency to take unnecessary risks. I used to be pretty cautious, but that went right out the window when I erupted. I think it has something to do with my 'good luck' - like my subconscious lets me do stupid things because it knows how hard it is for me to get hurt.

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Quote:
I don't get it, personally. Sometimes I'll have a bad day and just get bored with dealing with humans, but I get that way about 'normal' intellect novas, too - hazards of a superhuman brain.
I have noticed the same thing recently. And it gets rather frustrating for myself as well.
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Just because you have transcended humanity does not mean you should forget where your roots lie. I am still responsible for my siblings despite - or because of - the node; I saw my father and mother as unable to care for them, and so I took on the responsibility myself.

I no longer talk to the friends I had in Taipei; most of them became jealous of my abilities. I think most novas have to deal with that sooner or later. But just because I can manufacture up to a hundred artworks a day doesn't mean that I am no longer human - I have transcended humanity, but like a tree, my roots are within it.

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Interesting stuff, thanks to some of you. Others, you don't get it.

I wasn't close to any of my family before I erupted anyway. No brothers, no sisters. No girlfriend closer than a 'friend with benefits' that wasn't much of a friend anyway.

I don't know if superior or inferior really checks into it. Flat out different seems to be all it takes. They will never get me, and I won't ever want to get them anymore. Someone at the Amproom offered to hook me up with some learning last night. I'm thinking I may take them up on the offer.

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Quote:
Originally posted by Renaissance:
Just because you have transcended humanity does not mean you should forget where your roots lie. I am still responsible for my siblings despite - or because of - the node; I saw my father and mother as unable to care for them, and so I took on the responsibility myself.

I no longer talk to the friends I had in Taipei; most of them became jealous of my abilities. I think most novas have to deal with that sooner or later. But just because I can manufacture up to a hundred artworks a day doesn't mean that I am no longer human - I have transcended humanity, but like a tree, my roots are within it.
Your sentiments almost match mine.

It's amazing how close you are.

I hope sometime if we ever meet we could have a dialogue. Outside of the OpNet where everyone could chime in.

I look foreward to more from you.
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So your links to your old life were shallow, and things changed abruptly. You lost contact with, and eventually interest in, everyone you used to know. That happens to a lot of people, not just Novas. It doesn't mean there are no baselines worth knowing, just that you haven't met any of them.

If you want to get back in touch with the baseline world, find yourself a real individual. Someone with a cause and a purpose, a burning flame. That might re-awaken your interest in humanity.

If you don't care about humanity, and don't want to care, then keep going. That way lies the Terragen, and you'll eventually find yourself alone among equals.

I think I'll take my own advice, because I've been feeling less connected to mankind of late.

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I think it's kinda interesting that everyone is so quick to rush in and say "hey, this is normal! It happens to everyone!" or "your relationships were shallow so they didn't mean much to begin with."

Are Stigmata and I the only ones who find it significant that Lemmy says he's lost interest in baselines in specific, but hasn't lost his interest in any Novas he's met since his eruption? I mean, if it's just a matter of people changing or outgrowing who they were, you'd think somebody erupted would have fallen off his interesting person radar too.

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I think I'm the only one who has connected the shallowness of Lemmy's relationships (as he stated, not me) with his disinterest in baselines.

I do not find it odd, in fact, that he is disinterested in baselines while still interested in Novas. Every Nova I have ever met (not a huge sample, but large enough) has been an interesting, engaging individual. They have strong opinions and they are worth talking to.

The same cannot be said for baselines in most cases. In fact, almost all of them lead boring, uneventful, NORMAL lives. They are not interesting, or engaging, either mentally or socially. But there are interesting baseline individuals. Those are the ones that Lemmy needs to find and associate with if he is to change his opinion of baselines as a whole.

The closes I can come to a rationale on this point is to site Sturgeon's Law: 99% of everything is bad (not the normal word, but these are polite forums). This law applies to just about everything, except Novas.

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Quote:
Originally posted by Violette 'V' D'Aronique:
Are Stigmata and I the only ones who find it significant that Lemmy says he's lost interest in baselines in specific, but hasn't lost his interest in any Novas he's met since his eruption? I mean, if it's just a matter of people changing or outgrowing who they were, you'd think somebody erupted would have fallen off his interesting person radar too.
Like Alex Craft said earlier: some of us are even having problems relating with some novas. Maybe it is a representation of our differences with baselines, like the Teragen always talk about but without the superior attitude and "monkey" label.

But as I said before, I think dwelling on this alienation is a distraction from undestanding what we are. For better or for worse, we have permanently changed without fully knowing how we have changed. Granted, I have had nearly twelve years to come to terms with my eruption, but now I want to understand what we are.
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Quote:
Originally posted by Glenn 'Alchemist' Roberts:

The same cannot be said for baselines in most cases. In fact, almost all of them lead boring, uneventful, NORMAL lives. They are not interesting, or engaging, either mentally or socially. But there are interesting baseline individuals. Those are the ones that Lemmy needs to find and associate with if he is to change his opinion of baselines as a whole.
What, you mean like artists? Musicians? You mean composers and music producers and painters and dancers and actors? Like the fucking people I interacted with every single day? My band was made up of some of the tightest, most talanted, driven, remarkable guys I've ever met. Paul, my bassist, was a fricking child prodigy. Had three masters degrees and was probably one of the best baseline musicians I've ever met. Dianne, my drummer was just as remarkable. It is these people, these remarkable motherfuckers, that I lost connection with. Paul, as smart as he was, couldn't get where I was going musically. These guys would blow your mind with what they could do and I moved beyond that. Hell, most of humanity wasn't interesting to me before I erupted, I was used to Joe Blow not meaning anything to me. That's why I hung out with musicians and freaks before I got brainchubbie. Now, those folks aren't doing it for me either. That's why I've been thinking.

I gotta admit, I'm getting a lot of "If you just try harder or think about it for real things would be better." I don't like this "Treat Lemmy like he hasn't been actually trying" trip some people seem to be on. I'm going through some shit here and I actually HAVE been trying to deal with it.
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Yeah, I hear that. I just don't hang around baselines because they're... too fragile. Trust me, when every day there is the potential of someone busting in and ruining a good night, you tend to want to keep around you tougher customers.

Unfortunately, since I'm (seemingly) the only nova from Minnesota, it's a lonely world.

But, I tend to manage. At times.

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Lemmy, if I understand you, your previous relationships have been based on what people could provide for you.

You hung out with talented musicians because they could relate to what you were doing, inspired you, and were capable of competing with you.

When they have ceased providing that for you, you desire to move on.

Your relationships are based on give and take. Now, you are so far beyond what they can relate to, they no longer provide the elements you need in a friendship.

Is this really so different than your previous baseline/baseline relationships?

In my limited experience, I have found that those who had strong ties to their family's and community retained them after eruption, barring severe aberrancy. Those that felt alienation, belonged to a fringe cultural establishments, or were displaced tended to latch on to their nova identity and become only that. They severed or abandoned their old baseline ties.

What suprises me somewhat is that those who abandon their baseline ties tend to look-down-on/resent/despise those who keep them and are happy that way. What's up with that?

I get companionship out of my friendships. We are friends because we like each other. That's it. That is the sum total of our expectations.

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Preston, May I be so bold as to observe that, when you speak of those who had strong ties to family prior to eruption, that your experience is limited. I do not mean this as a critique but you are engaging in what seems an effort to justify incomplete observations. We will all become more than we were if only because for most of us the memory of what we were remains while an uncertain future beckons. You seem to be generalizing based on observations of a process that is not complete. "To transcend human", "to go where no man has gone before", "there is no taint - only evolution" or whatever other catch phrases are popular at the moment... No one knows with certainty where the ride will end for any particular nova.

Quote:
Originally posted by Neil Preston:

What suprises me somewhat is that those who abandon their baseline ties tend to look-down-on/resent/despise those who keep them and are happy that way. What's up with that?

What's up with that is that "they" are the less eloquent or affable versions of you. Just as you justify your views, "they" are justifying theirs.

I find it useful to remember the phrase, "There but for the grace of god..."

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Machine Mann, I did say in my limited experience, after all.

I've personally interviewed over 40 novas and done a study of a 120 more. By no means a majority of our population.

Also, I have never forced anyone into a verbal fighting match for abandoning their old life, but have three times been attacked for retaining my baseline ties.

I am willing to live and let live most of the time. If you want to change your life because you erupted, more power to you, but dont' expect me to share your enthusiasm, okay?

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While all novas have a common bond of a node I don't really think there is any particular road we travel together. Some may hook up on the Nova interstate, some might take a country lane less travels, others might off road it on a path no one has forged before.

Hmm did that sound okay? I am trying to be more wise so grandpa stops hitting me with his stick for saying something dumb.

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Neil Preston: Machine Mann, I did say in my limited experience after all.

Yes, so you did.

Also, I have never forced anyone into a verbal fighting match for abandoning their old life, but have three times been attacked for retaining my baseline ties.

Interesting. Is this colour for unpleasant verbal exchanges or were you forced onto the field of battle?

I am willing to live and let live most of the time. If you want to change your life because you erupted, more power to you, but dont' expect me to share your enthusiasm, okay?

Enthusiastic or not, it appears to me that your life did change. Nothing wrong with this. It does happen to all novas. Alejandra would have ended up very differently had she not erupted. Now she could be an international power should she but choose to be so. Yet, even not having chosen that path, how many novas saw the interview where she spoke strongly of being gifted but certainly not divine and modified their own opinions or expectations if only by a tiny degree? How many baselines were affected?

Preston, you asked what was up with that and I informed you. Don't feel you're being attacked. I don't particularly care one how you feel about your family or Lemmy Chillmeister feels about his. They are you families after all. Nor do I have a need for validating how I feel about mine. I did want to point out what you feel isn't a constant, only what the moment has brought you to. Its subject to any number of modifications even without having life changing epiphanies so don't feel insulted if I find your opinions not so very unlike those you question.

Live your life understanding others will live theirs.

Totem

You may want to polish the delivery a little before delivering it to your grandfather.

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No probs, Mr. Mann. Life should always be open to re-evalutation as we live and grow. I'm anything but static, and I realize that being a nova has changed my life a great deal.

No, no one has ever actually put the smack-down on me for my familial ties, but I have been called a fucking idiot and worse. There is also the you will grow out of it thing, and that will change prophetic stylings that annoy me. Not because I don't acknowledge the possibility, but because I find the attitude so damn depressing.

I am still close to my friends from school. I spend more time with them now than I would if I was interning at JH, that's for sure. Hell, I've operated on people all over the globe, been invited to seminars to speak for God's sake, and I'm not even 23 yet. None of this would have been within my grasp (so soon) if it wasn't for the node. I love being a nova.

But, in answering Lemmy's question, I wanted to state my belief (and that's all it is) that being a nova has brought out aspects of his personality that already existed prior to eruption, and this has brought about his sense of isolation from the mass of humanity around him.

He appears to me to have been a guy who had a tight group of friend of similar skill and interests who were bound to each other by said interests. He has described them as remarkable, but when his talents rose as a nova, he no longer saw them that way. Oh, he knows they are fantastic by any baseline standard, but that isn't were he is anymore. They can't relate, so he is moving on. The bond is gone.

I have also seen the situation from the other side. My father was a nova for 7 years before I erupted. We were always close and shared an understanding that was special. His becoming a nova didn't change that. Me becoming a nova hasn't changed that, either.

On a side note, I rarely sleep with baseline women anymore. Once I had sex with a nova, nothing baseline could compare. I'm just happy I didn't have a significant other when I erupted. That would have been tough.

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"Fucking idiot" seems a little harsh to me but I'm not familiar with the circumstances or the speaker. I would conjecture that, for some, the problem isn't that they lack empathy for the conditions of your life. They grasp it perfectly but unfortunately they know it won't work for them. They respond as though your very existence was a challenge or even a deliberate affront.

Odds are that you will grow out it or at least change. People die and you may not. People suffer, you won't be able to help them all and that will be a cross to bear. There will likely come a time when you find yourself in a very dark place entertaining your worst fears. Strength of character is very important in those moments.

Or you may be the exception that proves the rule. Sorry, no prophesy today.

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