opnet [OpNet] Rerouting; Conversation with Apep

[ronin]

Apep.

Honestly, I think we've hijacked that thread quite enough. So I moved it here. Apologies.

And while I do appreciate all that personal information and while normally I find the terms of a quid pro quo sharing of information more than equitable, I must ask;

who's the despicable person? And what makes him so abhorrent?

I wonder if I know him.

That aside, I'll be glad to answer specific questions as best I can. For my own peace of mind, I prefer not to just elaborate on random facets of my personality. With no boundaries, I feel too tempted to say too much. One of my frailties, I'm afraid.

.ronin

[Apep]

I wasn't refering to a particular person. But that whole surveillance thing sort of threw me until I realized you were joking. I'm a little touchy about some of my past experiences, I thought for a sec you may have been responsible for some of my less than happy childhood memories. I can only hope you don't know or associate with any of those people.

I guess I don't really have specific questions for you. I can respect your privacy, so I understand. It just makes it difficult to get to know you, ya know?

[ronin]

Apep.

Understood. Well, first and foremost, let me assure you that the aforementioned comment was only in jest. Though I have a somewhat more astute understanding of what you've been through than the average lout, I had no hand in it.

Now let me think... Since you've been so patient with me, I suppose it wouldn't kill me to tell you a few things.

I was born in 1981 and erupted at the age of 19. Originally, I'm from America. I was living in California's San Francisco at the time of my eruption. In my life, I have fought alongside and alternatively against Cetus Pax, Divis Mal, Pursuer, Geryon, Nippontai and myriad others, yourself included. I have close, personal ties to many very famous and very capable people, both baseline and nova, but my current situation has made it impossible to contact them. I haven't spoken to my best and only friend in what feels like lifetimes. I've been solitary for awhile, but it hasn't made me melancholy. I've learned to appreciate what I've had and taken a great deal more than I ever should have. My prevailing feelings at this time are those of anticipation and longing.

I don't know if that helps, but there it is. Feel free to target any specifics you care to discuss.

And please, feel free to elucidate on yourself, as you like.

.ronin

[Apep]

So did we fight against or alongside eachother? So you say you know what I've been through? Care to tell me where you learned such things? I'll admit that makes me a bit uncomfortable.

Okay, so anticipation and longing for what?

As for about myself...um..not really sure what to say there. My name's Apep and I'm a scorpio? It's difficult to say to much about myself since my memory has so many holes in it. My memory really only starts at a few years back. I'm still not positive to exactly why I was in Anchorage when my memory starts, I think it was a job, but I'm not sure. I do have some memories from before, but I don't like them much and sometimes they seem to contradict eachother. Anyways, you seem to know me already.

[ronin]

Apep.

While we have never participated in the same battle together, I have at different times been both your adversary and your ally by dint of allegience, that is all.

As for your rather foggy past... Some of it you told me yourself. Some I found out myself.

Forgive my vagueness. I'm a telepath who, at the time we met, had so little control over his abilities to an extent that simple contact would rip from the mind of a person the answer to any question I posed in my head. And we shook hands.

Anticipation and longing for what, I do not know. If I knew, I would just skip ahead to it. As it stands, I've accomplished all I wanted to and have no cards left to play. Put simply, I'm bored.

I never knew you were a Scorpio, though. Mee-yow.

.ronin

[Apep]

Well I hope you didn't have to experience too much of the mess in my head. And I hope you don't judge me by it either.

Bored huh? I'm sure you'll come up with something. What is it you've accomplished? Surely there's somewhere you can go from here. There has to be something you want.

Yup, I'm a Scorpio. And you would be then? Sorry, I'm a bit superstitious.

[ronin]

Apep.

No judgement here, love. Even if I haven't seen (and in some cases, been somehow party to) far worse than anything I gleamed within you, I'm not the sort of person who makes value judgements about people, much less fellow novas.

You can take the boy out of the Teragen, but you can't take the Teragen out of the boy, I suppose.

Anyway, I'd tell you what I've accomplished, but I doubt you'd much believe me. Some of what I've got to say would seem "impossible", even in a world of bulletproof men and fireball-spitting women.

If we get to know each other a bit better, maybe I'll tell you, sometime. Same goes for what it is I want.

And I'm a Libra with a lot of Leo wandering around my 'scope.

.ronin

[Apep]

Now I'm just curious as to what you think would seem impossible. I didn't think anything was.

You're right about your Teragen comment too. You know, if you really aren't judgemental like you claim, perhaps we could get to know eachother better.

[ronin]

Apep.

Impossible? By way of example, let me ask you this. Do you know any novas who can raise the dead? And I'm not talking about making someone's corpse get up and walk around, nor am I talking about bringing someone back from near death. What I mean is, do you know anyone who can give life back to the deceased in such a way as to truly cheat death?

Not that I can. But in the way of illustrating my point, there is still much that even great and mighty novas cannot do. Start thinking about what sort of avenues our minds and capacities have yet to exhaust, and you may arrive at the answer.

Truth be known, however, I am somewhat judgemental. It's hard not to be. Everyone is about something or another. But I've got some perspective that a lot of people don't. If I may again use example to paint my point, imagine if Lash suddenly had a crisis of conscience and renounced his killing ways, devoting his life to helping baselines and protecting them from harm.

Typically, there's one of two ways a person who has a radical shift in temperament will act. Either they'll become self-righteous and condemn people far more benign than they far worse than anyone ever to them, or the'll gain a sense of perspective, realizing that they too were once there, and that they're one or two missteps from slipping into their old habits and thusly become very, very careful.

While I was never like Lash, I try to exemplify the second category. Condemning you for virtually anything you've done would be an utter hypocrisy on my part, even if -- as is the case -- I didn't even necessarily think what you did was all that awful.

Now, whether or not anyone would be able to get over what I've done...

.ronin

[Apep]

Well, actually in a sense I have seen someone brought back to life. Her head was ripped completely off her body and there was no life left in her. The nova who brought her back taxed herself greatly by attempting such a feat but it was done. Now it all had to do with severe manipulations of time, so I don't know if it completely fits into the realm of miracle, but the girl is now very much alive, when once she was so very dead.

Look, whatever it is you've done, you have to just accept it. And don't ask forgiveness for whatever it is you've done. I'm sure you have your reasons. I've done some pretty horrendous things (as you seem to know) but I'm not going to live the rest of my life in regret. Life is a fleeting thing, even for us longlifers. Unless you are somehow immortal, and if that's the case, I do pitty you.

[ronin]

Apep.

Fascinating. I'd have never thought such a thing possible. I should like to speak with this nova sometime, if I may. Still, though, while incredible, I've yet to find someone who could dig up a fresh corpse and pull their spirit back from the ether into a functioning body. I was just trying to make a point, and I think you got it.

I might be immortal. Don't know yet. Many of us might be, though, so that's not special.

And I don't brood over what I've done, believe me. While I haven't swept it aside and forgotten it -- if we don't learn from our mistakes we have a tendancy to repeat them -- I stopped beating myself up over my mistakes long ago. It is an important thing, to be able to forgive yourself. And you do nobody any good by living a life of penance.

.ronin

[Apep]

Yeah, I tried that pennance thing for a while until I realized I was only fooling myself. When it came down to it, I really wasn't sorry for what I have done. Well except for maybe some of things I put my mom through, but I am what I am. And brooding is unhealthy.

If you really are interested in speaking to said nova, I'll let her know. She has tired of this place, but still stops in from time to time.

[ronin]

Apep.

I'd be glad to speak with her. I should like to hear what she has to say on the functions of her gift.

Anyway, I know how you feel. There are things I regret, but too few to mention. In the end, I did what I had to do. I don't necessarily like what I did, but I did what I felt was best for all involved, and that is all that can be asked of anyone. Those things I truly regret are the things where I consciously chose to do the wrong thing, whether for personal gain, pride, whatever.

Still, I suppose one can feel guilt even over something you did properly that caused harm. And at times, I feel the sting of guilt, and it is alleviated only by the knowledge that I had no other option.

.ronin

[Apep]

I don't even feel guilt anymore. Yeah sure, a lot of the nasties I've done were for the benefit of others, but in all honesty, a lot of it was for nothing but selfish reasons. It's difficult for me sometimes to understand why these things, the killing especially, is considered to be so wrong. Just another facet of existence if you ask me.

[ronin]

Apep.

It isn't so much death I really regret, it's the pain. I find other peoples' suffering distasteful and want no hand in leading someone to such a malign state. People are at their worst when suffering, and that only makes things more difficult for everyone.

I have never understood this society's stigma about murder. Little more than a group of overprivelaged apes playing at being something more important than they are.

.ronin

[Sandy Davis]

Let me say this.On the chemical level, people fear death,and the death of others as that is a sign that the spices has chance of surviving.And so in away it is like dying. Witch in turn is sets off all sort of code in the chemical make up of all living things. As anything that did not fear death, is dead. SO the stigma of murder is on a chemical level.

For other levels of this stigma you have, this death is one way thing.So you have do deal with the fallow out.I am sure Apep, would more than upset if someone killed her mother.Rightly so, as she loves her mother.What you have to understand is that, everyone is loved by someone. By killing anyone you are taking away something from someone else.It may be a lover, a friend they talk to, maybe a person they seek advise from,to a care taker or many other things.

Ronin, and in all of you great powers, can you bring back life?Can you change the way that people act socially?If you could, would you?Do you want people to stand alone, never talking or grow attached to people?Do you want people to think of everyone else as things that do not mater. See, if you think there is nothing wrong with killing people with no reason, then you think that no one is worth your time. I am not saying that I haven't killed, nor am I saying that I regret killing when I did.I am saying that when I do kill,I do so, not out of the sake of killing,.But only when no other option is left.When this killing would save live,and it is the only way it would do so.

And if you really wish to understand the stigma of murder.Let me kill you,and I see how passive you are,and how much you wish to end things.Or maybe you should walk out of Ivory tower,and stop hating things because who does it.

Apep,I would never wish o kill your mother.I may wish bad things on her,and you.But those are just petty little wants and needs.As far as I care, if we meet, it will either be for a good reason,very short, or very bloody.So, try to kill less,even if you have a reason to.DO so when you have no other way out..

[Apep]

ronin,

it seems once again there is something we agree upon. Although I think suffering is just part of living. You really think that's when people are at their worst? I suppose it's something to think about.

Sandy,

I don't care to hear your opinion in this matter. Don't presume to understand my relationship with my mother, you know nothing about us. Don't tell me what to do again.

[ronin]

Miss.

As politely as I can possibly infer, I would ask you to respectfully not add your commentary to this thread. This is a conversation that you were not invited into.

I value your opinions and would be happy to debate them elsewhere, but this is not the place.

Apep.

The definition of the term "suffering" is the key element to that above statement. Everyone goes through rough patches in ther life. Everyone has harship to go through. Everyone has problems and perils and pain.

But where the weak suffer, the strong endure.

I have long held the ideal that people are at quite possibly their best when enduring and their worst while they suffer.

Suffering is the unproductive response of a weak individual to negative experience.

Endurance is the productive response of a strong person who is learning from his negative experiences.

I have learned well to tell the difference between the two.

Stay well, ma'am.

.ronin

[Apep]

Those who can not endure their personal hardships should be put out of their misery. When I am unable to handle my own, I would ask the same.

[ronin]

Apep.

The weak can become strong, and I sincerely think everyone deserves that opportunity. Few people start out with the kind of inner peace and strength of soul that the enduring possess.

Still, once a person causes more misery and suffering in others than is tolerable, it is best that they be put out of their -- and everyone else's -- misery.

Self-destruction is a person's own business, but once they start dragging other people into their own personal hell, they've crossed the line.

.ronin

[Apep]

I keep waiting for you to say something I disagree with, but alas....nothing

[ronin]

Apep.

My apologies, ma'am. I'm sorry to disappoint you by not disappointing you.

Here, let me give it an honest attempt;

"All the world needs is for everyone to give each other a big old hug. How could world peace not descend upon us all in that case?"

Better?

.ronin

[Apep]

oh screw you then

[ronin]

Apep.

The condition of my existence being what it is these days, you may consider me duly screwed, ma'am.

So, how's the Teragen treating you?

.ronin

[Apep]

Would you stop calling me ma'am?

As for the Teragen, they treat me as nice as I treat them. I'm finding that I really can't stand the majority of them, certainly you understand what that's like. But then again my closest friends are Terats.

[ronin]

Apep.

Sorry, sugarbuns. Not sure else what to call you, sweetcheeks. I'll try to figure out something else, motherfucker.

Just curious, but who are your friends, if I may ask? I'm curious as to what kind of company a dame like you keeps.

.ronin

[Apep]

Friends is sort of a difficult term you know? I mean now that I think about it, I don't really have too many. Probably no one you know. But as far as the company I keep, well I tend to stick to the underground, there all sorts of interesting folk down here.