Warren Verona Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Ladies listen up...These are The Men's Rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1" on purpose, that's how we roll.1. Men ARE not mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.1. Crying is blackmail.1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.1. You have enough clothes.1. You have too many shoes.1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timeslip Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Well, allow me to retort:Womens' Rules for MenFor thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.Here is a guide to the points system:SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed..............................................+1You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5in the snow...................................................+8but return with beer..........................................-5and no liners................................................-25You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5You pummel it with a six iron................................+10It's her cat.................................................-40AT THE PARTYYou stay by her side the entire party........................ 0You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a highschool drinking buddy...............................................-2Named Tiffany................................................-4Tiffany is a dancer.........................................-10With breast implants........................................-18HER BIRTHDAYYou remember her birthday.....................................0You buy a card and flowers....................................0You take her out to dinner....................................0You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.........+1Okay, it is a sports bar.....................................-2And it's all-you-can-eat night...............................-3It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and yourface is painted the colors of your favorite team............-10A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYSGo with a pal.................................................0The pal is happily married...................................+1The pal is single............................................-7He drives a Ferrari.........................................-10With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)................-15A NIGHT OUT WITH HERYou take her to a movie......................................+2You take her to a movie she likes............................+4You take her to a movie you hate.............................+6You take her to a movie you like.............................-2It's called Death Cop 3......................................-3Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.......................-9You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15YOUR PHYSIQUEYou develop a noticeable pot belly................................-15You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it....+10You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans andbaggy Hawaiian shirts.............................................-30You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."............................................................-800THE BIG QUESTIONShe asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"You hesitate in responding........................................-10You reply, "Where?"...............................................-35Any other response................................................-20COMMUNICATIONWhen she wants to talk about a problem:You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....................0You listen, for over 30 minutes..................................+5You relate to her problem and share a similar experience........+50Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying,"Well, what do you think I should do?"...........................-50You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+100She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep............-200 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.